ThereSheGoes Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 Hi guys! Hope you guys have been doing well. It's been a minute, but I have an incident I want to share. So, I met this guy last summer on Bumble. We talked, but essentially, we were just looking for different things. And due to the Pandemic, neither one of us was going out, so we were just talking. Mostly at 2 a.m., usually about deep issues we had. We didn't talk all the time, but we did develop a friendship. Whenever I called or text, he would instantly respond and would stay on the line with me for hours. I finally met up with him in January, as platonic friends. I met him at his place, had dinner, it was fine. No touching. Very PG and I liked it. A month later, I went back over for dinner. We mildly cuddled, but he barely touched me (kept one hand on my ribs the whole time, and the other in his lap). Other than the light cuddling, it was the only time we touched, outside of hello/goodbye side-hugs. No kissing. A month later, I go back over. This time, I was curious if he liked me. So I wore a sundress that was lady like, but knew it allowed some showcase of a particular body part that I know he enjoys about a woman. I wanted to see if he was attracted to me. It worked. He touched me, we flirted with some sexuality, but never did anything more than some light groping. No kissing. I went over yesterday to study, this would be the 4th time I saw him. I needed to study and I wanted a break from my room. All of the libraries are still unfortunately closed. I bought pizza and wings with me, and I studied on his living room floor for 3 hours. Then I crawled on to the sofa and we cuddled. Again, light petting, but no making out. His hand was literally just lightly squeezing my boob. So I get up to leave, and notice he has a raging HARD ON. I tried to ignore it, but he is not a small man in that department, so it was very very very VERY hard to miss. I get home, and I text him a series of questions; the gist of that conversation got summarized in to: -He wanted a BJ -He did not want to kiss me -He's not in to hand-holding -He's not attracted to me romantically -He likes me just as a friend -Would have been fine with just sucking my boobs and getting that BJ. I thanked him for his honesty, he said you're welcome, I sent him a heart emojie. And then blocked and deleted him. So....I feel really proud of myself. I don't feel like I lost anything. I don't feel like time was wasted. I wasn't going to sleep with him until I was sure he was down for me. I feel....pretty good, actually. My whole hang up, is: How is someone you're not attracted to, suitable enough for you to engage in a sexual act with? Doesn't make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 Not everybody needs the emotional to partake in the physical aspects of sex. Why did you send him a heart emoji before blocking & deleting him? Seems like a mixed message to me. Your communication could use some polish in the clarity department. (Being clear will help with your exams too). Otherwise, good for you for enforcing your own boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThereSheGoes Posted March 31, 2021 Author Share Posted March 31, 2021 2 hours ago, d0nnivain said: Not everybody needs the emotional to partake in the physical aspects of sex. Why did you send him a heart emoji before blocking & deleting him? Seems like a mixed message to me. Your communication could use some polish in the clarity department. (Being clear will help with your exams too). Otherwise, good for you for enforcing your own boundaries. Well, not so much in love or anything, but at least ATTRACTED. Like physically attracted, at least. And that was my way of hearting his comment, I have a android. Lol. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 I'm still not following. You liked the comment that he's not romantically attracted to you? I would think that would be disappointing at least. By your reaction, it also seems like you were upset by the lack of romance even though he was aroused. That doesn't merit a heart, which means love. Again sending the heart emoji then blocking him seems at odds to me. Link to post Share on other sites
primer Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 Be glad he was honest with you. Not everybody has the same values as you. Some don't care if there is romantic attraction or not - they just want sex. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 2 hours ago, d0nnivain said: Why did you send him a heart emoji before blocking & deleting him? Because they don't have a middle finger emoji☝ 4 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, d0nnivain said: I'm still not following. You liked the comment that he's not romantically attracted to you? Agree, not to mention these two gems: -He wanted a BJ -Would have been fine with just sucking my boobs and getting that BJ. And for those, you sent a heart emoji? Under the circumstances, those comments were insulting and debasing. They deserved an ignore or as Wise said, a middle finger emoji. Edited March 31, 2021 by poppyfields 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sun Seeker Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 The standards for a guy to have sex with a woman are a lot lower than the standard to be in a relationship with them. We can very happily get our physical releases from someone that we have no intention whatsoever of dating. He was not attracted enough to you to want anything serious, but was attracted enough that he would do sexual stuff. It's pretty normal. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThereSheGoes Posted March 31, 2021 Author Share Posted March 31, 2021 Well guys, I 'hearted' his comment because, like Primer said........he could have just lied to me. It would have been easier and he probably would have gotten what he wanted. But he had enough self respect to be honest with me, and I really appreciate that. From our long conversations he knew how much hell I've been through with the opposite sex, and he didn't want to be known as a bad guy in my eyes (This is me guessing). I can give him credit where credit is due and feel proud of myself for avoiding him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThereSheGoes Posted March 31, 2021 Author Share Posted March 31, 2021 14 minutes ago, Punterxx said: The standards for a guy to have sex with a woman are a lot lower than the standard to be in a relationship with them. We can very happily get our physical releases from someone that we have no intention whatsoever of dating. He was not attracted enough to you to want anything serious, but was attracted enough that he would do sexual stuff. It's pretty normal. I know men do that, but it still boggles my brain. I'm sorry, but I have to find you attractive to sleep with you or do anything physical. It doesn't have to always be physically attractive, but just......attractive in general. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sun Seeker Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 3 minutes ago, ThereSheGoes said: I know men do that, but it still boggles my brain. I'm sorry, but I have to find you attractive to sleep with you or do anything physical. It doesn't have to always be physically attractive, but just......attractive in general. That's because a man and woman think differently. In a lot of different things, but especially when it comes to sex. I've had sex with women I have had no attraction to whatsoever, physically or mentally, and would never date them, but because they wanted to and well... we both satisfied our physical needs. Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted April 1, 2021 Share Posted April 1, 2021 14 minutes ago, ThereSheGoes said: I know men do that, but it still boggles my brain. I'm sorry, but I have to find you attractive to sleep with you or do anything physical. It doesn't have to always be physically attractive, but just......attractive in general. It's kind of like how I'm attractive enough to plenty of women to buy them dinner or dance with them, but not attractive enough to be welcomed into their bedrooms. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted April 1, 2021 Share Posted April 1, 2021 I think you handled that very well 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 2, 2021 Share Posted April 2, 2021 (edited) On 3/31/2021 at 11:44 AM, ThereSheGoes said: My whole hang up, is: How is someone you're not attracted to, suitable enough for you to engage in a sexual act with? Doesn't make sense? It's easy. People have needs, physical/sexual needs (whatever we prefer to call it). It's not gender-specific and seen in men and women. What I have issue with is the gray area where individuals aren't too clear about what they're looking for, pretending to date in an effort to get to know someone but aren't completely honest that they're in it just for sex. I agree with the above. You handled it well. Edited April 2, 2021 by glows 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 7, 2021 Share Posted April 7, 2021 It's good that he was honest with you, rather than lying through his teeth to get you into bed and then avoiding you. It sounds like he would have done the bare minimum to get some sexual pleasure but didn't see it as a romantic relationship. There is no problem with you; he is just not interested in a relationship. He sounds pretty laid back and maybe even lazy as you are the one who has gone over to see him each time. I think maybe you need a different type of guy for love and romance. Link to post Share on other sites
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