Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?

[cyphorX]

Hear me out, you know when you first get with someone you click with that feeling you get? The way you treat each other? The fact that you are always calling each other, texting each other spending most of your free time together, humping like bunnies every chance you get..

Part of this is because of a chemical cocktail your brain produces early on in a relationship, the reason most relationships are GREAT in the beginning is because of this. There have been studies that someone in a new relationship and someone high on LSD brains are lit up in the same places, basically when you fall in love your brain produces its own psychotropic drugs, that's why nothing feels better than love and nothing feels worse than losing it.

Problem is these hormones start to wear off within a few weeks to a few months. But for me the honeymoon period does not wear off like that, a side effect of my ADHD, I tend to hyper-focus on things I enjoy and of the things I enjoy spending time with my girlfriend(when I have one) is at the very top of my list. So for me the behavior at the beginning of a relationship is not a temporary hormone induced rush, it's simply the way my brain works.
Most of my relationships start off GREAT, I'm on cloud 9 everything else no matter how bad does not seem so bad. and just when I am starting to think "finally I met the right one for me, this one is different" it happens, the newness wears off on her end, she starts to revert to her (before me) life and attempts to try to squeeze me into it without breaking anything. after she had gotten my used to the way she was in the first few weeks or months of us being together. in return I start to feel like she is not into me anymore, when I was younger I would try to pull her back and hold on tighter, these days once this happens I attempt to explain my feelings and if things don't get better(they rarely do) I just break it off before the heartbreak is even worse.

Sometimes this causes another set of problems. either the woman acts hurt and makes me the bad guy(even though it was her who pulled away in the first place) or she attempts to be the girl I started a relationship with in the first place but this usually only lasts a week or so, which is why I don't go back any longer. in fact I have a few women from years ago who every few months are trying to get me back and they dumped me for being "too available" when we were together. (Sad how many don't appreciate people while they have them but then miss them later when they realize whats in their dating pool )

So I imagine what things would be like if the honeymoon hormones were not a temporary thing in most people, what if the brains of most people kept on producing those happy chemicals as long as you were together and only wore off in cases of abuse, death or a long period apart? would relationships much better if that was the case?

[Gaeta]

Actually it's my lease favorite part of dating. I do not like the beginning of relationships. I go through it because I have no choice if I want the reward on the other end. All that Oxytocin is cool while on a date but it also keeps me from sleeping and from concentrating at work. For me the first 3 months of a relationship represent uncertainty, it's more about evaluating each other. I never let myself freely feel during that period.  Past the first 3 months then I start enjoying the relationship and I let myself 'feel'. Once I am in love, in that love is returned to me, I don't lose the 'in love' feeling. I am someone very devoted to her partner and relationship. 

[cyphorX]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Actually it's my lease favorite part of dating. I do not like the beginning of relationships. I go through it because I have no choice if I want the reward on the other end. All that Oxytocin is cool while on a date but it also keeps me from sleeping and from concentrating at work. For me the first 3 months of a relationship represent uncertainty, it's more about evaluating each other. I never let myself freely feel during that period.  Past the first 3 months then I start enjoying the relationship and I let myself 'feel'. Once I am in love, in that love is returned to me, I don't lose the 'in love' feeling. I am someone very devoted to her partner and relationship. 

 Where for me it's when things seem to go more smoothly

[Miss Spider]

Yes 

[Fletch Lives]

It's possible for the honeymoon phase to last a very long time. I had a relationship where the honeymoon phase lasted 3 years. 

If you are disciplined and willing to do the work, it's possible to keep somebody deeply in love going forward.

But people get complacent and lazy and take their partner for granted - and that's when you risk losing the relationship.

[central]

The honeymoon phase is pretty intense, most of the time.  Usually, it's a sexual marathon for a few months to a few years, then declines significantly, usually because of kids, careers, money woes, habituation (boredom, essentially), etc.  I suppose if energy levels remained high during all that, it would be helpful to have those intense bonding feelings and passion continue.  People might even be monogamous, but probably not as those feelings could easily shift to another person you spend time with.  A passion pill would be far more profitable than Viagra (and increase sales of the latter)!

If you don't have young children or money concerns - as sometimes happens in second marriages a little later in life - then the honeymoon phase can last indefinitely.  We've in our 21st year where we're still nuts about each other and still have sex most days (sometimes twice).  The difference from earlier years is that we have to work at it due to declining horny hormones as we move into our 60s.  But it's well worth the effort and cost of pharmaceuticals!  Yes, we've had our occasional problems and fights, but we hate being at odds so we quickly find ways to return to our usual blissful state.

[Interstellar]

Love is a drug. Things are always great in the beginning, yes. But is it possible to sustain that? YES And despite money problems, adulting, adulthood, challenges, difficulties..etc? YES

But it becomes a more quiet kind of love. The love is still there but it’s not the raging, screaming, passionate love in the beginning. It becomes a quieter, deeper kind of love...

and humor is the glue in any relationship.

Edited March 19, 2021 by Interstellar

[Lotsgoingon]

It can't continue and even if it did, that wouldn't solve the problem you're identifying here.

At some point, reality introduces. People are different and the two people have go to work out blending and combining lives so that each is satisfied. Bills have to be paid. Mortgage, rent. Someone's got to shop for groceries and cook it ... Once you're into this realm, you can't be in the honeymoon phase anymore because you have to negotiate and work things out with a real person. 

If you get quickly into people, you might want to develop a little habit of not trusting those initial feelings. 

[Watercolors]

On 3/18/2021 at 12:07 PM, cyphorX said:

Most of my relationships start off GREAT, I'm on cloud 9 everything else no matter how bad does not seem so bad. and just when I am starting to think "finally I met the right one for me, this one is different" it happens, the newness wears off on her end, she starts to revert to her (before me) life and attempts to try to squeeze me into it without breaking anything. after she had gotten my used to the way she was in the first few weeks or months of us being together.

in return I start to feel like she is not into me anymore, when I was younger I would try to pull her back and hold on tighter, these days once this happens I attempt to explain my feelings and if things don't get better(they rarely do) I just break it off before the heartbreak is even worse.

Sometimes this causes another set of problems. either the woman acts hurt and makes me the bad guy(even though it was her who pulled away in the first place) or she attempts to be the girl I started a relationship with in the first place but this usually only lasts a week or so, which is why I don't go back any longer. in fact I have a few women from years ago who every few months are trying to get me back and they dumped me for being "too available" when we were together. (Sad how many don't appreciate people while they have them but then miss them later when they realize whats in their dating pool )

Your problem is not the hormonal chemistry that results from a woman and man getting together. 

The problem is the type of women you choose to invest yourself in. You continue to choose emotionally unavailable women who aren't 100% committed to you as you are to them. These women you date sound like they have narcissistic traits. Once you can figure out why you are attracted to emotionally unavailable women, then your dating problems will stop. 

Edited March 20, 2021 by Watercolors

[cyphorX]

7 hours ago, Watercolors said:

Your problem is not the hormonal chemistry that results from a woman and man getting together. 

The problem is the type of women you choose to invest yourself in. You continue to choose emotionally unavailable women who aren't 100% committed to you as you are to them. These women you date sound like they have narcissistic traits. Once you can figure out why you are attracted to emotionally unavailable women, then your dating problems will stop. 

 The problem with that theory is that while they are in the throws of passion do to an initial attraction and possibly an almost opposite Immune system detected subconsciously by their sense of smell(future offspring would have both immune systems and end up healthier than both parents) sparking an effect that causes their brain to be soaked in chemicals that have much the same effect as LSD,  they are very emotionally available it's only after 2 weeks to 4 months(different for some people) when the hormone cocktail has left their system that the problems begin. That's why I try to choose people who have compatible lives and similar interests and hobbies in hopes that when the cocktail wears off(for them) we are synced enough that the momentum does not slow down. I don't believe it's right to try and change people(because even if you do manage that they will become resentful) so I try to find someone who is already close to what I seek as possible and hope I am close to what she seeks.

[Fletch Lives]

1 hour ago, cyphorX said:

 The problem with that theory is that while they are in the throws of passion do to an initial attraction and possibly an almost opposite Immune system detected subconsciously by their sense of smell(future offspring would have both immune systems and end up healthier than both parents) sparking an effect that causes their brain to be soaked in chemicals that have much the same effect as LSD,  they are very emotionally available it's only after 2 weeks to 4 months(different for some people) when the hormone cocktail has left their system that the problems begin. That's why I try to choose people who have compatible lives and similar interests and hobbies in hopes that when the cocktail wears off(for them) we are synced enough that the momentum does not slow down. I don't believe it's right to try and change people(because even if you do manage that they will become resentful) so I try to find someone who is already close to what I seek as possible and hope I am close to what she seeks.

That's a copout. It would be better to keep the woman in love. It takes four main things - trust, affection romance, and respect. You research those things and give it to her, and she'll worship the ground you walk on.

[cyphorX]

3 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said:

That's a copout. It would be better to keep the woman in love. It takes four main things - trust, affection romance, and respect. You research those things and give it to her, and she'll worship the ground you walk on.

 If I'm with a compatible woman those things come naturally lol affection romance, and respect, trust I learned the hard way has to be based on their behavier so no I don't blindly trust anymore, but if they carry themselves in a way that leaves no room for doubt they get my trust. and I expect them to hold me to the same standard.

[Gaeta]

Obviously your Motus Operandi doesn't work so why not try something else? Stop looking for chemistry on a first meeting, and look at the dating history, life style, qualities. 

[cyphorX]

6 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Obviously your Motus Operandi doesn't work so why not try something else? Stop looking for chemistry on a first meeting, and look at the dating history, life style, qualities. 

  oh that's what I look for before actually meeting them, I communicate for about a week, social media, texting and phone calls I learn all I can in that time, you get a read on their normal daily schedule, their sense of humor, their political leanings, any redflags will not be ignored, but if I meet them in person before learning those things and there is that instant attraction I will ignore any redflags as passion swells in me rather quickly upon meeting in person and I will turn the charm to 11 and I will end up sad and miserable in 2 weeks it's why my relationships last longer when I meet them online, because it gives me a chance to learn about them before meeting them.  but if there is no no passion explosion on both sides when meeting it means she is not into me or I'm not into her.  I don't want to slowly grow on someone, that feels like being settled for, I like to know without a doubt that she met me and it rocked her heart not "meh... he'll do"..

[Woggle]

They certainly would be. I say this as somebody happily married for 15 years but most relationships after the honeymoon period are at best two people who barely tolerate each other.