Kayla9999 Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 So my husband of 9 years is a gamer. I recently saw his gaming phone opened and discovered messages he had sent to other female gamers. My husband is Hispanic so this messages were of course in Spanish but I could get the gist of them with some help from Google Translate. He asked one woman for a picture of her having a good time. Called Both women baby. Told one she was beautiful and asked her to dream of him. Told the other she had a sweet voice. Am I right to be upset? Is this cheating? He said these women are far away, he never met them, and was just playing. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 48 minutes ago, Kayla9999 said: He asked one woman for a picture of her having a good time. Called Both women baby. Told one she was beautiful and asked her to dream of him. Told the other she had a sweet voice. Confront him with your findings and ask him why he's sexting other women. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kayla9999 Posted March 25, 2021 Author Share Posted March 25, 2021 I did confront him. He said he was just playing and it wasn’t a big deal. And that he stopped texting them when he found out the women were uglier than their gamer profile photo. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 Yes you are right to be upset. This is highly inappropriate behavior for a man in a relationship. I would have him send a last message to these women gamers to tell them he's married. How's the relationship in general? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 Just now, Kayla9999 said: he stopped texting them when he found out the women were uglier than their gamer profile photo. And this is ok? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 Just now, Kayla9999 said: I did confront him. He said he was just playing and it wasn’t a big deal. And that he stopped texting them when he found out the women were uglier than their gamer profile photo. So if they had been hot, he would have pursued flirting with them, that's what he's saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kayla9999 Posted March 25, 2021 Author Share Posted March 25, 2021 It was great! I also brag we have the perfect relationship and now I’m terrified at how naive I was...I almost texted them myself but I don’t speak Spanish... Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 (edited) Just now, Kayla9999 said: ...I almost texted them myself but I don’t speak Spanish... You should have, they can use google to translate as well. Edited March 25, 2021 by Gaeta Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kayla9999 Posted March 25, 2021 Author Share Posted March 25, 2021 That’s so true!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kayla9999 Posted March 25, 2021 Author Share Posted March 25, 2021 I laughed at him when he told me they were ugly and he stopped. And asked him what he would have done if they were hot and he just kept saying it’s not a big deal, all men do that. So now I’m just wondering what else I don’t know about. It was just by chance that I saw his phone light up and “besos” was on the screen and then I literally guessed his password. The thing about it is, my husband is EXTREMELY jealous and will give me weeks of silent treatment if I wear like a dress that’s too short. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 Just now, Kayla9999 said: will give me weeks of silent treatment if I wear like a dress that’s too short. Is this a BDSM relationship? Why are you willingly tolerating all this? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 3 minutes ago, Kayla9999 said: my husband is EXTREMELY jealous and will give me weeks of silent treatment if I wear like a dress that’s too short. Does he accuse you of cheating as well? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kayla9999 Posted March 25, 2021 Author Share Posted March 25, 2021 Yes he has accused me of cheating. I do not have any other relationships than with him. He has always been the jealous type and I’ve always been open, he can check my phone, I have nothing to hide. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kayla9999 Posted March 25, 2021 Author Share Posted March 25, 2021 @Wiseman2 I actually have never opened up to anyone about my relationship, this is the first time so I’m just looking for perspective. It feels wrong to me too and I’m hurt 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Kayla9999 said: all men do that. All men do not do that. My partner does not do that. If he did, we would be having a very serious discussion. To answer your question, I do not think that he was cheating per se. But, what he did was very inappropriate and he showed no respect for those women. If this is his true character, that’s a problem. And, who’s to say that he wouldn’t cheat if given the opportunity - he seems to have a problem with boundaries. Edited March 25, 2021 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 17 minutes ago, Kayla9999 said: my husband is EXTREMELY jealous and will give me weeks of silent treatment if I wear like a dress that’s too short. He’s controlling and manipulative too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kayla9999 Posted March 25, 2021 Author Share Posted March 25, 2021 @BailyB right!?!? It’s like textbook cheater, I just feel so blind. I’ve always known him to be jealous and controlling, we’ve passed it off a cultural differences. And then this discovery just sent me here. I don’t think it’s cheating but it’s something and it hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 14 minutes ago, Kayla9999 said: Yes he has accused me of cheating. I do not have any other relationships than with him. He has always been the jealous type and I’ve always been open, he can check my phone, I have nothing to hide. Cheaters will often accuse their partner of cheating. As they do it themselves they believe their partner must also be able to do it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 4 minutes ago, Kayla9999 said: we’ve passed it off a cultural differences. And then this discovery just sent me here. I don’t think it’s cheating but it’s something and it hurts. Been there: Secretive with his phone, minimizing my concerns, bringing up our cultural differences. Fidelity has the same definition in every culture. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kayla9999 Posted March 25, 2021 Author Share Posted March 25, 2021 @Gaetaso now, as I feel awful, what is the next step? I feel like I’m grieving the trust of our marriage. I’m so angry and just stoned sad. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 You need to talk to your husband about boundaries & your feelings. He needs ot acknowledge them & change his ways. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kayla9999 Posted March 25, 2021 Author Share Posted March 25, 2021 @d0nnivainwe did talk. Well, I blew up and he eventually after about an hour of saying it wasn’t a big deal and all men do that acknowledged that he would be hurt if I did it and that he was angry with himself. It still hurts. I’m still not sure if the only way to get through this is time and talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Keridan Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 1 hour ago, Kayla9999 said: So my husband of 9 years is a gamer. I recently saw his gaming phone opened and discovered messages he had sent to other female gamers. My husband is Hispanic so this messages were of course in Spanish but I could get the gist of them with some help from Google Translate. He asked one woman for a picture of her having a good time. Called Both women baby. Told one she was beautiful and asked her to dream of him. Told the other she had a sweet voice. Am I right to be upset? Is this cheating? He said these women are far away, he never met them, and was just playing. I truly hate to say this, but he is shopping around. Seeing if he can find some fun outside of you. I'm sorry that he is like this, but since he is extremely jealous and controlling, he is most likely projecting. You obviously love him. I have to suggest you get some counseling and see if you can trust him too. Then you have hard decisions to make after you've looked into it more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kayla9999 Posted March 25, 2021 Author Share Posted March 25, 2021 @Keridanthank you, that was hard to read but I appreciate your thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 25, 2021 Share Posted March 25, 2021 Keep talking about it....and tell him he's going to spend his time doing quality time with you rather than gaming...get reconnected. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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