My girlfriend was once the other woman & it's eating away at me finding out

[glows]

5 hours ago, WELLINGTON14 said:

I completely get your POV I took all responses on board but ultimately I know myself, my relationship & I love this girl so all sense has sort of gone out the window, I feel awful for not trusting her but also I didn’t think it was right to ask her to change her job with all the friends she has there & it being close to home, something she’s really built her way up in, yes she made a mistake and got involved with a co -worker before we met & yes it was his actions not hers that caused this uncertainty, therefore I confronted him in my head to put this all to rest and not have flowers or other contact later down the line, but I completely agree that I undermined her & should've spoke to her about dealing with this herself, I actually am very disappointed and have crossed a line for my peace of mind & selfishness but at the detriment of my girlfriends feelings & trust, that I can’t undo I don’t expect sympathy I just got inside my head with all the worst case scenarios & just didn’t think about how stupid that decision was till after 😕

I think she emotionally manipulated you. 

Anyway, it is done and hopefully things blow over with this particular person at work. I don't think this is the last time her issues will pop out and you'll feel compelled once again being her knight in shining armour. 

 

 

[NYAG]

On 4/15/2021 at 5:03 PM, WELLINGTON14 said:

Yeah so I just completely bit the bullet my own peace of mind and tying up loose ends I had to do what I had to do, I rung the guy & I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone cower so much, admitted to sending the flowers & did it as a friend, he said she’s not had any contact with him but he did it anyway so a complete disrespect for another relationship & unprofessionalism finding her address from work & sending her flowers anonymously, I called him out saying it’s bullshit she’s made it clear 2 years ago when she cut contact leave her alone & you’ve admitted you knew she had a new boyfriend and on Valentine’s you’ve decided to send her flowers and try it on, the whole wanting to be friends is an ulterior motive & he didn’t have an explanation just that he agreed to cut the s***, I said ask yourself if your wife knew you’d done this what would her reaction be & if she’d not already lost all trust in you what would she think now & if I hear your name or see any sort of message that isn’t work related and you don’t take this advice I’ll have no choice but to let her know & the workplace that a HR manager can’t control himself, I know a lot of you will think I’m crazy but I got what I needed to done & for me I have a closure & also that my girlfriend was telling the truth.

I rung her after to tell her what I’d done & she actually wasn’t too mad, she said she was just disappointed we couldn’t have spoke about it together as a team & that I’d gone behind her back understandably not saying I am right to do what I did, but if that’s what I wanted to do she wouldn’t have had a problem because ultimately she knows she hasn’t welcomed this or entertained him & this was confirmed, but unfortunately I don’t think we would’ve got to that without an argument or it being heated & it was a spur of the moment decision I just did because I didn’t see a way I was going to get the answers I needed fast.

This phone call was about 10 minutes and was none threatening I just made my points and just said stop, didn’t do it to intimidate but I know some of you will be thinking ive gone abit over board unfortunately I’m not perfect & this was the best way of dealing with it for me thanks.

 

Him sending the flowers sounds creepy and like he was testing the water. I don't believe it was innocent. Weird.

[mark clemson]

^^ totally. Your HR guy at work sends you flowers? Really??

I mean the HR guy should know better, right?

It's almost comical how ridiculous that is.

[elaine567]

I hope your loyalty was well founded.
Affairs are very addictive and can persist even after exposure.
MM can be unwilling to give up their other woman. 
On the OW forum it is extremely common for MM to keep coming back long after the affair is over.
"Don't worry, he'll be back" is the regular advice and it is usually correct.
Some affairs just keep rumbling on.
Yes you trust your woman but workplace affairs can be very long lasting and if it remains in the workplace, then they are easily hidden and evidence can be hard to find.
Your gf was not only a OW, she was also a cheater.
Be very careful.

I suggest you do some reading on the OW forum.

[NYAG]

On 4/15/2021 at 5:03 PM, WELLINGTON14 said:

Yeah so I just completely bit the bullet my own peace of mind and tying up loose ends I had to do what I had to do, I rung the guy & I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone cower so much, admitted to sending the flowers & did it as a friend, he said she’s not had any contact with him but he did it anyway so a complete disrespect for another relationship & unprofessionalism finding her address from work & sending her flowers anonymously, I called him out saying it’s bullshit she’s made it clear 2 years ago when she cut contact leave her alone & you’ve admitted you knew she had a new boyfriend and on Valentine’s you’ve decided to send her flowers and try it on, the whole wanting to be friends is an ulterior motive & he didn’t have an explanation just that he agreed to cut the s***, I said ask yourself if your wife knew you’d done this what would her reaction be & if she’d not already lost all trust in you what would she think now & if I hear your name or see any sort of message that isn’t work related and you don’t take this advice I’ll have no choice but to let her know & the workplace that a HR manager can’t control himself, I know a lot of you will think I’m crazy but I got what I needed to done & for me I have a closure & also that my girlfriend was telling the truth.

I rung her after to tell her what I’d done & she actually wasn’t too mad, she said she was just disappointed we couldn’t have spoke about it together as a team & that I’d gone behind her back understandably not saying I am right to do what I did, but if that’s what I wanted to do she wouldn’t have had a problem because ultimately she knows she hasn’t welcomed this or entertained him & this was confirmed, but unfortunately I don’t think we would’ve got to that without an argument or it being heated & it was a spur of the moment decision I just did because I didn’t see a way I was going to get the answers I needed fast.

This phone call was about 10 minutes and was none threatening I just made my points and just said stop, didn’t do it to intimidate but I know some of you will be thinking ive gone abit over board unfortunately I’m not perfect & this was the best way of dealing with it for me thanks.

 

I know some people said absolutely do not do this, but you know what, sometimes you just have to take matters into your own hands and especially if you're not getting the answers you want. How long otherwise, would you have been sat around hoping for an honest explanation. Your reaction is probably the only one the MM would have understood and honestly. I'm glad you did it, because the alternatives weren't great.