My ex-boyfriend of 2 years marries someone else and says we were never together.

[Rad10]

I worked with this guy for a couple years and when we met he pursued me, told me he was in love with me and wanted to marry me. He painted a really convincing picture, told me he wanted to give me the family I never had (my parents are divorced and my father is a sore point). After about 2 years he tells me his family doesn’t want him to marry me because they think I won’t fit in their family (his family has never met me so I’m not sure what they judged me on) but that he still loves me and he’s trying to convince his family that he wants to marry me. 

Shortly after he starts getting me to do some of his work at the office, always taking the credit of course! I confront him about it and he says he doesn’t take the credit at all, instead he tells everyone how the girl he will marry soon is so talented, so intelligent. Six months back I see his engagement pictures on social media. When I call him, obviously angry and hurt, he says to me that he has never once told me in the 2 years he knew me that he had any intention of marrying me because according to him we were never together in the first place. When I tell him I have proof, he screams at me, calls me names, abuses me and says he would never even think of marrying a girl like me.  He wants someone that comes with money. His friends, our colleagues call him, ask him what is going on because they thought he would marry me for sure, instead he tells them he had fixed his marriage a year back and that he was always in love with this girl he is engaged to, he was never with me, we never even spoke that much.

Flash forward to today, it’s been 6 months since he’s married, and a couple months back I got a promotion at work putting me in a higher position (and more money than he earns) and he’s now been asking all our mutual friends/colleagues what my post is, how much I earn, etc. and telling them that I don’t have the capability or the intellect to do anything good for myself.

What really bothers me is how do people like him, cruel people who sought out people to hurt them intentionally, get to move on with their life, get married, cheat others, get to build a decent life for themselves while I’m the one who is beating myself up about how stupid I’ve been this whole time to believe him. He sleeps peacefully knowing he has hurt someone but I still lie awake going over everything he did to me and wondering why someone like him had to enter my life at all, and why I let him. 

Edited March 20, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. You dodged a bullet because he will continue to cheat on his fiancée/wife and you will be free to meet a decent man. Was this an arranged marriage? He seems like a snake. Be glad you're not stuck with him.

[d0nnivain]

I too am sorry this happened to you but it sounds like you dodged a bullet on the personal front.  

That said you can't let him continue to defame you at work.  You need to head this off at the pass by chatting with your boss about your performance & alerting the boss to the false rumors that he's spreading.  Meanwhile make a written not, not on company devices that you keep at home documenting who he spoke to & what he said.  Once you make that record send him a work email saying that the lies he's been spreading have reached your ears & the defamation better stop.  

I can't say how he sleeps peacefully but I do urge you not to lose another moment's sleep over him.  He's not worth it. 

[TeddyBundy1993]

People who are manipulative fake show offs cheaters always gets ahead of a while but in long run they are unhappy garbage nothing else. You should regain your self worth and just tell yourself you didn't do anything wrong.  

Be happy you weren't married to this selfish waste,  I feel bad for his wife poor women will have to do all the work to make her marriage work while this douchebag will look for more victims.  Seriously tell me what can you expect by marrying this man only cheating, poorly handled finances manipulations. Getting married isn't a joke it requires a s*** load of efforts which this man is not capable to provide as per how you define him.   You really have dodged a bullet. You got a promotion at work, and this man can't digest it that you are earning more than him.  You'll meet the right man just stay how you are, things falls in place we just gotta wait. With time you'll realize you were better off without this man

[Stromae]

Sorry to hear this but at least you didn’t get yourself stuck to this person and can hopefully move on in time. 

Regarding the emailing him at work thing, I would not contact him at all. If his behavior keeps up you are better off interacting directly with your boss or HR

[kendahke]

Quote

how do people like him, cruel people who sought out people to hurt them intentionally, get to move on with their life, get married, cheat others, get to build a decent life for themselves while I’m the one who is beating myself up about how stupid I’ve been this whole time to believe him. He sleeps peacefully knowing he has hurt someone but I still lie awake going over everything he did to me and wondering why someone like him had to enter my life at all, and why I let him. 

Soothe yourself knowing you'll never be like someone who could do this:

On 3/20/2021 at 3:06 PM, Rad10 said:

Six months back I see his engagement pictures on social media. When I call him, obviously angry and hurt, he says to me that he has never once told me in the 2 years he knew me that he had any intention of marrying me because according to him we were never together in the first place. When I tell him I have proof, he screams at me, calls me names, abuses me and says he would never even think of marrying a girl like me.  

This is his wife's and her money's problem now, not yours.

Quote

Flash forward to today, it’s been 6 months since he’s married, and a couple months back I got a promotion at work putting me in a higher position (and more money than he earns) and he’s now been asking all our mutual friends/colleagues what my post is, how much I earn, etc. and telling them that I don’t have the capability or the intellect to do anything good for myself.

The fact that you got the job on your own merits puts the lie to what he says. Your bosses looked at your accomplishments and put their faith in your abilities to handle further assignments.  He's jealous he's not making as much as you and he's stuck with a wife now while the sky's the limit for you.

That he is asking coworkers to divulge your income and slandering you is a serious issue. I'd consult an attorney who handle HR issues and ask them about what your rights are. The company's HR exists only to protect the company, not you. I'm guessing that your coworkers are siding with him and most likely will not back you up when push comes to shove. But anything that comes to your attention in this vein, you need to document on the spot--who it was said to, what time, where it was. You're going to need that in order for the company to snatch a knot in his behind.

Edited March 21, 2021 by kendahke

[Negotaurus]

He's one of those people that go out there and play pretend. Deep down he is nothing. And he definitely is not worth your time. Try focus on things that matter, he is all poison. 

[StoryOfMyLifeYes]

Honestly I could have stopped reading at midpoint. The guy has deep mental issues, possibly a narc, in any case someone to stay really, really far away from for the rest of your life. I pity his wife, who in time will become aware of who he is (most likely, unless she is unmarried from reality).

While I understand that you experience this as a great injustice, the deeper truth is that he does not "get to build a decent life" for himself. People like him are fundamentally broken and unhappy, and what's more is they are for all intents and purposes untreatable (they will always resist treatment or betterment because that's their whole disposition), which means they remain broken and unhappy for the rest of their lives. You might find some solace in knowing that. I don't mean for this to sound as vengeful as it does, really; I'm just trying to say that the injustice does not run as deeply as you maybe think. Sometimes this truth sounds hollow, but in his case, just based on what you wrote it is absolutely evident.

You, on the other hand, have dodged a bullet as others here have already said. You didn't get away unscathed, but your soul is not fundamentally corrupted.

Edited March 22, 2021 by StoryOfMyLifeYes