Boyfriend avoids brothers wedding

[Jessie]

Hi,

 

I have been seeing this guy for 4 years now. He is not very close with my family. My brother isn't too fond of him nor his my father.

 

My problem I have here is that my brother recently got married and believe it or not my boyfriend decided not to show up. He made all kinds of excuses. He said he had some important exams coming up the week following and could not make it. He didn't even tell me he couldn't make it until a few days before the wedding I asked him again for the 10th time if he was coming. He said he couldn't . He said that because I didn't give him an invitation that he didn't know when the wedding was ???!!! I was furious. He knew darn well when it was.

 

Knowing him this long, I didn't even think an invitation would be NECESSARY!!!!! It seems like all an excuse. Now I am forced to make a huge decision here. Whether ot not to stay with him or dump him. I do love him but for him to not show up on this day made me so sad.. I wanted my bf to be there with me.

 

Please help me. I do want to make the right decision. I know what he did was a lack of respect for me, so I guess I really just want to right now what I should do. I have already told him how I felt and he knew how I felt before this all happened. If he cared for me he would have come no matter how many exams he has. It hurts me to know that he didn't and couldn't even do this one thing for me.

 

What does this all mean...that a future with him is nonexistent!??? I don't know. He seems awfully paranoid too lately. He jokingly says that he feels that if I were to move to another city it would be better since it wouldn't put him under so much pressure(refering to marrying me )!!! I felt like dying when he said that. I am not ready to marry him, yet it seems like he thinks about this alot and he thinks that this is what I may be thinking.

 

I don't know, Please help me with this..

 

Jessie

[Tony T]

Your guy used the exam thing as an excuse. But the real truth is that he is NOT a hypocrite. Your brother isn't so fond of him and neither is your father. I would NEVER go to the wedding of someone who didn't like me...and whose father didn't like me either.

 

It would have been so hypocritical and socially dishonest to attend this wedding, even to accompany you...his girlfriend. I'm sure he was deeply saddened that he couldn't go and even more saddened that you were unable to understand he was doing you a favor by staying away.

 

People don't want people at their wedding they don't like. It was your brother's special day and I'm sure he appreciated your boyfriend staying away.

 

Your guy was very kind not to tell you the truth about why he didn't go but he probably thought you'd figure it out on your own. But you only saw it from the perspective you chose. He did the right thing and you should be proud.

 

I'm sure your boyfriend felt very embarassed and uncomfortable with this whole situation. Maybe he didn't have any idea how to deal with it, how to make you happy and accomodate your wishes...and still have respect for the boundaries set by your brother and father who don't really care much for him. He was really boxed in and you seem to have made things much worse for him. Gawd, have some mercy on the poor chap.

 

If you can't help patch things up between your boyfriend and your brother and father, you can expect a lot more of this type of thing in the future. So either get used to it now or go find a guy your family likes.

 

I really don't think there's much of a future for you with this guy because he sounds very sensitive and it's likely he'll eventually opt for a gal whose friends and family accept him for who he is or who are at least friendly towards him.

 

Meanwhile, you should be extremely happy to be with a guy who is not two faced or hypocritical, who lives by his principles, and who respects the nature of special events in other people's live. And, yes, he even cares enough about you to spare you from having to bring someone your bro and dad don't like to these occasions.

 

What a great guy he is!!!