At what age should a person be fully independent?

[Negotaurus]

Hi, thanks for being here. 

Me, I am 22. I have a job, pets, an apartment, I'm doing ok. But in no way am I fully independent yet. 

I don't have a license, no friends, no life, basically. I rely a lot on my family when it comes to company and emotional support. I attend therapy and currently we are talking about independence. My therapist, a wonderful lady, told me some about the fear of success. Hearing about it brought tears to my eyes. My family would support me (financially) in an instant with many things, but I just won't do them. I'm in my bubble, where it's safe and familiar. I am scared of leaving it, and I am scared of what a simple driver's license would bring or change for me. That's just an example, though.

It makes no sense and, quite frankly, makes me sound like a bit of a moron I think. I am trying to work through it. 

I keep telling myself that it's "kind of okay" because I am 22. But I still think I've been taking too long. 

I feel like I am getting old and wasting away!

[snowboy91]

Ok - so I assume you mean you have your own place even though you don't have a driver's licence? Do you live in a major city where there's public transport? If so the licence is far less relevant.

Essentially in terms of "independence" you're part way there. You know that sense of fulfilment that comes with having your own place? Or your own job? Getting to being fully independent is more of that feeling. It's something to be excited about!

It certainly doesn't mean your family can't be a source of company and support. But that can also extend to new friends too, which will eventually become close. Your chosen family, if you will.

[d0nnivain]

You never have to be independent from your family when it comes to emotional support.  

Financially I think life stage more than age but IMO somebody should be able to stand on their own two feet at least 1 year after finishing their education.  I was about 24 when I got out of grad school & got my 1st apartment.  You are ahead of the curve on that score at 22. 

Work with your therapist to get your driver's license.  The sense of freedom that first solo drive evokes is incomparable.  It should spur you to seek more adventures / independence.  

Take some steps to widen your social circle.  That can be tough in lockdowns but join some type of group to make new friends.   

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Negotaurus said:

I am 22. I have a job, pets, an apartment, I'm doing ok. 

This is great. Everyone need friends, family, a social life, etc. Not everyone needs a car/license if you live in a city.  One step at a time. So far, so good.

[Beachead]

Hello@Negotaurus,

Regarding your title question, I'm not going to give a number because the answer has a large degree to do with yourself as well as several exogenous factors that you may encounter  in life.  

Expectations vary from country to country as culture/religion vary.  The economic situation in your country can impact your life as well.  Other factors are health complications, family situation, and any kind of financial assistance you've had in your life.  

BUT

..if you know what you want to accomplish out of your life (And this idea is your idea, not someone elses expectations of you) and have the willpower and discipline to suffer to achieve it, you will get further and accomplish more things than someone who doesn't possess this.

 

Now regarding you..

You're 22.  You're not old.  I made the mistake of feeling this way when I was in my early 20's as well and I missed out on several opportunities of being in the moment and enjoying life.  That fear also made me make decisions out of panic rather that clarity which led down the wrong path in life.  And that can cause more problems.  So put it out of your head.  

But you're doing really well. Consider yourself one of the fortunate ones.

There is nothing wrong with being close to your family.  You trust them.  They make you feel loved and supported, but there isn't anything wrong with requiring some friends as well.

This is advice I received a long time ago which I didn't understand but do now:

Finding a social life starts with you.  It starts with you finding time for the things you love doing and these things or 1 thing has got to be something just for you.  For example, for me, it's music production or Wildlife photography.  I'm alone when I started doing it and I'm alone when working at it, but the thing is..when you love something you do, you don't mind.  And because you love doing it, you're going keep at it and find ways to get better at it.  In that process to get better at it..you will meet people who share common interests (Ex. Other photographers.  Other Musicians.  People who enjoy wildlife, photography or music.  Or just people who understand the concept and struggle of working towards something because they're also working towards something.)  When you do find these people, relationships will progress far more naturally because you both will be on the same page.  You won't have to force it.

But never do these things because you're lonely and because you want to meet people.  You may feel lonely and you desire companionship, but you can never make your decisions about that.   Meeting people and finding friends and relationships are not something we are entitled to.  It's a bonus or a nice gift from life, in the pursuit of our goals.  So when you find those people, be grateful for what it is.    When you think like this, you won't use people to fill emotional voids, but rather share friendship on equal footing and give to them, from your overflow of energy and love for life, that you've cultivated on your own, through the pursuit of things you love to do.

- Beach

[vla1120]

You're doing just fine! Don't assign a number to independence. I know a woman who is 64 years old. She still depends on her mother for financial help as well as transportation. If public transit can get you where you need to go, that's one less vehicle poluting the atmosphere!  Socializing has been hard with COVID, so don't be too hard on yourself. As more people are getting vaccinated, and restrictions are lifting, maybe you can start to attend one event per month - something you are interersted in (music at a local coffee house, some social event at the library, etc.) 

[glows]

On 4/13/2021 at 1:56 AM, Negotaurus said:

Hi, thanks for being here. 

Me, I am 22. I have a job, pets, an apartment, I'm doing ok. But in no way am I fully independent yet. 

I don't have a license, no friends, no life, basically. I rely a lot on my family when it comes to company and emotional support. I attend therapy and currently we are talking about independence. My therapist, a wonderful lady, told me some about the fear of success. Hearing about it brought tears to my eyes. My family would support me (financially) in an instant with many things, but I just won't do them. I'm in my bubble, where it's safe and familiar. I am scared of leaving it, and I am scared of what a simple driver's license would bring or change for me. That's just an example, though.

It makes no sense and, quite frankly, makes me sound like a bit of a moron I think. I am trying to work through it. 

I keep telling myself that it's "kind of okay" because I am 22. But I still think I've been taking too long. 

I feel like I am getting old and wasting away!

Start with what independence looks like to you. It may look different to other people so you are never going to get one resounding answer. Not being a fan of city life, I would not be able to imagine what not having a license would be. I think it's great having different groups of friends who are into different hobbies also. You create your own happiness and your own life that you want and not everything happens overnight. Some processes take time and sometimes we evolve as people getting there too. If something doesn't sound as important to you now, that might change later.

Also you are not a moron. Avoid that negative self-talk. Everyone feels overwhelmed every now and then. 

Edited April 16, 2021 by glows