do I trust the OM?

[Bex78]

so I’ve been talking via text (long distance) to this guy who is married. I am in a relationship also. At first we both had rules of when we couldn’t text, for the last couple of weeks it’s been constant..the times we couldn’t aren’t even a thing anymore. I told him a little while ago that I was into him, and his initial response was ‘well you probably want what you can’t have’ and I was like 😳 but I needed the clarity of where he was so I didn’t respond to it. After 30 minutes of me not replying, he came back with ‘ yeah I’m into it to to be honest’. And I instantly dismissed the initial reaction because ultimately he said what I wanted to hear. 
The initial reaction is what I need to trust, right???? 

Edited April 18, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
fix title, formatting

[Stupidkupid]

1 hour ago, Bex78 said:

so I’ve been talking via text (long distance) to this guy who is married. I am in a relationship also. At first we both had rules of when we couldn’t text, for the last couple of weeks it’s been constant..the times we couldn’t aren’t even a thing anymore. I told him a little while ago that I was into him, and his initial response was ‘well you probably want what you can’t have’ and I was like 😳 but I needed the clarity of where he was so I didn’t respond to it. After 30 minutes of me not replying, he came back with ‘ yeah I’m into it to to be honest’. And I instantly dismissed the initial reaction because ultimately he said what I wanted to hear. 
The initial reaction is what I need to trust, right???? 

I mean... what are you doing?

Hes married, you're in a relationship already. Why are you persuing this? Have you been through this forum and rhe infidelity section?

Stop it. Stop mesaaging. If your relationship isn't working for you, end it and date someone else who is single.

Its a road to ruin if you continue this path. Cut him off. Have a word with yourself. Stop.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Bex78 said:

 I’ve been talking via text (long distance) to this guy who is married. I am in a relationship also. 

How did this get started? Who contacted whom and why? 

It seems like your primary relationship is not going well and you are looking for attention.

Focus on ending your relationship. Not because of this penpal, but because you're unhappy.

[BaileyB]

5 hours ago, Bex78 said:

The initial reaction is what I need to trust, right???? 

I would trust the very quiet little voice in the back of your head that hopefully says - “What the hell am I doing here? This is crazy!” That’s what I would trust because this is a bad idea. 

[glows]

7 hours ago, Bex78 said:

so I’ve been talking via text (long distance) to this guy who is married. I am in a relationship also. At first we both had rules of when we couldn’t text, for the last couple of weeks it’s been constant..the times we couldn’t aren’t even a thing anymore. I told him a little while ago that I was into him, and his initial response was ‘well you probably want what you can’t have’ and I was like 😳 but I needed the clarity of where he was so I didn’t respond to it. After 30 minutes of me not replying, he came back with ‘ yeah I’m into it to to be honest’. And I instantly dismissed the initial reaction because ultimately he said what I wanted to hear. 
The initial reaction is what I need to trust, right???? 

What's your relationship like with your partner? Start there. You won't quite understand why you're doing these things until you face what's wrong or so disenchanting in your relationship. It's not fulfilling you or it's missing important pieces to you. 

What this other married man said "well you probably want what you can't have" is a run-of-the-mill flirtation line used to pick up desperate individuals who have grass is greener syndrome or people who are looking to escape their present situation. 

When he replied back a few minutes later to "yeah I'm into it to be honest" is him offering you a breadcrumb, just enough, to keep you hooked because maybe your situation is just bad enough for you to buy it. 

Do yourself a favour and delete this person from your contacts, block him. Take a good look at your relationship presently and ask yourself whether you are happy. Does it need more communication from both sides? If it's already finished and both of you need to go our separate ways, move forwards and don't be afraid to be single and start fresh. Don't hang on to situations that don't suit you.

 

Edited April 17, 2021 by glows

[NYAG]

8 hours ago, Bex78 said:

so I’ve been talking via text (long distance) to this guy who is married. I am in a relationship also. At first we both had rules of when we couldn’t text, for the last couple of weeks it’s been constant..the times we couldn’t aren’t even a thing anymore. I told him a little while ago that I was into him, and his initial response was ‘well you probably want what you can’t have’ and I was like 😳 but I needed the clarity of where he was so I didn’t respond to it. After 30 minutes of me not replying, he came back with ‘ yeah I’m into it to to be honest’. And I instantly dismissed the initial reaction because ultimately he said what I wanted to hear. 
The initial reaction is what I need to trust, right???? 

Simple rules - never trust anything they say, everything is a game, never fall in love with them, never think you have a future with them. As long as you keep all of that in the front of your mind you'll have a lovely time.

[mark clemson]

I don't know which of his responses was "the real one". My gut says it was the latter. The delay might be manipulation, it also might be him processing some guilt at acknowledging this is more than a "friendship".

You may notice a negative slant to all of the responses above. If you're looking for "assistance" with carrying on an affair, IMO you might be better served by a forum like TrueSupport. Be aware that affairs CAN be extremely destructive, particularly if/when they are discovered (but can be emotionally destructive, for some folks, well before that). However, it's also true that that's not always the case.

If you two are texting constantly, I believe your likelihood of discovery is probably quite high unless you are really, really good at hiding your phones or something.

[Snakesalive]

8 hours ago, glows said:

At first we both had rules of when we couldn’t text

This statement says everything -you have “rules “ because you don’t want to get caught doing something you know is outside the “rules” you and your partner have in your relationship- how would you feel if your partner bent the rules to do what your doing?