Saw this app called 'Kiss' on my girlfriends phone, it's not a dating app, but should I be concerned?

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately you're headed down a slippery slope when you want to be the thought police.

Acting like a parent who needs to know about every app on her phone is another red flag 🚩.

This is no different than her watching lifetime network or movies with sexual content.

With all due respect, it's remarkable that you're even concerned about this or somehow associate with your sexual prowess.

 

[elaine567]

From the app's blurb
 

Quote

KISS features romance stories of all genres, along with heat levels to match however naughty or nice you’re feeling. KISS feature content from New York Times and USA Today bestselling authors. Read free chapters from your favorite authors and get daily updates on what’s hot and new!

OMG, it is truly shocking stuff...
SMH.

[d0nnivain]

13 hours ago, RickCMC said:

If I’m “slacking” in the bedroom, wouldn’t the right thing to do be her telling me that? I’m just supposed to guess that I’m not doing enough? Shouldn’t she be communicating this to me?

If you were slacking, yes she should talk to you. 

But she's not reading these stories because anything is wrong.  She's reading them because she enjoys them.  If she eats oysters or strawberries are you going to jump to the same self absorbed conclusions that she's turning to aphrodisiacs  because you are lacking?  

If you want to step up your game, do something ROMANTIC not sexual.  She can get herself off without you. Romance is something only you can provide.  Do you understand the difference?  

[NYAG]

3 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

If you want to step up your game, do something ROMANTIC not sexual.  She can get herself off without you. Romance is something only you can provide.  Do you understand the difference?  

Lol. This is so true. You don't need a man to have an orgasm @RickCMC, you need him for human interaction. You are thinking at far too basic a level and I think that's the situation here. Men think it's a sex thing, women want connection - emotionally, mentally and physically. Stop obsessing that she's using it as a replacement for sex and think more about the other aspects of your relationships. I very much doubt she's reading this because something is lacking. Variety is the spice of life.

[RickCMC]

Based on the responses here, it seems like my best course of action is to just let this go and not worry about it. Is there any upside to telling her I saw the app on her phone or will that only do more harm than good?

[Stupidkupid]

3 minutes ago, RickCMC said:

Based on the responses here, it seems like my best course of action is to just let this go and not worry about it. Is there any upside to telling her I saw the app on her phone or will that only do more harm than good?

I don't tell my partner about everything I read and i honestly don't expect him to tell me. 

Don't worry about it... oh and sex a few times a week seems fine to me. Assume you both work and as you don't live together I'd definitely go for quality over quantity. Its intimacy that would indicate to me a change, and this doesn't mean just sex. Hugging, being close and affectionate. The way you aoeak to each other.

What I would say though is, communication about sex is never a bad thing in a relationship so if your interest is purely you think it could give you a way to see if she wants to spice things up or explore aby fantasies, then Id say have a chat to her and take a genuine interest.

If you're coming at it from insecurity then work on that with yourself and let her enjoy things

[ExpatInItaly]

26 minutes ago, RickCMC said:

 Is there any upside to telling her I saw the app on her phone or will that only do more harm than good?

No.

It will make you look insanely insecure. It's a freakin' app for books, man. You're treating it like she's downloaded Tinder or a porn app or something.

Instead, address where your real concerns are. What is triggering your insecurity? Does she seem less interested in sex lately? Do you feel you two are drifting apart? 

[NYAG]

47 minutes ago, RickCMC said:

Based on the responses here, it seems like my best course of action is to just let this go and not worry about it. Is there any upside to telling her I saw the app on her phone or will that only do more harm than good?

No. You just sound like you're snooping into her private life and that is not a good quality in a partner. Do not say anything.

[dramafreezone]

 

54 minutes ago, RickCMC said:

Based on the responses here, it seems like my best course of action is to just let this go and not worry about it. Is there any upside to telling her I saw the app on her phone or will that only do more harm than good?

Think it through.  In your mind what's the best possible outcome from telling her that you saw an app on her phone and you're worried that she's not being sexually satisfied?  If it does anything but make you appear to be a strong, confident man, there is no upside.

Again, if the resolution is you making an effort to spice things up romatically, why not just do that and avoid the awkward confrontation?

Edited April 10, 2021 by dramafreezone

[elaine567]

No,  don't tell her.
You are the out of date condom guy too.
That recent realisation of her innocence should have been a relief to you but now you are on another worry path 
Stop it.
Paranoia will annoy her.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

39 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

You are the out of date condom guy too.

Good catch, Elaine. 

OP, you need to get to the root of your deep insecurity. Just a few days you admitted in your other thread that you were just being paranoid about that issue. But now... you're starting to feel insecure all over again, on a completely different matter. 

See the pattern here?

Edited April 10, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[Crazelnut]

Oh, you're THAT guy! The expired condom guy! My friend, you need to get a grip on your insecurity. The issues you bring up here are ALL yours.

So to be clear, NO, do not mention the app. It's none of your business.

[Stupidkupid]

1 hour ago, Crazelnut said:

Oh, you're THAT guy! The expired condom guy! My friend, you need to get a grip on your insecurity. The issues you bring up here are ALL yours.

So to be clear, NO, do not mention the app. It's none of your business.

Yep. Just realised hes the same guy.

And agree wholeheartedly with the two posters above. 

 

OP you need to sort yourself out as this woman almost certainly deserves better than her boyfriend constantly doubting her.

[RickCMC]

Yes I am the “expired condom guy”, but if you read that whole thread you would see that a while back I saw she was chatting with an ex. Albeit, she was doing it while I was sitting right next to her, so it wasn’t like she necessarily was hiding it from me, but I believe this insecurity over the expired condoms, and now this romance novel app stems largely from that. 

[basil67]

@RickCMC  These things don't cause your anxiety.  The anxiety was already there and is triggered far too easily by things which are insignificant.   You need to own your own behaviour here.

[Noproblem]

first of all, what a crappy behavior to even suspect your girlfriend over a silly app named kiss, last time I checked, they are tender, bumble, okcupid, hinge, harmony, etc. NOT KISS.

And instead  of saying oh what is this kiss app, is it a game, you went behind her back to search it up, that shows lack of trust from your part and also insecurity and suspicion. This already screams 3 gigantic red flags.

 

Secondly, you don't want her to freaking read a steamy novel or graphic stories, why not? and what else you insecure about it? Last time I checked most most guys and a quite a lot of girls watch porns! So she is not not allowed to read steamy novels now because you will be offended and go insecure about it!

and yes the sex there is 100 better than what you are giving her! for starter they look better and they are more confident & successful and give the right amount of pleasure!! 

 

Honestly, you don't trust your gf or yourself, if I was her, I would leave you or at least make a huge huge fight about what you did!

 

Edited April 11, 2021 by Noproblem

[Fletch Lives]

My ex writes books like that.

Stop being so paranoid. A woman in love is naturally monogamous.

[d0nnivain]

19 hours ago, RickCMC said:

Based on the responses here, it seems like my best course of action is to just let this go and not worry about it. Is there any upside to telling her I saw the app on her phone or will that only do more harm than good?

You can tell her you saw it & ask about what she's reading, who her favorite author is etc if you want to have a "literary" discussion.  I put literary in quotes because Hearts Afire or the latest Jackie Collins novel is hardly Shakespeare or Moby Dick.   But in the context you want to have this discussion -- "why are you reading smutty romance novels when you have me?" -- will be destructive.   If she doesn't laugh in your face over this insecurity she will still see the insecurity & paranoia & you will diminish in her estimation of you.  

Until you raised it here I didn't know what the Kiss app was.  So it's OK that you checked to make sure it wasn't a dating app but now that you know what it is, are you going to try to block Audible or Amazon on her phone too?  What about fanfiction websites?  Do you plan to monitor what she watches on TV or try to block the Lifetime and Hallmark channels on her cable line up?  Are you starting to see how ridiculous this can get if taken to the extreme?  

[smackie9]

There is no upside to checking out your SO phone. Just stop it...so she reads romance novels on line. A lot of women do....she's just reading. let it go oh my gosh.

[kendahke]

On 4/9/2021 at 6:31 PM, RickCMC said:

I’m just confused as to why she never mentioned it.

Why should she mention it? It's something to do to mark time.

Your time would be better spent sorting out your anxiety and why you indulge it at her expense so much. A far better use of your time.

Edited April 19, 2021 by kendahke