PandaPanda Posted April 9, 2021 Share Posted April 9, 2021 Hi, I need some advice on what to do next. its been a while since I've dated. So after my friend B'day a guy added me on fb and started talking to me. We didn't really talk at the party so I didn't know him, only heard his name a few times through mutual friends. Anyway, the first time he texted we talk for 3hrs straight, then the next night about 2hrs, then 4hrs, then on and off through out the day since we are both working. He hinted that we want to take me out and eventually we scheduled a date. Before the date i have met him twice in a group gathering but we don't really interact or talk cause we don't know each other well and our friends doesn't know we've been talking. However, a week before we meet up the texting die down to only 1 or 2 msgs a day. I started to feel a bit distance and felt like he wasn't that interested in talking to me, but my friend who I told said maybe he was just really busy. So he insist on picking me up for our date, we had a great time talking and laughing but i didn't feel any romantic feelings toward him, it felt more like a catch up with a friend vibe. I do kinda like him I think, but I don't know how he felt. After dinner he drop me home and then we texted a bit and that is it. The next 2 days he texted me but it was a very short conversations. After that he stop texting me, its been 2 days and I think since we don't feel any romantic feelings on our date, he probably decided to stop talking to me. i'm not sure, but that how I feel. I'm not sure whether to leave it be or to send him a text and see what happen. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 9, 2021 Share Posted April 9, 2021 Did either of you say anything along the lines of "I enjoyed tonight. It'd be great to see you again." ? I'd wait a week or two and see what else comes up. Don't fret. Sometimes people take longer to think things through or like to take their time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PandaPanda Posted April 9, 2021 Author Share Posted April 9, 2021 When he drop me off, he ask if he can come and play volleyball with me and i said yeah come if his shoulder is ok since he injured it a while back. After I got home i messaged him and said thanks for the date and that i had fun and I hope he did too. He then said that he did as well. He msged me the day after next and said he was sick and we talked for a bit, I told him to get heaps of rest and hope he recover soon. That was the last msg I send, he never reply back. He didn't end up coming to volleyball either (he never bring it up so i didn't ask). Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted April 9, 2021 Share Posted April 9, 2021 Well since you didn't really feel anything there, why be bothered about the drop off?  Don't fall into the toxic trap of, 'welllll....I don't like him but now that he for sure doesn't like me...I kind of like him'  Nope, just move forward onto bigger better things  1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 9, 2021 Share Posted April 9, 2021 36 minutes ago, PandaPanda said: When he drop me off, he ask if he can come and play volleyball with me and i said yeah come if his shoulder is ok since he injured it a while back. After I got home i messaged him and said thanks for the date and that i had fun and I hope he did too. He then said that he did as well. He msged me the day after next and said he was sick and we talked for a bit, I told him to get heaps of rest and hope he recover soon. That was the last msg I send, he never reply back. He didn't end up coming to volleyball either (he never bring it up so i didn't ask). He's sick though. It could very well be ..Covid? Why not message him and ask him how he's feeling? Link to post Share on other sites
Author PandaPanda Posted April 9, 2021 Author Share Posted April 9, 2021 25 minutes ago, Dis said: Well since you didn't really feel anything there, why be bothered about the drop off?  Don't fall into the toxic trap of, 'welllll....I don't like him but now that he for sure doesn't like me...I kind of like him'  Nope, just move forward onto bigger better things  I just thought maybe i'll feel something if we hangout more. it just end a lot quicker than i expected. But i think you're right, now that he stop msging me I'm starting to think whether i like the guy or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PandaPanda Posted April 9, 2021 Author Share Posted April 9, 2021 20 minutes ago, glows said: He's sick though. It could very well be ..Covid? Why not message him and ask him how he's feeling? He did say he going to get a COVID test, I did say hope he get better and try to have heaps of rest. i see him online all the time but never message me, so i'm not sure if this his way of telling me that there nothing so we should stop talking. Don't want to make it awkward by messaging him after 2 days of not talking if he really is trying to avoid me. Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted April 9, 2021 Share Posted April 9, 2021 44 minutes ago, PandaPanda said:  But i think you're right, now that he stop msging me I'm starting to think whether i like the guy or not. The trick to avoiding falling into these desperate states (which I'm just learning) is...  ... date like you have plenty of options and like you truly value yourself and your time. That was you won't fall for half hearted situations like this.  You can get better, right? So why be hung up on this? This should be a quick passing thing to you. Not something to ponder over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PandaPanda Posted April 9, 2021 Author Share Posted April 9, 2021 5 minutes ago, Dis said: The trick to avoiding falling into these desperate states (which I'm just learning) is...  ... date like you have plenty of options and like you truly value yourself and your time. That was you won't fall for half hearted situations like this.  You can get better, right? So why be hung up on this? This should be a quick passing thing to you. Not something to ponder over. Thank you for your advice, I will try and forget about him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 9, 2021 Share Posted April 9, 2021 It's doubtful he's avoiding you. If someone is that sick or worried about having Covid, impressing the last girl he went on a date with is the last thing on his mind. He may even be worried that he passed anything to you. Also, monitor your own symptoms and quarantine yourself as you could be a spreader.   Link to post Share on other sites
Author PandaPanda Posted April 9, 2021 Author Share Posted April 9, 2021 14 minutes ago, glows said: It's doubtful he's avoiding you. If someone is that sick or worried about having Covid, impressing the last girl he went on a date with is the last thing on his mind. He may even be worried that he passed anything to you. Also, monitor your own symptoms and quarantine yourself as you could be a spreader.   So i send him a message before just to ask how he is and if he got the results back. He reply a few hours later and said he got the results and it was negative. He said that he is still sick and been really tired that is why he haven't been talking much. Should i believe him? Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted April 9, 2021 Share Posted April 9, 2021 2 minutes ago, PandaPanda said: So i send him a message before just to ask how he is and if he got the results back. He reply a few hours later and said he got the results and it was negative. He said that he is still sick and been really tired that is why he haven't been talking much. Should i believe him? People just use COVID as an excuse to be distant when in reality whatever is going on has nothing to do with the virus  Let it be. You don't really like him anyway. What's the point? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 9, 2021 Share Posted April 9, 2021 The only reason he was messaging that much was to build rapport and determine if it's worthwhile asking you out. On the date, there was no chemistry, so there's no reason for him to continue messaging. You both did the right thing. He felt out the situation, asked you out and since there was no interest in dating him, he backed off. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 9, 2021 Share Posted April 9, 2021 It doesn't sound like you really had much chemistry when you went on the date. Â You said that you didn't really have "romantic" feelings for him. Â If his texting dropped off after the date, then he probably didn't feel the spark on the date either. Â Don't try to force it if there was no chemistry... just leave it alone. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 9, 2021 Share Posted April 9, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, PandaPanda said: So i send him a message before just to ask how he is and if he got the results back. He reply a few hours later and said he got the results and it was negative. He said that he is still sick and been really tired that is why he haven't been talking much. Should i believe him? I would. It's so early. Why so doubtful? You only met once, you both seemed to have a good time even though it appeared platonic. My take is that you both have mutual friends and he's not going to do anything inappropriate to someone in his circle. Even though you mentioned you both didn't have much chemistry you are interested enough to ask others what they think and wish that he communicated more with you. If you like this guy give it time and let him recover, keep the texts light and casual. A little compassion goes a long way. Don't hang on every text. Chat with other guys also and plan new dates. Edited April 9, 2021 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 9, 2021 Share Posted April 9, 2021 (edited) 10 hours ago, Dis said: Well since you didn't really feel anything there, why be bothered about the drop off? Don't fall into the toxic trap of, 'welllll....I don't like him but now that he for sure doesn't like me...I kind of like him' Agree! Panda, super confused.  You said you felt no romantic chemistry, just a friendship vibe (if anything), but now you're fretting because he's not chasing you? 😳 Imo, that's your ego. You don't like him much but your ego is bruised cause it dosen't appear he likes you either, except maybe a friendship. I could be wrong but that's what it sounds like to me. Edited April 9, 2021 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted April 9, 2021 Share Posted April 9, 2021 You didn't feel any romantic sparks, it doesn't sound like he did either. I'm not understanding what you think there is left to investigate here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted April 9, 2021 Share Posted April 9, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, poppyfields said: Agree! Panda, super confused.  You said you felt no romantic chemistry, just a friendship vibe (if anything), but now you're fretting because he's not chasing you? 😳 Imo, that's your ego. You don't like him much but your ego is bruised cause it dosen't appear he likes you either, except maybe a friendship. I could be wrong but that's what it sounds like to me. Exactly. Edited April 9, 2021 by Interstellar Link to post Share on other sites
Author PandaPanda Posted April 12, 2021 Author Share Posted April 12, 2021 Thank you everyone for your advice and opinions. It has helped me see things a lot clearer now. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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