Schizophrenia. Would it be a dealbreaker for you?

[Negotaurus]

3 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

My intention wasn't to label you anything. I used the word 'ambush' b/c of the way you described how quickly you told your date. His response was to take off, b/c that was clearly too much too soon for him. So, he wasn't the right guy for you. People need time to absorb information from people they are dating, who have something serious to disclose.  As NAMI and other posters have suggested, wait until you feel comfortable next time. The first date is not the best time. And, as I posted in my response to neowolf, I rescinded my suggestion to you earlier where I encouraged you to put in on your online dating profile. That was bad advice on my part. So, definitely no reason to do that. Reveal it when you feel comfortable. When that time is, is up to you. 

I also posted a link from NAMI in my response to neowolf's post, which gives suggestions as to how to disclose one's mental illness to people. 

I'll post that again for you. Maybe you'll find it helpful. https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/February-2019/Discussing-Mental-Illness-with-the-Person-You-re-Dating#:~:text=It's typically best to have,and your head is clear.
 

 

 

I saw it. Your mind shifted after reading a blog post. When someone with firsthand experience talked about gathering the courage to come clean on the second date (because again, people deserve to know), they were a self-serving ambusher. 
 

Thank you but no thank you. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Negotaurus said:

It hurt because he left me waiting in the restaurant like an idiot. 

He was a first class jerk. You dodged a bullet.

[poppyfields]

Hello @Negotaurus just caught up with this thread and here are my thoughts:

First off, please stop labeling yourself as "schizoid" to your dates, you are debasing yourself when you label yourself that way, imo.

Second, if this were me, I would wait until I feel some sort of connection with the person, and would tell them that I suffer from a mental illness, but I manage my symptoms with medication (and anything else you do to manage your symptoms effectively), and capable of living a full active life, and DO!

If they ask what the illness is, be honest and tell them schizophrenia, and invite them to read up about it.  As cookies said, there are different degrees of severity, and in your case, you appear to be quite functioning! 👍

I do not see why you need to put this on your profile, as if it's something to "warn" people about.  Right off the bat, you place yourself in a bad light.

We need to get away from this terrible stigma still negatively affecting those with any sort of mental illness.

The stigma with schizophrenia is psycho, crazy, multiple personalities, which is a whole different illness - Multiple Personality Disorder - which is NOT schizophrenia. 

Respect your illness, it's nothing to be ashamed of or warn people about.  Share the info if/when there is a connection and again invite them to read up about it.  That is what I would do anyway.

You are NO less of a person because you suffer from this disease and when I read that bloke left you waiting at the restaurant after going to the bathroom and never returned, leaving you with the check, and then blocked you, I thought man did you just dodge a MAJOR bullet!!

That was heartless and cruel and don't give a rat's arse how "ambushed" he felt, people with any degree of compassion and integrity do not behave that way.

 

Edited March 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[elaine567]

47 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

First off, please stop labeling yourself as "schizoid" to your dates,

She is not doing so.
"Schizoid" is entirely different from schizophrenia .
Schizoid...denoting or having a personality type characterized by emotional aloofness and solitary habits

[poppyfields]

44 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

She is not doing so.
"Schizoid" is entirely different from schizophrenia .
Schizoid...denoting or having a personality type characterized by emotional aloofness and solitary habits

Okay, my apologies, I misquoted.

She wrote:  "Most get freaked out when I tell them “I’m schizo” right off the bat.." 

I'm sorry I think labeling herself that way is debasing, jmo.

 

Edited March 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[Negotaurus]

On 3/19/2021 at 10:50 PM, poppyfields said:

Okay, my apologies, I misquoted.

She wrote:  "Most get freaked out when I tell them “I’m schizo” right off the bat.." 

I'm sorry I think labeling herself that way is debasing, jmo.

 

Oh yes, I never actually say "hello, I'm schizo" to people I meet, but it is something I joke about when there's an opportunity to do so. Humour is a great way to cope for me!  Helps me take away the power this illness tries to have over me. 

I also appreciate the time you took to respond to me, I admit, I was a bit nervous opening this thread again because I admittedly lashed out quite a bit earlier. Some opinions do get to me, but everybody's entitled to their views. Some of the things you and others have said, I have written down in my journal. 

"I am more than my illness"
"Respect my illness"
"It's how I handle it"

Things like that help more than I can explain. Also the fact that people are willing to take the time out of their days to be here after I have acted quite childishly. 

[Negotaurus]

On 3/19/2021 at 9:04 PM, Wiseman2 said:

He was a first class jerk. You dodged a bullet.

Haha I try remind myself that the way he left me says more about him than it does about me! I understand people rejecting me, it's fine, but the way he did it was honestly too impressive for me :')

[Mrin]

Hey I'm really sorry to hear about how that guy ghosted you in a restaurant.

To answer your question: yes at first blush it would be a deal breaker for me. However I don't know much about the condition so that would just be a knee-jerk reaction. If I really liked the woman then I would probably research it more to see if I could get comfortable with it.

[Prudence V]

I was married to someone who was later diagnosed as schizophrenic. He has also been diagnosed as bipolar, as paranoid, and a few other diagnoses over the years that I can’t immediately bring to mind. None of those on their own would have been enough to rule him out as a partner, but what did was his selfishness, his manipulativeness, his narcissism and his aggression. He just wasn’t a nice person, irrespective of whatever mental health challenges he had.  

People are not just their mental health, or any one aspect of themselves. Mental health issues can present challenges in a relationship, just as many other things do, but what matters is the whole package. How interesting a person are you? Do I want to spend time with you? How engaged are you with other aspects of your life, etc. If everything else was a yes, then a mental health challenge wouldn’t be a dealbreaker - particularly if you were open to treatment / managing the condition rather than just positioning yourself as a victim, as my x did. 

I agree with letting people get to know you, before you slap a label on yourself - it’s not your job to educate people on your condition but it does help them to see how it affects you, how it might affect a relationship and how they can best react when facing any challenges it presents. Someone who likes you who sees that you’re so much more than just your condition won’t be frightened away, as long as they have a sense of what to expect and how best to handle the challenges when they present. Most people like to feel they’re up to whatever challenges they might be faced with, so demystifying how it’s likely to play out in a relationship will help them feel they can be helpful, rather than them feeling overwhelmed. 

 

[SumGuy]

On 3/19/2021 at 3:04 PM, Wiseman2 said:

He was a first class jerk. You dodged a bullet.

Agreed.

[SumGuy]

It's not a deal breaker for me.  That you brought it up first date, would be for me, a positive sign.  It is not so much that a person is schizophrenic but how they are addressing it and awareness.  There is generally too much stigma and blame placed on people with mental illnesses, as opposed to physical illnesses.   In my view, it may manifest as a "mental" symptoms but it very much is a physical illness, and we don't blame people who get sick with those...even when they bring it on themselves through bad choices. 

The mental illnesses that send me running, people with those think they are just fine and dandy...cluster B disorders and sociopathy come first to mind. 

I also know a bit about this and there are many different "kinds" of schizophrenia that manifest in different ways and to different digress...but I think most people think of the stuff they see in movies.

Edited March 30, 2021 by SumGuy