Springsummer Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 I basically gave up on Tinder, but because I already paid annually so I just put a cat pic and a skiing pic(no face) and delete other pics that show my faces. I wrote a few sentences. about I do skiing and snowboarding in winter and rollerblading, swimming and hiking in summer and I like active and intelligent people. but then a few days ago, I got a match...guess what he is a doctor in mid 30 and look extremely hot and attractive. and he is just a few miles away from me. I don't care about doctor as I am not looking for marriage and he is over 10 years younger than me(but as Asian, I probably look 10 years younger than my age, but I hide my age in Tinder), but his hotness really got to me. I was really scare. A lot went through my mind...I doubt if I could manage to even to a hot guy like that. I wonder what I should say. so even I have pretty of time over the weekend and I had time for youtube, news etc... but never manage to reply with a hello. I think I really lack of confidence and faith. then just now, when I finally decide to say hello...he already unmatched me. I don't know why I always sabotage myself in everything.... but most guys don't unmatched me when I don't reply though...there is one guy(alright looking one) who said hi, and I haven't replied for a few weeks and he is still there. and yet, this guy I didn't reply for only a few days. What gives? just prove my worst fear always come true? why can't this guys just wait a bit longer? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted March 22, 2021 Author Share Posted March 22, 2021 (edited) why he swiped right on a cat pic? I guess he likes what I wrote? he likes active and intelligent people two. This is a second time I find a guy I am really attracted to, but didn't reply for a few days and got unmatched. The ones I am not attracted to, they don't unmatched. They are still there. (actually they are not bad, just not attractive enough for me) I think there is a pattern. Whenever I feel I am really attracted to a guy, I got really nervous and scare and then I mess things up. couldn't manage to reply a hello. In this case, is it possible he will show up again and I can swipe him again? Edited March 22, 2021 by Springsummer Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted March 22, 2021 Author Share Posted March 22, 2021 (edited) Maybe I am jaded as well. A few months ago. I got matched with a really attractive Asian guy. we chatted for a few weeks...turned out the guy was a scammer. He claimed to live in Toronto, which is 5 hours away and the pandemic as the reason we can't see each other in person yet. 'He' copied an attractive guy's pics from Instagram. It turned out it was a well-known scam. Now whenever I see an attractive Asian guy, I just swipe left. I live in a city of Canada, I rarely see any Asian guy if at all in the past. Suddenly many attractive Asian guys show up nowadays, I found the real profiles from instagram they ripped of from. Nope, 'he' didn't con any money from me, as I googled 'love scam' and the pics the scammer used was known as fake what is the chance that this white attractive doctor is a con artist?( I do live close to the general hospital though) Edited March 22, 2021 by Springsummer Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted March 22, 2021 Author Share Posted March 22, 2021 I wonder if any white women got scammed from those fake Asian profiles? or they only target Asian women in the west? Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 Well why are you using a cat picture? That isn't going to get you far. And why are you taking so long to message people? You are going about this all wrong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted March 22, 2021 Author Share Posted March 22, 2021 23 minutes ago, Cersei said: Well why are you using a cat picture? That isn't going to get you far. And why are you taking so long to message people? You are going about this all wrong. Because I gave up online dating. I didn't delete the app only because I gave a few months left if my paid account. I only used it for browsing Like I mentioned previously when someone is really attractive, I got nervous and fear, therefore I procrastinate. Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 (edited) If you're not trying to actively date you need to delete your profiles because it's not fair to the men who are Kind of crazy that you think you're having a hard time when there's countless guys out there putting out message after message and not getting a reply and you're only having issues of your own making Put yourself in their shoes You're not wrong for not wanting to date, but you are wrong for appearing like you do to guys who are trying Edited March 22, 2021 by Dis 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 3 hours ago, Springsummer said: why can't this guys just wait a bit longer? Because they want someone who's really keen It's highly likely that their previous experience with those who are tardy in response is that the weren't that interested anyway. Or that they were second choice after another date didn't work out. It's a very good dating strategy on their part. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted March 22, 2021 Author Share Posted March 22, 2021 Thank you all for the perspectives Really regret it now....trying to figure out why I did what I did and if there is any remedy.... Link to post Share on other sites
jspice Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 You’re in your 40s? Your actions way of thinking are really immature. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 Sounds like you've had much the same online dating experience as most people, generally unsatisfying and sometimes downright disturbing. If you don't answer in a reasonable amount of time, (like within 24 hours, 48 max), intelligent people are going to assume you're either not interested, not active on the site, or just playing hard to get. When you're competing with millions of other people on the site you can't expect anyone to hang around waiting for you to make your mind up. You're either interested or not, so no point playing silly games. If you liked the look of the Doctor then you should just send him message apologising for not responding and perhaps briefly explain that you're a bit cagey after a scammer experience. Then it's up to him if he wants to reply. Sounds like your self esteem may be taking a bit of a hit as well, and I have no advice for that, it's just a by-product of online dating. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 10 hours ago, Springsummer said: Thank you all for the perspectives Really regret it now....trying to figure out why I did what I did and if there is any remedy.... You say that you're nervous and procrastinate when it comes to handsome men. Would it be fair to say that you put them on a pedestal of being 'something special'? If so, why do you think they are so much better than other men? Looks are only skin deep. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 (edited) lt's understandable becoming a bit nervous , but if it's someone you really like best to spit at least something out sooner rather than later and from a guys point of view even just a hi how are you , thank you , is plenty to start from a woman . Guys , well any with a brain anyway know women have to be careful on date sites especially at the start , he should be happy to take it from there and hopefully you'll have more to say next round. On the other side of it a cat pic , l wouldn't even waste my time on someone with just a cat pic , well if l was single and on a date site anyway, l don't know how you could possibly be surprised he deleted you. Edited March 23, 2021 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hajk Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 Why would a young handsome doctor be interested in dating a cat? I don't think he was serious. No missed opportunity really. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 I agree. You do not present yourself as a serious prospect when you put up a picture of your cat. Never mind the fact that he was ten years younger than you. There was no opportunity lost here. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 I think Tinder is just a shop anyway, not too be taken too seriously so I do not think you missed out on anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 On 3/21/2021 at 10:11 PM, Springsummer said: why he swiped right on a cat pic? It seems to be trending right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted March 24, 2021 Author Share Posted March 24, 2021 Some Asian does age differently. Just a few years ago(probably 5-7?), a 19 year old hit on me on a coffee shop thinking I was 25. Even my Asian female friend thought I was in my early 30 last year. I don't know what I appear now as I was under tremendous stress and turmoil(not covid), probably aging quite a bit? maybe 'immature' demeanor help appear younger too. yes, most likely no opportunity lost here... meanwhile, there are many not bad good looking and good looking dudes I haven't replied to them..........but I think good looking and attractive are different things. lots of people look good objectively, but rarely someone posses a kind of something that make you feel attracted to mentally and physically. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted March 24, 2021 Author Share Posted March 24, 2021 I think he probably attracted to what I wrote and find it fascinating. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 Well , whatever the case you were just taking a break anyway , and a younger good lookin doctor isn't gonna be interested in someone 10yrs older that him either just supposing you did meet and he finds out your age , soooo, nothing lost all round. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 1 hour ago, Springsummer said: I think he probably attracted to what I wrote and find it fascinating. It's more likely he was using the common technique of sending messages to all the women and hoping one replies. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 22 hours ago, basil67 said: It's more likely he was using the common technique of sending messages to all the women and hoping one replies. I would agree with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 They’re just people. Even if they are hot doctors. Some might have some of the same fears, doubts, insecurities. But putting them on a pedestal or acting differently around them just because they are hot or a doctor automatically puts you in a inferior position because you are sending the message “I think you’re better than me” and they’re not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted March 29, 2021 Share Posted March 29, 2021 I have been thinking about this thread. OP I dont think there is anything wrong really besides the fact that Tinder is really just a marketplace whereby those with the best looks sell out first, chances are he was going to play you up against many other prospects so you probably avoided some pain here. Link to post Share on other sites
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