Guy I was dating went back to his ex

[Helloworldjello]

I was dating a guy for 5 months, things were excellent, we both had the same interests, he was super into me, invited me to things, offered to make me meet his family. I am a little slow to open up because of past physical and sexual abuse, and he was so patient and understanding. He even jokingly talked about our future, we made plans to travel etc. The last time we met everything was fine. 

After that, I noticed a drop in texting, I felt like I was the more interested party, I initiated meeting up but he said he was super busy (but set a date for the future.) I made nothing of it. But I noticed if I didn't initiate texting, 3-4 days would go by without a text. At this point, we hadn't met in 3 weeks. I asked him what was up and he just said he was busy with exams etc. Okay. I got super anxious and asked him if something was up and I was feeling a bit left out because he wasn't meeting and communicating. (We used to talk everyday so the drop in interest wasn't par for the course.) He apologized and said if I wanted to go for a hike this weekend. I said of course. Everything was fine, but 2 days went by and still no texts. Then I ask him if we are still on for the weekend, and he replied saying he still has feelings for an ex, the girl he wanted to marry. I was super hurt and told him that, asking if he had been thinking about this for a while. He said no, it happened 2-3 days before. Been NC since. A month later, I found out through social media that they had reconciled, and have been together since. (They broke up because of some mental health issues on his ex's side, and I believe he got with me 3 months after his BU)

 

It's been 7 months now and I haven't been able to forget him and they are happy. I thought he was the one. I knew he felt something too. I just don't understand how I will never speak to him again. Will he ever be back?

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Helloworldjello said:

Then I ask him if we are still on for the weekend, and he replied saying he still has feelings for an ex, the girl he wanted to marry. I was super hurt and told him that, asking if he had been thinking about this for a while. He said no, it happened 2-3 days before. Been NC since. A month later, I found out through social media that they had reconciled, and have been together since. (They broke up because of some mental health issues on his ex's side, and I believe he got with me 3 months after his BU)

Ah, sorry to hear this, OP.

It sounds like you were the rebound. It doesn't appear he was in the right head-space to really have a relationship with anyone else if he went back that quickly to his ex. I don't believe this all transpired in the 2 or 3 days before the break-up, either. I think they likely started talking again when you noticed him not communicating as much with you. Even he might have been trying to stuff down those feelings he still had for her while he was dating you, but they were evidently very much still there.

As such? I wouldn't expect him to come back. He was never truly over her to begin with, unfortunately. 

Edited April 9, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[Sun Seeker]

Why would you want someone that is not interested in you, back?

He prefers to be with his ex instead of you, that's what you need to remember.

Wouldn't you rather be with someone that feels the same about you as you do about them?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. Did you ever meet up in person?

People in on/off relationships are a headache and heartache you don't need.

The good news is he demonstrated all the red flags to look out for.

Fake plans, fake future talk, etc.

[trident_2020]

I was that guy back in 2006. My marriage failed, divorce had started but we were still living together.

I dated a girl for 4 months but during that time I briefly reconciled with my ex. Put that poor girl through an emotional meatgrinder.

Finally she got smart and broke up with me, told me I was so not ready for a new relationship and she was right.

Eventually I got divorced, her and I met up for dinner but I wasn't feeling it, don't know if she was but that's the last I ever saw or heard from her.

 

[Gaeta]

I'm sorry you had to go through that, it sucks big time. I remember once it took me a full year to get over a man I dated 5-6 months. You have to stop looking at their social media, and you have to make yourself get back to dating. In my case when I 'made' myself get back into dating I met a man that was my bf for 5 years. Something/someone better is waiting for you. 

[ShyViolet]

13 hours ago, Helloworldjello said:

I just don't understand how I will never speak to him again. Will he ever be back?

This is not the question that you should be asking.

I'm sorry this happened to you.  It sucks.  I understand that it's hard to get over it.  It just takes time.  But don't kid yourself into thinking that he might come back.  It's over.  Leave it in the past and let yourself move on.  

[TeddyBundy1993]

Yes you were a rebound. And trust me it wasn't your mistake. People are not in a correct state of mind after they are being and immediately search for replacement. I have done this and regret till this day it's horrible. Your relationship fell apart and it's typically same duration in which rebounds failed.

That guy was never into you, he must ve tried to love you but failed. Be sure he was communicating with her ex all along when he was with you. My dear you'l have to move on now, don't wait for him. He will never come back even if he does then he will use you same like he did before. And again let me assure you it wasn't your fault you were just unlucky this time. Have patience slowly you'l get over him.  Time heals most wounds. Wish you good luck friend