Advice relationship difficult time

[kevinV2]

So in March my girlfriend (20 years) cheated on me (21 years) by flirting with someone else via text. I forgave her for that but not everything feels difficult. i have said 1 week after i forgave her that i feel like she isn't putting in the effort to make it better. but now she is feeling down for 2 days for a reason she doesn't know and yesterday we talked and I said again that i feel like she isn't putting in the work, but she said she isn't in the mood to talk about it. but today she is also feeling down and she tried to break up with me because she feels that she can't give me what I want, we talked about it and we are still together

what should i do now?

sorry for my bad english!

[d0nnivain]

You think about whether you want to continue.  While I don't think flirting with somebody else via text is cheating it is bad for the relationship.  You two are young.  It sounds like your GF is at least looking around wondering if the relationship is all there is & if she wants the freedom to explore other options.  Although you forgave her for the text flirting, the feeling that things are different should not be ignored.  She may be hoping for a break up & that is why she isn't working to keep things together.  Listen to her when she says she can't give you what you want because you are no longer what she wants.  Her heart is not in this but she is not strong enough to break up with you even though that is what she wants to do. 

[Marc878]

Let her go. You can’t make her stay in this. Her words and actions tell you she’s already gone.

[understand50]

OK,

This can go two ways, or already has.

1) She cheats.  (Be glad it was just flirting, and not a One night stand, or do you really know? )  When caught, she realizes what she has and works overtime to make it better.  yes you have the fall out from her cheating, but she work hard to "make it right"  You may decide to break it off, but you see effort.  Sometimes this can lead to a better relationship and more trust, but it is not a road to go down if you do not have too.   I do not see this from your post.

2) She cheats, and and really does not put in the work to make it better.  You are just comfortable, until she does it again, or leaves you.  In this case, you should man up and break it off with her.  one, you will feel better in the end, as you will not be playing the "pick me dance" and two, in a weird way you will be helping her, as you will be giving her consequences to her actions.  Hopefully it will help here next boy friend.

 

I wish you luck.

[Gaeta]

On 3/28/2021 at 2:14 PM, kevinV2 said:

but today she is also feeling down and she tried to break up with me because she feels that she can't give me what I want, we talked about it and we are still together

When someone breakups with you, you let them. You cannot *convince* someone to love you and be with you. You both are not happy in this relationship, at 20 yo you don't fight for an unhappy relationship, you simply move on and find someone more invested.

[kendahke]

On 3/28/2021 at 2:14 PM, kevinV2 said:

she tried to break up with me because she feels that she can't give me what I want, we talked about it and we are still together

what should i do now?

Accept the fact that she wants to break up with you and is only going along to get along--she's not in this and she doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore.

It's over except for the breaking up. Save yourself a bunch of needless bother and cut her loose.

[smackie9]

Just keep talking. I think you both need to be more honest with yourselves, express your feelings freely but without contempt. Don't come at her with "I don't think you are putting in effort" say "I noticed you being distant lately since our disagreement...is everything OK? What's on your mind?"

Her saying she wants to breakup, is her feeling helpless, and scared. I doubt she wants to breakup. It's a cry for help.

Edited April 2, 2021 by smackie9