seeyoung87 Posted April 12, 2021 Share Posted April 12, 2021 Is there anyone else in here who has a dismissive avoidant attachment personality? Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 As I understand it there really is no such thing. Some people have simply convinced themselves they don't need the interaction, comfort and support from others but are self deceived. Link to post Share on other sites
Author seeyoung87 Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 Okay, thank you for your honest reply. I respect that. I just know I'm very independent, hard working, and find comfort in knowing that I need not depend on any person for anything. Though, there are times I wish I could change the latter. Being this way is daily struggle. To an extent you're right it is self induced, but how do you change something that at this point incorrigible? I've done therapy to no avail. Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 You meet a person and get involved with them and learn to trust them, open yourself up, be vulnerable to them, and in return they're supportive and understanding. I've had that experience with a few women in my life and in the end I got screwed every single time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author seeyoung87 Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 I'm very sorry that happened to you. I know opening up to any person is difficult in itself. It hurts more when one person is thinking everything is going so well and the other person doesn't let on that they may be conflicted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 Thanks, in my case it wasn't really about them being conflicted, it was more about them being selfish and not being concerned about my needs after I did everything I could to make their life better, caring for them in the best way I could, only to have them do something really messed up in the end. For a recent example if you're interested ready my other thread about the recent demise of a 9 year old relationship. She loves me, doesn't want to be without me, but it's gotta be on her terms which satisfy her own self interest at great expense to my own (I'm not talking money). Anyway I think the topic of your thread, "Dismissive Avoidant Personality" is more of a "style" or acquired coping mechanism rather than some sort of innate personality trait, and I' getting there rapidly. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 On 4/12/2021 at 1:44 AM, seeyoung87 said: Is there anyone else in here who has a dismissive avoidant attachment personality? Does your therapist think you have this or is this from social media memes/quizzes? Link to post Share on other sites
Author seeyoung87 Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 I went to therapy for seven months. I was never formally told I have this. As far as myself diagnosis I didn't get it from memes or quizzes. I just looked at my old textbooks and did the thing people are told not to do...went online. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 Just now, seeyoung87 said: I went to therapy for seven months. Excellent. Focus on what was uncovered in therapy and what you can effectively do to improve whatever you're worried about. Labels don't help much except bogging you down with baggage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author seeyoung87 Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 Therapy failed me. I came out more annoyed than I had when I went in. My therapist was good. The psychiatrist with her treated me like a number. So, I ended up leaving, but she never did tell me what I needed to work on. Was she suppose to? I mean most people who go to therapy know what's brought us there. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 14, 2021 Share Posted April 14, 2021 On 4/13/2021 at 8:59 AM, seeyoung87 said: Therapy failed me. I came out more annoyed than I had when I went in. My therapist was good. The psychiatrist with her treated me like a number. So, I ended up leaving, but she never did tell me what I needed to work on. Was she suppose to? I mean most people who go to therapy know what's brought us there. Why not ask and be more pointed about that question? Ask her specifically what areas she feels you should work on (suggestions and homework/take away thoughts). Link to post Share on other sites
Author seeyoung87 Posted April 15, 2021 Author Share Posted April 15, 2021 I will in the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyplanetmoon Posted April 18, 2021 Share Posted April 18, 2021 Therapy only fails you because you are not being honest with yourself. I challenge you to dig deep and talk to yourself and be honest about things as you explore them. Therapy is a self journey where you are talking to yourself by “pretending” to talk to a therapist. Your therapist can’t really tell you xyz because she/he is not you. They can help to guide you to realization and acceptance and to call you out when you are not being honest or beating around the bush etc. but they can’t really tell you what to do to improve. At least that has been my experience. Link to post Share on other sites
robaday Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 I am dismissive avoidant. I dismissed and avoided the discussion that I was with a couple of ex partners:) Been going to therapy for six months now. It all makes sense. My upbringing. Multiple losses of people close to me. Poor relationship with family. I'm opening up more and learning to be more expressive in what I want with potential partners. So far scared one away:) oh well, I'll keep trying. I'm learning to be ok with potential rejection and risk getting hurt, because deep down like anyone else, I want someone to love who loves me back, just took me a long time to acknowledge or recognise that. Link to post Share on other sites
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