do unattractive guys struggle with unrequited love much more?

[DrasticMeasurements]

Unrequited love is when you have feelings for somebody but they don’t feel the same. While personality is important in MAINTAINING relationships. Good looks play a role in developing relationships. It’s very common for guys who are not good looking to have feelings for a very pretty woman, only to get crushed when she doesn’t like him back.

 

I’m sure a good looking guy would have better chances of her returning the love favor. 
 

Thoughts?

[glows]

If he's both unattractive and shallow, that's not a very winning combo.

[Weezy1973]

28 minutes ago, DrasticMeasurements said:

It’s very common for guys who are not good looking to have feelings for a very pretty woman, only to get crushed when she doesn’t like him back.

Generally people are the most attracted to people that are somewhat “out of their league”. But most people learn that it’s not really an option. Those that don’t learn the lesson, continue on with their lonely existence indefinitely. This is mostly a problem with young people.

[chillii]

Known or met plenty of not so good looking guys over the yrs been happily married for yrs sometimes to stunning women , others on a par and everything under or over if it's just looks you talking about.

But of course plenty of not so good looking women too , or men , will have a thing for someone that just isn't gonna bite back too. But believe me , that can happen to anyone , not only this or that.

Edited April 3, 2021 by chillii

[Fletch Lives]

In most cases, guys can workout to become more attractive.

[Foxhall]

Perhaps one could describe "unattractiveness" as a state of mind. I had a few of those unrequited loves going back over the years and yes it would lead me to think that I was ugly,

then after getting more positive encounters with women, I realise Im not that ugly in-reality,

If she likes you well enough to communicate with you, your on the right track

[Miss Spider]

Xxxxx

Edited April 4, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Wiseman2]

Everyone has a crush that is not reciprocated. Everyone has had disappointments in love. Has nothing to do with your looks. That's just self-pity.

[dramafreezone]

On 4/2/2021 at 8:37 PM, DrasticMeasurements said:

Unrequited love is when you have feelings for somebody but they don’t feel the same. While personality is important in MAINTAINING relationships. Good looks play a role in developing relationships. It’s very common for guys who are not good looking to have feelings for a very pretty woman, only to get crushed when she doesn’t like him back.

 

I’m sure a good looking guy would have better chances of her returning the love favor. 
 

Thoughts?

Good looks do nothing to develop a relationship.  I was talking to someone about this in another thread.  Looks get you in the door, but that's it.  Looks get you an interview.

Most every man is attracted to a beautiful woman, but that's not love.  That's infatuation.  You can't really love someone if you've not established a relationship, IMO.

Yes, good looking guys get more opportunities.  Such is life.  Good looking women get hit on more.  This is not new information.

There are plenty of men that I would call unattractive that do quite well with women.  Is Jay-Z attractive?  Steven Tyler in his younger days?  I don't think so.  You can make up for a lack of physical attractiveness with status, and a ton of women value status.  I dare say it's more important than looks.

Edited April 5, 2021 by dramafreezone

[ZA Dater]

On 4/4/2021 at 1:14 AM, Foxhall said:

Perhaps one could describe "unattractiveness" as a state of mind. I had a few of those unrequited loves going back over the years and yes it would lead me to think that I was ugly,

then after getting more positive encounters with women, I realise Im not that ugly in-reality,

If she likes you well enough to communicate with you, your on the right track

The key here is positive encounters...I do think less attractive guys struggle more purely because they have less success overall so get hit harder by this. 

If you sit down, think about this topic the reality is yea physical looks help perhaps more than any other attribute.

[Weezy1973]

7 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

 

If you sit down, think about this topic the reality is yea physical looks help perhaps more than any other attribute.

If that were true only good looking people would be in relationships/ married. Which clearly isn’t the case.

[ZA Dater]

2 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

If that were true only good looking people would be in relationships/ married. Which clearly isn’t the case.

Assumes all of those people find their partner physically attractive.

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

Assumes all of those people find their partner physically attractive.

Not all of course, as people marry for all sorts of reasons. But certainly most. 

[Radio]

People that say "looks just get you in the door" don't even realize that that is precisely why men who don't meet the looks requirement struggle to begin with. If you can't even get in the door, then who cares about the rest?

[SumGuy]

On 4/2/2021 at 11:37 PM, DrasticMeasurements said:

Unrequited love is when you have feelings for somebody but they don’t feel the same. While personality is important in MAINTAINING relationships. Good looks play a role in developing relationships. It’s very common for guys who are not good looking to have feelings for a very pretty woman, only to get crushed when she doesn’t like him back.

I’m sure a good looking guy would have better chances of her returning the love favor. 

Thoughts?

Thought is you are thinking about it all wrong.   

First, if there is no relationship it is not so much unrequited love but unrequited lust. 

Second you are wrong that personality has no role in initial attraction it has every role, legion are the women who thought a guy looked good and then he opened his mouth.  

Third, from your phrasing it appears you completely misunderstand the role of looks, "good looks" is so subjective as to be near meaningless, each woman has a different look she likes and if you speak with enough women you'd likely be very surprised how broad that is.  I may be reading "good looks" too narrowly, if you mean by bad looks grossly out of shape, bad hygiene and the like yah, that is a problem for many.

Fourth, if one is getting crushed from unrequited lust, that bespeaks insecurity, and insecurity shows, and insecurity is often unattractive.  Being shy and reserved is not necessarily insecurity of the unattractive kind.   Being brash, cocky and obnoxious (essentially) is not being secure... and is also unattractive to many.

I'm sure a guy with the look she likes has a better chance of getting her attention by looks alone, but keeping it or having it returned...depends on what comes out of his mouth.

The guy who has looks that are OK but maybe not good in her eyes, yet can really impress her with his personality has the best chance of having it returned.  

Edited April 7, 2021 by SumGuy

[ZA Dater]

3 hours ago, SumGuy said:

Thought is you are thinking about it all wrong.   

First, if there is no relationship it is not so much unrequited love but unrequited lust. 

Second you are wrong that personality has no role in initial attraction it has every role, legion are the women who thought a guy looked good and then he opened his mouth.  

Third, from your phrasing it appears you completely misunderstand the role of looks, "good looks" is so subjective as to be near meaningless, each woman has a different look she likes and if you speak with enough women you'd likely be very surprised how broad that is.  I may be reading "good looks" too narrowly, if you mean by bad looks grossly out of shape, bad hygiene and the like yah, that is a problem for many.

Fourth, if one is getting crushed from unrequited lust, that bespeaks insecurity, and insecurity shows, and insecurity is often unattractive.  Being shy and reserved is not necessarily insecurity of the unattractive kind.   Being brash, cocky and obnoxious (essentially) is not being secure... and is also unattractive to many.

I'm sure a guy with the look she likes has a better chance of getting her attention by looks alone, but keeping it or having it returned...depends on what comes out of his mouth.

The guy who has looks that are OK but maybe not good in her eyes, yet can really impress her with his personality has the best chance of having it returned.  

I'd love to live for a moment in that world.

Otherwise I agree with everything but again personality might not matter too much if other things are good and deemed attractive.

[dramafreezone]

Additionally, the allure of physical attraction only lasts for so long.  It gets you an interview, and an issue is a lot of very attractive people don't develop the substance to go along with the sizzle, so frequently they're not good relationship types.

[Weezy1973]

19 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Additionally, the allure of physical attraction only lasts for so long.  It gets you an interview, and an issue is a lot of very attractive people don't develop the substance to go along with the sizzle, so frequently they're not good relationship types.

Again, it’s the matching phenomenon. Women and men match in terms of attractiveness in relationships. It’s really all that you need to know. If one is consistently experiencing unrequited love or lust, then the most likely reason is that they are only attracted to people more attractive than themselves. Men and women all along the looks spectrum find love.

[ZA Dater]

4 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Again, it’s the matching phenomenon. Women and men match in terms of attractiveness in relationships. It’s really all that you need to know. If one is consistently experiencing unrequited love or lust, then the most likely reason is that they are only attracted to people more attractive than themselves. Men and women all along the looks spectrum find love.

I am not sure about that to be honest because there are LOTS of very lonely people in the world, lots of people die alone, many never find love at all. Fundamentally I do not think any of know why we find certain people physically attractive and others not. 

The problem is as some have eluded to, looks get you the interview and you need to them be able to do something, well in theory anyway, I know lots of people who are very inferior to less attractive people in the interview part but looks, status and wealth are enough to get them through. 

it would seem to me that if you do not have one you cannot compensate with the other UNLESS it is status and material linked then you can indeed make up for whatever you lack in attraction of emotional aptitude.

[dramafreezone]

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

Again, it’s the matching phenomenon. Women and men match in terms of attractiveness in relationships. It’s really all that you need to know. If one is consistently experiencing unrequited love or lust, then the most likely reason is that they are only attracted to people more attractive than themselves. Men and women all along the looks spectrum find love.

I would say that if someone is constantly in a situation to where they experience unrequited love frequently, then they havent done a great deal to develop those other factors that can help make up for not being a hunk, such as status, confidence, wealth.  Everything is a trade off and if you have a shortcoming you gotta make it up somewhere.

[Weezy1973]

2 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

I would say that if someone is constantly in a situation to where they experience unrequited love frequently, then they havent done a great deal to develop those other factors that can help make up for not being a hunk, such as status, confidence, wealth.  Everything is a trade off and if you have a shortcoming you gotta make it up somewhere.

Sure but there are of course people to at can’t. I mean they might not have the capacity. People on the autism spectrum, or low IQ etc. The world is a bell curve so some people are on the low tail of the bell curve on multiple traits.

[basil67]

And of course, even status, confidence and wealth won't go far if the guy isn't a pleasure to hang out with.   

 

 

[Envy123]

11 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Again, it’s the matching phenomenon. Women and men match in terms of attractiveness in relationships. It’s really all that you need to know. If one is consistently experiencing unrequited love or lust, then the most likely reason is that they are only attracted to people more attractive than themselves. Men and women all along the looks spectrum find love.

I can't say, from my experience, looks correlate with my chances. I am obese and never had any luck with other obese women.

On the other hand, it's known in my circles that I am losing the weight, slowly but surely. And I don't think I'd be compatible with someone who stays at the same obese level or goes even higher. Too much scope for arguments and I might even slip back to old habits.

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, Envy123 said:

I can't say, from my experience, looks correlate with my chances. I am obese and never had any luck with other obese women.

Do you experience unrequited love often? 
 

Congrats on losing the weight!

[SumGuy]

20 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I'd love to live for a moment in that world.

Otherwise I agree with everything but again personality might not matter too much if other things are good and deemed attractive.

I will agree that the more physically attractive one is found to be the lower the bar on personality, but in my experience not much and only in the short term.  Annoying traits rationalized because of physical attraction come back and build over time if not addressed.   

Not a bad way to think of it, I'll admit there are worlds (social circles, etc.) where the majority of people (but not all) are all about looks, and money from what you describe.  In my experience it really is not hard to find the world of which I speak, of course if one still believes it is still all about looks and money/status and/or that is what is all one cares about, it will be hard to fit into the world of which I speak.

Have you read "The City and The City"  perhaps it is like that?