missing u

[HelloImJack]

After reading some of these posts I realize I may not have had it so bad. We weren't crazy about each other, but we did have several things in common. She was my complete opposite in other ways. She had an ongoing emotional affair with someone for months (before telling me) while we still courted, which I knew nothing about. Guess she liked him more. I didn't really do much to prevent her leaving our relationship. If she wants him, then that's what it is. I was just being myself, wasn't in the mood to do much more or try and be something I'm not. She is 17 years older than me but it's hard to tell as she's in better shape than most ladies my age. I do believe she appreciated the male attention from someone much younger though.

What bothered me though is how cold she was the final night we hung out. I came during a warm day, and at night it was near-record low temperatures in the upper midwest while I had summer clothes on in may. Our campfire ran out of wood (which I procured, as per usual). Instead of at least getting the sofa or a jacket to borrow she booted me. I shivered so bad I could barely shift or control my car for the first few miles on the way home. Texted her once after that for her bday and congratulating her for raising a decent son who had just graduated college. All she replied was 'we should go boating sometime' .. haven't spoken to her in five years. Sad pathetic story I know but I find myself repeating the thoughts over and over.

She never gave me any warning that I was too emotionally distant. Her kids told me they respected my emotional independence. gf said I was the first guy her kids connected with. Is being introverted and spending most of my free time alone really so bad? I'd like to meet a gal like that, not someone who wants to go out every weekend. Enough for now. Thanks anyone who actually read all this and replies would be cool. Even harsh stuff, I'm told I have some sturdy mental armor and an appreciation for constructive criticism. Carry on and have a good day

Edited April 3, 2021 by HelloImJack
wanted to include age difference, not sure if it's relevant

[basil67]

Hi Jack.  Given the age difference,  I suspect this was destined to never be more than a fling.   Yes, you might have shared some emotionally and physically intimate moments, but in her eyes, it was only ever a bit of fun.

Regarding you being under dressed really cold on the final night, why didn't you end the evening - or go somewhere warmer - when you started to get really cold?  Male or female, we're not supposed to suffer and hope that someone else takes care of us.  

 

[HelloImJack]

Thanks for the reply. It was customary to have a campfire at night, and it was quite warm there. I had no idea how chilly it was only a few feet away. That hurt my feelings more than the breakup. Like I say I still think about her, but she had me chronologically and I had her intellectually, and taught her far more than she taught me. I love to educate and expand horizons. Her kids were all bright too. It's done now.

I'm just so introverted and introspective it's difficult to meet people. Getting older doesn't help either. She's the first lady I ever went after and she's the first one who ever let me go. It was fairly mutual but it was one of my favorite relationships. I liked her life experiences and street smarts

It would be nice to find a site for shy introverts who prefer staying in and not going out all the time.

[Reels]

It would be difficult for you to like anyone else but at least you know now that you need to be more careful even if you are going to get nothing that would be ultimately bad.

[spiderowl]

She wasn't that wonderful, OP.  She said goodbye and then didn't even take care you make sure you were warm on the way home.

Being distant is a problem for some people.  Being an introvert is not a bad thing, it depends how introverted.  If you did not spend enough time with her, she probably just wanted someone who gave her more attention.  There is nothing wrong with that; you just weren't suited.

Maybe you would be better off looking out for someone who wants to lead a quieter life than her?  Dating is a learning experience.  You have learned some things you like and some things you don't.  You will have a better idea of what you need next time.  Just bear in mind that if you need your partner to have a more outgoing personality than you, then that outgoing personality is likely to need a more sociable lifestyle.  In other words, what you need and what they need might not always match.  This is where you look carefully at their needs to see if they fit with your own.

You have a good chance of meeting someone else more suited to you.  Don't give up because one relationship did not work out.