Ending Relationship Due to Lack of Communication

[Sam051105]

Long distance partner tended to completely ignore me at times throughout our 3 year relationship.

Never because of an argument or because I'd done anything wrong. He would go days without replying to or sometimes even reading my messages and not answer the phone.

This led me to go out of my mind with worry and overthink. Would text and beg him to tell me he's okay. I told him on many occasions this behaviour stresses me out and makes me anxious but still it continued. Usually the reason was because he was feeling down but how was I to know when he didn't communicate that to me at all. Told him I would be okay with him telling me if he needed quiet time and space because I'd know why he's silent and wouldn't imagine all sorts. Still he did it. 

I have just ended our relationship because I felt it was too much for me  and I need to take care of myself, I was constantly anxious and crying. 

Is it ever okay to ignore your partner and not communicate with them whatsoever and then come back a few days later and say oh I was feeling low?

I really would like opinions on this please.

Edited April 13, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. Have you met in person? Have you ever visited him? Is he married/living with someone?

End it. It's causing you nothing but headaches, heartaches and unnecessary stress.

In these 3 years you could have met, dated and already be happily married to a decent man.

[Sam051105]

Thank you for your reply Wiseman2.

We've met lots of times, I've stayed with him on many occasions, he lives alone, I've met the family etc.

You are so right, thats why I ended it.

[FMW]

This thread might be of interest to you, it deals with lack of communication.

 

 

[Lotsgoingon]

It's whatever both people agree to. But in a ldr, frequent communication, heck daily communication, multiple-daily communication is an absolute must. When I was doing ldr, I would come home and talk to my gf about an hour a night, back in the days when long-distance phone calls were expensive.

Next time, do not let this go on so long. You want to cut this as soon as the person disappears on you twice. Any time you're stressed in a relationship, something is off. Stop and address it. If problem doesn't get fixed and you're still stressed, end things.

 

[spiderowl]

No, it's not ok to ignore your partner for days on end.  You have done the right thing in ending this relationship.  It was making you anxious and was not doing you any good.

Now you are free to meet someone who will be very happy to be there for you.

[glows]

Glad for you that it ended also. Yes, you did the right thing and second the comment about stress and when something doesn't feel right.

You are your own best measure of what does or doesn't feel good in a relationship. The problem with long chronic issues is that they condition us over time and we lose sight of what we want or even who we are as people. You didn't do that and you stuck up for yourself so give yourself a pat on the back and don't look back on this. At all.

[Sam051105]

Thank you for your replies. I must admit I've been constantly thinking 'did I make more of it than what it was' but then I remind myself that someone who truly loves you wouldn't consistently do something that they know hurts you and refuse to acknowledge it or want to rectify it.

I expected people to disagree with me and tell me I'm wrong so thank you again!

[d0nnivain]

On 4/13/2021 at 10:19 AM, Sam051105 said:

Is it ever okay to ignore your partner and not communicate with them whatsoever and then come back a few days later and say oh I was feeling low?

When I am depressed I do not have the energy to communicate with anybody.  I can't answer the phone, I can't text. I just shut down.  If you have never been in the dark place you have no idea how hard it is to even get out of bed.  My husband was here so he could see me still in bed when he got home or camped out on the couch.  He at least knew I was safe even if I was a wreck.  

If that is what your EX was going through, my heart breaks for him because I understand.  I have been there.  

However, in an LDR most of what you have is communication.  When that ends & the person who is getting radio silence thinks the worst, it's not good for anybody.  He can't give you what you want & you are right not to settle for what he can offer.  It just makes you two incompatible & it's better that you are apart.  

Best wishes to you both.  

[Lotsgoingon]

The only wrong committed here was to yourself--you stayed in a relationship that was making you unhappy for far too long. Note: the judgement isn't that the other person is "bad" (though in this case, this other person was indeed neglecting you). It's enough that you don't feel good in the relationship. That's enough to end it. Doesn't matter if someone hypothetically make feel OK.