Guy I assumed liked me basically told me I need a good man

[KlezF]

I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3 weeks. Things are going great and we see each other frequently. He has been taking me on dates ever since we met. Today we got into the conversation of ex’s and old flings and he said “you’re doing good to be 24” “you have two jobs your own place and a nice car you just need a good man someone who is a doctor or works at NASA or something”

And i assumed he liked me but after he said that maybe he considers me a good friend who he enjoys to hang with since he’s telling me i need someone else

[trident_2020]

Or he's insecure and looking for reassurance that he's good enough for you.

It can't hurt to give it to him even if your first thought is the correct one.

 

[NYAG]

15 minutes ago, KlezF said:

I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3 weeks. Things are going great and we see each other frequently. He has been taking me on dates ever since we met. Today we got into the conversation of ex’s and old flings and he said “you’re doing good to be 24” “you have two jobs your own place and a nice car you just need a good man someone who is a doctor or works at NASA or something”

And i assumed he liked me but after he said that maybe he considers me a good friend who he enjoys to hang with since he’s telling me i need someone else

If you think he's good enough for you, tell him. Say you want to pursue something. It may be that your 'got it togetherness' has floored him a bit. I don't know why he assumes someone from NASA or a doctor is a better fit for you. That sounds a bit materialistic to me. What about a personality, fun person, someone who wants to be with you rather than always at the beck and call of their job. Maybe he's testing your response. Tell him how you feel about your relationship and see what he says.

[glows]

I would have laughed it off. Why is this an issue? Also, what's his background? Is it a possibility he's feeling intimidated by you?

[KlezF]

28 minutes ago, glows said:

I would have laughed it off. Why is this an issue? Also, what's his background? Is it a possibility he's feeling intimidated by you?

I assumed he liked me but when he mentioned me being with someone else i thought different 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, KlezF said:

 Today we got into the conversation of ex’s and old flings

That's always a bad conversation to have. Not sure what his remarks mean. Let the dust settle and see what happens on the next date.

[Gaeta]

He probably has a less impressive job than your exs and now he's wondering if he's good enough for you. Never brag about what your exs do. One of my exs was wealthy, we had maids, gardeners, and luxurious cars in the garage. I have never EVER mentioned this to any man I dated. 

[NYAG]

2 hours ago, KlezF said:

I assumed he liked me but when he mentioned me being with someone else i thought different 

Chap I am with thinks I deserve better than him. Of course, he's still here. It's a test to make sure you think they're up to the job. I guess.

[NYAG]

29 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He probably has a less impressive job than your exs and now he's wondering if he's good enough for you. Never brag about what your exs do. One of my exs was wealthy, we had maids, gardeners, and luxurious cars in the garage. I have never EVER mentioned this to any man I dated. 

Yeah, talking about ex's is very unattractive. Unless it's important to the potential relationship don't go there.

[KlezF]

15 minutes ago, NYAG said:

Yeah, talking about ex's is very unattractive. Unless it's important to the potential relationship don't go there.

We talked about what we went through not how wealthy our ex’s were 

[Alpacalia]

It has the feel of a monkey wrench. I think we often interpret this phrase to mean that the other person is trying to communicate that they are not on your level. It's not much of a compliment. It's almost as if it's a sign. Perhaps he has unresolved life problems that he wants to fix before starting a new relationship.

[glows]

3 hours ago, KlezF said:

I assumed he liked me but when he mentioned me being with someone else i thought different 

I wouldn't read too much into it.

I think getting offended right off the bat on one comment is too soon. Just see how things go. If he continues to make self-depreciating remarks or throws statements like that out there hoping for a compliment or to test your reactions, that's just annoying overall. I'd be wary of anyone who is both insecure and manipulative (ready to point fingers or blame other people for their own lot in life ie). 

 

Edited April 11, 2021 by glows

[Wiseman2]

If he thinks he's not in your league he's going to tiptoe away from this.

[d0nnivain]

He may have been fishing for a complement.  You should have said something about him being a good man.  

[KlezF]

15 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

He may have been fishing for a complement.  You should have said something about him being a good man.  

I didn’t even think to say anything i assumed he was trying to push me off on someone else 

[d0nnivain]

So now you ignore the comment.  Put it out of your head.  Assuming you like him contact him & plan your next date.  He could use some reassurance.  

[dramafreezone]

7 hours ago, KlezF said:

I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3 weeks. Things are going great and we see each other frequently. He has been taking me on dates ever since we met. Today we got into the conversation of ex’s and old flings and he said “you’re doing good to be 24” “you have two jobs your own place and a nice car you just need a good man someone who is a doctor or works at NASA or something”

And i assumed he liked me but after he said that maybe he considers me a good friend who he enjoys to hang with since he’s telling me i need someone else

This is why there's no upside with discussing past partners.  You're just inviting a comparision.

I would not even bring this comment up or any talk about exes.

Edited April 11, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Caauug]

9 hours ago, KlezF said:

Today we got into the conversation of ex’s and old flings and he said “you’re doing good to be 24”

That last part about you "doing good" may not be a complement as you were talking about ex's.... Him saying get someone else just backs that up.... Chances are you said or implied something that was a deal breaker for him.... It's really hard to "unsay" conversations when talking about ex's, best not to go there in the first place or keep it really lite as just one short sentence like: "It didn't work out, we had different goals" The last thing you want to do is paint a picture in his mind of you and your ex's together...  

Good Luck, I hope I'm wrong...

[NYAG]

15 hours ago, KlezF said:

We talked about what we went through not how wealthy our ex’s were 

Even so.......

[Wiseman2]

Date equals. It's a lot less headaches. If you have your own place, don't date guys who live with parents. It's that simple.

[Fletch Lives]

If you are not kissing you are just wishing

[Lotsgoingon]

Bummer, but do not attempt to argue him out of this view. When people say you need someone better, pay attention. Full stop.

As others have said, could mean he is intimidated. Can also mean he realizes he wants a woman different than you, someone less confident, less educated, less professionally accomplished. And sometimes it means he realizes he needs someone who has been in more chaotic relationships than you. 

Now here is the advanced slick move that this can sometimes mean. It could mean he simply wants to have sex with you. This is a vague way of saying he doesn't want a serious relationship. Under this theory, he would throw out "you need a good man and I'm not it." He'd wait for you to say, "you're good enough. I'm not looking for anything super serious." And bingo, it's on.

Anyway, I've dated insecure people in the past and let me tell you: almost ALL of them indicated they were really insecure--as in stated that fact--and some warned me against dating them. They were all right! Dating people who don't think they measure up is a hopeless task. 

[smackie9]

Red flag: this guy has no confidence....it's a juvenile comment. ick. Insecurity is not attractive.

[kendahke]

Quote

Guy I assumed liked me basically told me I need a good man

"... and I'm not him" is the rest of that statement.

When a man isn't stepping up to fulfill that role yet he's saying this to you, believe him and go find that guy.

[NYAG]

10 hours ago, kendahke said:

"... and I'm not him" is the rest of that statement.

When a man isn't stepping up to fulfill that role yet he's saying this to you, believe him and go find that guy.

I've had this said to me in a relationship where there were already limitations and it had a sell by date on it and that was because of him not me. That may be what he meant - or maybe not.