Fighting with husband and not sure what to think

[Stacey00]

My husband got back from work, i had made dinner and not had anything to eat all day so i get to have dinner with him.
When he got home i told him i am sooo hungry and starving. We sat to have dinner,i couldn't wait to start i was literally starving. He got up and went to check the AC as he felt hot. Then he came back and was like the AC is surely not working properly you need to call someone to get it fixed tomorrow. So i said ok, as i waited for him to sit back down so we can have dinner. Then he said, it gets really hot here in the summer the AC won't handle such heat, you need to call someone tomorrow to get it fixed. I nodded waiting to start. Then he said, because right now it is not giving any proper heat, so you need to call someone tomorrow and get it fixed. He literally repeated the same sentence at least 3 times in less than 20 seconds. So i said, God, Okay! I did not yell or anything, but I didn't say it too quietly. 
He looked at me with disgust and said with a high tone, you're just like your parents are, you're like your mother! How she treats your father and how she talks to him you're just like your mother. 
And i said please, you've repeated the same sentence to me 4 times, i understand i need to call someone tomorrow, all i want right now is for us to just eat peacefully.

But he kept saying that i'm just like my mom. My mom recently lost her mind. Probably has dementia. She stopped moving her body altogether and she thinks we are in 1972. It all happened so suddenly she barely even communicates back with me. I am very far away from her because i left my job, my home country, my parents to be with my husband in the country he works in. 

This sudden drop in my mom's mental health and the fact that i cannot be with her because airports are closed has been weighing on me a lot! I have been stressed and very emotional and worried because of it. And for him to mention her like that just crushed my heart. 

I told him i could not eat anymore as I don't feel like eating anymore and i left the table. 
He called me over from the kitchen in an non apologetic way saying come eat dont pretend like you are right. Instead, i just stayed in bed. He went in to the bedroom, pulled me hard by my underwear to get me out of bed but i did not. Then he said ok your loss, you get upset because I said the same sentence twice. 

Later i went to him and tried to explain that what he said hurt me and he started shaking his head sarcastically telling me: "poor you, you still dont know when you are wrong"

I told him all i said was god okay. 
He said yeah but it was in a higher tone than normal and that whenever i do an action it is bound to have a reaction. He said this is for me to learn next time to realize i did a mistake. And that he did nothing wrong he just stated a fact.

It really broke my heart to hear him say these words. He is describing me as someone who snaps quickly and telling me that i have a problem.

I don't know what to think anymore. I really need help and someone else's take on that. 

[trident_2020]

You need a heck of a lot more than an HVAC technician to fix the problems here.

 

[d0nnivain]

You need to think your husband is an insensitive ass.  

[Happy Lemming]

I'm guessing he had a really bad day at work and took it out on you.  He is mad at someone else.

Could it be displaced anger??

[Stacey00]

He did not have a bad day at work, i asked him about his day when he first arrived. But lately that i was telling him a lot about my moms case and how her relationship with dad was in the past. I was thinking he is afraid i might become like her? But to tell him that what he said was hurtful and for him to believe he had the right to say it just because i said God Okay with a tone and not feel sorry about it just breaks my heart. I dont know whats happening

[Wiseman2]

You need to stop acting like the household help. Eat dinner whenever you want. Let him pick up/make his own dinner.

You're not his secretary so let him call maintenance people.

Stop acting like a doormat. Act with self respect and stop allowing bullying.

 You need to practice the sentence "so?, do it yourself"

Edited March 25, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Lotsgoingon]

This guy is terrible? What rock did you find him under?

This is not the only time he acted like a jerk. There must be many such times. Mocking someone's mother--that's totally out of bounds in a marriage. And btw: your mother has to right to speak up in her marriage.

My heart goes out to you.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 3/24/2021 at 11:30 PM, Stacey00 said:

He went in to the bedroom, pulled me hard by my underwear to get me out of bed but i did not.

What the hell. 

Is he normally this aggressive with you?

Something tells me there are a litany of serious problems in your marriage, and this argument over the AC and then your mom are not the real issues. This is not just a bad day at work. 

What are the other problems between you and him? And how long has this been going on?

[Watercolors]

Why did you marry such an a**h***? 

[basil67]

31 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

Why did you marry such an a**h***? 

Nice piece of victim shaming there ^

Abusers don't show their colours straight off the bat.  They pretend to be nice, get the partner in and then change.  Have you heard the term "bait and switch"?  That pretty much covers it.