Mikeshsh Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 (edited) Please don't judge me... Just give me insight that's all I kindly ask for. 2 years ago I met another woman at the gym and once I first laid eyes on her I was just so into her. I've had trouble for years in my relationship, we have 3 beautiful kids massive amount of debt and their mother has really bad depression and anxiety. It's caused issues with my family, hers and our finances badly. We had days where we didn't even have money for groceries. So I met this beautiful woman at the gym took me 2 months just go get her name I was scared shitless. Got to know her found out she's a mother and the same age as me. She has a beautiful daughter who is also very smart and amazing. We really took our time due to the fact we both had families but in dead relationships we didn't want people to feel confused though nothing was happening at home . The first kiss was electrifying I still don't forget it and the feelings I had. We didn't have sex until 3 weeks later and I loved every second of it . Respectfully we used protection you name it and really communicated. We made a promise for me never to hurt her and her never to leave because she travelled a lot. She kept her promise she bought a house nearby though it hurt me to see her progress further with someone else and I should be happy I was hurt for sure. She ended up getting pregnant around the time she met me so for sure I felt the whole time this child is mine. Which I had no fear worries, totally capable of taking care of another child. Eventually we found it the time the baby is due so the baby was not mine which I'm ok with. She pushed away the father for 9 months and had me close I offered to be at every appointment I used to kiss her belly and do everything I can whether it was food or something. She's allowed me through the pandemic to appreciate the little things like going on walks and time. So finally me and the mother of my kids will be listing the house for sale. Happily and respectfully it's been waiting years go get to this point and she's happy now we aren't together. My lover seems bothered a lot saying it's her fault and she also feels once I move out I'll have time for other women in my life which I'm not interested at all. I can see the good and I can see the bad in this situation I didn't get Valentine's with her or her birthday because he tends to follow her of aggressive with questions. When she was pregnant with her son she stopped sleeping with him ever since due to the fact she didn't want to and didn't want to hurt me either. And if was the same here I haven't slept with the mother of my kids for 2 years. I didn't want her to feel used of bullshitted. I know for most this story sounds like a bad car accident and I'm an idiot etc. But you cannot help who you love and how you feel. I just wonder what you think I should do. She asked for space since she's overwhelmed with emotions like me leaving and thinks is her fault. My leaving to be with other women more time for toher women. Her life at home she sleeps with her phone so the husband doesn't get curious as to why she is the way she is. I mean she gives him what he wants it seems so yeah I sometimes believe they do sleep together. She doesn't sleep in the same bed as him since we got really serious and she seems me a lot more. She asked for space but I worry she won't come back and she just wants her husband back. Please help Edited March 30, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator formatting Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 2 hours ago, Mikeshsh said: , we have 3 beautiful kids massive amount of debt and their mother has really bad depression and anxiety. It's causdd issues with my family hers and our finances badly. We had days where we didn't even have money for groceries. Not sure if I am reading this correctly. Your kids went hungry while you had money for gyms and lovers? 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mikeshsh Posted March 30, 2021 Author Share Posted March 30, 2021 Talking about the previous years. Gym wasn't afforded until things got better financially Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 She has a husband and she's not leaving her husband. She told you she needs "space." She's distancing herself from you. This woman is not available... I'm not sure what your question is. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 7 hours ago, Mikeshsh said: like me leaving and thinks is her fault. My leaving to be with other women more time for toher women. Sorry I didn't quite follow this part you are leaving your mistress to be with other women? Link to post Share on other sites
Av3ry Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 I don't think she's going to leave her partner for you, because if I were her, the last thing I'd want from someone I claim to love and want to be with, is to give me space. It seems as if you both communicate with each other pretty well, so I don't know why she wouldn't make plans to leave and be with you. Sounds as if she's just stringing you along knowing that you love and care a lot about her. I mean, dude, you're doing all the things a father to the child should/would do, of course she'd be into you. I'm not judging. Relationships can be very complicated for some people. But my take it is you should pull yourself away from her unless she communicates that she's leaving. Even so, I don't know, sounds like it all started from a very messy ground. If I were in your situation, I'd take the time to be on my own, spend time with my children, be a better person all-around and then, consider dating again. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 She's been married this whole time? I'm sorry to say, but I don't see her leaving her partner/husband for you. Her telling you she now wants space from you is your hint that she is working on her marriage. This was an affair but it's not going to turn into more. It's time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 2, 2021 Share Posted April 2, 2021 (edited) She's not going to leave...not because of her husband, because of her kids. She doesn't want to breakup her family but she knows you want her to so she can be with you. That's why she is pushing you away. She is not going to sacrifice destroying her kids lives over some guy she's having an affair with... you get that?? She's going to make it work with her husband. She doesn't belong to you. It's over. Eventually the spouses are going to find out. If I were you I would be working on figuring out what you are going to do about it in preparation when it does happen. Edited April 2, 2021 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 2, 2021 Share Posted April 2, 2021 (edited) Relationships really shouldn’t be this complicated. Edited April 2, 2021 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mikeshsh Posted April 2, 2021 Author Share Posted April 2, 2021 On 3/30/2021 at 10:49 PM, Av3ry said: I don't think she's going to leave her partner for you, because if I were her, the last thing I'd want from someone I claim to love and want to be with, is to give me space. It seems as if you both communicate with each other pretty well, so I don't know why she wouldn't make plans to leave and be with you. Sounds as if she's just stringing you along knowing that you love and care a lot about her. I mean, dude, you're doing all the things a father to the child should/would do, of course she'd be into you. I'm not judging. Relationships can be very complicated for some people. But my take it is you should pull yourself away from her unless she communicates that she's leaving. Even so, I don't know, sounds like it all started from a very messy ground. If I were in your situation, I'd take the time to be on my own, spend time with my children, be a better person all-around and then, consider dating again. Thank you for a genuine answer without attacking my knowledge. Appreciate the words of wisdom Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 3, 2021 Share Posted April 3, 2021 It's unlikely she'll leave her husband for you and I don't think she will be less insecure. She's projecting her own fears of what you will do her because of what you did to your kids' mother. I think it's best for you to move on, heal from these two relationships (one, living with your kids' mother for however long you've been together) and this other relationship. Give yourself time. Don't date for a good long while. Spend more time with your kids and with yourself figuring out what you want in a relationship before dating again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mikeshsh Posted April 3, 2021 Author Share Posted April 3, 2021 40 minutes ago, glows said: It's unlikely she'll leave her husband for you and I don't think she will be less insecure. She's projecting her own fears of what you will do her because of what you did to your kids' mother. I think it's best for you to move on, heal from these two relationships (one, living with your kids' mother for however long you've been together) and this other relationship. Give yourself time. Don't date for a good long while. Spend more time with your kids and with yourself figuring out what you want in a relationship before dating again. Thank you glows. I appreciate the great words I feel this was the best answer yet and it's totally understandable through her eyes. Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 3, 2021 Share Posted April 3, 2021 1 hour ago, Mikeshsh said: Thank you glows. I appreciate the great words I feel this was the best answer yet and it's totally understandable through her eyes. Cheers I know you do not want judgment so I am not judging her or you. Since it didn't start out on the most honest terms, the only reasonable explanation for all that worry and feeling overwhelmed is insecurity and jealousy. It won't go away. That was the nature of starting off this way, hiding your relationship from others. I do wonder if she would feel guilty if you cheated on a new partner (because the set up is different from you and your kids' mother). You don't want judgment but I have to say it just doesn't sound or look good from all sides and too many issues. Stay sane, walk away, heal. Link to post Share on other sites
lovebooks Posted April 3, 2021 Share Posted April 3, 2021 No, no, no..............................! Get therapy for everybody. Open relationships give me the creeps. Relationships aren't meant to be open. Link to post Share on other sites
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