dramafreezone Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, LaPi said: Not the point. I actually told him I didn’t care about labels at all. You can end a relationship at any stage, labels don’t give security. but telling you that I like you and that I’m in, present, open and wanting for us to work out, and you tell me nothing similar at least, well again, a knife in my back. my feelings weren’t reciprocated. THAT’S the problem, not the labels. Well do you accept the idea that people move at different speeds in the relationship? Just because you were at a certain point doesn't mean he was, or that it's a bad sign that he wasn't. In fact most times one person is goinig to be ahead of the other. It's only 8 dates in. Edited April 16, 2021 by dramafreezone 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaPi Posted April 16, 2021 Author Share Posted April 16, 2021 7 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I agree in normal circumstances it's best to take your time. But, in my experience, a man that says he is not sure of wanting a relationship with anyone, is a man that needs his freedom still and not only for 2 months but for long enough to figure himself out. I am starting to think he genuinely likes me and all, but he’s not emotionally available, and the second I got vulnerable, he put up a huge wall. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 @LaPi: Don't send that message. You should message to seek clarity, not express sorrow and regret. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 (edited) 2 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: Well do you accept the idea that people move at different speeds in the relationship? Just because you were at a certain point doesn't mean he was, or that it's a bad sign that he wasn't. In fact most times one person is goinig to be ahead of the other. It's only 8 dates in. I am sorry for being a pain in the neck. It's not that he may be slower, it's that he doesn't even want to be in. Edited April 16, 2021 by Gaeta Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaPi Posted April 16, 2021 Author Share Posted April 16, 2021 3 minutes ago, cleverusername said: Nothing in that text involves or acknowledges him or his feelings, so i'd start with that. It does. Here I didn’t want to push you away, come on too strong or create problems where they do not exist. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 7 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I agree in normal circumstances it's best to take your time. But, in my experience, a man that says he is not sure of wanting a relationship with anyone, is a man that needs his freedom still and not only for 2 months but for long enough to figure himself out. Well in my experience (and granted I've had less than you as far as "dating" goes), it takes some men time to know what they want to happen with a particular woman. Again, it had only been ONE month, that's what surprises me. As another poster said earlier, the first month or two is when you're evaluating whether or not you want a RL with that person, it's not the time to dump the person for not being where you are after only one month. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 23 minutes ago, LaPi said: I crafted a potential text message. can you guys tell me if sounds too bad or if doesn’t really say anything at all? “I’m saddened and genuinely sorry for the way things panned out between us. It feels unreal, just days ago I was all happy and flirty. It was difficult for me to be that vulnerable and I reacted impulsively in the attempt to protect my feelings. I didn’t want to push you away, come on too strong or create problems where they do not exist. We had a great time together, every single date was pretty amazing and that’s rare” How about something more direct? "I made a mistake and would like to meet you for coffee. Would you be open to that?" Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 Just now, poppyfields said: Well in my experience (and granted I've had less than you as far as "dating" goes), it takes some men time to know what they want to happen with a particular woman. But it's not about if he wants a relationship with OP. He's not sure he wants a relationship *at all with anyone*. He's not done being single. It's still calling him. She will not make him change his mind. When a man feels he should be single it's a very strong calling, no matter how cute she is, it won't change his mind. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 Or how about "I miss you, can we talk"? Gauge response. Toss out the message you drafted, it's too intense. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaPi Posted April 16, 2021 Author Share Posted April 16, 2021 1 minute ago, glows said: How about something more direct? "I made a mistake and would like to meet you for coffee. Would you be open to that?" Because I don’t know if I actually made a mistake or not. Maybe he’s absolutely not interested in me, so there was no mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 Just now, LaPi said: Because I don’t know if I actually made a mistake or not. Maybe he’s absolutely not interested in me, so there was no mistake. If you are going to be scared to open yourself up at this point, I don't think you should be in a relationship with anyone. I say this with kindness because what you're looking for are guarantees and there are no guarantees. I think you've been burned in the past and you're not ready to be in a relationship. By the way I don't say this with judgment because coming out of a marriage myself it's not a walk in the park. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Gaeta said: But it's not about if he wants a relationship with OP. He's not sure he wants a relationship *at all with anyone*. He's not done being single. It's still calling him. She will not make him change his mind. When a man feels he should be single it's a very strong calling, no matter how cute she is, it won't change his mind. Gaeta, are you reading posts? I already explained that. Take it with a grain of salt, when he meets the right woman, and it's gonna take longer than one month for him to determine who is that right woman, he will want a relationship, can almost guarantee it. It happened that way with my previous ex, huge player when I met him. Within a very short time he was asking me to be exclusive and we dated six years. Even the biggest players in the world want a relationship when they meet a woman who challenges them, inspires them, and allows them the necessary time and space to move closer to her, emotionally. And again, in some cases, perhaps even many cases, it's gonna take longer than one short month. Edited April 16, 2021 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cleverusername Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 Just now, LaPi said: Because I don’t know if I actually made a mistake or not. Maybe he’s absolutely not interested in me, so there was no mistake. This may sound harsh, but it's only because I want you to be happy. Stop caring. If he is already "absolutely not interested" whats the worst that can happen? He becomes "absolutely positively not interested"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaPi Posted April 16, 2021 Author Share Posted April 16, 2021 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: But it's not about if he wants a relationship with OP. He's not sure he wants a relationship *at all with anyone*. He's not done being single. It's still calling him. She will not make him change his mind. When a man feels he should be single it's a very strong calling, no matter how cute she is, it won't change his mind. Yes, I think so too. either he still wants to be single, or he’s too afraid of falling for someone and get hurt, or he still thinks that “sleeping around” is fun, but at the same time, he was deeply enjoying the intimate and affectionate connection with me because i was basically replacing his wife for a bit? Hugging while sleeping and cooking together? I dunno Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 Message I have over-reacted the other night and left without giving you a chance to explain yourself. Could we meet and talk? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaPi Posted April 16, 2021 Author Share Posted April 16, 2021 4 minutes ago, glows said: If you are going to be scared to open yourself up at this point, I don't think you should be in a relationship with anyone. I say this with kindness because what you're looking for are guarantees and there are no guarantees. I think you've been burned in the past and you're not ready to be in a relationship. By the way I don't say this with judgment because coming out of a marriage myself it's not a walk in the park. Uh? I opened myself up with this guy, that’s the whole point. I wasn’t scared at all to be vulnerable with him, it felt right. Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 4 minutes ago, Gaeta said: But it's not about if he wants a relationship with OP. He's not sure he wants a relationship *at all with anyone*. He's not done being single. It's still calling him. She will not make him change his mind. When a man feels he should be single it's a very strong calling, no matter how cute she is, it won't change his mind. I don't believe that. I firmly believe that for every man that says he's single, there's some woman out there that he vibes with so well and that he's so infatuated with that he'll abandon his rules. Maybe that could've been the OP but this breakup probably ruined any chances of that developing. Don't mean to make her feel bad there but it's a lesson to just enjoy the moment. It's comforting when a woman can be in the moment and she's not looking to step 10 when we're on step 2, or just looking for something to go wrong. 3 2 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 14 minutes ago, Gaeta said: @LaPi: Don't send that message. You should message to seek clarity, not express sorrow and regret. I think she should keep it short, a simple "I miss you, can we talk"? Gain clarity after he agrees he wants to talk and make a date to discuss it in person. That's my final advice! 😂 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 5 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Take it with a grain of salt My teen asked me what's going on, apparently I'm on the edge of my seat with a weird face expression lol. I know players eventually meet 'that special woman'. If OP has time for a project sure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 2 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: I don't believe that. I firmly believe that for every man that says he's single, there's some woman out there that he vibes with so well and that he's so infatuated with that he'll abandon his rules. Maybe that could've been the OP but this breakup probably ruined any chances of that developing. Don't mean to make her feel bad there but it's a lesson to just enjoy the moment. It's comforting when a woman can be in the moment and she's not looking to step 10 when we're on step 2, or just looking for something to go wrong. Man, you and I are in total agreement tonight! 😂 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 1 minute ago, dramafreezone said: I don't believe that. I firmly believe that for every man that says he's single, there's some woman out there that he vibes with so well and that he's so infatuated with that he'll abandon his rules. Maybe that could've been the OP but this breakup probably ruined any chances of that developing. Don't mean to make her feel bad there but it's a lesson to just enjoy the moment. It's comforting when a woman can be in the moment and she's not looking to step 10 when we're on step 2, or just looking for something to go wrong. I’m single...where the hell is such a place I can find such a woman??? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Gaeta said: My teen asked me what's going on, apparently I'm on the edge of my seat with a weird face expression lol. I know players eventually meet 'that special woman'. If OP has time for a project sure. It's not a project, it's simply allowing him the proper space and time.... and inspiring him. And not allowing your emotions to drive the ship. That's not to say don't be an emotional person, I am an extremely emotional person, I just don't allow my emotions to control me, huge mistake as evidence here. Edited April 16, 2021 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: I’m single...where the hell is such a place I can find such a woman??? I'm here. 😛 And there are plenty more where I come from too, even on this forum. Edited April 16, 2021 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cleverusername Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Message I have over-reacted the other night and left without giving you a chance to explain yourself. Could we meet and talk? No, that sounds confrontational. Explain yourself? As a man if a woman ever offered to meet me so I could "explain myself" I would buy a plane ticket out of the city for that night. I think "and left without listening to you. I was hearing but not listening, and I regret it. I i'm willing to have a conversation about we can work through this". Edited April 16, 2021 by cleverusername 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 Potatoes. He doesn't want a relationship, really not much more to discuss. Link to post Share on other sites
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