What am I dealing with?

[CHD2121]

Together 5 years. She is from Latin America I am from Europe. She was studying in Asia and we got talking online. I fell in love. I moved to her and got a job, If I didn't she made me feel I would lose her. We met and I was strong with my principles and the normal happy person I am. From the start she talked of marriage and got upset and would threaten me if I didn't set a date.

Meanwhile it came to a stage where she was talking with her ex. She was with him for 9 years before, she blocked him from everything. She has blocked me numerous times when I had to leave on a trip or visa run. I would forgive her. On the side she would talk with him and get jealous even if I was talking to my friends. I told her I didn't like it, but then she used it against me. Saying he is better than me. She would say people on TV were better than me. Always comparing. If she didn't know my friends name when I talked on the phone with someone, she would say who is he? I don't know him?

After years of ups and downs, I got engaged to her. Since then she has insulted the engagement, She said to give the ring to my grandmother. She never respected it. She said we get married now or I leave. Moving forward we had long distance during most of the virus. I was in my country and she was in hers. She kept complaining we were not married and it was all my fault I didn't do it when she wanted. I lost my patience, she blocked me. I had sleepless nights for almost 3 months. I felt like I was in hell. I am a happy confident person. I have my faults, but this was just pure evil. This was after my mother and I visited her country, 'When she said''.

I rang her one day from my mothers phone and she unblocked me. She wonders why I get angry or why I want to go for a drink alone, when she is controlling. I booked a flight to her country when the quarantine lightened up and I told her I would be in the capital of her country. She eventually met me. She said to come and stay in her house. I said I do not want to stay for too long and it is not healthy.

I am here 4 months not. she told me her father said we have to get married because we are in her family house. I just wanted to go back to the city, but keep in contact and meet up. over 3000 miles I travel and I would rent and stay in her country, for us. I asked was she talking with her ex. She said that she was going to try with him, but she chose me now and that she told him go away. I will not get married when someone's father wants me to, and when my family are not there.

She came home one morning and said she had booked a wedding in the civil office for such a date, the first person she told was her ex, not even me. Probably to get a reaction from me or him, or to make him fell bad. I forgot to mention, her ex got married approx, a year ago, he was filing for divorce within 6 months and I think she had something to do with it. I did not feel that comfortable at all. She has been talking with him constantly and I have seen some of the conversations. Some days she says she will go to my country and others she says no.

I have been working with her and her family business for four months now also trying to work at my own (online). I have travelled and spent money time, effort and I would do it again and always for the right person or for someone I love. We are living with her and her parents all this time.

The other day she threatened to block me and all my family, just like that. She has a wicked tongue and not in a sexual way. she told me today that he wants to marry her too and that he loves her. EVERYTHING IS NORMALISED FOR HER. I actually need this from other points of view. I am not perfect, but I'm honest and straight forward, no games.

I could write so much more, but I became exhausted thinking about it a long time ago. She self sabotages everything and blames me, every time. never takes responsibility. She has hurt too many people and families and doesn't even know.

Apologies if my story is all over the place, I'm exhausted.. thanks if you read

Edited March 25, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[mark clemson]

In a word - manipulation.

If it were me, I like to think I'd wise up, see this all for what it is (which is her controlling you into getting what she wants), put on my big boy pants, and walk away. Easier said than done but I wouldn't advise someone to call off an engagement unless it sounded like there was a good reason to (which it does).

She's trying to rush you into marriage to suit her own agenda. The expression "act in haste, regret at leisure" comes to mind. Seriously.

Edited March 25, 2021 by mark clemson

[ClearEyes-FullHeart]

I agree with Mark. This relationship and her behavior sound horrible. I’d end it and return home to be happy and confident again. Definitely don’t rush into marriage with her.  Best of luck!

[Wiseman2]

Which one of you needs the marriage visa and who will move to whom?

[Renee Rose]

Being controlled by your partner every time is never an ideal thing for a healthy relationship. Better if you guys can sit and talk about your actual feelings and how you really want to take your relationship forward. Just rushing into the marriage will not solve the problems. 

I too have gone through such phases in my relationship. It's really difficult to figure out the right solution sometimes. I even kept myself isolated for days when I was not in the right space.

I used to read books to keep myself engaged. I also found one site where I got some really [] to keep me motivated in tough times. 

Good luck for your future!

Edited March 25, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed commercial link

[Lostsoul89]

Can’t help who we fall in love with. But you can’t loose yourself or change your principles.

Seems like your being controlled and your mentally drained from it. Might be worth while taking some time for yourself to work out what it is you actually want from life. Just you. It’s your life and you’ve got to be happy with it because your the one living it.

sounds like your having a really tough time. I hope happiness find you