NoMoreFool Posted April 2, 2021 Share Posted April 2, 2021 (edited) I just need to dive right in, or I'll get side-tracked and question if I should be even asking this. It's been years of slowly shutting me out whenever I try to bring up even the most glaringly destructive problems. Somehow it's my responsibility when we don't have money for food, when it turns out he had taken loans out behind my back and was siphoning 90% of our money to paying those. The name calling is routine to him. Doesn't matter how childish it is, it's his go-to. Whenever the going gets rough, he lashes out and shuts down. He tells me that I and my whole family have mental issues. We don't. It's how his brain is programmed: don't use any intellect or kindness, because that's for everyone else to have. He feels he's an exception to the rule of behaving like a decent person. He projects alllllllllllll of his problems onto me and screams at me. He has the nerve to threaten me when I don't want to have sex with looking for it elsewhere. Have I mentioned the name-calling? Have I mentioned that I'm always met with a resounding "I don't care," whenever I tell him how much this is tearing us apart? I don't even know what I'm looking for but this has to stop. I have kids and I don't know what to do. Any money I stupidly move to the joint account goes up in smoke on frivolous, worthless things that only he gets any fun or use out of. He has zero qualms screaming and berating me in front of his children. In his head, he feels justified in behaving like this, although I don't know how he twists his brain to see it that way. I don't know where to go from here. He is vengeful and small and will resort to the most below the belt behavior possible at almost any chance and that's not someone I can stomach living with anymore. Sorry this has turned into more of a laundry list of reasons I should definitely leave, but I need to get it out and be able to see it on "paper." I don't know what to do or where to go from here as a divorce will be costly, devastating to our children, and all the other fears that I assume are normal at this stage of an ending marriage. Edited April 15, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 3, 2021 Share Posted April 3, 2021 I'd see a lawyer and get a good understanding of what's to be expected in a divorce. It sounds like verbal/emotional abuse with the namecalling and belittling. A lawyer will also guide you on what to do with the finances. Take care of yourself. Some of us have been where you are. Life does go on after separation/divorce. Despite the pain, fear, terror, agonizing sadness, it does go on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keridan Posted April 3, 2021 Share Posted April 3, 2021 Have you even discussed divorce with him? Depending where you live, it is much much cheaper if you can agree how to split things including custody without lawyers. Like literally 1% of the cost. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 3, 2021 Share Posted April 3, 2021 The mental costs to you staying are far greater than any money you will spend divorcing this person who screams at you. Your children will be fine. Better they should deal with the divorce then be taught that the screaming, the blaming, the lack of financial responsibility, the name calling or the infidelity are OK. It does not appear your husband like or respects you. I don't see the point in sticking around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 3, 2021 Share Posted April 3, 2021 (edited) Check your credit score. Get a free consultation from an attorney. Enlist the help of friends and family. Take your child and move to trusted friends or family until you get on your feet and get a place. Does he have drug, gambling or other problems? Where's all this money going? You need to check all your accounts. It's critical that you get legally divorced. Not because of your emotions but because as a married couple you're liable for all his financial abuses. Edited April 3, 2021 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted April 14, 2021 Share Posted April 14, 2021 The first order of business is to get your own bank account(s). Do you work? If so, change your direct deposit to your own account. Do not leave the marital home. Consult with an attorney about your situation. I'm not sure the ages of your kids. I stayed until my youngest was 18 which was a big mistake. Years of hearing their father scream and yell at me and the general disrespect we had for one another in our 32-year marriage took a toll on our daughters. We showed them how to have a dysfunctional relationship and, unfortunately, all three of them now have plenty of experience in dysfunctional relationships. Your kids will be resilient, especially the younger they are, the better they will do. Link to post Share on other sites
Harry Korsnes Posted April 15, 2021 Share Posted April 15, 2021 Wow! Sorry for the way your life is. I think you would benefit with therapy. At lesast to set your mind at eas. Link to post Share on other sites
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