Sassydiva Posted March 29, 2021 Share Posted March 29, 2021 I am trying to be patient, but I have my limits. My friend has issues from his last relationship and childhood. I’ve known him 2.5 years, and I’ve watched him transition to communicating ok to terrible! We got into an argument, I didn’t appreciate the comment he made to me, and so I called him out on his belittling behavior. He shuts down completely, instead of being mature and getting over it. Then he wasn’t in the mood to hang out and I took a cab home. He told me he’s used to being alone, and how maybe I stayed over too long. I wasted my whole Sunday doing nothing (even though weather was bad) when I could have been doing things around my house. All because he didn’t get his way (being in control) and I brought to his attention not to speak to me in that tone and he even went as far as to mention how my comment was stupid. So because he has a different experience or viewpoint It’s stupid?? He’s 47 years old acting like a 20 year old! And instead of resolving the conflict, he avoids you until he gets over it, or I apologize. Only once I apologize will he apologize. Instead of manning up. When I tried to talk to him about it, he says to leave him the f alone. I feel I need to leave him be for a while. I’m not going to allow him to ridicule me because of his self esteem issues, and because his ex did crazy stuff during arguments doesn’t mean I do. I touched his arm, like to try to comfort him and he acted like I was abusing him. He needs therapy instead of liquor and weed! Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 29, 2021 Share Posted March 29, 2021 10 minutes ago, Sassydiva said: I feel I need to leave him be for a while. You're right. You can't change him. You can only decide whether or not you want to keep dealing with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sassydiva Posted March 29, 2021 Author Share Posted March 29, 2021 Just now, FMW said: You're right. You can't change him. You can only decide whether or not you want to keep dealing with him. Thanks. I have more important things to focus on. I won’t ignore his messages, but I’m not going to be hanging out for a while with him. One night is enough..seems like when I’m over more than a day he starts acting up. I told him he could have told me in the afternoon he wanted to be alone instead of 9 pm at night! I work, he doesn’t so he can sleep in if he wants. If I lose sleep, I still have to get up and get myself to work an hour away Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 29, 2021 Share Posted March 29, 2021 When he started being a brat that was your cue to leave. You now know that he can't handle long togetherness so I'd either get up & leave straight away in the future or immediately after breakfast but do not stay past noon. I think your chosen course now is the right one. You won't ignore him if he reaches out but you aren't going out of your way. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted March 29, 2021 Share Posted March 29, 2021 Just stop being friends with this person if you don't like his behavior. It's as simple as that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted March 29, 2021 Share Posted March 29, 2021 7 hours ago, ShyViolet said: Just stop being friends with this person if you don't like his behavior. It's as simple as that. My sentiments exactly. He's 47 years old and his stonewalling behavior with you (and likely everyone else) is his way of manipulating the people in his life to do what he wants when he wants. He's the type of a**h*** who gaslights as easily as one ties their shoes. Being a gaslighter comes easy for your friend. These types of people use the silent treatment to get their way with everyone. My BIL does it with my sister and his friends and family. It's really pathetic. He's not someone you should even continue wasting your time on. The world is full of much healthier people mentally than your "friend." Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 (edited) I'm going to play Devil's Advocate. Your whole post was about how he did everything wrong. Do you truly believe that you didn't put a step wrong at any stage during the time you were with him? Unless your username is being used ironically and you're actually more like a church mouse, I can't help wonder if you were being sassy. Or a diva. The fact that this started with the two of you arguing does indicate that there was some discord going on from both parties. What was the argument about? What was his view and what was yours? Sure, if you never want to see him again, then carry on. But if you want to resolve this, you also need to look at your own contribution to the issue. Edited March 30, 2021 by basil67 3 Link to post Share on other sites
primer Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 I do not like to spend time with people I argue with. If someone cannot be nice and needs to tell me everything I do is wrong, they are not much of a friend. Perhaps, like you, your friend has limits too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 (edited) Is this thread related to this guy? If so, what was the fight about this time? Edited March 30, 2021 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 On 3/29/2021 at 10:06 AM, Sassydiva said: instead of resolving the conflict, he avoids you until he gets over it. Ok , let him cool off and process his own way. It would help to be less aggressive with people. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 On 3/29/2021 at 7:06 AM, Sassydiva said: When I tried to talk to him about it, he says to leave him the f alone. Leave me the bonk alone is never a good response. Might be the liquor and weed affecting his demeanor. Best to stay clear. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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