Never Felt so hurt by someone

[Taraduell]

I worked with this guy for about 6 years. We ended up becoming really close and like bestfriends. I did develop feelings for him but I never voiced them. He would always tell me how attractive I am and tell me little things he’d notice about me for instance he said “I can always tell when you’re around because I know your perfume so well”. 
As years passed I noticed that people would make fun of me at work and would say I was stalking him. I never was. And it kind of turned into bullying. After a falling out with him I found that he was behind those rumors and he apologized over and over. People at work still made fun of me whenever I was around him and it was hard. Especially knowing we were so close outside of work.

He took a work trip to Florida and ended up getting arrested for reckless driving. I was the only person he could reach and I had to get him in contact with his mother. He ended up staying in Florida for 6 months for work and I had to be the connection between his family and him as they didn’t know how to contact him and don’t speak much English. While he was there he would FaceTime me everyday I THOUGHT we got really close. 
he eventually said he wants to try and see where we go. I even visited him there and I made a joke about how a guy asked me if I have a bf and his response was “well you kinda DO have a bf”. He called me babe and treated me like I was his girl. 
I returned home. His family mentioned that he was having a family gathering and that I was invited once he returned  because the date he came back would fall on 4th of July weekend. When he came back he told me that I couldn’t come actually he said “family only” I felt low and I felt the coldness from him. He wasn’t talking to me much and I would only see him sometimes. I felt hurt and low...... like the lowest ever. I then found out he started dating a girl a few months after he came home. When I confronted him he told me that he and I never dated and that I’m delusional. He told me I should forget about him completely and then his mom called me the “b” word insult lol and they hung up on me......

Months passed and he messaged me on Facebook. After days of me not responding I finally did and he apologized and asked me to add him on Snapchat. When I did I saw he was posting a completely different girl and saying that this girl is the one. How much he loves her and he finally found real love. We met up to give him his iPad that I’d had for the longest. We talked and he told me that there would never be anything between us, we have no chemistry and that if he didn’t need to communicate with his parents, he wouldn’t have even talked to me when he was furloughed to Florida. I didn’t say much I mean what can you say? I know he could see that it hurt but he didn’t acknowledge it. He said he was fine with being friends. I texted him and told him I’d rather not be friends that I didn’t deserve that. He was texting me all night while he was with his new girl and then called me the next morning and said I ruined his date with his new gf. He said we have too much history to date and that’s really the reason why he wouldn’t date me. He kept saying he doesn’t see why we can’t remain friends but I declined. He told me that I make him more angry than anyone ever has. After we hung up. I blocked  him everywhere.... I haven’t spoken to him in months. Sometimes I feel it all over again.... it’s just a LOW feeling that ANYONE thinks that low of you to use you that way. 
I’ve gotten much better over the months but I wish I didn’t have anxiety over such a horrible person

[dramafreezone]

6 minutes ago, Taraduell said:

I worked with this guy for about 6 years. We ended up becoming really close and like bestfriends. I did develop feelings for him but I never voiced them. He would always tell me how attractive I am and tell me little things he’d notice about me for instance he said “I can always tell when you’re around because I know your perfume so well”. 
As years passed I noticed that people would make fun of me at work and would say I was stalking him. I never was. And it kind of turned into bullying. After a falling out with him I found that he was behind those rumors and he apologized over and over. People at work still made fun of me whenever I was around him and it was hard. Especially knowing we were so close outside of work.

He took a work trip to Florida and ended up getting arrested for reckless driving. I was the only person he could reach and I had to get him in contact with his mother. He ended up staying in Florida for 6 months for work and I had to be the connection between his family and him as they didn’t know how to contact him and don’t speak much English. While he was there he would FaceTime me everyday I THOUGHT we got really close. 
he eventually said he wants to try and see where we go. I even visited him there and I made a joke about how a guy asked me if I have a bf and his response was “well you kinda DO have a bf”. He called me babe and treated me like I was his girl. 
I returned home. His family mentioned that he was having a family gathering and that I was invited once he returned  because the date he came back would fall on 4th of July weekend. When he came back he told me that I couldn’t come actually he said “family only” I felt low and I felt the coldness from him. He wasn’t talking to me much and I would only see him sometimes. I felt hurt and low...... like the lowest ever. I then found out he started dating a girl a few months after he came home. When I confronted him he told me that he and I never dated and that I’m delusional. He told me I should forget about him completely and then his mom called me the “b” word insult lol and they hung up on me......

Months passed and he messaged me on Facebook. After days of me not responding I finally did and he apologized and asked me to add him on Snapchat. When I did I saw he was posting a completely different girl and saying that this girl is the one. How much he loves her and he finally found real love. We met up to give him his iPad that I’d had for the longest. We talked and he told me that there would never be anything between us, we have no chemistry and that if he didn’t need to communicate with his parents, he wouldn’t have even talked to me when he was furloughed to Florida. I didn’t say much I mean what can you say? I know he could see that it hurt but he didn’t acknowledge it. He said he was fine with being friends. I texted him and told him I’d rather not be friends that I didn’t deserve that. He was texting me all night while he was with his new girl and then called me the next morning and said I ruined his date with his new gf. He said we have too much history to date and that’s really the reason why he wouldn’t date me. He kept saying he doesn’t see why we can’t remain friends but I declined. He told me that I make him more angry than anyone ever has. After we hung up. I blocked  him everywhere.... I haven’t spoken to him in months. Sometimes I feel it all over again.... it’s just a LOW feeling that ANYONE thinks that low of you to use you that way. 
I’ve gotten much better over the months but I wish I didn’t have anxiety over such a horrible person

Why do you think you keep thinking about this guy when you admittedly say he's "horrible?"

Seems like you have a good idea of his character, so why can't you detach completely?  I think people are going to come on here and tell you that he's no good, and that's great to validate your feelings, but you already know that, so why do you think that this "horrible" person occupies so much of your attention?  Do you have a history of dating men that are emotionally abusive?  Maybe start to get to the bottom of that so that you can change your outcomes and not keep repeating the same behaviors over and over.

[Taraduell]

4 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Why do you think you keep thinking about this guy when you admittedly say he's "horrible?"

Seems like you have a good idea of his character, so why can't you detach completely?  I think people are going to come on here and tell you that he's no good, and that's great to validate your feelings, but you already know that, so why do you think that this "horrible" person occupies so much of your attention?  Do you have a history of dating men that are emotionally abusive?  Maybe start to get to the bottom of that so that you can change your outcomes and not keep repeating the same behaviors over and over.

Oh for sure I know people are prob gonna say that. The crazy thing is.... I normally am ok and don’t care about him but some days I get anxiety and it bugs me again! Idk why

[glows]

I think you are traumatized. It is ok to feel hurt and sad over the past. This guy did a number on you and he was very unkind! Talk about bottom of the barrel here and to call you up and tell you those things. He's about as small as a speck of dust with a self-esteem even smaller than that to seek out and hurt others this way. 

Keep doing what you are doing: block block block. Do NOT let him into your life ever again. 

Check your filters and filter bad apples like this. You are worth so much more than this.

Edited April 19, 2021 by glows

[dramafreezone]

6 hours ago, Taraduell said:

Oh for sure I know people are prob gonna say that. The crazy thing is.... I normally am ok and don’t care about him but some days I get anxiety and it bugs me again! Idk why

What I'm saying is that this guy is incidental.  I would see a therapist and get to the root of your issues with why you seek this type of guy.  It's no help to see the guy as the root of the issue here, as if when he's out of the picture you'll be perfectly fine.  If you don't know why you were attracted to him, and fix that, you'll just meet another similar guy.

[Taraduell]

11 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

What I'm saying is that this guy is incidental.  I would see a therapist and get to the root of your issues with why you seek this type of guy.  It's no help to see the guy as the root of the issue here, as if when he's out of the picture you'll be perfectly fine.  If you don't know why you were attracted to him, and fix that, you'll just meet another similar guy.

I didn’t seek that type of guy. Like most who are like him, they don’t present their true selves until you’re already head over heels. I actually AM in therapy. But I do agree with a post above. I think I am traumatized by the whole thing. Most times I don’t care at all. But I have triggers for sure. I even had an appointment for nails and canceled it immediately because it was beside his job.  In the past, I would LOVE to run into him so I know I’ve made tremendous progress. I just don’t know how to get over the anxiety and trauma from the situation. 

[smackie9]

As soon as he admitted he was the one behind the rumors, that's when you should have kicked him to the curb, and wrote him off. Who does that? A crazy person! The guy is messed up. He got off on screwin with ya....what a jerk. Learn from this experience. When people do a bad thing to you, you stay away from them.

[dramafreezone]

2 hours ago, Taraduell said:

I didn’t seek that type of guy. Like most who are like him, they don’t present their true selves until you’re already head over heels. I actually AM in therapy. But I do agree with a post above. I think I am traumatized by the whole thing. Most times I don’t care at all. But I have triggers for sure. I even had an appointment for nails and canceled it immediately because it was beside his job.  In the past, I would LOVE to run into him so I know I’ve made tremendous progress. I just don’t know how to get over the anxiety and trauma from the situation. 

Fine, if "seeking" is the wrong word, then "attracting."  And we're not all of a sudden not responsible for our actions once we're infatuated with someone.  Like smackie said, once the office stuff happened, that was your sign that you needed to cut all ties.  We're the directors of our own movie, and we can set the cast.  Once you didn't cut him off after the office thing, that was a choice by you to keep this character in your movie.

We could all use therapy for something in our lives.  The point of therapy is to retrain your brain.  Stick with it.

[kendahke]

Quote

I found that he was behind those rumors

That was when you should have been done with him and you should have gone to HR around him slandering you.

On 4/19/2021 at 3:43 PM, Taraduell said:

When he came back he told me that I couldn’t come actually he said “family only”

That was when he should have gone on block on the phone and all social media and you should have mailed his iPad to his mother.

You weren't his girlfriend through any of this, no matter what you told yourself. You were a personal assistant that he didn't pay.

Quote

I get anxiety and it bugs me again! Idk why 

Because your mind is trying to work out why you didn't stand sentry to your boundaries way back when he admitted that he started the lies circulating around your workplace through your co-workers. You have to daily go into that work environment with a bunch of people who are laying in wait to pounce on you for their own amusement over the lies he told.  Your psyche wants you to do something to protect yourself.

Quote

I just don’t know how to get over the anxiety and trauma from the situation.

What does your therapist say when you tell them this? Is what you're feeling beyond what they can offer you? Have you been put on anti-anxiety medication?

Edited April 20, 2021 by kendahke

[Taraduell]

48 minutes ago, kendahke said:

That was when you should have been done with him and you should have gone to HR around him slandering you.

That was when he should have gone on block on the phone and all social media and you should have mailed his iPad to his mother.

You weren't his girlfriend through any of this, no matter what you told yourself. You were a personal assistant that he didn't pay.

Because your mind is trying to work out why you didn't stand sentry to your boundaries way back when he admitted that he started the lies circulating around your workplace through your co-workers. You have to daily go into that work environment with a bunch of people who are laying in wait to pounce on you for their own amusement over the lies he told.  Your psyche wants you to do something to protect yourself.

What does your therapist say when you tell them this? Is what you're feeling beyond what they can offer you? Have you been put on anti-anxiety medication?

I have a new job now actually and it was the best decision I’ve ever made.  yea I have anti anxiety meds. They’ve really helped me a lot. 
When I tell my therapist this he comes up with exercises that can help with the anxiety. Well we come up with them together. And we talk about things I’ve always wanted to do with my life that I can work towards. He always tells me that “the world awaits me”. He also has told me that this guy possibly has a personality disorder, doesn’t know himself and is not capable of real love. He tells me it’s ok to be hurt. And that my life is so much more. But I wish I could get a grip on my anxiety  Because like most times like right now, .... I’m cool and I’m ok and honestly I really don’t care at all. But some days my anxiety annoys me. It makes me feel like I am  worrying about things that I don’t really care about. The minute I calm down I’m always thinking “why was I so upset? I don’t even care”

and honestly I blocked everyone who tortured me at my old job and never looked back. I felt like, he wanted their approval so bad? Ok well they can all have eachother. It felt great to remove myself. 
I been working out and meeting new friends. And all of this would be great if I didn’t have random worries and anxiety over it 😡 
 

[mark clemson]

Unfortunately it sounds like you fell for a douchebag. These things happen and indeed are not particularly uncommon, apparently. Give yourself some time to heal and try not to carry "expectations" from this semi-/quasi-relationship into a real one (which this wasn't).

[ShyViolet]

As soon as you found out that he was behind those work rumors, that should have been the point where you blocked him and no longer associated with him.  You allowed this guy to treat you like dirt for WAY too long.

[kendahke]

On 4/20/2021 at 8:39 PM, Taraduell said:

But I wish I could get a grip on my anxiety  Because like most times like right now, .... I’m cool and I’m ok and honestly I really don’t care at all. But some days my anxiety annoys me.

Something that helped me when I was going through an extreme phase of anxiety was listening to Binaural Beats videos on YouTube. Minds in Unison is one channel that has some really effective videos that you play as you sleep. They also have some shorter ones that you can play during the day, but never listen to them while driving or operating heavy equipment.  You can have either music, the ocean or the sound of rain.  It alleviated 90% of my anxiety. You might want to try that and see if it helps you.

Edited April 24, 2021 by kendahke

[spiderowl]

I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you, OP.  This guy really has some sort of personality problem.  It is certainly not your fault that he has behaved this way.  You are a decent person who trusted him and unfortunately he has turned out to be a sick individual.

I am glad you have found a therapist to build up your confidence again.  This guy was denigrating you because he likes to do that to people.  He is disturbed.  None of what he said to you was true and you deserve honest, decent and trustworthy friends.  I know it is hard to wipe out the past but I hope your therapist helps you to realise that this guy was an abuser.  Now you are away from him, you can recover your sense of a whole self that he tried so hard to damage.   

We all learn from experience and experience can be tough and heart breaking. You will recover and find true love one day.