Should I be Honest and Tell him after it Happens or should I keep it to myself ?

[Mariana Carolina]

Really like this guy im talking to we are good friends really but the first time we started talking  he told me he was attracted to me and wanted to have fun I had just gotten out of a relationship a few months prior to this and was lost not knowing what i wanted but i had a sense of feel that Having some fun was what i needed i have never had one night stands or friend with benefits before I'm at a stage in my  life (22 years old) where I'm thinking that I want to explore more and meet other guys .... This guy we have been speaking since summer 2019 and have already planned to hook up .

I'm just worried I will fall for him more than i should i cant wait to hook up with him i've imaged everything we have both spoke SO much about it all and EVERYTHING we want to do with eachother , he's my type of guy which is something that doesnt come by very often and everything and i want to but if i do start to feel something more after it happens should i be honest and tell him that my feelings are deeper ? Or should I keep it to myself and carry on as we have been? we both planned that after it happens a first time we will do it again so i assume we will officially turn into friends with benefits.... Please Help 

[spiderowl]

If you sleep with a guy that you think you might get attached to or fall in love with, you are taking an emotional risk.  Have you and he talked about whether it could become a relationship or whether you would just be friends with benefits?  Do not get involved with FWB unless you are prepared to risk him not wanting more.

If you hook up with him as FWB, then he will see you that way.  He may not respect you for more.  Although guys claim not to have double standards about such things, they do not value what comes easily to them.

If you want this to be more, stay away from FWB and keep it as friends only.  Let him take you out and date you a while before you consider sex.  If he is genuinely interested, he will be willing to wait.  Be sure he is looking at it as a relationship and not FWB.

[d0nnivain]

The minute emotions are involved you can't be FWB or you have to stop if you already started.  To to anything else sets yourself up for heartache.  You will be attached.  He'll think it's all fun & games.  Spare yourself.  Talk about your expectations before you fall in to bed.  

[Wiseman2]

14 hours ago, Mariana Carolina said:

  we both planned that after it happens a first time we will do it again 

Have you met in person? Is it just sexting at this time?

Are either of you married/in other relationships?

Where and when have you planned for "it" to happen?

If you want a relationship, this is not that.

[Mariana Carolina]

11 hours ago, spiderowl said:

If you sleep with a guy that you think you might get attached to or fall in love with, you are taking an emotional risk.  Have you and he talked about whether it could become a relationship or whether you would just be friends with benefits?  Do not get involved with FWB unless you are prepared to risk him not wanting more.

If you hook up with him as FWB, then he will see you that way.  He may not respect you for more.  Although guys claim not to have double standards about such things, they do not value what comes easily to them.

If you want this to be more, stay away from FWB and keep it as friends only.  Let him take you out and date you a while before you consider sex.  If he is genuinely interested, he will be willing to wait.  Be sure he is looking at it as a relationship and not FWB.

Yes thats the thing like I get on really well with him now but I do only see him as a friend but im sexually attracted to him but because ive never done the whole one night stand or friends with benefits I dont know how I will end up feeling emotionally. We spoke about it possibly being a friends with benefits thing but it was just a a quick convo I did mention to him whether if any of us felt more if we should tell one another and he said Yes of Course we should both be honest with each other and tell each other but was he just saying that? or does he mean it ? Im just worried if I feel more and tell him he will get scared and stop contact and not want to see me anymore ?

Hmm yeah of course do you think our relationship will also change if it were to turn into an official friends with benefits? Yes thats how it all started when we started texting he said he wanted to go for dinner together and drinks. Yeah of course I agree thank you so much for your advice

[Mariana Carolina]

10 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

The minute emotions are involved you can't be FWB or you have to stop if you already started.  To to anything else sets yourself up for heartache.  You will be attached.  He'll think it's all fun & games.  Spare yourself.  Talk about your expectations before you fall in to bed.  

I think on both parts we have sexual attraction and genuinely like each other like we get on really well was friends . Thats what im worried about getting attached and liking him more than I should but I really want to be with him because we've spoken so much about everything Im not expecting to get into a relationship because thats not what im looking for. My only thing is I wouldn't want to feel more than I should and not know what to do haha.

Yes I will have to do that, thank you for your advice

[Mariana Carolina]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you met in person? Is it just sexting at this time?

Are either of you married/in other relationships?

Where and when have you planned for "it" to happen?

If you want a relationship, this is not that.

No we haven't met in Person Yet. No its not just sexting we talk normally like friends about most things like our days at uni and other stuff We also do sext like pfor when we meet what we want to happen with each other .

No we are both single 

Summer is when we have planned for it to happen and we both cant wait to finally meet each other and do everything we've planned , both of us are on the same page about wanting to have some fun im just worried that if I feel more than I should should I be honest although we had that chat about being honest with each other about feelings I just don't t know if it would be a good thing or not I wouldn't want to break what we have for telling him my feelings if it were to happen.

Yes no im not looking for a relationship 

Thank you for your advice

[Wiseman2]

28 minutes ago, Mariana Carolina said:

No we haven't met in Person Yet. Thank you for your advice

Try not to commit to sex with someone you haven't seen in person. May not want to upon meeting, no?

Edited March 23, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Mariana Carolina]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Try not to commit to sex with someone you haven't seen in person. May not want to upon meeting, no?

I have seen him on social media and Instagram stories and stuff like I know he exists and we've sent voice notes.

I never really thought of that because we have both seen each other on photos and stuff and we are attracted to one another 

[d0nnivain]

2 hours ago, Mariana Carolina said:

No we haven't met in Person Yet. No its not just sexting we talk normally like friends about most things like our days at uni and other stuff We also do sext like pfor when we meet what we want to happen with each other .

Slow your roll.  You have never even met this guy.  Sure the sexting is fun.  Enjoy! But go easy on this anticipated emotional connection.  The guy could be a major tool in person.  

If you are DTF & that is your choice, have a good time.  Just be safe but seriously keep your emotions in check.  Right now you have made in up to be somebody in your mind.  You have filled in the blanks because you like what you have going on now, virtually, but that is not reality.  Do not lose sight of the fact that you DO NOT KNOW this STRANGER.  You can't possibly have an emotional bond with him because again you are falling for you who you think he is.  He may be totally different IRL.  

Edited March 23, 2021 by d0nnivain

[Juliann]

19 hours ago, Mariana Carolina said:

Really like this guy im talking to we are good friends really but the first time we started talking  he told me he was attracted to me and wanted to have fun I had just gotten out of a relationship a few months prior to this and was lost not knowing what i wanted but i had a sense of feel that Having some fun was what i needed i have never had one night stands or friend with benefits before I'm at a stage in my  life (22 years old) where I'm thinking that I want to explore more and meet other guys .... This guy we have been speaking since summer 2019 and have already planned to hook up .

I'm just worried I will fall for him more than i should i cant wait to hook up with him i've imaged everything we have both spoke SO much about it all and EVERYTHING we want to do with eachother , he's my type of guy which is something that doesnt come by very often and everything and i want to but if i do start to feel something more after it happens should i be honest and tell him that my feelings are deeper ? Or should I keep it to myself and carry on as we have been? we both planned that after it happens a first time we will do it again so i assume we will officially turn into friends with benefits.... Please Help 

If you are worried about falling for him then my suggestion from personal experience would be to not. I don't sleep with just anyone, I become attached as I really value the whole intimacy part as being left for a relationship. That is just my personal belief and something I would not push on anyone. But if you are having conflicting thoughts I would take that into consideration.

[spiderowl]

It seems you are both attracted to each other but have not met in person.  It is best not to agree to sex on a first meeting: he will have expectations and you may not want that when you meet.

Why not stick to getting to know each other as friends first?  I know you both want a physical relationship because it's natural that people do, but if there is genuine attraction and you get on well as friends, there are the ingredients for it to develop into more.  

Wait and see what he is like in person.  I would backtrack on the sex until you know each other better.  Why not tell him you want to get to know him properly first?  

Is he near enough to you for a realistic relationship?  

It is worth remembering that respect is fundamental to a relationship.  If at any point, he feels you are too easy to mess about, he will not respect you. 

[Mariana Carolina]

2 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Slow your roll.  You have never even met this guy.  Sure the sexting is fun.  Enjoy! But go easy on this anticipated emotional connection.  The guy could be a major tool in person.  

If you are DTF & that is your choice, have a good time.  Just be safe but seriously keep your emotions in check.  Right now you have made in up to be somebody in your mind.  You have filled in the blanks because you like what you have going on now, virtually, but that is not reality.  Do not lose sight of the fact that you DO NOT KNOW this STRANGER.  You can't possibly have an emotional bond with him because again you are falling for you who you think he is.  He may be totally different IRL.  

Hahah... yes yes no of course yes it is , thank you ! Yeah I feel I need to calm those a bit...true true!

I will do thank you , there's part of me that feels I need to talk to him again but im just not sure what to say... and I feel maybe in person when we finally meet it might be easier for me to say whatever and also see his reaction in person. 

Yes of Course I never thought about It in that way tbh thank you for making me see a bigger picture with it 

[Mariana Carolina]

1 hour ago, Juliann said:

If you are worried about falling for him then my suggestion from personal experience would be to not. I don't sleep with just anyone, I become attached as I really value the whole intimacy part as being left for a relationship. That is just my personal belief and something I would not push on anyone. But if you are having conflicting thoughts I would take that into consideration.

I was worse before now im a little calmer only because I know I don't want to get into a relationship and thats whats sort of making me feel better. 

I feel when it comes to going to sleep with him I have trust in him like we've been talking since 2019 end ish of summer and we've carried it on till this day he's also not a a f*** boy so I know and can tell he doesn't sleep around with girls which is another reason why I had so much respect for him for being so honest with me because I feel like not all guys would be that honest about that.... but I dont know im not sure how guys think haha.

 

 

[Mariana Carolina]

55 minutes ago, spiderowl said:

It seems you are both attracted to each other but have not met in person.  It is best not to agree to sex on a first meeting: he will have expectations and you may not want that when you meet.

Why not stick to getting to know each other as friends first?  I know you both want a physical relationship because it's natural that people do, but if there is genuine attraction and you get on well as friends, there are the ingredients for it to develop into more.  

Wait and see what he is like in person.  I would backtrack on the sex until you know each other better.  Why not tell him you want to get to know him properly first?  

Is he near enough to you for a realistic relationship?  

It is worth remembering that respect is fundamental to a relationship.  If at any point, he feels you are too easy to mess about, he will not respect you. 

Yes for sure we are. . what sort of expectations ? 

Ive actually never had sex with a guy on a first date so I honestly wouldn't know what to expect ahah.

Yes we've been doing that but unfortunately virtually since 2019 and its been great I have so much respect for him because he's so genuine with me . Hmm yes yes of course exactly I get that I get what you mean. 

should I say that virtually or wait till im with him , I just think there will be a lot of sexual attraction there and won't be able to resist haha 

No we live in different countries  my original home is where he is living  but im at university abroad at the moment so we are not close yet I will be again next year though I will return after finishing my Uni course .

 ok thank you so much I will be careful with that 

[d0nnivain]

Just keep doing what you are doing until you meet him.  This is a conversation that would be premature until you meet. 

[spiderowl]

13 minutes ago, Mariana Carolina said:

Yes for sure we are. . what sort of expectations ? 

Ive actually never had sex with a guy on a first date so I honestly wouldn't know what to expect ahah.

Yes we've been doing that but unfortunately virtually since 2019 and its been great I have so much respect for him because he's so genuine with me . Hmm yes yes of course exactly I get that I get what you mean. 

should I say that virtually or wait till im with him , I just think there will be a lot of sexual attraction there and won't be able to resist haha 

No we live in different countries  my original home is where he is living  but im at university abroad at the moment so we are not close yet I will be again next year though I will return after finishing my Uni course .

 ok thank you so much I will be careful with that 

Do you speak on the phone at all, e.g. via WhatsApp?  You could talk with him and backtrack a bit on the sex.  He will have expectations you want sex on a first meeting.  If you do, then that's up to you but if you are not sure or want more from a relationship, then don't leap into sex until you have got to know each other more as people in real life. 

 

[Watercolors]

The rule of life to remember in this digital age is: you don't know someone online until you meet them offline. And, words are but wind. Everything he's told you via those apps, could all be lies. You have no way to know if what he tells you is the actual truth -- just because he tells you it's the truth doesn't mean it actually is. 

Back off on the promise of sex. And stop sexting with him. This is how men groom girls, by the way. Even 22 year old girls. Do you know how these men work? They post fake profile photos, and fake profile content.  His whole reason for talking to you is your promise of sex with him, even if he claims it's not. But it actually is. That's how simple guys are. He is not investing in this long of texting with you b/c he just wants to be friend with you. 

 

Edited March 23, 2021 by Watercolors

[Mariana Carolina]

48 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Just keep doing what you are doing until you meet him.  This is a conversation that would be premature until you meet. 

Thank you I will do and I will have boundaries and respect as always !

[Mariana Carolina]

40 minutes ago, spiderowl said:

Do you speak on the phone at all, e.g. via WhatsApp?  You could talk with him and backtrack a bit on the sex.  He will have expectations you want sex on a first meeting.  If you do, then that's up to you but if you are not sure or want more from a relationship, then don't leap into sex until you have got to know each other more as people in real life. 

 

We mainly talk on instagram messages and send voice audios to each other but thats our main texting place is instagram, and send photos over to one another too etc. 

Yes I would just not want our friendship relationship to change after sex I have mentioned that to him before but honestly can sex change a friendship? 

Yeah I get that I have told him I cant wait to meet him in person because I really want to get to know him personally 

[Mariana Carolina]

3 hours ago, Watercolors said:

The rule of life to remember in this digital age is: you don't know someone online until you meet them offline. And, words are but wind. Everything he's told you via those apps, could all be lies. You have no way to know if what he tells you is the actual truth -- just because he tells you it's the truth doesn't mean it actually is. 

Back off on the promise of sex. And stop sexting with him. This is how men groom girls, by the way. Even 22 year old girls. Do you know how these men work? They post fake profile photos, and fake profile content.  His whole reason for talking to you is your promise of sex with him, even if he claims it's not. But it actually is. That's how simple guys are. He is not investing in this long of texting with you b/c he just wants to be friend with you. 

 

Yes thats true I think peoples true colours will come out in real life when we are with them. 

No he's not a fake profile I know that for sure as we are friends on instagram and ive seen that he's real on his stories and photos we've also spoken via audio and he doesn't look like a fake he's real for sure ive seen him in photos with friends of his and him communicating with people too. 

That has actually crossed my mind before that all he wants is the sex and thats why he's still carrying on talking but I dont know he's pretty genuine to me but I completely agree that we only know someone well when we are in there presence and see how they actually are.

[Noproblem]

I am gonna venture out and say this: You are on a big disappointment once you actually meet and sleep together! 

Edited March 24, 2021 by Noproblem

[d0nnivain]

15 hours ago, Mariana Carolina said:

That has actually crossed my mind before that all he wants is the sex and thats why he's still carrying on talking but I dont know he's pretty genuine to me but I completely agree that we only know someone well when we are in there presence and see how they actually are.

You have zero basis to know if he's genuine.  You have never met.  "Talking' on IG is FAKE.   You sexting him & setting him up to believe that you are DTF as sson as you meet is boxing yourself into a corner.  

[Mariana Carolina]

On 3/24/2021 at 3:39 AM, Noproblem said:

I am gonna venture out and say this: You are on a big disappointment once you actually meet and sleep together! 

Why do you think that ?

 

[Mariana Carolina]

On 3/24/2021 at 1:51 PM, d0nnivain said:

You have zero basis to know if he's genuine.  You have never met.  "Talking' on IG is FAKE.   You sexting him & setting him up to believe that you are DTF as sson as you meet is boxing yourself into a corner.  

Yes I understand that but since 2019 he seems to be genuine . So do you think its too soon to do anything with him when we meet for the first time ? 

Should I give it sometime but what if the exact same personality is right infront of me the genuine guy I feel and talk to I should go with my gut right ?