How it feels like when it comes to a cross-country relationship for 5 years.

[zhangli]

I’m a Chinese. He is an American.
I only can speak easy English and teach him Chinese.
We Have been together for 5 years, more we are not together literally for the most of time.
Then what kind of strength supports us? For love, belief, persistence, and trust.
Even people didn’t believe we would have a happy ending, but I still decided to commit to it since I met him.

Here are the stories that happened in my cross-country relationship for 5 years.

We know each other for “One night stand,”
My roommate went out for a date, time for me to open Tinder for browsing eggplants again.
I had registered Tinder for almost 1 month for looking for a person who was possible to teach me English, but natives unmatched me once they noticed my intention. People from other countries have strong accents. It left me not much choice.
Luckily there was an American kept in touch with me. but he just asked me to go to a car and said just to know each other more.
Comon, 1 am? Meeting in a bar? To know each other more? You must be kidding me.

The American asked why I didn’t reply to him the next morning.
I decided to make it straight: Do you want to have one night stand?
He repled to me after a while: Yea?
Yea, not surprised: I’m sorry, but actually I’m looking for someone who can practise me my English.
He replied fast this time: Whatsapp.
He told me his real name on Whatsapp, Jack. Even we had been talking on Tinder for almost 1 month, but I got to say this bro was quite slow compared to other men. Normally those men like to send you pics of their eggplants. But he liked saying Hello, how are you once a week, then nothing more, like deep flirting, just a grandpa on Tinder. But I wasn’t surprised he asked me to go to a bar suddenly, it surprised me he asked me for this after 1 month.
We didn’t talk about one night stand anymore on Whatsapp, I mean, at least we pretended that word never showed up. We started learning languages from one another.
The truth is that he learned his minor in Chinese. He had the foundation for it. But what he wanted to express was more than what he knew, so there were always a lot of ridiculous jokes happened.
For example, it was the anxious phase of the presidential election. He said why those two people keep having Koujiāo (blowjob)while we talked in Chinese.
I was like?????? Blowjob? Those two candidates were in that kind of relationship? And they did on TV? Maybe they were right, Americans are really too open.
But after a while I realized, actually, he wanted to say Koujiǎo (quarrel)

Even I told him many times about the difference between those two words but seemed like it was quite hard for him to remember, that’s why it happened again when we met for the first time.

 

[Wiseman2]

How often can you see each other in person? Has the pandemic affected your visitations/relationship?

[zhangli]

On 4/17/2021 at 2:22 PM, Wiseman2 said:

How often can you see each other in person? Has the pandemic affected your visitations/relationship?

Thanks for your reply, I'll tell more details in following posts, but the pandemic affected our relationship a loooooot, a lot of stories happened during that period. 

[zhangli]

I didn’t expect to have a relationship with a foreigner, especially in a country that required Visa for staying. But all changed as I met him.
We had been talking every day before we met. 
I started waiting for his messages once i opened my eyes, then we used to start talking once I received his message. Even we hadn’t met, but somehow there were so many things for us to talk about like family, previous relationships, life in general.
I can’t help smiling once that period came to my mind. 
We always talked until midnight .
Until my period came. I didn’t go to class for the pain which was almost killing me. Turning off the AC, crouching myself inside of the quilt in summer. I told my roommate what happened when she asked me. But I still could see it’s kinda hard for her to believe that a girl would feel pain for menstruation. It upset me that she couldn’t understand so I texted him looking forward to some comfort.
“You didn’t go to class only for the period? You could find a better excuse, no?” This is his original reply.
I was looking for some comforts and not for a mean attitude like my roommate.


I barely had friends here. I felt worse at that moment.
I fell asleep until afternoon, got 0 messages when I woke up to check.
I texted him but all the messages were still unread, I was thinking was it possible that he was upset with me either?

So I called him directly.
I
started being nervous once I realized it was our first call. 
Apparently, I forgot just a few minutes ago I was a little annoyed that he didn’t text me.

No answer.

Why... he really annoyed?

I felt pain again.


The phone started buzzing after a while.

“Hello?”

It’s him.

His voice sounded so happy which made me felt like nothing happened.

“Hi, do you know how is the feeling of having rectocele?”
“
Rectocele?”

“That’s how I feel when the period comes every time.”

“.....”

“I called for telling this. I didn’t try to pretend I was sick or find an excuse for not going to class. I did feel pain. And I’m sorry if I bothered you by my messages and call, you can tell me directly.”

I realized that I hung up the call when I calmed down.

But after a while, I received his message.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt pain for real. My ex and other female friends never showed they would feel pain or need to have a rest for it. We still hung out, drinking and dancing until midnight. Maybe it’s unusual for Asians. But I am sorry. Btw I was busy with work in the day, can you forgive me?”

My god, I was ashamed of how I just overreacted. Why I did I even mention rectocele...

“It’s ok, thank you for telling me tho.”
He replied fast this time.
“
How about let me visit you in college tomorrow?”

If I think back to that afternoon, when he said he wanted to meet me, my heart almost jumped out through my throat. I believe that’s the moment. I realized I had feelings for him.

[Wiseman2]

20 hours ago, zhangli said:

“Hi, do you know how is the feeling of having rectocele?”
“
Rectocele?”

“That’s how I feel when the period comes every time.”

 he said he wanted to meet me, my heart almost jumped out through my throat.

Have you met in person? It seems you are telling him too much personal information. Go to a physician for period cramps. 

[zhangli]

Whenever I recall our first meeting, Harlem Yu's song is always inseparable.
When he said he wanted to see me, I almost forgot the pain and jumped out of bed. What should I do, should I go? But the pic on tinder was modified. My god, should I have a new haircut first?
According to my favorite motto, go boldly, leave early.
“Ok.”
Finally, we met.
He is not tall, but like his profile pic, dark hair, brown eyes. His beautiful canine teeth made my heart swilling.
We went to the nearby restaurant, and he asked me if I was better. I just remembered what happened yesterday. I wanted to find a hole in it. I said it was better. It doesn't hurt anymore.
As the sound of the environment gets noisier and noisier. We started talking normally.
We chatted for a long time, from him always can not distinguish "koujiao(blowjob)" and "koujiao(quarrel)" to me to study in the United States.
I got no one to confess my feelings until I met him.
Then I realized that I was alone in saying that he did not interrupt me, but kept looking at me silently.
He said he understood, although he did not understand the difference between "koujiao(blowjob)" and "koujiao(quarrel)", but he understood me.
Perhaps I was too pretentious, when he understood me, really almost cried. But when he mentioned the "koujiao," I want to prank him.
In the evening, he sent me back to school and texted me to go to bed early.
But that night I really couldn't sleep repeatedly thinking about what we talked about.
We hung out a lot during the period, we went to Luna Park, Botanical Garden trying and seeing so many things that I planned to. For the first time, there was a feeling of not coming to America in vain.
That day also took me to see his friend. His friend asked if we were in a relationship, I was going to acquiesce until he said no, just friends.
I was stunned.
All night I did not enjoy anything, finally, there was only him and me. I caught a chance to ask him.
“I’m not your girlfriend?”
He was surprised: Why do you feel so?
“Aren’t we dating?”
“yea.”
“Only couples dating no?”
“NO.”
I left immediately.
After going back to the dormitory, I curled up in bed crying, dare not cry too loud, afraid of roommates to hear.
I thought his warmth and understanding was because he liked me, but it turned out that I thought too much.
Once I thought about him, I hate here and him so much. Want to leave this country immediately.
Suddenly the phone rang...