Issues with partner and parents! They hate eachother?

[Hannahhawks87]

Long story short, my boyfriend and parents hate eachother. It all came to ahead the other day when I was having a clear out from some of my daughters old clothes and she got upset. (My mum was on the phone at the time). My partner shouted at daugther to be quiet while I was on the phone and trying to get organised.

To be fair to my partner, my mother called him a paedophile at Christmas, saying he was getting too close to my daughter. And he hasn't been able to forgive her for that, but he has tried.

Anyway, my mum went on the phone with partner yesterday and they had a screaming match with eachother. My partner defended me by saying you can't use daugther as a weapon (as she has repeatedly said, she will call social services and that I'm giving her a bad up bringing) to be honest I don't think I do so bad, my bills are paid, food on the table, piano lesson, dancing & karate. I also make time for her by playing top trumps etc for at least an hour a day... I am well aware my partner isn't perfect, but my mum gave my the ultimatum of its either him or us. She then went on the say, she will be calling the solicitors and getting my name removed from the will, then blocked me! She has then unblocked me and said a few horrible things again. My parents have always been critical of what I do, as they call me fat and lazy on occasions. (I do work 35+hours aweek). I know they ain't perfect, but at the same time they are still my mum and dad! I love them and they are great grandparents. I feel as so I am stuck inbetween them both. (I have moaned about both partner to parents and parents about partner, its only natural). I just dont know where to go from here! I am really struggling. Any advice would be good. Thank you in advance.

[ShyViolet]

Your mother is acting toxic and abusive, and if I were you I would stop talking to her for a while.  I have a father who has acted abusive in the past and I have not spoken to him for 6 months at a time.  That's what you have to do.  I would not tolerate this.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Hannahhawks87 said:

Long story short, my boyfriend and parents hate eachother

My partner shouted at daugther 

How long have you been dating? Do you live together?  How is your co-parenting relationship with your child's father? Your BF should not be verbally abusing your child. Stop allowing that. Serious reconsider having this guy around her.

While your parents seem too controlling and you seem to complain too much about your BF to them and to them about your BF (That is called divisiveness and is very manipulative and betrays everyone involved), they are a bit toxic but that's not new is it? .

You have a lot of introspection to do. You are allowing this BF to emotionally abuse your child, you are deliberately pitting your parents and BF against each other. Why?

This BF seems like a jerk and you need to step back from your parents a bit and focus more on their being good grandparents and less on your household drama. If your parents do not treat your daughter well, do not allow them to babysit.

[d0nnivain]

Your mother sounds dreadful.  

Do get to the bottom of why mom accused the BF of being a pedophile.  If your daughter is in any danger, do everything to keep her safe. 

Then tell your mom that her screaming irrational behavior is too toxic & you will no longer tolerate it.  Let her write you out of the will.  Mortgaging your sanity for a few bucks is not worth it.  

Also stop complaining to your parents about your BF & to your BF about your parents.   If you need an outlet call a friend or get therapy.  

Edited April 5, 2021 by d0nnivain

[BaileyB]

Your mum clearly has her own issues with appropriate boundaries. 

But more importantly, I’m concerned that your partner yelled at your daughter and I’m wondering why your mum would make the allegation that he is getting too close to your daughter. That’s not usually something that someone will say casually. This is a HUGE red flag to me if there is any truth to this allegation. Are you aware that children are at a CONSIDERABLY higher risk of sexual abuse from the live in partner of their parent? Your primary responsibility here is to your daughter. You are focused on the conflict between your mum and your partner but in this story I see a vulnerable child. I also see a man who has difficulty controlling his temper and is living in the same home with a minor child that is not his own - two things that place your child at potential risk...

Not saying your partner is not a good guy. Just want you to be aware of the risk here. 

Edited April 5, 2021 by BaileyB