My Friendship Dilemma!

[dramafreezone]

On 4/12/2021 at 2:33 AM, Jeff01 said:

@spiderowl Hello, thank you for your very detailed and caring response. Yes, this is a woman that grew up a few streets away from me in my neighborhood, ,and someone that I was in Kindergarten, Elementary, Middle, and High school with, all through life. 

Anyway, what a night tonight!! Tonight around 8:30 pm she texts me and tells me that she needs me right away because it is an emergency!! She even leaves me a voicemail that she is crying on. 

I call her back to find out what the heck is going on, and I guess she was having a real bad day with her anxiety, and was having major anxiety, and a major panic attack. She said that she was crying, and shaking, having shortness of breath, and couldn't stop trembling.

I asked where her husband was, and she said that he stormed off to bed yelling at her "F**ck this, I ain't listening to this sh *t!!",  and he was all pissy because her anxiety and panic attack was disturbing him from sitting on the couch watching his Baseball game. 

I guess she was trying to take her anxiety medicine, but because she couldn't stop shaking,  she spilled all her anxiety medicine all over the kitchen stove. 

I suggested that she go lay down on her bed, take deep breathes, and try to relax, etc. Because she loves Sci-fi and Star Wars, I tried to get her mind off what she was going through, and I talked about "Family Guy" Star Wars, and I made little jokes, like "We're taking this couch", with Peter hanging onto couch as they flew through space, on the Millennium Falcon!! 

This actually worked, and after awhile my little "Family Guy: Star Wars" jokes helped to calm her down. We then talked about the news, weather, sports, and her flower and vegetable garden. 

Anyway, after talking for almost 7 hours straight, she was ready to go to sleep, but she wanted to thank me for helping her with her severe anxiety and severe panic attack earlier in the night. She told me that I am "her rock", and she said how I was "sent from God to help watch over her". 

So more confirmation that the husband obviously doesn't give a crap at all about her, and whether she lives or dies from her severe anxiety and panic attacks, and that now I am "her rock, who is sent down from God, to help watch over her", 

So you were sent down from God for her, this hustband is apparently the worst person ever, and she still prefers him over you.  What does that tell you?  Look at her actions, not her words.

[spiderowl]

5 hours ago, Jeff01 said:

And no, I don't love her because she has money, I love her for her, even if she was living in a shack I would still love her, the whole thing with the money, is that I can't compete with the lifestyle her husband gives her, so even if she does have feelings for me, she isn't going to leave the guy who can give her a bank vault full of cash, for a guy like me living paycheck to paycheck each week.

I don't agree that she won't leave him.  She is clearly very unhappy with him.  Plenty of women have left their wealthy husbands.  Unless he is dangerous and physically violent, there is no reason why she would not leave him.  She would be entitled to a chunk of his wealth as a divorce settlement.

But, she is not in a mental state to make decisions about a future partner.  She is leaning heavily on you and she should not be doing this.  It is not fair on you.

I do believe there is such a thing as true love but she is a long way from knowing who her future partner might be.  She has not separated from her husband yet.  She is an emotional mess.  She appears to have medication for anxiety, which is something, but a seriously anxious person may well cling to anyone who will support them because they feel so fearful.  You cannot take anything she is saying/doing as meaningful now while she is in this state and at this stage of her marriage.

She is married.  You need to disengage from her and, once you have recovered, to find a relationship that suits you, with someone who is available to you.  I do not think wealth is the deciding factor at all.  You do an important job which shows you are a caring person.  Just bear in mind that she may not be the caring person you think she is.  Needing your support is not the same as caring about you.  Think carefully, in what way has she shown she cares about you and what happens to you?

It's good that you are asking questions and considering peoples' replies.  Please look after yourself now, get your rest, seek support yourself from someone other than her - it's amazing how a helpful friend can make a difference!  Do not be at her beck and call - why should you be?  Why should you lose sleep caring for her after she has been out for an amazing meal in a fancy restaurant?  Is she providing you with an amazing meal?  Is she offering to help you in any way?

In saying that she is not showing how she cares about you, I do not intend to suggest that you are not worth caring for; on the contrary, people on this forum are advising you to care for yourself because you are important too and you are putting her before yourself.  Your feelings matter too; your life matters too.  You deserve someone who is available to you and who cares about YOU, not someone you are always having to look after and who only gets in touch when her husband is not around to monitor her.

 

Edited April 14, 2021 by spiderowl

[Jeff01]

@spiderowl Thank you once again for the caring response, I really appreciate it. The only ways I have seen her care for me, is by telling me "how special I am to her", or "how much I mean to her", or "how important I am to her", and things like that. 

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Jeff01 said:

. It helps supplement a little bit of SSI income I get each months, for the 3 herniated discs in my lower back at L4, L5, and S1 which was a result of a car accident many years ago.

Sorry to hear that. Have you talked to your doctors recently? Are you in physical therapy? Are you taking opioids for this?

It sounds like you could get a lot of help through better medical care. Especially if opioids are causing mood swings like this.

 

[Negotaurus]

She is a married woman. Yes you feel like a wreck emotionally, but you are a grown man and you KNOW what the right thing to do is. Hold onto your pride and integrity, if she chooses to be in an abusive relationship (according to her), that is her choice. There is nothing you can do to "save her". 

I think it is inappropriate of you to poke your nose into their marriage, especially because you have those feelings and a fantasy made up in your head. If you two are somehow meant to be together, she would leave her husband and work on getting herself to a place in her life where she can be with you. None of that has happened. She is only using you as an emotional tampon and you are allowing it. 

Why waste your time?

[d0nnivain]

@Jeff01

the more you post the more my heart breaks for you.  Your EX was horrible & it was abusive for her to say those nasty things to & about you.  Thank heavens you are apart from her. 

Unfortunately, her abuse left you starved for affection so that you have taken a few crumbs of nice words from another woman & ramped that up into "love" in your eyes.  It's not.  It's you been desperate for kindness & affection that you cling to anything, even the crumbs from this woman who is using you. It's heartbreaking.  On a PT salary is there any way you can afford therapy?  You need help rebuilding your self esteem that has been shattered by your EX wife & manipulated by this woman.  

I honestly think you will be so much better off if you stop listening to her whining (I bet she's exaggerating most of the problems) & do something to improve your own lot in life.  Get a 2nd PT job so you have less time to wallow about her & more money.  

[Alpacalia]

The ex placed you in a very vulnerable position.

Left you with a sense of emptiness, a constant state of heartache, and a lack of appreciation. Your relationship with your friend, on the other hand, does not flourish. It is sustained not by mutual affection or adoration, but by your burning desire to be wanted and accepted. It's difficult, I am sure, to come to that realization but the sooner you do the better for it you will be.

I really hope you can break away from this and find some peace and comfort. 

[basil67]

19 hours ago, Jeff01 said:

@spiderowl Thank you once again for the caring response, I really appreciate it. The only ways I have seen her care for me, is by telling me "how special I am to her", or "how much I mean to her", or "how important I am to her", and things like that. 

So does this translate to mean that she expresses her appreciation for your support, but doesn't really show interest in you as a person?  

[Jeff01]

@d0nnivain 

Thank you for the caring response, I really do appreciate it. Yes, I think that you may be right. Because I was the one who was mentally and verbally abused in the past, and even sometimes physically abused by my ex-wife, that when my female friend started being so nice to me, and tell me how "sweet and very special" I am, it made me feel really good, and loved for a change, so much, that I fell deeply in love with her instantly. 

As I stated before, my ex-wife had a huge gambling addiction. Stealing my paychecks, selling all my 14K Gold jewelry,  selling my 1955 and 1956 Tops Baseball cards like Mickey Mantle, Ted Williams, Sandy Koufax, and many more for like $20, $30, $40 bucks just to get cash for scratch tickets or the casino. Selling all my vintage coins and currency from the 1800's. Maxing out my credit cards and then opening up new ones in my name behind my back. Opening up credit cards in my brother, sister, and mothers name behind their backs!! 

I would find losing lottery tickets hidden all over the house ( so that I wouldn't find them in the trash ), in the linen closets underneath bath towels,  behind dressers and other furniture, under the seat in the car, etc!! 

Everytime I found the losing tickets, and confronted her about them, this is when my ex-wife would fly off the handle like I was the bad guy, and this is when she would tell me to "go hang myself",  "jump off a bridge", "drink a gallon of chemical cleaner", etc. 

One time I happened to overhear her talking with her friend on the phone about how she was going to tell me that she was going to go to the grocery store, but really go to the casino. So I took the car keys and hid them. My ex-wife actually physically attacked me to get the car keys back. She threw a bottle of rubbing alcohol at me, in which the cover came of, and splattered all over me, but thank goodness not in the eyes. 

While I was distracted, trying to clean the alcohol off me, she walked up to me, and scratched both sides of my face, my neck, and cut me with her nails under my eye leaving a deep gouge. I remember taking my son public ice skating, and I was wearing my New York Islanders hockey jersey, and little kids and even their parents were looking at me when I skated by, and dads saying to their kids "I think that guy plays for the Islanders! He's the new guy that got into that fight the other night". Little kids coming up to me asking me if I'm a pro hockey player,  one lady with her son said to me "I hate to see what the other guy looks like!!" as I skated by. Yes, I can't even make this stuff up, thats how bad my ex-wife attacked me and my face, all because I took the car keys away, so that she couldn't go "grocery shopping", which was really the casino. 

This is why, I can't stand seeing my female friend mentally and emotionally abused by her husband, because I know what it's like, since it happened to me. And this is why when we talk and she tells me "how special I am", and other things like that, it makes it feel really nice, and my feelings for her get deeper and deeper each time. 

Edited April 15, 2021 by Jeff01
Typo

[Jeff01]

1 hour ago, Alpaca said:

The ex placed you in a very vulnerable position.

Left you with a sense of emptiness, a constant state of heartache, and a lack of appreciation. Your relationship with your friend, on the other hand, does not flourish. It is sustained not by mutual affection or adoration, but by your burning desire to be wanted and accepted. It's difficult, I am sure, to come to that realization but the sooner you do the better for it you will be.

I really hope you can break away from this and find some peace and comfort. 

@Alpaca 

Thank you for the caring response, I really do appreciate it. Yes, I think that you may be right. Because I was the one who was mentally and verbally abused, and even sometimes physically abused by my ex-wife, that when my female friend started being so nice to me, and tell me how "sweet and very special" I am, it made me feel really good, and loved for a change, so much, that I fell deeply in love with her instantly. 

As I stated before, my ex-wife had a huge gambling addiction. Stealing my paychecks, selling all my 14K Gold jewelry,  selling my 1955 and 1956 Tops Baseball cards like Mickey Mantle, Ted Williams, Sandy Koufax, and many more for like $20, $30, $40 bucks just to get cash for scratch tickets or the casino. Selling all my vintage coins and currency from the 1800's. Maxing out my credit cards and then opening up new ones in my name behind my back. Opening up credit cards in my brother, sister, and mothers name behind their backs!! 

I would find losing lottery tickets hidden all over the house ( so that I wouldn't find them in the trash ), in the linen closets underneath bath towels,  behind dressers and other furniture, under the seat in the car, etc!! 

Everytime I found the losing tickets, and confronted her about them, this is when my ex-wife would fly off the handle like I was the bad guy, and this is when she would tell me to "go hang myself",  "jump off a bridge", "drink a gallon of chemical cleaner", etc. 

One time I happened to overhear her talking with her friend on the phone about how she was going to tell me that she was going to go to the grocery store, but really go to the casino. So I took the car keys and hid them. My ex-wife actually physically attacked me to get the car keys back. She threw a bottle of rubbing alcohol at me, in which the cover came of, and splattered all over me, but thank goodness not in the eyes. 

While I was distracted, trying to clean the alcohol off me, she walked up to me, and scratched both sides of my face, my neck, and cut me with her nails under my eye leaving a deep gouge. I remember taking my son public ice skating, and I was wearing my New York Islanders hockey jersey, and little kids and even their parents were looking at me when I skated by, and dads saying to their kids "I think that guy plays for the Islanders! He's the new guy that got into that fight the other night". Little kids coming up to me asking me if I'm a pro hockey player,  one lady with her son said to me "I hate to see what the other guy looks like!!" as I skated by. Yes, I can't even make this stuff up, thats how bad my ex-wife attacked me and my face, all because I took the car keys away, so that she couldn't go "grocery shopping", which was really the casino. 

This is why, I can't stand seeing my female friend mentally and emotionally abused by her husband, because I know what it's like, since it happened to me. And this is why when we talk and she tells me "how special I am", and other things like that, it makes it feel really nice, and my feelings for her get deeper and deeper each time. 

[d0nnivain]

You have white knight syndrome. You want to save her & think that will make her fall in love with you.  It won't.  She will resent you for breaking up her marriage. 

You have to save yourself.  Seriously get involved with things to distract you.  I honestly think a 2nd job will be best so you have less time to be available for her & more money.  

[vla1120]

So, the only time you hear from her is late at night after her kids and husband have gone to bed. When you contact her throughout the day (when her husband is at work and her kids are at school) you do not hear back from her. It's very apparent what she gets from this friendship, but it looks mainly one-sided to me. I also question whether she is exaggerating about how horrible her husband is because it garners sympathy from you and she gets to play the damsel in distress. 

Have you been to therapy to help you with how your ex treated you? You deserve better than to accept these crumbs of attention from this woman who seems to be using you to live out some fantasy in her mind. She hasn't given any indication (has she?) that she would leave her husband to get out of this "horrible" marriage. Even if that is her goal, and she's using you for that, quite often, once the wandering spouse is free from their marriage, they quickly dump the affair partner and go on to enjoy their new found freedom. I'd hate to see you set yourself up for that type of disappointment. 

Next time (probably tonight) she contacts you late at night for one of your all-nighters, try not making yourself so easily available. See how she responds to you not being at her beck and call for once. 

[Jeff01]

@vla1120 Hi. Yes, that is usually when we talk, at night after 10 pm or so, when the kids and husband go to bed. Sometimes we talk in the morning or during the day, but its usually just a quick "Hi, how are you, have a good day!!", type of thing.

No, unfortunately she hasn't said anything about leaving the abusive, but rich husband. The only thing she said was that "She HATES her husband", but "the 5 kids are her whole life, and she needs to be there for them".

Also, 2 major things in the last 2 nights that are starting to break my heart. 

Thursday night, my adult daughter asks me out for a family dinner along with my 2 adult sons. Little did I know was that she invited her mother ( my evil ex-wife ) out to dinner as well. I tried to remain civil, and have everything be peaceful for the kids sake. After the dinner was over, and we were all getting ready to leave, I go to grab my glass of seltzer water from table to finish it, and of course I'm met with "what the hell do you want", and pure hatred directed right at me from the ex-wife. So I say "fine maybe it's just better if I'm no longer around", and she says "good!".

Afterwards when I get home, the depression just completely spirals totally out of control with everything is in a huge fog, and wonder if life is even worth it anymore, and start thinking about maybe everyone really would be happier without me alive anymore. I contact my female friend, and I tell her that my anxiety and depression is out of control, and I can't think straight anymore and I am thinking of leaving this world.

I'm sitting in my car thinking of either 2 ways to do it, carbon monoxide poisoning from the car, or jump off the local bridge into the river below. My female friend DOESN'T even bother to write me or text me back, and she even shuts off her Facebook "active status" on me, so that I can't tell if she on there or not.

I see a feral cat walking around in my driveway right in front of my car, so I get out, and give him some kitty food and try to befriend him. After awhile, he actually lets me pet him, and it helps me to calm down and go inside and go to bed. 

Friday morning comes, and still no word at all from my female friend. I actually don't even hear from her until about 3:30 pm Friday afternoon. It was a really short message basically just saying that "she has been tired, so she was sleeping alot", and that's it. She didn't say anything at all about my suicidal thoughts that I was having late Thursday night, and she doesn't even bother to ask me if I'm okay!! 😭😭😭😭😭

I then write her back asking "if we could talk Friday night, because I REALLY NEED A FRIEND TO TALK TO PLEASE!". She writes me back around 7:45 pm and tells me "she's still tired, and is probably going to bed early". 

So I'm on my Facebook Friday night trying to find any friends to talk to, and guess what, my female friend that I am in love with is ON THERE!!!!! Yep, she was on Facebook all Friday night until 2 am in the morning, posting pics of her dog, the TWO $250 dresses that she just ordered, talking with one of her female friends on her timeline, about going to Florida for the entire Summer, etc, while I am a mess, almost taking my life last night, which I told her all about.  💔💔💔💔💔 

And yes, I'm trying to see if I can find a new therapist to help me with all the depression and anxiety, because my last one I was seeing for about 3 - 4 months, was an elderly guy who retired back in October. But problem is, there is a waiting list everywhere, and no one is doing in-person therapy which I want, but they are all doing Zoom, and I dont really like to talk on the phone with people I'm not comfortable with, so I dont want to do therapy on no Zoom. 

But this is REALLY HURTFUL, because Sunday night when she texted me at 9:30 pm at night, because she was having major anxiety, and a panic attack, and she couldn't stop shaking and trembling, and her husband didn't give a crap about her, and went to bed, I immediately dropped everything I was doing, and I was there for her, all night long, until 3:30 am in the morning, trying to get her to calm down. But Thursday and Friday night, she wasn't there for me!!!!! 

WHY DOESN'T SHE CARE ABOUT ME???? WHY???? 😓😢😥😪😭😭😭

Edited April 17, 2021 by Jeff01
Typo

[Wiseman2]

You need to call a suicide hotline. They'll talk to you and steer you the best place to get the right help.

You also need to talk to your doctors about being on disability and pain medication.

 

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, Jeff01 said:

WHY DOESN'T SHE CARE ABOUT ME???? WHY????

Because mentally ill people are often pretty self absorbed, it is ALL about them and their needs.
You think she is your friend but you provide a service and when you weren't available, she did not feel like talking to you about your problems as they did not affect HER.
A bit like the relationship between a hair stylist and a client. If the hair stylist is ill so can't  cut hair the client is not so much concerned regarding the illness of her service provider, more about how on earth can she get her hair done.
YOU being ill was an inconvenience to HER as you were unavailable for her to unload to.

Please see this for what it is. Break free. Tell her to take a long jump off a cliff and stop being her emotional mattress
Get some proper sleep and stop being her midnight therapist.
A) you are not qualified and B) she is not paying you to listen to her nonsense.
She does not love you, she only loves herself that is plain.
Her husband has the right idea, he probably did what you are doing now but he wised up to her games.

[d0nnivain]

3 hours ago, Jeff01 said:

WHY DOESN'T SHE CARE ABOUT ME???? WHY???? 😓😢😥😪😭😭😭

Because she doesn't care about anybody but herself.  She doesn't deserve you & she will never make you happy.  Your interactions are one way:  You give.  She takes.  In her own way she is just as evil as your EX wife.  She may be even more of a blood sucker.  She is not the angel / damsel in distress you think she is.  

I am glad you are safe.  Keep befriending the cat.  Know that you are important.  A lot of people would be sad if you left this world -- your kids & your elderly delivery clients among them.  

Hang in there.  You are stronger than you know.  

[Stupidkupid]

On 4/11/2021 at 4:04 AM, basil67 said:

Jeff, have you ever cast a cynical eye over what she tells you?   Because this is BS.

Thing is, ever since the invention of a $5 mop, there has been no need to crawl around all the floors on hands and knees to clean them.   Or, if it's true that she's bruised from cleaning, the only reason she's crawling all over the floor is for some kind of attention seeking martyrdom.  Yeah sure, we all bend down and do a quick spot clean here and there...but bruised knees don't make any sense whatsoever.  

Now, if her crawling all over the floor doesn't make sense, why would what she says about his verbal abuse be true?   How can you believe anything she says?  

I mean, it is entirely feasible her husband has forced her but my perspective is this.

I qas an OW foe a long time (too long. Ugh). At the start of that affair I was married too (I left pretty quickly, there was a small overlap.)

At the start of the Affair my then husband assaulted me (for the first and only time). I was *deeply* ashamed. I didn't want anyone to know. In particular I didn't want my affair partner to know. I actually tried to avoid it. I certainly didn't send him pictures. In the end i was struggling to hide it (there were wounds on my wrists and hands, hard to hide). It was actually MM that took photos so that i had evidence for rhe police. 

My xH threatened me one more time,police came and they were the only people who ever saw those pictures. 

Now I'm not saying she isn't abused. I'm saying she is using this to control your feelings. I never wanted anyone to know. I never even showed any of ny closest friends.

 

[Stupidkupid]

Saw the most recent post.

You need to get away from her and speak to someone about your feelings of depression. You deserve more than this. There are obviously people who love you.

This woman is making your life worse. 

 

Edited April 17, 2021 by Stupidkupid

[vla1120]

I know you don't like talking on the phone, but the next time you are feeling suicidal, you need to call a hotline. I'm glad the stray cat distracted you so that you went to bed and didn't follow through on any of your thoughts. 

You have an abusive ex-wife. Now you have a "friend" who is not the slightest bit concerned about your welfare. Do whatever it takes to get some therapy. There are now online sites where you can arrange for therapy. Yes, they are Zoom or Google Meet appointments and not in person appointments, but you DO get to see your therapist in the video and she/he also gets to see you, so it's not just like talking on the phone. It's face-to-face over video and it COULD save your life!

Before you interact with any women, you need to work on thinking more of yourself. You need to realize you deserve BETTER than the way the last two women in your life have interacted with you. Once you take some time for yourself, to work on YOU, you'll soon realize how selfish/self-centered this friend of yours is, and that she DOES NOT deserve your love and attention. Please. Do this for yourself!

[Jeff01]

@d0nnivain @vla1120 

You guys were right, every single one of you was right!!!! 😭  I have been a roller coaster wreck the last few days, because she is playing me like a 2nd fiddle. The last time we actually had a long talk was Thursday night, and since then everything has changed. 

#1 - Friday night I was texting with her for a little bit, then around 12 am, I asked her something about how the flowers in her garden were doing, and I was then met with complete silence. But I go onto Facebook, and I see that she's on there until 2 am!! But she doesn't respond to any of my emails, texts, or Facebook messages.  

#2 - Saturday night, almost the same thing. I ask her why she left me hanging Friday night, and she tells me that her dog was sick and throwing up all night long from eating gummy bears!? Anyway, same thing, a couple quick messages, and them total silence from her, but I see her on Facebook until 2 or 3 am. 

#3 - Sunday morning comes, I ask her why did she leave me hanging AGAIN this time, and says that Saturday night her back hurt her, so she went to bed early. 

Sunday night comes, and around 10 pm I ask her how her back is, and if she would like to talk, but she text me back and tells me that her, and her female BFF are talking on Facebook, and that me and her will talk as soon as they get done. I wait up until 3 AM in the morning, and you guessed it, she NEVER writes me back!! I go to her Facebook, and guess what, she is online at 3 am with her female BFF, I'll call "Betty" ( not really her name ). Her and "Betty" are posting on each others timelines posting all kinds of crap like recipes, outdoor hot tubs, decorations and new appliances/gadgets for your home, trips to Florida, etc. They are both commenting on each others posts with emojis that look like this: 

😍😘💕❤💓💯 

I have loved my friend for the last 3 years, and have given everything for her everytime she needed something, and she is BREAKING MY HEART!!!! 💔 So it seems that she only talks with and confides in me when her precious "Betty", isn't around!? When "Betty" is available to talk, I'm like a piece of trash on the side of the road to her, right!? 

Completely devasted and heartbroken, I was having suicidal thoughts again last night. I was sitting in bed at 3 am with a bottle of Prozac pills thinking of consuming the entire bottle and end this nightmare. I went on Google and read about it, and it actually said that trying to overdose on a bottle of Prozac might only result of you being in a coma, and not actually kill you, so what good is that?

Also, I thought about what "D0nnivain" here in this forum said to me a few days ago. If something happens to me, who is going to delivery the lunch meals to the hungry eldery seniors? Who is going to feed and take care of the feral cat I befriended who comes into my yard now? 

#4 - So Monday morning before I go to work to deliver the meals to the seniors, I text my friend, and I tell her all about how much I miss talking with her the last 3 days, and that it is affecting my emotions VERY BADLY, and how I was on the verge of trying to overdose on my bottle of Prozac last night. Her response was: 

"I fell asleep last night! Can't talk now I'm watching the closing arguments in the Dereck Chouvan trial". 

And I haven't heard back from her all day!! Nothing about how I am doing. Nothing about why she is choosing to talk with her precious "Betty" over me. Nothing about me on the verge of trying to overdose on a bottle of Prozac at 3 am last night!!!! WHY!? WHY IS SHE DOING THIS TO ME FOR?????? 

Her BFF "Betty" is a single mom with 4 kids, so what does she want, the husband gone so that she can have precious "Betty" and her 4 kids move into the mansion with her after she gets it in the divorce? 

Because she has already admitted to me, that she has SAVED ALL my text messages, e-mails, and Facebook messages that I have sent to her over the years, including flirty ones like "I think your special ❤", "I think you're awesome 💘", and things like that. She told me she saves them because "She likes to look at them". Maybe she is using me to send her those messages, so that can show the husband, he gets mad and files for divorce, but she gets the $700,000 dollar 6 bedroom, 4 bathroom house and 5 kids, and her single mom BFF "Betty" and her 4 kids move in, and they can big one big happy "Brady Bunch" family!? 

Because now each night is a different excuse: 

Friday Night - The dog is sick. 

Saturday Night - My back hurts. 

Sunday Night - I fell asleep after talking to "Betty".

 

Edited April 19, 2021 by Jeff01
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[d0nnivain]

@Jeff01

 

It sounds like you are getting annoyed with her.  Thank heavens.  Anger in this situation can be a productive emotion.  Use it to propel yourself away from this toxic creature. 

You have so much love to give.  Find the right person to give it to, somebody who appreciates you, who reciprocates your adoration.  She's not it. Stop giving yourself to her.  She's unworthy.  

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, Jeff01 said:

I was having suicidal thoughts again last night. I was sitting in bed at 3 am with a bottle of Prozac pills thinking of consuming the entire bottle and end this nightmare. I went on Google and read about it, and it actually said that trying to overdose on a bottle of Prozac might only result of you being in a coma, and not actually kill you, so what good is that?right, 

Jeff, let's talk about you, rather than this pseudofriend. Call a suicide hotline. It's not just about someone talking you down from the ledge.

They'll listen, talk and help you find the resources you need to get better care of your mental health.

You mention Prozac, do you have a history of depression? Do you see a doctor and therapist regularly? 

You're correct overdosing is not the answer. Many people contemplate suicide because the pain is simply too severe more so than actually wanting to die.

[Jeff01]

@d0nnivain Well the last 3 nights she made me wait up late to talk with her, but she never did, because I lurked on Facebook and saw her talking with,"Betty" the last 3 nights in a row, and each morning when I asked her about it, all I got was a different excuse each time. Then I tell her that I was on the verge of trying to overdose on Prozac last night, and she shows no concern, because watching the Chouvan trial was more important to her. 

And why would she admit that she has saved hundreds of my messages? Is she using me to get the husband to divorce her so that "Betty" can move in!? 

And yes I'm angry at this freaken "Betty" for ruining everything!!!!! Why doesn't she take care of her 4 kids instead of hogging my female friend until 3 AM every single night now!!!!!

[d0nnivain]

3 minutes ago, Jeff01 said:

And yes I'm angry at this freaken "Betty" for ruining everything!!!!! Why doesn't she take care of her 4 kids instead of hogging my female friend until 3 AM every single night now!!!!!

Your anger is misdirected.  Your friend is the problem.  Betty thinks she is being a good supportive friend & she probably is.  Betty doesn't even know you exist.  Be mad at the correct person -- this marriage woman who is using you. 

[Jeff01]

@Wiseman2 Yes, I have a history of depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. I have seen therapists in the past, until they either left to go someplace different, or retired. That's what happened with my most recent one. I was seeing an elderly guy therapist, but he retired back in October. And I have been trying to find a new therapist recently, but there are waiting lists everywhere right now