Is ex sending smoke signals by liking post?

[Hpchic]

So my ex broke up with me a year ago.  Then this past Valentines Day he asked to get back together and I agreed to it.  A week and a half later he breaks up with me again, reason being I want children and he doesn’t, we are at different place in life.  He’s close too retirement, divorced and has kids.  I’ve never been married and want children.  Meanwhile this whole time (since the initial breakup) we’ve remained friends on social media but not outside of that. When he was trying to get me back on Valentine’s Day he mentioned that he had been “liking” all my pictures for the last 6 months (as though those were some kind of smoke signals that he wanted me back).  Anyway, since we broke up the second time I posted a few pics which he did not “like” but last night I posted picture I took of the city skyline, he “liked” that pic.      So is he trying to send smoke signals again? If it was a pic of me I think it would be more obvious but it wasn’t.   

[Keridan]

To be fair, if you are at such different points in your life, does it matter? Obviously you really like the guy, but you aren't in the same place. Why are you trying to get back with him instead of someone who wants the same things in life?

Don't get me wrong, I understand attraction, but for me, it would be a deal breaker. I've got my kids and I'm not having more. I'm at a point in my life where I wouldn't be able to do right by them. 

I have passed on a few women who wanted different things over the years and I missed them, but I don't regret it. 

 

[Hpchic]

6 minutes ago, Keridan said:

To be fair, if you are at such different points in your life, does it matter? Obviously you really like the guy, but you aren't in the same place. Why are you trying to get back with him instead of someone who wants the same things in life?

Don't get me wrong, I understand attraction, but for me, it would be a deal breaker. I've got my kids and I'm not having more. I'm at a point in my life where I wouldn't be able to do right by them. 

I have passed on a few women who wanted different things over the years and I missed them, but I don't regret it. 

 

I wouldn’t say I’m trying to get back with him.  I haven’t made any attempts, even after the first breakup.  I guess I’m just curious and sure I still have feelings for him.  I am trying to meet other guys but it’s easier said than done.  Out of everyone else I’ve dated, I felt the strongest connection with him.  
 

Plus when we started dating he told me he’d have more kids, then as time progressed he seemed to go back and forth on the issue.  When he broke up with me the second time he seemed certain he didn’t want more kids.  I also sometimes question whether I’m too old to have them, and just think what if I passed up on this guy and still didn’t have any kids of my own.

Edited March 28, 2021 by Hpchic

[Keridan]

Totally understandable! That connection can be everything. But at the same time, you might have to try and let him go so you can make yourself happier. 

Honestly, I'm having the same struggle in many ways with a marriage ending. I get it.

Think about it to yourself. Which is more important? The possibility of a kid or this guy? Either answer is okay as long as you are sure of it.

[d0nnivain]

He liked a picture.  There is not more to it than than.  For your own sanity you need to disconnect on all social media from this man.   You tried twice.  It didn't work. There is nothing to be gained by giving him an intimate window into your life through your postings.  

[Stromae]

It may mean something or may mean nothing 

 

like others have alluded to, I would just think about what you want or hope to gain. If you aren’t interested because you want kids, then whether or not he reaches out should be irrelevant and you could even block him if needed to move on

 

if you want a relationship and are willing to proceed with no children then feel free to look into it more. Don’t make the mistake of trying again and hoping he now wants kids though as he may flip flop again - kids are obviously a big investment and decision 

[ShyViolet]

This man has dumped you TWICE.  Even if him "liking" your post was some kind of attempt at "smoke signals" as you put it, does it even matter?  You are kidding yourself if you are entertaining thoughts of trying to get back together with him yet a third time.  If you were compatible with him, he wouldn't have dumped you twice.

[Watercolors]

I think it's not healthy for you to remain connected to your ex through social media or have his name and contact info in your cell phone. You have not let go of him, although he's dumped you twice. 

His liking a photo you posted is not a smoke signal to you. If he wanted to reconcile he'd just straight up tell you. There's no hidden agenda here from him. None at all. 

You'd be better off just deleting him from your cellphone and social media. No reason for you two to stay in touch especially since you're obviously still pining for him. 

[poppyfields]

Hpchic, what type of "smoke signal" do you believe he might be sending you?  He "liked" a pic so he wants to get back together?  Or he misses you?  Wants to get your attention?  For what purpose?

I agree with @Stromae, it might mean something, it might not.

I would try to not overthink it, you'll drive yourself bonkers.

Not to mention, even assuming he did want to get back together, could you ever trust him again? 

I mean asking to get back together, you agree and then less than two weeks later, he breaks up with you again?  WTF

I don't even believe it was because he doesn't want kids, he knew he didn't want kids when he asked to get back together.  I think he is simply your basic run of the mill "commitmentphobe" who after being back together with you for a week and a half, couldn't hack it.

I understand the connection, but there is nothing good or positive here, please for your own well-being, delete him from your socials and your life.

I'm sorry.

 

 

 

Edited March 29, 2021 by poppyfields

[ExpatInItaly]

Who cares if it is a smoke signal?

You two are deeply incompatible on a fundemental level. It's not going to work if it hasn't already, after two attempts. You have to learn not to fall for stuff like that. 

Edited March 29, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[Hpchic]

17 hours ago, Stromae said:

It may mean something or may mean nothing 

 

like others have alluded to, I would just think about what you want or hope to gain. If you aren’t interested because you want kids, then whether or not he reaches out should be irrelevant and you could even block him if needed to move on

 

if you want a relationship and are willing to proceed with no children then feel free to look into it more. Don’t make the mistake of trying again and hoping he now wants kids though as he may flip flop again - kids are obviously a big investment and decision 

I agree, being with him would mean having no kids of my own.

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, Hpchic said:

I agree, being with him would mean having no kids of my own.

Being with him would mean never knowing when he'd had enough and decided to suddenly take off.  This most recent time, it was a week and a half.  Next time it may be longer or shorter; a friend of mine went through this and her "commitmentphobe" boyfriend freaked and broke up with her after six months together. 

Two weeks later professed his undying love, proposed marriage and then the very next DAY freaked out and bolted!  Telling her it would never work because she doesn't know how to scuba dive! 🤣

Nevermind the fact, he KNEW going in the first time AND the second time she didn't know how to scuba dive.   But that was his excuse for proposing marriage and then breaking it off the next day - she didn't know how to scuba dive.  I am dead serious!

Hpchic, his crazy behavior has nothing to do with not wanting kids, if it did he would have never have taken up with you in the first place or wanted to get back together over V-Day.

The not wanting kids is an excuse, that's all.  A convenient excuse.  If it weren't that, it would be something else.

Bottom line, guy can't hack serious "relationships," doesn't even matter why.  The only thing that matters is that he can't and the smart thing for you to do is wish him well and walk away forever.

 

Edited March 29, 2021 by poppyfields

[Hpchic]

14 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Being with him would mean never knowing when he'd had enough and decided to suddenly take off.  This most recent time, it was a week and a half.  Next time it may be longer or shorter; a friend of mine went through this and her "commitmentphobe" boyfriend freaked and broke up with her after six months together. 

Two weeks later professed his undying love, proposed marriage and then the very next DAY freaked out and bolted!  Telling her it would never work because she doesn't know how to scuba dive! 🤣

Nevermind the fact, he KNEW going in the first time AND the second time she didn't know how to scuba dive.   That was his excuse for proposing marriage and then breaking it off the next day - she didn't know how to scuba dive.  I am dead serious!

Hpchic, his crazy behaviour has nothing to do with not wanting kids, if it did he would have never have taken up with you in the first place or wanted to get back together over V-Day.

The not wanting kids is an excuse, that's all.   He can't hack serious "relationships," doesn't even matter why.  The only thing that matters is that he can't and the smart thing for you to do is wish him well and walk away forever.

 

When we initially met he asked me if I wanted children and I said yes, and asked if he wanted them.  His response was he’s have more kids.  The as the relationship progressed I noticed he wasn’t that keen on the subject of kids, even at some point telling me he goes back and forth on the subject.  Towards the end of our relationship, I just flat out told him I don’t think he wants more kids and he said he’d have more because I want them, he loves me and wants to make me happy.  Then about a month later he breaks up with me.  Second time around, I told him the first time we saw each other nothing has changed and I still want certain things that I don’t think he does.  He insisted he’d be happy having one more child but not more than that.  That was ok with me.  We agreed it would have to be sooner rather than later due to my age (which I think is what freaked him out later on). Then when he broke up with me a week and a half later due to changing his mind AGAIN, I told him a week ago he told me he would have one more and his response was “you always knew I was unsure, you even said it”.  So at this point I know he doesn’t want more children and there’s no wiggle room on that.  
 

I think he goes through bouts of convincing himself maybe he’d be ok with one more child, and then reality hits and he realizes that’s not what he wants.

Edited March 29, 2021 by Hpchic

[poppyfields]

Hpchic, the guy is all over the place.  He wants kids, he doesn't want kids, he's in, he's out, all over the board.

It's quite obvious he is a man conflicted, and doesn't know what the hell he wants, and jerking you around in the process.

I mean, wanting to get back together, and then after you agree, he breaks up with you again 1.5 WEEKS later?  What is that?

This is not normal behavior, I am sorry.

You can believe it's about not wanting kids if you want, I don't.  I believe it was an excuse and if it weren't that, it would be something else...

Please stop allowing yourself to be jerked around by this man and his conflicting emotions and actions.   What he's doing is not love, it's mean and cruel.

I truly hope you will delete him from all your socials and your life.   You will never move past this if you don't.

I wish you the best whatever you decide.  xoxo

 

Edited March 29, 2021 by poppyfields