Floss Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 Been in a relationship for 8 years. We were both separated but not divorced when we met. I completed my divorce 6 years ago. I have 3 grown up children, he has 4. He doesn’t seem to think getting a divorce and sorting his loose ends up, is important, but I do if we are going to make any future plans together. He stays at mine but has a house abroad that is owned by him and his wife. His wife is with someone else and had been for two years when we met. Anything he does he discusses with his children. i am an easy going person but feel like I am no priority at all and also feel there are no future plans or goals together. Starting to think I would grow and feel alive alone! Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 24 minutes ago, Floss said: He doesn’t seem to think getting a divorce and sorting his loose ends up... Are there any financial reasons as to why he may not want to finalize the divorce?? Market value of joint assets?? High interest loans on assets?? Bad time to sell assets (during a pandemic)?? 26 minutes ago, Floss said: ...but I do if we are going to make any future plans together. Some men become bitter and jaded after a divorce and don't want the complication of marriage. I have one (male) friend that got taken to the cleaners in his divorce. He told me he will never marry again. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 When I broke up with my ex-h, I didn't initiate a divorce because I didn't see the point. But when my new partner said it bothered him, I got right onto it. If he doesn't view your concerns as a good reason to divorce, then you might need to reassess just how much he cares for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floss Posted March 23, 2021 Author Share Posted March 23, 2021 Hi happy lemming, thanks for your input. im not looking for marriage again myself. He doesn’t discuss his financial situation. He was a joint business owner with his wife and shut everything down about 5 years prior to us meeting. I have often thought about the complex issues he may have in the finance department. He hasn’t had a job since I’ve known him. Also says he’s not retired. He also doesn’t like to spend money unless it’s mine. Haha. I actually do think you are right that he is bitter and jaded, even though he says he’s not to me. i have divorced myself and know it’s not fun. I’m just feeling undervalued and a little taken for granted, I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floss Posted March 23, 2021 Author Share Posted March 23, 2021 Hi basil67, thanks for your post. I’m not one to push about divorce as I have no intention of marriage again. But I am reluctant to make any plans. But yes the way he deals with everything is making me question actually how/if he does care or is literally taking me for granted. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 3 minutes ago, Floss said: He doesn’t discuss his financial situation. After 8 years, perhaps its time to open a discussion about the topic. 5 minutes ago, Floss said: I have often thought about the complex issues he may have in the finance department. I've been with my girlfriend for 9 years. Yes, my finances/investments are quite complex and varied. She doesn't completely understand them, but has an overview. Perhaps your boyfriend could start with an overview and give you the chance to educate yourself about the structure.complexity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floss Posted March 23, 2021 Author Share Posted March 23, 2021 We have touched on it before. He will say he has no money. He will act like he has no money. He has said he has a budget each year and this is all done through his daughter. Luckily I am indépendant and always have been. i don’t push any conversations regarding his private matters. (Besides the pandemic) I seem to have stopped doing the things I loved as I have to pay for his company to go/ do things and he never seems like he enjoyed it as would just moan about money lol Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 6 minutes ago, Floss said: He will say he has no money. Well if that is true and his wife has a new partner, I can't really see a reason why he would not divorce her. Do you believe he has no money?? no Long term assets?? etc.?? Or do you think he just doesn't want to spend any of his money?? You've known this guy for 8 years... What is your gut telling you?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floss Posted March 24, 2021 Author Share Posted March 24, 2021 My gut tells me he has money and would just rather spend mine lol. As if anyone had nothing they would go earn it! Lol i also think it’s exactly why he has/will not sort his divorce, as it will open a can of worms he doesn’t want to deal with. He will only sign if she files. thanks for your response, it really helps when someone takes notice. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 10 minutes ago, Floss said: He will only sign if she files. And presents him with a financial offer/settlement that he finds palatable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floss Posted March 24, 2021 Author Share Posted March 24, 2021 Yes no doubt. i think I need to just leave him do his thing and stay out of the way of it. i do like a simple life nowadays. Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 24 minutes ago, Floss said: Yes no doubt. i think I need to just leave him do his thing and stay out of the way of it. i do like a simple life nowadays. Doesn't seem like you have strong conviction here, so why should he? You have some questions to ask yourself. What resolution to this situation would convince you that you two have a future together? What would a divorce change? If he's seeing you and the wife is seeing someone else, and you're not interseted in marriage, what practical purpose does a divorce serve? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floss Posted March 24, 2021 Author Share Posted March 24, 2021 Hi I think the divorce will eventually please him. Where he can heal. He yet has to, he is bitter. It will then be something of the past. Neither of us want to marry. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 Just on the divorce side of things it sounds like it's gonna be really messy financially and he's probably gonna lose out big time too once it's official , maybe his house too. No idea but men don't usually do well out of divorce. Add in healing and other huge things , he probably still just doesn't wanna go there and she's not pushing it so it's rolled on. . Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 Sorry this is happening. He seems like a moocher. Stop letting him camp out at your house. This isn't about future marriage, this is about keeping you at arms length. Stop paying for everything. Unfortunately resentments are building up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Aus Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 I'm pretty sure you've posted about this scenario under a different name not too long ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floss Posted March 24, 2021 Author Share Posted March 24, 2021 Hi aus, the above post is my first time posting. So the assumption is that you have come across a similar scenario you have read before. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 You have different views on how to live life. That doesn't mean you can't have fun together but as you are realizing you can't count on him & you will have to fund most of it while he saves his money. If you enjoy what you have, OK. Understand what it is now is all it will ever be. Others will always be a priority. IMO, by spending time with him, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to have a better, more fulfilling relationship with somebody else. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floss Posted March 24, 2021 Author Share Posted March 24, 2021 Thanks for your response. Link to post Share on other sites
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