usa1ah Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 1 hour ago, d0nnivain said: I never said it would be an easy path forward, @usa1ah I agree with you that the anniversary is now tainted. You all also assume she's lying. What if she's telling the truth? None of you want to believe that. You are all predisposed to assume she's lying, down playing & trickle-truthing. You may be right but if the OP wants to reconcile that is not super helpful. I genuinely believe the narrative I advanced: she went home with the guy intending to sleep with him but once she got there, the enormity of what she was about to do hit her like a ton of bricks & she backed off but she also realized that she was too drunk to drive home so the other guy being a nice person, walked around the property with her & talked about the animals. Where is everybody's faith in humanity? Is it so hard to believe that the guy wasn't a rapist or terrible person? Once he realized her dilemma & that sex wasn't happening he just let her vent? Of course he had been expecting sex but he was thereafter OK to let her talk & he didn't send an unsafe person out on the roads. I doubt that nothing happened but I do think a marriage can recover from a few kisses if both partners are willing to put it behind them. Remember the OP does not want a divorce so there is no need to repeatedly insist that is his only option. It's not our marriage. Because she lied in the past about hang out with a male friend telling OP it was a female friend. If she would lie about that, she would definitely lie about cheating on her anniversary. There is only a handful of men that would take a woman home from the bar at closing to show them there animals on the farm. In the middle of the night, you can’t see anything without flash lights. This guy only had one thing one his mind when she took him home, getting laid. There is no way in hell all he tried to do was give her a kiss. She might have refused that kiss after getting her brains screwed out because of the guilt. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 1 hour ago, d0nnivain said: No I wouldn't. What she did was troubling but I still see a path forward for them. This^^^ and guys, us woman have gone to a guy's house for a few after party drinks before and nothing ever happened. If it was the other way around and we were men at a woman's house, ya it would be a different story. You all are thinking like a man. But the final decision is up to the OP. He has some heavy thinking to do before he puts in a course of action. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 2 hours ago, usa1ah said: Why worry about fixing the relationship if she is cheating? If she is cheating, thee is no fixing the relationship unless she owns it and tells the truth. If she is cheating, it could be explain why there is distance in the relationship. OP needs his trust restored before any fixing can be done. What if she IS telling him the truth? She has absolutely no history of ever being that way and that shows, she has always had control of herself, and has boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 2 hours ago, BaileyB said: The anniversary was tainted when he told her that he was loosing attraction for her. I don’t know if she cheated or not, not saying what she did was right or wrong... but that comment, on my wedding anniversary, would break my heart. His wife will remember this anniversary as the night her husband told her he wasn’t attracted to her/didn’t love her the way he has previously loved her. I get that “that” wasn’t what he intended to say, but I can appreciate how that must have felt. There is a time and a place for everything. Wrong place, wrong time, to have that discussion... That isn’t what he said. He said he has lost some of his attraction to her but still found her attractive. That he wanted to get it back because he didn’t want to go into a rut. He didn’t say anything about not loving her. If OP didn’t love his wife he would of filed for divorce the next day. What OP did black out drunk is nothing compared to her going to a bar and picking up a complete stranger and taking him home. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: What if she IS telling him the truth? She has absolutely no history of ever being that way and that shows, she has always had control of herself, and has boundaries. Because she had already been caught in a lie about being out with a male friend earlier. She told OP she was with a female friend. Why lie about that if it was going on? She has proven she will lie if she knows OP would be upset or not ok with something. She went to a bar for validation. She starts drinking at the bar with a group of guys. She goes out of her way to take a complete stranger home. His friends already know where he lives and could have very easily taken him home. The only reason a guy is going to think a married woman is out and offering to take a man home is to hook up, unless she took her rings off. That would still boil down to hooking up. She took a complete stranger home, really. No one see this as a WTF? It is complete BS that he only made one move on her in the 2-3 hours that they were together. I don’t think this was a stranger, I think it was some guy she has been seeing on a regular basis. I don’t think a mom and wife would go home with a complete strange and spend hours with him. If all she wanted was validation, she didn’t have to take him home to get it. I am sure they gave her plenty of validation while they were all at the bar. Edited April 13, 2021 by usa1ah Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 2 hours ago, elaine567 said: One of his happiest???It was the day he chose to tell his wife the attraction was gone... Unless he is a sadist and loves being cruel to his wife then how could that day be one of his happiest? Again a misquote of what OP said. I was referring to their actual wedding day not the anniversary. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 (edited) 54 minutes ago, usa1ah said: That isn’t what he said. He said he has lost some of his attraction to her but still found her attractive. That he wanted to get it back because he didn’t want to go into a rut. He didn’t say anything about not loving her. I’m saying, when a man tells a woman on her anniversary that he feels like he has lost attraction for her this is potentially what she feels. It is what I would feel, it’s hard not to take that personally and begin to question the relationship. I understand that it’s not exactly what he meant, it is how it is perceived at that moment that is important... How would you feel if your wife suddenly told you that she felt she had lost attraction for you? It would hurt. It would probably make you question a lot of things. Edited April 13, 2021 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 13 minutes ago, BaileyB said: I’m saying, when a man tells a woman on her anniversary that he feels like he has lost attraction for her this is potentially what she feels. It is what I would feel, it’s hard not to take that personally and begin to question the relationship. I understand that it’s not exactly what he meant, it is how it is perceived at that moment that is important... How would you feel if your wife suddenly told you that she felt she had lost attraction for you? It would hurt. It would probably make you question a lot of things. Then let OP tell us how it made her feel. OP has owned up that he messed up by bringing it up at that time. He has also said his wife keeps apologizing for going to the OM’s house. It doesn’t matter how she felt. The fact remains she went to get validation from another man instead of working it out with OP. There are only OP’s wife and the men at the bar that know how far they all went to give her the validation she was after. Her story of walking around the farm looking at the animals for 2-3 hours at 2am to 4am is bull crap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 I am not tell OP to divorce his wife, that is his decision. I am just say he is right about not knowing the truth of what happened that night. It was at the very least a make out session to her being in the middle of a gang bang. The story she told OP is bull crap. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 Jkilne, i would pull the cellphone records from that night to see if your wife talked or texted anyone right before she got you home to when she got back home in the am. Then see if she ever had contact with that/those number before that night or after. Ask to see her phone and see if there are any text messages from that night and time period. Look through any and all messages, even those with female names on them. It you want proof of what might have happened, you’re going to have to dig for it. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 1 hour ago, usa1ah said: Because she had already been caught in a lie about being out with a male friend earlier. She told OP she was with a female friend. Why lie about that if it was going on? She has proven she will lie if she knows OP would be upset or not ok with something. She went to a bar for validation. She starts drinking at the bar with a group of guys. She goes out of her way to take a complete stranger home. His friends already know where he lives and could have very easily taken him home. The only reason a guy is going to think a married woman is out and offering to take a man home is to hook up, unless she took her rings off. That would still boil down to hooking up. She took a complete stranger home, really. No one see this as a WTF? It is complete BS that he only made one move on her in the 2-3 hours that they were together. I don’t think this was a stranger, I think it was some guy she has been seeing on a regular basis. I don’t think a mom and wife would go home with a complete strange and spend hours with him. If all she wanted was validation, she didn’t have to take him home to get it. I am sure they gave her plenty of validation while they were all at the bar. A liar doesn't make a cheater. Everyone reacts differently. Can't paint every story with the same brush. We really don't know what she was really feeling or how she came to her decision...it's only assumption. If the OP chooses to not believe her, then that is the op's prerogative. He will just deal with this the way he sees fit. There truly isn't more to say about this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 And lets just leave it up to the OP now instead of having a runaway thread. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 Cheaters are liars by nature. OP’s wife has lied about being out with another before by saying it was her girlfriend that went home earlier in the night. There was no alibi this time, no girls night out so she had to tell something of the truth. OP has already said that he doesn’t believe her story of the story that she gave him. Now he needs to find the truth out for himself to move forward. That is why I suggested going through her phone records from that night. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 (edited) 7 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: Well since she turned her head when he went for the kiss, that means she did not cheat. She still loves you, no harm done. So she says and they were only talking about farm animals alone at his for place for hours with alcohol involved. 😂 Edited April 13, 2021 by Marc878 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 4 hours ago, usa1ah said: I don’t think this was a stranger, I think it was some guy she has been seeing on a regular basis. I don’t think a mom and wife would go home with a complete strange and spend hours with him. If all she wanted was validation, she didn’t have to take him home to get it. I am sure they gave her plenty of validation while they were all at the bar. Massive supposition with no foundation that she knew him before. She wanted validation & she probably did go home with him thinking that she would sleep with him to get back at her husband the OP. But once the enormity of that struck & really hit home she backed off. That supposition on my part is at least equally as plausible as what you think. Bottom line: the OP will never know for sure. He can either believe his wife & they can move forward or this will fester & poison their marriage. I still like the path forward that puts this behind them with the understanding that nothing like this will ever happen again. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 46 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Massive supposition with no foundation that she knew him before. She wanted validation & she probably did go home with him thinking that she would sleep with him to get back at her husband the OP. But once the enormity of that struck & really hit home she backed off. That supposition on my part is at least equally as plausible as what you think. Bottom line: the OP will never know for sure. He can either believe his wife & they can move forward or this will fester & poison their marriage. I still like the path forward that puts this behind them with the understanding that nothing like this will ever happen again. I would believe she backed off if she didn’t spend 2-3 hrs at his house. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Marc878 said: So she says and they were only talking about farm animals 🐄🐓 I don't think they were talking about farm animals. 🐑 I think she was pissed that he go black out drunk, insulted her and she decided to go out after driving him home and was ...at most...flirting with this guy. This was not an affair or cheating, but if the drinking and insults and discord don't stop, it could certainly have planted the seed for cheating/affairs. List how many wives want their husbands to get wasted at a wedding in front of all her friends and family, tell her he's no longer attracted to her. All this as an anniversary gift to her? After all that, maybe she was kissing pigs and goats?🐖🐐 So yes, lets check the cow's phone and hook up the goats to the polygraph. Edited April 13, 2021 by Wiseman2 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 33 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: 🐄🐓 I don't think they were talking about farm animals. 🐑 I think she was pissed that he go black out drunk, insulted her and she decided to go out after driving him home and was ...at most...flirting with this guy. This was not an affair or cheating, but if the drinking and insults and discord don't stop, it could certainly have planted the seed for cheating/affairs. List how many wives want their husbands to get wasted at a wedding in front of all her friends and family, tell her he's no longer attracted to her. All this as an anniversary gift to her? After all that, maybe she was kissing pigs and goats?🐖🐐 So yes, lets check the cow's phone and hook up the goats to the polygraph. We’ll have to agree to disagree. List how many women go to a bar start drinking with another man then go home with him for a few hours and just talk ? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 1 minute ago, Marc878 said: We’ll have to agree to disagree. List how many women go to a bar start drinking with another man then go home with him for a few hours and just talk ? Yeah, that was a bad move on her part. 😵 No one knows what they actually did. But it's not looking good. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Yeah, that was a bad move on her part. 😵 No one knows what they actually did. But it's not looking good. People lie all the time. If OP hurts her feelings or makes her mad in the future will she do the same thing? My sister was a wayward. Her husbands mother made her mad so she screwed her boss. It’s been many years ago but she still clings to her excuses. I grew up with her x. An average guy. Some people (not gender specific) will justify anything. Edited April 13, 2021 by Marc878 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted April 14, 2021 Share Posted April 14, 2021 How is it going Jkline? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted April 14, 2021 Share Posted April 14, 2021 On 4/13/2021 at 6:54 AM, usa1ah said: Did you see her turn her head? No proof either way. Right. On 4/13/2021 at 5:38 AM, usa1ah said: She went home with another man she picked up at the bar for 2-3 hours. Do you really think the guy your wife went home with did so to show her his farm? The only think a guy in his position is thinking of is getting laid. Also right. That doesn't mean he actually gets laid, though. People (particularly women) have been known to change their minds. I think your point about him potentially not being a stranger makes sense. That also doesn't mean he's an AP or that she's lying about this, but I agree is something for OP to consider. However: On 4/13/2021 at 5:38 AM, usa1ah said: I am just say he is right about not knowing the truth of what happened that night. It was at the very least a make out session to her being in the middle of a gang bang. The story she told OP is bull crap. This on the other hand, seems to be based purely on imagination. Gang bang? Really? If we're going to be filling OP's head with ideas about worst-case scenarios, maybe she was screwing the animals too? I mean they did go to a farm, right and she does say she likes animals. So, yeah. Squirrels FTW! Seriously, can we consider keeping the speculation down to reasonable levels? Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted April 15, 2021 Share Posted April 15, 2021 2 hours ago, mark clemson said: Right. Also right. That doesn't mean he actually gets laid, though. People (particularly women) have been known to change their minds. I think your point about him potentially not being a stranger makes sense. That also doesn't mean he's an AP or that she's lying about this, but I agree is something for OP to consider. However: This on the other hand, seems to be based purely on imagination. Gang bang? Really? If we're going to be filling OP's head with ideas about worst-case scenarios, maybe she was screwing the animals too? I mean they did go to a farm, right and she does say she likes animals. So, yeah. Squirrels FTW! Seriously, can we consider keeping the speculation down to reasonable levels? The thing is OP has no idea what his wife got into. We can all hope that she came to her senses before anything happened. I would believe she did if she dropped the guy off and came right home. There is no way they talked for 2-3 hours. There was a thread on this site or another a few years ago where the WW had her affair partner set up her getting raped by a few guys. So a gang bang is possible. She was drinking with a few guys at the bar til closing time. It could have been a fantasy of hers. All we know is that the story she gave her husband (OP) isn’t true and OP knows it. That is why he can’t get past this. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted April 15, 2021 Share Posted April 15, 2021 2 hours ago, mark clemson said: Right. Also right. That doesn't mean he actually gets laid, though. People (particularly women) have been known to change their minds. I think your point about him potentially not being a stranger makes sense. That also doesn't mean he's an AP or that she's lying about this, but I agree is something for OP to consider. However: This on the other hand, seems to be based purely on imagination. Gang bang? Really? If we're going to be filling OP's head with ideas about worst-case scenarios, maybe she was screwing the animals too? I mean they did go to a farm, right and she does say she likes animals. So, yeah. Squirrels FTW! Seriously, can we consider keeping the speculation down to reasonable levels? I never said anything about the animals and that’s just sick. Worst case scenario is she has been cheating for years with the guy she lied about being with when she said she was out with a girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts