Lida Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 (edited) hi everyone , just looking for some much needed advice. I recently started chatting to a man almost 2 weeks ago, things have moved really fast and he’s told me that he loves me and wants a future with me... then 4 days ago his daughter was admitted into hospital for severe anorexia, she’s critically ill in hospital and things aren’t looking good. The problem is he’s completely shut me off and I don’t know what to do or think. He hasn’t contacted me in over 24 hours and had switched his phone off and now I’m here thinking the worst. What should I do? Someone please help me Edited March 21, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Formatting Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 Let him know you are keeping him and her in your thoughts (or prayers if you pray) and then don't reach out again. He will get back to you when he's ready. You can then figure out where things are going. "almost two weeks" is much too fast to be saying I love you and planning a future, there is no real foundation for your relationship yet. He has a serious crisis to deal with and you are not yet someone to whom he is sufficiently connected to include in this difficult time. Real life has derailed the fantasy he was enjoying with you. Give him space and carry on with other things (and people) in your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 1 hour ago, Lida said: hi everyone , just looking for some much needed advice. I recently started chatting to a man almost 2 weeks ago, things have moved really fast and he’s told me that he loves me and wants a future with me... then 4 days ago his daughter was admitted into hospital for severe anorexia, she’s critically ill in hospital and things aren’t looking good. The problem is he’s completely shut me off and I don’t know what to do or think. He hasn’t contacted me in over 24 hours and had switched his phone off and now I’m here thinking the worst. What should I do? Someone please help me Before I get to the reason you posted - this is a gigantic red flag, OP. This guy is a stranger to you and he's professing his love. Please do not take that seriously. Rational, mature adults don't behave this way. It is generally advisable to run away from internet strangers who lovebomb you. Have you spoken to him on a video call before to at least see who you're speaking to? To address your question about his current crisis, well, there's really nothing you can do. He's cut communication it seems, so all you can do is see if he gets in touch again. Personally, I would be very wary of a man I don't know saying he loves me and wouldn't be too bummed if I didn't hear from him again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 He's love bombing you. Be careful. I'd be skeptical that this daughter even exists. I suspect he is setting the stage to borrow money from you for all the hospital bills Assuming it is true, send a text saying that you are praying for the daughter & you are available to talk if he needs a shoulder. Then do nothing until he contacts you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 2 hours ago, Lida said: I recently started chatting to a man almost 2 weeks ago, things have moved really fast and he’s told me that he loves me and wants a future with me... Chatting 14 days is not really enough time to determine anything. Have you met in person? The huge red flag here is the future and ILY after talking 14 days. Unfortunately this could be a scammer or catfish. You may hear from him that he needs "funds" to help his daughter. Run 👟👟 Or just someone who makes up horrible excuses. Delete and block him from the dating app, social media and messaging app. You owe someone you have only chatted with 14 days nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 20 hours ago, Lida said: I recently started chatting to a man almost 2 weeks ago, things have moved really fast and he’s told me that he loves me and wants a future with me... Indeed. This jumped off the page to me, this is a HUGE red flag. It’s not normal for a man to tell you after two weeks that he loves you and he wants a future with you - particularly when you haven’t even met. It’s actually kind of scary because it shows such poor judgment. In terms of the drop off in communication, there is nothing you can do. IF his daughter is critically ill and in hospital, it seems reasonable that he is otherwise distracted and not answering his phone. All you can do is wait to see if he returns... and then, please slow things down. No more talk or love and futures, at least not until you meet and actually spend a significant amount of time together in person. Skip this step in dating and you are likely to be very, very sorry... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hajk Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 (edited) @Lida This could be a romance scam with love bombing. If he gets in touch again, please be careful if he asked you to send money for hospital bills, food,....Please block him and run fast. What You Need to Know About Romance Scams https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/what-you-need-know-about-romance-scams Edited March 23, 2021 by hajk 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lida Posted March 24, 2021 Author Share Posted March 24, 2021 Thanks everyone, the rational side of me agrees with everything you’ve all said, but the human side of me that hurts is feeling worried and anxious... he got in touch on Monday saying he couldn’t give me what I wanted in a relationship right now and that it hurt him but he had to prioritise, which I totally understand! but I just don’t get how someone can be wanting to make plans for the future with you one minute and then completely disregarding you the next . Maybe he was just a massive liar when it came to wanting to date! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 13 minutes ago, Lida said: I just don’t get how someone can be wanting to make plans for the future with you one minute and then completely disregarding you the next . Maybe he was just a massive liar when it came to wanting to date! I think you've answered your own question right here. It sounds like he's married or already has a girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 52 minutes ago, Lida said: . he got in touch on Monday saying he couldn’t give me what I wanted in a relationship right now. Chatting 2 weeks and never having met, be glad you dodged a bullet. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 30 minutes ago, Lida said: I just don’t get how someone can be wanting to make plans for the future with you one minute and then completely disregarding you the next . Not sure why you don't get it? People can and do change their minds in an instant, why wouldn't they? What seems like a great idea one minute may be the worst idea possible the next. His circumstances changed drastically so why wouldn't he change his mind about dating you? I guess with his daughter seriously ill he is not going to want to plan fun times with you. He at least did not ghost you, he just said he cannot give you the relationship that you want and that is fair enough surely? You got far too invested in a very short period of time. Maybe it is a scam, maybe he made up the excuse to get rid of you, who knows? but pinning your hopes om some guy you have known for only 2 weeks was not exactly sensible, was it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 4 hours ago, elaine567 said: You got far too invested in a very short period of time. This is key. This is the lesson from this experience... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 5 hours ago, Lida said: I just don’t get how someone can be wanting to make plans for the future with you one minute and then completely disregarding you the next . Maybe he was just a massive liar when it came to wanting to date! He wasn't lying when he said it. He may have truly believed it but he's a pie in the sky dreamer. As soon as things go tough, he knew he didn't have it in him. Going forward whenever somebody is this lovely dovey up front, put up every wall you have because there is something off. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 2, 2021 Share Posted April 2, 2021 There are so many things wrong with this, I don't even know where to begin. You met him two weeks ago. It sounds like you haven't even met in person, you've only been chatting online? You don't know this man. You are not "in his life." He is still pretty much a stranger to you. For him to tell you that he loves you and wants a future with you, that's irrational and a red flag. Since you do not know this man, it's not your place to get involved in his family emergency with his daughter in the hospital. If you are not hearing from him then just leave it alone. He is probably not communicating with you because he's dealing with actual family and people he is close with in person-- which does not include you. There's no need for you to do anything here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted April 4, 2021 Share Posted April 4, 2021 On 3/21/2021 at 12:09 PM, d0nnivain said: He's love bombing you. Be careful. I'd be skeptical that this daughter even exists. I suspect he is setting the stage to borrow money from you for all the hospital bills Geez, that's awfully cynical. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 5, 2021 Share Posted April 5, 2021 14 hours ago, dramafreezone said: Geez, that's awfully cynical. Maybe. But you can't be too cautious with people you don't know & haven't met yet but only chatted with for 2 weeks on line. My way you might be pleasantly surprised if the person turns out to be genuine but you won't get hurt or played for a fool when this all turns out to be a scam. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 5, 2021 Share Posted April 5, 2021 15 hours ago, dramafreezone said: Geez, that's awfully cynical. Perhaps, but I would err on the side of cynical when a guy she's never met and has been talking to for only 14 days is claiming he loves her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted April 5, 2021 Share Posted April 5, 2021 Actually the suspicions voiced earlier aren't that cynical. Those suspicions are quite realistic, meaning they go along with the behavior you saw in him from the beginning. Seriously, most of the the time when people are in love super fast, they're scamming. If they are not scamming, they are immature and floating, by floating I mean they don't really a lifestyle and schedule and resources and energy to sustain a serious relationship. So they force it, try to gin up adrenaline and energy and excitement to cover for their inability to really exist in a real relationship. There is no rush in a real relationship with a mature person. I mean yes, people can be eager, but they stay with their own lives, they don't overpromise, they know enough about relationships to know that a few weeks with someone is indicative of nothing. So no, those ideas voiced earlier are NOT that cynical. Because either he is lying or he is wildly immature and out of touch with himself and dumb about relationships. Those are the only two options. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lida Posted April 6, 2021 Author Share Posted April 6, 2021 Just an update... he came back... apologised for the lack of communication and explained everything that was going on with his daughter... we have spoken at length and have decided to carry on perusing something but slowed it down Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 6, 2021 Share Posted April 6, 2021 5 minutes ago, Lida said: Just an update... he came back... apologised for the lack of communication and explained everything that was going on with his daughter... we have spoken at length and have decided to carry on perusing something but slowed it down Ok. Good. What's the verdict? Do you want to date him? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2021 Share Posted April 6, 2021 Glad the daughter's OK. My radar would still be on high alert. Again being cautious protects you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted April 6, 2021 Share Posted April 6, 2021 This is a classic move by an unavailable person. You'll forgive him, and I say within three weeks he will disappear again ... and again ... and again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 7, 2021 Share Posted April 7, 2021 On 4/6/2021 at 6:18 AM, Lida said: Just an update... he came back... apologised for the lack of communication and explained everything that was going on with his daughter... we have spoken at length and have decided to carry on perusing something but slowed it down So let's get this straight. You've been talking to this man for less than a month... it's still not clear if you've actually ever met in person at all, but it sounds like you haven't. In the past four weeks he told you that he loves you and wants a future with you, then he disappeared, then he told you he can't be in a relationship with you, now he's "come back" and said he wants to date you. This is a mess and this guy is all over the place. You are way too invested in this and you're ignoring red flags. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 7, 2021 Share Posted April 7, 2021 On 4/6/2021 at 3:18 AM, Lida said: Just an update... he came back... apologised for the lack of communication and explained everything that was going on with his daughter... we have spoken at length and have decided to carry on perusing something but slowed it down Don't keep chit chatting via text/phone. Go out on dates, meet him in person. This person could be catfishing you or a scammer. It's a major red flag if he puts off meeting you in person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 14, 2021 Share Posted April 14, 2021 On 4/6/2021 at 5:18 AM, Lida said: Just an update... he came back... apologised for the lack of communication and explained everything that was going on with his daughter... we have spoken at length and have decided to carry on perusing something but slowed it down I would tell him to keep walking... there are too many red flags here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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