AdamPad Posted March 28, 2021 Share Posted March 28, 2021 Me ( a male ) and a female friend (we we're good friends for over 10 years) met in college and hung out off and on but kept solid contact with each other. I saw a post on her IG story of flowers and mentioned "Those flowers look really nice,who got those for you?" She replied with "my boyfriend got them for me" I replied with "Oh nice, how are things going between (insert name of male person here) and you?" She replied with (insert name of male person here) and her were no longer seeing each other and immediately blocked me on ig and my sms's. I didn't know that (insert name of male person here) and her broke up since our last chat as she informed me prior to that, that her and (insert name of male person here) got back together. I know this seems silly and immature but truth is, I am not young and I value long friendships. I didn't realize until recently how bad it is to mention an ex's name (even though I didn't know that they split badly). I can still message her on other platforms and she knows I know where she lives as I've hung out at her house on many occasions. Would this be worth fixing and trying to recover? If so, any suggestions on the best way to approach this? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 28, 2021 Share Posted March 28, 2021 Send her a card via post office / snail mail with an apology. Explain you were trying to be supportive, not make her feel bad. Offer to treat her to a coffee or drink to make up for it or if she needs a shoulder to vent to. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted March 28, 2021 Share Posted March 28, 2021 "You know where she lives"? If she blocked you then that means she doesn't want to talk to you right now. Messaging her through other platforms or showing up at her house would be extremely weird and inappropriate. I suspect that maybe she felt that your questions about her boyfriend or relationship status were a bit intrusive and she wasn't sure what your motives were for asking. Maybe she suspected that you were asking because you may be interested in her, and she didn't welcome that interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AdamPad Posted March 28, 2021 Author Share Posted March 28, 2021 (edited) 14 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: "You know where she lives"? If she blocked you then that means she doesn't want to talk to you right now. Messaging her through other platforms or showing up at her house would be extremely weird and inappropriate. I suspect that maybe she felt that your questions about her boyfriend or relationship status were a bit intrusive and she wasn't sure what your motives were for asking. Maybe she suspected that you were asking because you may be interested in her, and she didn't welcome that interest. ""You know where she lives"? If she blocked you then that means she doesn't want to talk to you right now. Messaging her through other platforms or showing up at her house would be extremely weird and inappropriate. " ------We've been friends for over 10 years, we've both hung out at each others places in a strictly friend like form. Definitely wouldn't show up uninvited but I was only implying that if maybe I should send a hand written letter or something along those lines. "I suspect that maybe she felt that your questions about her boyfriend or relationship status were a bit intrusive and she wasn't sure what your motives were for asking. Maybe she suspected that you were asking because you may be interested in her, and she didn't welcome that interest." ------ This wasn't a random thing I brought up, we've both asked about our relationships and how things are going in the past and it was nothing new. She knows where our friendship stands at and we've normally been very communicative with each other if something isn't right. Either way, thank you for the input, people change and maybe these are her new perceptions and I just need to move on. Edited March 28, 2021 by AdamPad Link to post Share on other sites
Author AdamPad Posted March 28, 2021 Author Share Posted March 28, 2021 16 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Send her a card via post office / snail mail with an apology. Explain you were trying to be supportive, not make her feel bad. Offer to treat her to a coffee or drink to make up for it or if she needs a shoulder to vent to. Definitely might do that as a final attempt to save our friendship but will exclude the shoulder part since we've never had "that kind" of talk but she knows that we've both got a good history of relying on each other when times were rough. Thank you for the solid advice. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted March 28, 2021 Share Posted March 28, 2021 13 minutes ago, AdamPad said: ------ This wasn't a random thing I brought up, we've both asked about our relationships and how things are going in the past and it was nothing new. She knows where our friendship stands at and we've normally been very communicative with each other if something isn't right. Either way, thank you for the input, people change and maybe these are her new perceptions and I just need to move on. The woman wouldn't have blocked you for NO reason, there is obviously some reason that she blocked you. She was uncomfortable with something you said or did. I suggest you send her the card, say something like "if there's something I said to make you uncomfortable then I sincerely apologize, but it wasn't my intention. I value our friendship and I hope you will reach out to me when you are ready." And then leave it that and don't bother her again. The ball is in her court at that point. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 28, 2021 Share Posted March 28, 2021 5 hours ago, AdamPad said: She replied with (insert name of male person here) and her were no longer seeing each other and immediately blocked me on ig and my sms's. Do not send her stuff. If she blocked you that means using the backdoor approach is super creepy. Let the dust settle. Give her space. Do not use cheap tricks like those found on "get your ex back" sites such as sending handwritten letters etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AdamPad Posted March 28, 2021 Author Share Posted March 28, 2021 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Do not send her stuff. If she blocked you that means using the backdoor approach is super creepy. Let the dust settle. Give her space. Do not use cheap tricks like those found on "get your ex back" sites such as sending handwritten letters etc. I got you and it's best to just leave it be. It's been over a year though and for what it's worth, she left FB and FM messenger unblocked and knows it too since she see's my posts. That being said, I'm getting mixed vibes so I'll just either give it a bit more time or accept the facts, send one message and leave it at that since we had a solid friendship for over 10 years and she even helped me when I transitioned from retail into the finance world so I am willing to let the friendship go only after I tell her that it wasn't what she thought and I was not trying to do anything hurtful nor messed up. For clarity I'm not trying any cheap trick nor am I trying to be shady or messed up. Just want to let her know that I didn't mean to bring up that name nor were my intentions intrusive but simply just catching up, like we've done since 2004. But again, people change and if she's changed and moved on, so be it, I just wanna make sure that's the case. Many thanks for the insightful and helpful advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts