mORM Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 (edited) My girlfriend - who is younger than my daughter - currently lives in the US and I live in Europe. Obviously the Pandemic and the ban on international travel has hit us hard. We skype every day but haven't been together for over a year. We are both pretty rational and honest and sensible people and we got talking the other day about maybe seeing other people until things get back to normal. We can see both the potential positives and negatives. We have no intention of doing anything to damage our relationship and plan to marry when things get back to normal. One option we discussed since we are both bisexual was only seeing other people of the same gender. Advice? Edited April 13, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Removed All Caps Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 Only you know if this will work for you. LDRs must be based on trust. Between the distance & the openness, will that trust still be present if you do this. Are there really people out there who will date you knowing you are "committed" to a member of the opposite sex in a different country? What happens if one of you falls in love with the new person? Personally while I don't believe in "breaks", but under these circumstances with no meaningful opportunity to see each other due to forces beyond your control, I might take a break & date whomever. When the world opens back up make a plan to see each other again & see where you are then. But I don't see the point in holding things together in name only. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mORM Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 (edited) Thanks for your response. You make a good point. I suspect she is already seeing someone at the moment since she has less and less time to talk on skype recently. Perhaps its best to end things in a friendly way and see how things are in a year.... Edited April 13, 2021 by mORM 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 Why would you wanna see other people if you've found somebody your in love with and want to marry, why wouldn't you both just wait for each other , things should be moving again pretty soon all over anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mORM Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 (edited) Hi Chilli... Well as I said we have been apart for over a year at this stage and there is no guarantee that US=Europe travel is going to open up this year. I suppose she brought up the topic because its all to easy for lonely depressed people to fall into the arms of a friendly kind person and knowing this is better to deal with the issue upfront than cheat dont you think? Edited April 13, 2021 by mORM Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 She's young enough to be your daughter. You can't expect her to wait for you but given all the gaps I suspect that your jealousy will get the best of you. It's human nature. The other person will be there with her & you will be on your continent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mORM Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 She is very young and I do understand that she cant wait forever. I would much rather she honestly see other people than cheat on me while we are apart. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 You are losing her, and you are agreeing to this hare brained scheme in an attempt to keep her. It won't work. She knows and you know she has someone else and the "open" relationship is just an excuse to cheat with permission and then move on. My advice. It is over. Wish her well on her new life journey and once you have healed prepare to start dating again. Next time find someone closer to home and in your own age group. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 Yeah , ridiculous idea if you ask me , plenty of people are single yrs in their 20s most probably at least a few times, l was a few yrs myself . At least you have each other until even if from a far right now- there's something else going on or not enough or something. l'd break it off too no way she's gonna have the maturity to marry you anyway if this is her idea. You could always touch base again in 12mths time or whenever . Link to post Share on other sites
Author mORM Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 (edited) Hello Elaine Do I detect a tone of disapproval in your advice? New York is as home to me as London since I own apartments in both cities. As for the difference in age I think we make up for that in our shared interests and ideals. We are both creative eccentric and introverted people and rarely connect with others. I think we have more going for us than most couples although its true our relationship has provoked a lot of jealousy from my daughter who is 6 years older than her. We just need a way to deal with the current reality... Edited April 13, 2021 by mORM Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 I think you are in denial. She's already checked out and may be seeing someone else and you're still with a mindset of having a forever with her (ie marriage). I would end this and raise the bar. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mORM Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 (edited) Chilli, I agree that it might be sensible to agree to meet up in a year and see were we stand then... Edited April 13, 2021 by mORM Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 No disapproval. Open relationships rarely work and those that do involve two people very committed to one another who want to explore their sexuality with other people. Here your relationship suffers from problems. Large age gap, long distance, a jealous daughter and one person who is seeing someone else who now wants to legitimise it by "opening" up the relationship. Open relationships are not designed to solve problems, they make them worse and tend to add a whole slew of more issues to the mix... 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mORM Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 Understood. Thanks for the clarification of your opinion. The situation is further complicated by the fact she is currently living in my NYC apartment.... Link to post Share on other sites
Sun Seeker Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 Why could you not have met in a 3rd country, for example Mexico? That's actually where I had a 2nd date with an ex who lived in NY and I'm in London, after meeting in Europe. My current girlfriend is in Asia where travel restrictions are even stricter.. and we managed to meet up in January.. spent one month in Dubai together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 Just put an end to the relationship and leave the possibility open that maybe you will cross paths again in the future. This "relationship" makes no sense. You are on two different continents and haven't seen each other in a year. This is not a real relationship. You are pen pals. You can't expect someone to wait for you this long, nor should you put your life on hold for something that's going nowhere. Put an end to this and live your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 5 hours ago, mORM said: since we are both bisexual was only seeing other people of the same gender. Why not take a formal break and end things for a while. It's not fair to use other people (any gender) to fill in the gaps in your improbable relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 14, 2021 Share Posted April 14, 2021 It’s time to end this relationship. There are logistical problems that just can not be overcome. Its time for her to find somewhere else to live, or start paying you rent. There is no end in sight, no guarantee that you will be together anytime soon, which means that there is little sense in staying together at this point... This pandemic has likely put an end to a number of long distances relationships - they are just untenable given the circumstances. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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