Stonewalling Ex with profound trust issues

[Lzu]

I need help deciding if I should still fight for my ex. 

He won't speak to me, read anything I say, see me again, he doesn't want to hear any information about me, or for me to know anything about him. He's turned off his phone for 2 months and he's sworn off women, and plans to 'never date again'. He stays busy all the time and is apparently very unhappy. This was all info I managed to pry out of his best friend but what crushed me the most was learning why he was so adamant about maintaining radio silence.

Apparently up to the months to our break up and especially during the breakup, I shattered his trust. He suffered deep trust issues before from previous ex's but this was the nail in the coffin.

My rock bottom was how I acted after our break up - so took the time to introspect and do the necessary on going internal work. I truly believe we could have an amazing relationship if we work through some of his insecurities, but I have to first get him to 'talk' or 'read' and walk through that door. I'm under no disillusion how difficult the journey would be rebuilding his fragile trust but beyond love, I believe we're compatible in many different ways, and that could have a truly happy and fulfilling life together.

I'm okay without him, having him in my life is a choice now. So, I'd like to know what others think - am I hanging on to false hope?

Or, perhaps someone has dealth with similar situations and has some advice. Given myself until Mid May before I reach out - his anger seems very severe but perhaps I'm waiting too long. I really just don't know what to do. 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Lzu said:

 my ex. 

He won't speak to me, read anything I say, see me again, he doesn't want to hear any information about me, or for me to know anything about him. 

How long were you dating? What was the breakup about?

He's an ex so there's no reason for you to talk to him.

Since you describe him as quite defective on many levels, it's better to move forward.

Hopefully he'll just block you so there's no confusion.

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, Lzu said:

am I hanging on to false hope?

In short, yes.

I don't see why you would want to hang on to someone like this, who very clearly does not want you in his life. It's time to move on and heal. 

[d0nnivain]

You don't fight for an EX who has gone NC.  That person is making it abundantly clear they want nothing to do with you.  You respect that choice & do not try to impose your will on the other person.  You don't know what's best for them. 

You also can't change somebody else, even to improve them.  You take them exactly as they are.  You can change yourself but not someone else & it's both futile & foolish to even try. 

[glows]

15 hours ago, Lzu said:

 

He won't speak to me, read anything I say, see me again, he doesn't want to hear any information about me, or for me to know anything about him.

I think you need to read this again and then reread it again in times when you feel compelled to believe that you're both compatible. 

This person wants nothing to do with you. You're crossing over into harassment and stalking. Don't reach out or bother any of his friends or family or continue to solicit more information out of shared circles. This is extremely disturbing. 

[kendahke]

Quite frankly, I'd leave him alone and get on with life. 

You don't want him handing your behind back to you.

It's not up to you how long he can remain angry with you--that is for him to work out on his own time table.

If he's as angry as you say, he's not interested in an "amazing" relationship with you. That ship sailed long ago.

Get on with your life. Stop treading water and swim to shore already.

[Miss Peach]

On 4/14/2021 at 5:24 AM, d0nnivain said:

You don't fight for an EX who has gone NC.  That person is making it abundantly clear they want nothing to do with you.  You respect that choice & do not try to impose your will on the other person.  You don't know what's best for them. 

You also can't change somebody else, even to improve them.  You take them exactly as they are.  You can change yourself but not someone else & it's both futile & foolish to even try. 

I totally agree with this being on the other side of being NC. If he had been more respectful of NC I wouldn't be trying so hard to avoid him still. We're in a lot of the same social circles so it's not easy to avoid him completely. I would have preferred to be able to attend the same functions and be civil by this point.

 

As for the relationship itself. How would you be if he were to stay exactly like he is? It doesn't sound like you want that version of him. Rather you want an improved potential version of him.

Edited May 4, 2021 by Miss Peach

[mark clemson]

He sounds very passive-aggressive. There are other fish in the sea...