Lorianna Posted April 5, 2021 Share Posted April 5, 2021 Hi guys! My ex boyfriend broke up with me about two months ago. As i have posted in other threads his mother kept texting me. She texted me the first time acting like she didn't know about the breakup (which I think was acting because I bet she knew very well). Then 5 days later my ex boyfriend texted me that he saw a picture of us and he was sorry he couldn't repost it because it was a memory of us like many others and he hoped that I was doing fine. 5 days later his mother texted again, sending me a picture of two flowers and the caption "Don't be angry at me, I am yours, I love you" She texted me again today after 2-3 weeks. She asked me how was I doing and I answered politely as I have always done. She asked me when are you coming? Because I am studying abroad and I was supposed to go at my country this month but I changed plans because of the breakup and I am not going now. Maybe in 2-3 months. I said this to her except the reason why I am not going (breakup) At some point she told me "If you get annoyed of me texting you tell me, because you have a special place in my heart and we don't know what god has reserved for us. He knows" (For me it seemed all this time that she has texted me because she was hoping and trying for us to reconcile) (She also doesn't know that her son was kind of verbally abusive twords me, I mean he used to say stuff to me that you are not supposed to tell your girlfriend and I was crying all the time, and even though I miss him a lot, I don't want that life again in the future because I don't think he will ever change, furthermore he was very determined when he left me, so I don't think he would want us to be together again, at least I think so, maybe he changed his mind, because she said I don't think he is serious about the breakup) ( I also want to add that his mother liked me and loved me a lot, much more than the girls he dated before and people who knew us used to tell him all the time that he wouldn't find better, while my friends told me that I deserved more, that is why I think that his mother wouldn't want us to break up, she considered me her daughter) Let's get back to the topic. I replied: Thank you for your appreciation. I feel the same about you as well. Annoyed not at all, but we are not getting back together anymore, and now that I am thinking about it, it would be unfair for our future partners if we keep in touch, I guess (name of my ex) wouldn't like it either. (I added laughing emojis). Then I said: Beyond a joke because it would need some for me at least time until then (basically to have a new partner), but I think that each one of us should move on with our life and I don't think it is healthy for us to get stuck at the past. And she sent me really cold answers, and she never does that: Ok I understand you very well, I wish you the best I replied again politely: Some things don't work even though we try. Thank you for everything that you have done and for making me feel so good. I wish you the best with all my heart" She replied again cold: Take care (with heart emoji) She usually says to me also Hugs or kisses when we end the conversation but this time she didn't. I know reading it here doesn't seem like she got upset, but I could feel it because she never talks that way. It looked like she didn't expect my answer. I am feeling bad because it feels like I did something wrong and disappointed her, or maybe I wasn't polite enough. I don't know of she got upset because of me telling her somehow that it is not worthy talking anymore or because she lost hope that me and her son are not getting back together anymore. I felt bad because I will miss her too and it felt to me like I was colser to my ex when we talked even though she never mentioned him when she texted. I somehow didn't miss him when I talked to her and made me feel better and not in pain, probably because my heart still wants him back, but my mind tells me that I don't deserve him. I don't know if I said the right thing but even though I think that losing touch with her is the right thing to do, (maybe because even a friend of mine was telling me that talking to her wasn't normal anymore and not going to be healthy for me, I got more convinced than I was) even though somehow I didn't want it that much because I mentioned it previously so I don't how to feel. I have been thinking and crying about it all day Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 5, 2021 Share Posted April 5, 2021 Hi Lorianna, well done you for getting out of an abusive relationship with your ex. However you're overthinking the text exchange with his mother. Your text to her was perfect. And honestly, given that you'd just ended your relationship with her, her response to you was also perfect. Succinct without being rude. Anyway, that chapter has ended, so best of luck with moving forward. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted April 5, 2021 Share Posted April 5, 2021 Agree with basil. This is the best that could have happened under the circumstances. No drama, clean break, well wishes, and exiting a toxic relationship to boot so you can have a better future! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 5, 2021 Share Posted April 5, 2021 She might be disappointed, but you have to stop taking responsibility for other people's emotions. You were kind, respectful and maintaining your own boundary. You did the right thing. She's an adult, she will get over it. Frankly, I see her previous messages as rather invasive and inappropriate, given the delicate nature of a break-up, so you should not feel guilty drawing a line. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 5, 2021 Share Posted April 5, 2021 She wasn't rude to you. Change & separation hurt but you are correct. You can't maintain a friendship with your EX's mom. It's not a good healthy thing to do. You were both polite so let it go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 5, 2021 Share Posted April 5, 2021 (edited) Your text was fine, it was clear and kind. Unfortunately, you had to be more direct because she didn’t get the subtle message that you were saying goodbye in your previous text exchanges. This is about her, not about you. Try not to worry, she will be fine. She really needs to learn how to have a more appropriate boundary with her son’s girlfriend. Edited April 5, 2021 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorianna Posted April 5, 2021 Author Share Posted April 5, 2021 Hi! Thank you for your replies. Actually my ex boyfriend texted me today. He suggested me something about an account we opened. But it was weired. I was cold on my responses and at one point he said that I was talking like we had never talked before. Then after some messages I understood that he knew his mother was talking to me. Basically it looked like his mother was trying to make me get together with him and he wasn't mature enough to try that himself Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 5, 2021 Share Posted April 5, 2021 (edited) You've handled this very well. Both of them need to be muted or blocked on your phone going forward. It's inappropriate for them to keep contacting you, regardless of any reason. If you don't share children or coparent, please remove them from your contacts. They do not respect your privacy. Edited April 5, 2021 by glows 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts