Ran into ex after 4 months

[Marc878]

5 minutes ago, whatitdo said:

but still doing NC as it is up to her to reach out to me

Smartest thing you’ve said yet. If you chase they just move farther away.

[whatitdo]

5 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

Smartest thing you’ve said yet. If you chase they just move farther away.

They are like Cats..... the more you pursue the more they run away 

[Marc878]

This is the thing you need to realize. There is no one and only or soulmate.

There are many who could fit that bill.

A buddy of mine got divorced at 40.  He was very distraught but he quickly found out there were so many women he didn’t have time to date them all.

A couple years later he’s got a great one 8 years younger than his x, much better looking who is an anesthesiologist. She’s very kind to his mom and his two young girls adore her.

Don’t waste time on a maybe. She maybe a want but you sure as hell don’t need her.

Plus you wont have time or emotions to find the right one for you.  I guarantee you she’s out there and probably has less baggage and issues.

[whatitdo]

28 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

This is the thing you need to realize. There is no one and only or soulmate.

There are many who could fit that bill.

A buddy of mine got divorced at 40.  He was very distraught but he quickly found out there were so many women he didn’t have time to date them all.

A couple years later he’s got a great one 8 years younger than his x, much better looking who is an anesthesiologist. She’s very kind to his mom and his two young girls adore her.

Don’t waste time on a maybe. She maybe a want but you sure as hell don’t need her.

Plus you wont have time or emotions to find the right one for you.  I guarantee you she’s out there and probably has less baggage and issues.

I couldn’t agree with you more...... I should be 100% clear. I haven’t been sitting on my hands waiting for her to bless me with her attention, affection or time. 

The first couple month or so was hard but since then I have built a team and they have done EVERYTHING they can do to help me forget about her..... went so far as to set up a three for my birthday Wednesday.... 

but there is one catch..... my heart isn’t there. That’s why im Willing to at least look into the situation and see where things go

[Marc878]

It takes awhile for your heart to catch up to your brain.

[whatitdo]

21 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

It takes awhile for your heart to catch up to your brain.

And that is the hardest part..... really I was actually going through the last stage of grief. I had stopped checking her social media, stopped thinking about her day and night.... was actually at a point that I didn’t think about her much at all unless somebody brought up certain things..... and then BOOOOM

[Highndry]

Exes are exes for a reason. Move forward, not backwards.

[whatitdo]

3 hours ago, Highndry said:

Exes are exes for a reason. Move forward, not backwards.

Went over me and her son played for an hour and a half or so. Focus was completely on him. Every now and then she would talk and I responded. She had just got out the shower and she was in a cute little dress. But we really didn’t talk much.... 

I got ready to leave and he started crying telling me that he loves me..... then went to his room. I went in and calmed him down. 

Then I got up and said bye to her and left..... if she isn’t trying to go back to the way things are she is an evil b**** to her kid

[Marc878]

A friend of mine waited a full year before introducing his kids to his girlfriend. It’s what responsible parents do. 
 

You can’t fix this. Beware of the knight in shining armor syndrome.

You’ve put yourself back to square one and get to go over this again.

For what?

Edited March 30, 2021 by Marc878

[trident_2020]

Find another place to do your shopping

[whatitdo]

1 hour ago, Marc878 said:

A friend of mine waited a full year before introducing his kids to his girlfriend. It’s what responsible parents do. 
 

You can’t fix this. Beware of the knight in shining armor syndrome.

You’ve put yourself back to square one and get to go over this again.

For what?

Smdh..... I’m afraid to say you may be right. I mean her and I dated for almost a year and I never introduced her to my kids.... in fact that was one of the two reason she broke up with me. But I protect the hell out of my kids.

 

but she is a good mom overall, I can’t imagine her having me spend time with him just to spend time with him, he asked me to spend the night and all kinds of stuff. 

 

Made me shed a tear how hurt he was that he hadn’t seen me

[Marc878]

1 minute ago, whatitdo said:

Smdh..... I’m afraid to say you may be right. I mean her and I dated for almost a year and I never introduced her to my kids.... in fact that was one of the two reason she broke up with me. But I protect the hell out of my kids.

 

but she is a good mom overall, I can’t imagine her having me spend time with him just to spend time with him, he asked me to spend the night and all kinds of stuff. 

 

Made me shed a tear how hurt he was that he hadn’t seen me

Kids get attached quickly that’s why you don’t introduce them early on.

Don’t look for magic in this. 

[Marc878]

Good mothers protect their kids at all cost.  

You did but she didn’t. Did she?

Don’t put her up on a pedestal.

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, whatitdo said:

Went over me and her son played for an hour and a half or so.  She had just got out the shower and she was in a cute little dress. 

That's really unfair to her child since you're not the father and you two are not together. 

Never use an innocent child as a pawn or tool to get an ex back. She's a fool to allow this 

[Runninggirl]

I dont think she's playing you. You dont know if the camping was a date or not, but even if it was; she was trying to move on as well, maybe she wouldn't have if you were still around. She was surprised running into you, and probably still care for you, maybe even regret the break up. Doesn't mean she's ready to throw herself back at it. 

I would just let her lead, if she keeps contacting you be nice, dont initiate too much, dont try to get to caught up and catch feelings. If she doesn't show more regret I would go back into no contact and focus on moving on. 

People aren't perfect.

[CommanderCody799]

 You do what you think is best for you but consider the consequences of each action - plain and simple. 

Edited March 31, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
off topic

[whatitdo]

On 3/30/2021 at 4:10 AM, Wiseman2 said:

That's really unfair to her child since you're not the father and you two are not together. 

Never use an innocent child as a pawn or tool to get an ex back. She's a fool to allow this 

I was not using the child!!! We played and had a good time. I didn’t even really talk to her while I was there. I was there for him. 

yes I wanted to see her...... but it wasn’t about her

[whatitdo]

On 3/30/2021 at 4:44 AM, Runninggirl said:

I dont think she's playing you. You dont know if the camping was a date or not, but even if it was; she was trying to move on as well, maybe she wouldn't have if you were still around. She was surprised running into you, and probably still care for you, maybe even regret the break up. Doesn't mean she's ready to throw herself back at it. 

I would just let her lead, if she keeps contacting you be nice, dont initiate too much, dont try to get to caught up and catch feelings. If she doesn't show more regret I would go back into no contact and focus on moving on. 

People aren't perfect.

Well I reached out to her yesterday..... I talked to a Rory from the love chat yesterday and he said some things that I hadn’t really understood..... so I decided to take his advice and reach out to her to ask her on a date and talk to her about what I’m willing to change moving forward (as she had said do these things and then call me and we can try again) 

and ya know what happen??? She sent me to f—king voicemail and never reached back out. It makes zero sense and now I’m back at day 1 of NC devastated, confused, and mad at myself for trying to open back up when I was just about healed 

[whatitdo]

On 3/29/2021 at 6:50 PM, Marc878 said:

A friend of mine waited a full year before introducing his kids to his girlfriend. It’s what responsible parents do. 
 

You can’t fix this. Beware of the knight in shining armor syndrome.

You’ve put yourself back to square one and get to go over this again.

For what?

You were correct sir

[everyoneComesHereOnc]

3 hours ago, whatitdo said:

Well I reached out to her yesterday..... I talked to a Rory from the love chat yesterday and he said some things that I hadn’t really understood..... so I decided to take his advice and reach out to her to ask her on a date and talk to her about what I’m willing to change moving forward (as she had said do these things and then call me and we can try again) 

and ya know what happen??? She sent me to f—king voicemail and never reached back out. It makes zero sense and now I’m back at day 1 of NC devastated, confused, and mad at myself for trying to open back up when I was just about healed 

You’ve did all you can. At this point resume NC and don’t beat yourself up. 

Think about how nice everything you’ve is did here is. If she can’t recognise that it’s her loss. You didn’t break NC on purpose. She initiated. Just look after yourself. You’ll be ok. 

[Marc878]

You should have learned valuable lessons.

 

 If you chase they move away.

Just because you love them doesn’t mean they love you too.

In these situations no good deed goes unpunished.

No contact means no contact. A chance encounter should be a Hi/Bye. I get it. Your heart tends to overrule your brain.

 

You’ll be fine. Come away smarter and wiser.

 

 

 

 

[whatitdo]

55 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

You should have learned valuable lessons.

 

 If you chase they move away.

Just because you love them doesn’t mean they love you too.

In these situations no good deed goes unpunished.

No contact means no contact. A chance encounter should be a Hi/Bye. I get it. Your heart tends to overrule your brain.

 

You’ll be fine. Come away smarter and wiser.

 

 

 

 

The crazy thing is I didn’t chase her at all, we didn’t talk for 4 months..... she invited me over, all I’m saying is it truly makes no sense. Period. Why hurt your child like that for what? Gratification of knowing I still want to be around you? 
 

I think part of what I did wrong is kind of ignore her..... I mean my focus was her son... we chatted a little but nothing of value. I was trying to keep it light and not add pressure. 

So between me not showing her any interest when I was at her house, and the camping trip guy (assuming).... I’ve lost the one chance I may have had to rekindle things. 
 

BACK TO DAY 1 of NC

[everyoneComesHereOnc]

4 minutes ago, whatitdo said:

The crazy thing is I didn’t chase her at all, we didn’t talk for 4 months..... she invited me over, all I’m saying is it truly makes no sense. Period. Why hurt your child like that for what? Gratification of knowing I still want to be around you? 
 

I think part of what I did wrong is kind of ignore her..... I mean my focus was her son... we chatted a little but nothing of value. I was trying to keep it light and not add pressure. 

So between me not showing her any interest when I was at her house, and the camping trip guy (assuming).... I’ve lost the one chance I may have had to rekindle things. 
 

BACK TO DAY 1 of NC

You’ve likely done nothing wrong. 
 

People on here will say be distant is way to win her back. That’s too much game playing. 
 

You’ve been nice to her and her son. That’s it. If she doesn’t recognise that don’t worry yourself. It’s her loss. 

[whatitdo]

13 minutes ago, everyoneComesHereOnc said:

You’ve likely done nothing wrong. 
 

People on here will say be distant is way to win her back. That’s too much game playing. 
 

You’ve been nice to her and her son. That’s it. If she doesn’t recognise that don’t worry yourself. It’s her loss. 

Ty..... when we met me and her son bonded. She told me that she never told him we split, rather I went to go take care of some family. 
 

cause she didn’t want him to hurt and think another man just walked out of his life (his father, etc). 
 

so for her to invite me to go hang out with him I just knew we were going to talk a little bit about us.... but didn’t want to pressure her as we hadn’t spoke in 4 months. Smdh 

day 1 starts today 

[Marc878]

1 hour ago, whatitdo said:

The crazy thing is I didn’t chase her at all, we didn’t talk for 4 months..... she invited me over, all I’m saying is it truly makes no sense. Period. Why hurt your child like that for what? Gratification of knowing I still want to be around you? 

Probably. They don’t want you but want to be wanted. Doesn’t say  much for her.

I think part of what I did wrong is kind of ignore her..... I mean my focus was her son... we chatted a little but nothing of value. I was trying to keep it light and not add pressure. 

Nope. If she was interested she’d have shown it.

So between me not showing her any interest when I was at her house, and the camping trip guy (assuming).... I’ve lost the one chance I may have had to rekindle things. 
 

BACK TO DAY 1 of NC

You never had a chance. The opportunity was there for her to engage. She didn’t and gave you the big brush off. Most women would welcome someone who took an interest in their child. What’s that tell you?
 

Most like you want it to be your fault perhaps with the faulty thinking if I was the problem I can fix it. It can’t be her because shes so perfect. I must keep her on that pedestal I put her on? 
 

You should wake up to reality. Or keep yourself in limbo. Over what?