yeahhhhh Posted April 8, 2021 Share Posted April 8, 2021 me and my gf have been dating for only a week, i asked her about her sexual past (bad idea) and she said she has never had sex but has done similar stuff which you probably understand what i mean. the thought of her doing that crushes me and is hurting me bad. i thought she was an innocent girl but this just hurts me. what do i do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted April 8, 2021 Share Posted April 8, 2021 Did you specifically go out to date someone with no sexual history whatsoever? Did she tell you that in the beginning before you started seeing each other? How old are you both? Why are you disappointed that she had a life before you. If you don't like the fact that she 'did things' before you, then you should probably go and find someone else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted April 8, 2021 Share Posted April 8, 2021 6 hours ago, yeahhhhh said: i thought she was an innocent girl but this just hurts me. what do i do about it. Innocent or naive? Maybe you are the naïve person thinking that she would be innocent? There is no Disney dream, you will never meet "Snow White" in real life.... That part of your childhood education was a lie. Everyone has history, because no matter how young you are, you will know something. (pets, zoo, farm, movies or education) Take people for who they are, not what they have done. She will compare so be the best person you can be. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 8, 2021 Share Posted April 8, 2021 Life lesson: never ask Qs you don't want to know the answers to. What you are experiencing is called retro-active jealousy. You are upset by something in her past. She can't change it. So you either have to accept it & put it fully out of your mind or you have to break up with her. Do tell her why -- that you are judgmental & lack understanding / compassion so she doesn't think she did anything wrong. But you can't stay with her & let it eat you up. Going forward past a certain age (15) everybody has a past. So find a way to deal with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 8, 2021 Share Posted April 8, 2021 I have a tip for you....there is no such thing as an "innocent girl". They have desires and want to experiment sexually just as much as you do. Sounds to me you are not mentally ready to have a GF. Maybe just stay as friends with girls for awhile until you can accept this reality. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted April 8, 2021 Share Posted April 8, 2021 6 hours ago, d0nnivain said: Life lesson: never ask Qs you don't want to know the answers to. What you are experiencing is called retro-active jealousy. You are upset by something in her past. She can't change it. So you either have to accept it & put it fully out of your mind or you have to break up with her. Do tell her why -- that you are judgmental & lack understanding / compassion so she doesn't think she did anything wrong. But you can't stay with her & let it eat you up. Going forward past a certain age (15) everybody has a past. So find a way to deal with it. Yep, making her feel bad for a past that happened before she knew you existed is pointless and fairly cruel. Learn to accept that people had lives before you. Embrace everyone's journey and never judge because you have no idea how people come to be where they are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 8, 2021 Share Posted April 8, 2021 It sounds a bit like your own inexperience is getting in the way. Insecurity can do a number on anyone. Take a deep breath, ask yourself whether you're dating her or her "innocence" (the commodity). It's still early days so both of you have yet to discover whether you even like each other that much. See how things go. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 8, 2021 Share Posted April 8, 2021 16 hours ago, yeahhhhh said: I thought she was an innocent girl but this just hurts me. what do i do about it. What should you do about it? Stop being so sexist and judgmental. She did sexual things in her past because she is a human being, and that's what humans do. The way you are judging her for it is unfair and disrespectful. Don't ask questions if you don't want to hear the answers. It's honestly none of your business anyway. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Stupidkupid Posted April 8, 2021 Share Posted April 8, 2021 This stuff really frustrates me. The value placed by some men on the perceived innocence of women. The double standards often associated with it. OP, without wanted to be offensive my view is that you take a look at yourself and why this ia your reaction. I agree with the posters above. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stupidkupid Posted April 8, 2021 Share Posted April 8, 2021 1 minute ago, ShyViolet said: What should you do about it? Stop being so sexist and judgmental. She did sexual things in her past because she is a human being, and that's what humans do. The way you are judging her for it is unfair and disrespectful. Don't ask questions if you don't want to hear the answers. It's honestly none of your business anyway. ☝ Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 8, 2021 Share Posted April 8, 2021 16 hours ago, yeahhhhh said: i asked her about her sexual past (bad idea) Bingo! You have your answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted April 9, 2021 Share Posted April 9, 2021 Perhaps before entering into a proper relationship you should address your jealousy and neediness. If you need a girl to be pristine and have never even looked at another guy, you'll need to move to the middle east, or at least gravitate towards Amish people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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