Coffee shop guy and me?

[Gaeta]

16 minutes ago, IrisZion said:

 What if I give him and it becomes a kind of gossip within his workplace etc?

So? It's all fun. 

I got flowers  & chocolate delivered to my office by supplier once, I had no clue he fancied me. I was teased for weeks and it was FUN! I took the flowers and chocolate and declined the date invitation. He didn't die from it and I still was able to negotiate a great contract with him. 

[IrisZion]

13 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

You are way ahead of yourself here. You are ONE month out of a 4 year relationship right?

Have fun !! go out with a hot guy, let him make you feel sexy again, and forget about deep conversations! You are young, have fun!!

Yeah I guess you are right 

[poppyfields]

Iris, I have another story about a Greek man I met on the boat from Athens to Crete.  He could not speak a word of English, like not one word!  But somehow we "communicated," I remember he did card tricks for me!  lol

Despite him not speaking English, we had this energy/vibe thing going on and we ended up having a lot of fun.

So I agree with Gaeta, don't worry about having deep conversations or even talking that much at all!  Just do the best you can.

Enjoy the vibe, the energy.  Play it out, it might be a great experience for you.  

Edited April 7, 2021 by poppyfields

[IrisZion]

12 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Iris, I have another story about a Greek man I met on the boat from Athens to Crete.  He could not speak a word of English, like not one word!  But somehow we "communicated," I remember he did card tricks for me!  lol

Despite him not speaking English, we had this energy/vibe thing going on and we ended up having a lot of fun.

So I agree with Gaeta, don't worry about having deep conversations or even talking that much at all!  Just do the best you can.

Enjoy the vibe, the energy.  Play it out, it might be a great experience for you.  

I see!! Yes I ll let it flow naturally regardless.  I feel better definitely so letting this play out.

[prince0fgame]

14 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Iris, I have another story about a Greek man I met on the boat from Athens to Crete.  He could not speak a word of English, like not one word!  But somehow we "communicated," I remember he did card tricks for me!  lol

Despite him not speaking English, we had this energy/vibe thing going on and we ended up having a lot of fun.

So I agree with Gaeta, don't worry about having deep conversations or even talking that much at all!  Just do the best you can.

Enjoy the vibe, the energy.  Play it out, it might be a great experience for you.  

im just quoting this because i can go all night

[IrisZion]

I met him again and it was the pretty much the same situation. Normal greetings exchange and he did the usual, serving customers , cleaning the glass panes etc. 

Then when he was giving me the hot drink, he held on to the cup and our hands touched. I'm fairly certain he did this intentionally as he was handing out the cups and leaving them on the counter. For me, he was at the end of the lane and held the cup until I took it from his hands. He's done it before as well.

He wished me again. I did the same. 

I ll keep a watch on if he continues to hold my cup but I'm kinda getting a feeling he wants to get laid 😆 He looks fairly young too like I think he's between 22-25 

Edited April 8, 2021 by IrisZion

[Alpacalia]

The male equivalent to this is like men trying to date the female bartender.

Enjoy the harmless flirtation but be mindful that this is his place of employment.

[IrisZion]

5 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

The male equivalent to this is like men trying to date the female bartender.

Enjoy the harmless flirtation but be mindful that this is his place of employment.

I dont do much. Or if anything at all. He's the one whose being doing all this the whole time.

[SaraSays]

I think you should just enjoy it, and not analyse every moment, seeking significance. You're focused so much on his every move, it feels like your mood may crash when he, inevitably, has a bad day, and doesn't do something you perceive to be positive pertaining to you. If it's just playful flirting, and comes to nothing, isn't that also something light and lovely to enjoy for a few moments?

It will naturally grow into something by itself, so long as you both remain chatty, light-hearted and friendly, I think.

I have playful relationships with people I regularly see at the shops, people with whom there's nothing more beyond. They brighten-up any day I see them for a few min's, and that's charming to me.

Someone just sang a little to me outside of his cafe, then chatted away, as he ground coffee beans. He prepared a big takeaway coffee, which he then handed me for free, and said enjoy the sunshine. I thought that was marvellous, and so endearing, just that small expression of joie de vivre.

I would also encourage you to seize the golden linguistic opportunity in front of you. I think you may have overlooked something important, which is easy to underestimate. Sharing the world in the truest sense, should involve a will on all sides to learn the languages of the others, I think. Next time he (or anyone else) says something you don't yet understand, you could ask hin to write it down, and enjoy spending some time by yourself learning what it means.

Then start the next conversation with what you did, and what you learnt. Languages are a beautiful thing to share, because they teach us so much about history, geography, science, thinking, understanding, communication... Languages are as enriching to a person's life as colours, I would say.

[Wiseman2]

57 minutes ago, SaraSays said:

I think you should just enjoy it, and not analyse every moment, seeking significance. 

Agree. Especially since your very recent breakup and particularly since he "reminds you of your ex",  just enjoy the attention. It's not a date no less a romance, but if a bit of male attention feels good right now that's fine.

[IrisZion]

3 hours ago, SaraSays said:

I think you should just enjoy it, and not analyse every moment, seeking significance. You're focused so much on his every move, it feels like your mood may crash when he, inevitably, has a bad day, and doesn't do something you perceive to be positive pertaining to you. If it's just playful flirting, and comes to nothing, isn't that also something light and lovely to enjoy for a few moments?

It will naturally grow into something by itself, so long as you both remain chatty, light-hearted and friendly, I think.

I have playful relationships with people I regularly see at the shops, people with whom there's nothing more beyond. They brighten-up any day I see them for a few min's, and that's charming to me.

Someone just sang a little to me outside of his cafe, then chatted away, as he ground coffee beans. He prepared a big takeaway coffee, which he then handed me for free, and said enjoy the sunshine. I thought that was marvellous, and so endearing, just that small expression of joie de vivre.

I would also encourage you to seize the golden linguistic opportunity in front of you. I think you may have overlooked something important, which is easy to underestimate. Sharing the world in the truest sense, should involve a will on all sides to learn the languages of the others, I think. Next time he (or anyone else) says something you don't yet understand, you could ask hin to write it down, and enjoy spending some time by yourself learning what it means.

Then start the next conversation with what you did, and what you learnt. Languages are a beautiful thing to share, because they teach us so much about history, geography, science, thinking, understanding, communication... Languages are as enriching to a person's life as colours, I would say.

I agree. After a long time I feel better . I'm just keeping myself in tune in case he asks something or says something. I don't want to be unprepared so that's why asking.

Edited April 8, 2021 by IrisZion

[IrisZion]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. Especially since your very recent breakup and particularly since he "reminds you of your ex",  just enjoy the attention. It's not a date no less a romance, but if a bit of male attention feels good right now that's fine.

Totally agree with you on this.

[IrisZion]

OK so sad update 

I think the dude left or his liking was on surface level lol. Or he has a holiday or something to do.

I met him on Sunday. He had afternoon shift. And I usually don't go in the afternoons (sometimes I do but not always) and this guy was there. He saw me paying and did the usual 3 sec staring thing. Then while I was waiting, he came over and asked what I was waiting for. I told him and he went over to make juice. There were just 2 people, one barista girl, him who was assigned to make juice/smoothies and 2 cashiers on the till. He looked quite stressed tbh as lot of people were waiting and just 4 people were there with him and the barista girl in charge of the coffee's and juices.

Anyway he gave me the drink after a while and like usual we greeted each other. I saw him on Monday too early, he was getting deliveries in the shop. We smiled and said hello. 

That was it. I haven't seen him since. And I think he probably left. 

[Gaeta]

People don't stay in these jobs forever, it's often transition jobs. Maybe next time you'll hesitate less to give your phone number?

[IrisZion]

13 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

People don't stay in these jobs forever, it's often transition jobs. Maybe next time you'll hesitate less to give your phone number?

But he never really acted like he wanted my number? Also we were never really able to interact that much as the shop was always busy. He could easily say something obvious that showed he was interested.

 

also if he truly wanted to be with me, at least he would let me know??? He didn't. If he has indeed left, he would at least say that on Sunday. He greeted me normally but didn't say anything else.

I tried searching him on FB/IG too but no avail.

Edited April 15, 2021 by IrisZion

[Gaeta]

I think he sent you a huge indication he liked you when he said you had beautiful eyes and he blow you a kiss. After that it was YOUR turn to show a clear interest by giving him your number, especially it could have been fatal for him to give out his number to a customer during work hours.. 

[IrisZion]

11 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I think he sent you a huge indication he liked you when he said you had beautiful eyes and he blow you a kiss. After that it was YOUR turn to show a clear interest by giving him your number, especially it could have been fatal for him to give out his number to a customer during work hours.. 

No not really. As he blows kisses to another customer he knows. I ve seen him talk to her and when she left he did the same to her too. He was saying to her he's half Spanish and Spanish and Italians do this a lot ( true as my Italian female friend always does this)  So apart from staring and starting a general chat, he didn't do much.

Edited April 15, 2021 by IrisZion

[Gaeta]

9 minutes ago, IrisZion said:

No not really. As he blows kisses to another customer he knows. 

Ok, I missed that part. 

Maybe he's not definitely gone. He may have had covid symtoms and he has to quarantine, endless reasons why he's not at work. 

Edited April 15, 2021 by Gaeta

[IrisZion]

12 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Ok, I missed that part. 

Maybe he's not definitely gone. He may have had covid symtoms and he has to quarantine, endless reasons why he's not at work. 

Yeah maybe. Hoping he isn't gone as I would love to add him on fb/ig. I would send him a friend request myself but can't find him. I just know his first name which is Ivan.

[poppyfields]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I think he sent you a huge indication he liked you when he said you had beautiful eyes and he blow you a kiss. 

Gaeta, come on now, you should know better. lol 😉

Guy is a flirt, a tease, he probably says and does the same thing with all the pretty ladies.

The only true IOI is asking for her number, calling/texting and asking her out on a date.

OP, my advice is take stuff like this with a pinch of salt.  Seriously.

I encounter men like this, I smile, it's flattering, but I certainly do NOT take it seriously.

 

Edited April 15, 2021 by poppyfields

[IrisZion]

11 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Gaeta, come on now, you should know better. lol 😉

Guy is a flirt, a tease, he probably says and does the same thing with all the pretty ladies.

The only true IOI is asking for her number, calling/texting and asking her out on a date.

OP, my advice is take stuff like this with a pinch of salt.  Seriously.

I encounter men like this, I smile, it's flattering, but I certainly do NOT take it seriously.

 

Totally agree. Also if he knew he would leave and genuinely wanted to ask me out, he would let me know somehow. He didn't. I saw a new girl today so pretty sure he quit. Maybe he's on a holiday but usually that was not the case as he worked 4 days a week. If Monday was his last day of work, he was talking to me on Sunday so could easily say it.

I'm quite sad he left as I did like seeing him and speaking to him, and it did help me feel better but the irony that he also disappeared.

Edited April 16, 2021 by IrisZion

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, IrisZion said:

 the irony that he also disappeared.

Sorry to hear that.  "Also disappeared"? Did your exbf, who looked like him, disappear?

He never wanted to ask you out, so no harm, no foul.

Perhaps this will set you free to find more viable dating situations on campus or on apps.

[IrisZion]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry to hear that.  "Also disappeared"? Did your exbf, who looked like him, disappear?

He never wanted to ask you out, so no harm, no foul.

Perhaps this will set you free to find more viable dating situations on campus or on apps.

No we had issues which he wasn't willing to sort out so we broke up

Yeah I guess the language barrier was the main issue he didn't pursue as he barely spoke English. Apart from the usual things, he wasn't really able to express himself.

Edited April 16, 2021 by IrisZion

[SaraSays]

16 minutes ago, IrisZion said:

No we had issues which he wasn't willing to sort out so we broke up

Yeah I guess the language barrier was the main issue he didn't pursue as he barely spoke English. Apart from the usual things, he wasn't really able to express himself.

This feels a bit mean-spirited, mindful he's a stranger who wasn't unkind to you. You didn't speak Spanish - don't forget the other perspective, which is what did you contribute, or not contribute.

[IrisZion]

6 minutes ago, SaraSays said:

This feels a bit mean-spirited, mindful he's a stranger who wasn't unkind to you. You didn't speak Spanish - don't forget the other perspective, which is what did you contribute, or not contribute.

I'm sorry if I came across as mean but I didn't really mean to!!! 😭

He was indeed really kind to me and in all honesty, seeing him made my day as I have been suffering from depression and have been unhappy since my ex left. He was really sweet but he tried to explain himself how bad the situation outside was (corona) and wasn't able to. I obviously didn't mind that because I actually found his accent quite cute. 

I was willing to date him as well but he just suddenly stopped coming to work and didn't tell me. I wish he would have said he ll be leaving the job etc and I would have asked for his socials or number.

Edited April 16, 2021 by IrisZion