Mentally unprepared to be with someone (in a relationship)

[JogieXD]

Hello Guys and Girls,

First of all, I am not the one in this situation but my "partner" if we can say it like that. So this girl, let's name it X, I knew her my entire life, literally (since we were kids). Anyway we were good friends and I had to move out from her city to another one at the age of 9 (we're both the same age born in 2002) and didn't get into contact for about 6-7 years.

Two years ago, she found my instagram and texted me, so we started talking again and it was awesome. And recently, like 3 months ago, I started flirting with her and so did she. We just text each other because I had to travel for university studies. I ended up confessing that I liked her. Although it was reciprocal, she couldn't be in a relationship because of her mental state and her previous ex's, so she was depressed everyday and couldn't be happy, however, when we went out one day she told me that she enjoyed being around me which is a good sign, i guess. She told me to wait until she heals from this and she could eventually be okay. I overthought about it and got afraid that after her being well mentally end up regretting liking me or something like that. So I told her to promise me that she wouldn't change her emotions towards me after being completely healed. She couldn't promise since it's a really big burden to hold and it will make her feel guilty for hurting me if she breaks that promise at the end. She asked me if she can have some time to think about it and give me a definite answer. I was like yeah sure since that I also got trust issues and do not want to be with someone that doesn't deserve my affection and care and getting hurt again.

After 1 month, which was like yesterday, I had an awful dream (gotta talk about it cuz I'll mention it after), and I dreamed about her telling me that she got into a relationship with someone else and that it makes her happy and it will be good for both of us, which wasn't the case for me. At last I died from being heartbroken and woke up instantly. Stupid me, I went to her and told her about my nightmare and she found it kinda funny, and after it she said: "Since you talked about that I wanted to tell you something. I don't want you to wait for me like I don't know what will happen after. Because for me right now, the last thing I wanna do is being with someone." I wasn't really in shock cuz I kinda saw it coming and I said it to her, she said that she just don't want me to wait for nothing. I explained to her about my issues that I am not ready and don't want to date or encounter someone else so she don't feel like she's the one stopping me from getting into a relationship with someone. She replied: "Yes well maybe you'll want to be with someone and I feel like I still need a lot of time I don't wanna waste yours. I trust you but I just don't feel mentally stable to be with someone".

I haven't slept, eaten, or drunk something from that time. And cried a lot, all night long and still doing it right now. I don't blame her for doing this nor blame me, it's just that her surroundings and the people that she dated and hang out with affected her and it affects me right now. I mean I don't just like her I love her like nobody else. I don't wanna loose her and now I'm just lost and don't know if I should still talk with her and help her throughout her pains and sufferings or just let it go because the second option is the hardest since I know her so much and consider her as my other half.

If anyone have any advices on how I should react to this situation and handle this problem cuz I can't do anything right now and can't stop thinking about her...