Dumped via a text msg. What kind of adult does that?

[ctwatlanta]

Hi everyone.

Well...a few hours ago I literally got dumped via an out of the blue text msg. Sorry for length, but I'm just trying to give the complete story.

Back story - we're both adults with 2 kids each with both sets of kids being approx 18 & 9.  Her youngest is a 9 yr old boy with severe ADHD/OCD issues where he rocks back and forth, jumps up and down and when he gets excited he slaps himself on his belly relentlessly.  He's a really good kid and very sweet...but he's also (in my opinion) spoiled relentlessly by her.  Even she admits that she makes it worse and her 18 yr old daughter says so, too!  He plays his Nintendo from the moment he wakes up until he goes to bed.  He literally eat ONLY 5 things - miniature pancakes, bagels, peanut butter sandwich, white queso cheese dip and mac & cheese.  Trying to get him to go outside and play with my 9 yr old or any other kids is like an act of Congress.  In fact, when he's eating he has his Nintendo in his right hand and he eats while playing it.  That said, my family and I have a very outgoing sense of humor where we cut up with each other, joke with each constantly, pick fun at each other, laugh, etc....and it's always in good fun and never malicious.  My kids do it with me and I do it with them. Nonetheless, I cut up with her kids too, and mimic her son when he screams for his daily 430PM mac & cheese!  No joke...at 430 pm every single day of the week he yells from his bedroom, "Mom!  Have you made my mac & cheese yet?"...and she drops everything to go make him his mac and cheese.  Most of the time she laughs when I do his mac and cheese impression.  They know I'm only cutting up with them, but I've told her that I think she needs to quit catering to his every whim and she adamantly agrees!  Last weekend (4/10) he screamed for his daily mac and cheese at 430PM and I told him we were having broccoli instead.  He literally had a meltdown at the table and started crying at the mere thought of having to eat broccoli...seriously!  I apologized to her and told her I didn't mean to make him cry, she hugged me and gave me a big kiss and told me it was, "Okay and that it was time for him to end his silliness."  Fast forward to this past Saturday 4/17 and we were having dinner with my sister and brother in law.  I did my impression of her son and said I want my "MAC & CHEESE"!  Well...apparently I finally crossed the line, but didn't know it until after she left the house a little while ago.

The irony is that we'd spent this entire weekend together Fri-Mon (as usual) and had a great time.  In fact, as she was getting into her car to drive home today she gave me a big kiss, hugged me and told me she couldn't wait to see me tomorrow Tuesday as we're having dinner.  Before going home she even sat in her drivers seat for 5 minutes as we went over her calendar over the next several weeks because we have a wedding to go to next weekend, and were planning a beach trip at end of June, etc.  As she pulled out of my driveway she waved, blew me a kiss and then after she pulled away I get this long-winded text dumping me.

So, once away from my driveway she sent me this long text msg stating that she can't be with anyone that makes fun of kids or people with disabilities.  I was in total shock!!!  I called 2X but she avoided them both.  I did text her back and said, "Wow...you were here all weekend and you couldn't talk to me?  You send a text msg minutes after leaving instead?  What kind of adult does this?" She finally responded back very heartlessly and said, "I'm going to work later and if you've got something to say we can talk."  I didn't respond back.  Everyone knows I would never maliciously try to hurt a child's feelings.  I have only cut up with him about it and never ever raised my voice, gotten angry, etc.  I'm always laughing when I say it, too.  I have two kids the same age as hers and I just got off the phone with my 19 yr old daughter telling her what happened and she was in shock!  She said, "Dad...you're the sweetest, most loving man in this world!  We all know you cut up and have fun but would never do or say anything to intentionally hurt anyone."   She leaves him in my total care because she's a nurse and works night shifts, and I care for him just like my own kids.  I love on him, sit with him and play his games, cover homework, feed him his regular Mac & cheese, etc.  In fact, this last weekend I took him to go see the Godzilla King Kong movie because he's not stopped talking about it for months!  I even do research on kids with eating disorders and send her summary's on how we can help him!  She agreed and told me we needed to find a therapist!  I do care and if we were going to make a life together I didn't want to see him get into Middle or High School and get picked on, which is why I told her he needed help and that she had to stop babying him constantly.  Yes, he's got some issues and little ticks but other than that he's a perfectly normal kid that is in all the gifted classes, etc.  I just know that if she doesn't stop babying him he will be the one to pay for it.  Kids can be horrendous to each other and he's really, really a sweet kid...but I don't want to see him get beat up, picked on by other kids in school.  Even she agrees with me and says she knows makes it worse!  However, I'm the horrible guy that picks on kids with disabilities and gets dumped for it???

I can't believe she sat here in the driveway with me kissing on me, telling me she couldn't wait to see me tomorrow, making plans with me for the next several months, etc...and then minutes later dumps me via text???  She's nearly 40 yrs old, too.  I just can't believe it.

I'm expecting some hate here as inevitably someone will say I deserved it and that I'm a hateful piece of crap, etc.  I know I'm not and I know I was only cutting up and never anything mean coming from my heart.  She's made me feel so horrible about it now and my heart just hurts because I'd never pick on a kid or do something intentionally mean.  So, if you don't have anything nice to say just don't say anything, please.

Thx

Edited April 20, 2021 by ctwatlanta
typo error

[Happy Lemming]

She may have been looking for an "out" and used your "Mac & Cheese" joking as that out.

I wouldn't call her or pursue the relationship further.  Be done, move on...

The child in question sounds like a handful and it appears things are only going to get worse as he ages.

If he had a meltdown about broccoli what happens when he gets older and doesn't get his way. What happens if his game console breaks in the middle of the night, he may become out of control violent. Throw in the fact that he'll be teased in Jr. and Sr. High school and you are looking at a recipe for disaster.

I think you dodged a bullet, here.  It's clear that the mother is not interested in the child's well being, otherwise she wouldn't allow his diet to be full of carbs and fat with no vegetables. Without proper nutrition, he is going to become obese and more anti-social.  In the end, its her problem to deal with... be glad its not yours.

Plenty of women out there (especially single mothers) try to find one without a "special needs" child.

As a side note, I never chase after a woman after being dumped.  I don't care what they have to say or the reasons for the breakup.  I grab a shower and head out... looking for the next woman.

Edited April 20, 2021 by Happy Lemming
misspelling

[ctwatlanta]

6 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

She may have been looking for an "out" and used your "Mac & Cheese" joking as that out

Thanks for the response, Happy.  Part of me agrees with you.  However, as I sit here at 10pmEST wallowing in misery, unable to eat and sleep I keep continually asking myself -

Either this has been on her mind for some time, or it was impulsive.

If it's been on her mind then why did she come here, stay 3 days, sleep in the same bed with me, have sex several times, take a bath together, make plans for next weekend, etc.?

People don't typically make impulsive decisions like that.  I know if I'm going to break up with someone it's been eating at me for some time.  I sure as heck don't go spend all weekend with someone that I want to break up with, and make plans like she did up until the very last minute of her departure while in the driveway.  It's just eating at me.

I'm probably much older than you are and I wish I could just go head out and move on.  All my friends are near 50, married, etc.  My going out days are waaaaaaaay behind me, brother! 

[Acacia98]

Sounds like she's non-confrontational and couldnt talk about it face to face. So she took the easier (and unkind) option of ending things by text.

It also sounds possible that you're not receptive to the idea that somebody may be offended by something you say/do. I mean, you can have the best intentions in the world and still hurt someone's feelings. When that happens and the person indicates to you that they're hurt, how do you typically react? Do you get offended that they're offended? Do you get sad that they dont view you as you view yourself (or as your daughter or other family member views  you)? If yes, a non-confrontational person may initially go along with you. Over time, however, they may feel unheard and start to develop resentment towards you. And then, in an extreme situation, they may ultimately break up with you, seemingly out of the blue. But it's not out of the blue for them because they've been seething at you privately for a long time. 

[basil67]

When I read your title, I thought "the kind of person who's so utterly fed up with their partner that they don't even want to have a conversation"

Then I read your post and nearly fell off my chair when I read about you mocking her son.  She shouldn't have to tell you that mocking kids is not OK.  Mocking anyone for that matter.  Making fun of others just plain bullying behaviour.   

Edited April 20, 2021 by basil67

[Happy Lemming]

24 minutes ago, ctwatlanta said:

I'm probably much older than you are and I wish I could just go head out and move on.  All my friends are near 50, married, etc.  My going out days are waaaaaaaay behind me, brother! 

I'm 55... if my girlfriend dumped me tonight, I'd shower, shave and head out (and yes, I've had my Covid-19 vaccine - both shots)

You are never too old to go out and look for a new woman.  I was 47 when I met my girlfriend in an apartment complex pool. 

30 minutes ago, ctwatlanta said:

If it's been on her mind then why did she come here, stay 3 days, sleep in the same bed with me, have sex several times, take a bath together, make plans for next weekend, etc.?

People don't typically make impulsive decisions like that.  I know if I'm going to break up with someone it's been eating at me for some time.  I sure as heck don't go spend all weekend with someone that I want to break up with, and make plans like she did up until the very last minute of her departure while in the driveway.  It's just eating at me.

Its hard to say why people do what they do... I'm guessing she has been thinking about getting out for a while (just my opinion).

I can't tell you how many times I've slept with a woman and said... "Yea, I'll call you next week, we'll do something" with absolutely no intention of calling that woman ever again.

35 minutes ago, ctwatlanta said:

 However, as I sit here at 10pmEST wallowing in misery, unable to eat and sleep I keep continually asking myself -

 

You'll be fine... any Tequila in the house, if not... go get a bottle of the cheap stuff.  At some point, you'll sleep.

[ctwatlanta]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

When I read your title, I thought "the kind of person who's so utterly fed up with their partner that they don't even want to have a conversation"

FWIW, I nearly fell off my chair when I read about you mocking her son.  She shouldn't have to tell you that mocking kids is not OK.  Mocking anyone for that matter.  Making fun of others just plain bullying behaviour.   

...and here we go.  Seriously, c'mon.  Lighten up.

It's her son's catch phrase and like clock-work you can hear him scream it no matter where you are at in the house at precisely 430pm.  Cutting up is just that...cutting up.  I wasn't "bullying" him.  I do similar things with my daughters and they laugh and we can cut up like that with each other.  This is the problem with so many people these days.  You literally can't say anything these days as everyone is so PC and every kid is so coddled that they are allowed to throw a tantrum at the mere mention of having broccoli for dinner...and then the parent caves and gives the kid exactly what he/she wants.  Again, all I was doing was playing with him and the mom knew it...and laughed at it, too.  If she seriously had an issue with it she should have said something before vs lead someone on and send a text msg like a 12 yr old child.  Then again, that's the way PC way these days.  Cowardly, and immature.

[ctwatlanta]

3 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I'm 55... if my girlfriend dumped me tonight, I'd shower, shave and head out (and yes, I've had my Covid-19 vaccine - both shots)

You are never too old to go out and look for a new woman.  I was 47 when I met my girlfriend in an apartment complex pool. 

Its hard to say why people do what they do... I'm guessing she has been thinking about getting out for a while (just my opinion).

I can't tell you how many times I've slept with a woman and said... "Yea, I'll call you next week, we'll do something" with absolutely no intention of calling that woman ever again.

You'll be fine... any Tequila in the house, if not... go get a bottle of the cheap stuff.  At some point, you'll sleep.

Good advice...thanks, Happy.

[basil67]

14 minutes ago, ctwatlanta said:

...and here we go.  Seriously, c'mon.  Lighten up.

This is the problem with so many people these days.  You literally can't say anything these days as everyone is so PC and every kid is so coddled that they are allowed to throw a tantrum at the mere mention of having broccoli for dinner.

Hence the text.  She really, really didn't want to listen to this.

Edited April 20, 2021 by basil67

[Mrin]

4 minutes ago, ctwatlanta said:

..and here we go.  Seriously, c'mon.  Lighten up.

I agree with basil - what you said was absolutely unacceptable. And in front of company. The fact that you can't see that is really concerning honestly. If a woman I was dating ever mocked one of my kids like that - particularly in front of company - she'd be gone in a NY second. And I wouldn't have the good graces to not do it infront of company.

All that being said, that's just my opinion based on what little you told us.

I do think the more important thing is that you should consider this a blessing. Based on what you've said you and she had some huge differences when it come to parenting. And they would have gotten worse - much worse - as the boy grew up and you took more of a parental role in his life. I'm like you and I am much more assertive in my parenting. Parents who knowingly coddle their children drive me nuts. This would have caused major issues later. Be happy that you skipped those chapters. 

Sorry dude  I know it hurts. Best of luck, there a plenty of great women out there. 

Mrin

[Happy Lemming]

18 minutes ago, ctwatlanta said:

Good advice...thanks, Happy.

Tequila will relax your senses tonight... you don't need to think about it or rehash it in your mind.

Tomorrow... give the house a good cleaning, wash your sheets, get a haircut (if you need one) and get yourself ready to face a new chapter in your life. 

You don't need that "albatross around your neck" - (special needs child), he is going to become more and more problematic as he ages.  He isn't your burden. You would have corrected his behavior and said "no"... she has not, thus its her problem to deal with. Since, you can't correct the behavior, the child would have "ruled the roost" when he was around you.   Do you really want that??

Edited April 20, 2021 by Happy Lemming

[LivingWaterPlease]

I'm really sorry about what you're going through, ctwatlanta. It seems this DID come out of left field!

She should never have spent the weekend with you as she did, looked at her calendar, etc. planning with you, then dumped you via text.

I believe this lady may have very low self esteem. Why? Because she didn't have the backbone to tell you before now that your teasing bothered her. It did. But, she handled it extremely poorly. A person with good self esteem would let you know early on that she wasn't comfortable with your teasing.

I think she really liked you but didn't know how to handle a conversation about a difference the two of you have. She can't handle conflict of any sort, possibly. This is borne out in the way she deals with her son, also. She allows him to be a spoiled brat rather than risking conflict with him by disciplining him.

Listen, this kid is going to be obnoxious as he continues to grow up. And she may very well be stuck with him for life because he probably will be unemployable unless some type of intervention happens for him. I would think being with this woman and her son long term would end up being a miserable existence.

FYI, though, many people would not have been comfortable with the kind of teasing you describe. I wouldn't have. But, then, I'd have let you know early on or not gone out with you again.

I've been around men and families who behave that way, though, meaning the constant teasing and ribbing one another.  A little teasing now and then is fun. But a good thing to remember is not to tease about anything that could possibly be construed as negative, such as weight, disability, getting old (baldness for instance). That way you're always on the safe side.

If you love your, what seems to me to be, excessive teasing so much you don't want to give it up, find someone else who does the same thing to date.

 

 

Edited April 20, 2021 by LivingWaterPlease

[Acacia98]

47 minutes ago, ctwatlanta said:

...and here we go.  Seriously, c'mon.  Lighten up.

It's her son's catch phrase and like clock-work you can hear him scream it no matter where you are at in the house at precisely 430pm.  Cutting up is just that...cutting up.  I wasn't "bullying" him.  I do similar things with my daughters and they laugh and we can cut up like that with each other.  This is the problem with so many people these days.  You literally can't say anything these days as everyone is so PC and every kid is so coddled that they are allowed to throw a tantrum at the mere mention of having broccoli for dinner...and then the parent caves and gives the kid exactly what he/she wants.  Again, all I was doing was playing with him and the mom knew it...and laughed at it, too.  If she seriously had an issue with it she should have said something before vs lead someone on and send a text msg like a 12 yr old child.  Then again, that's the way PC way these days.  Cowardly, and immature.

You've basically confirmed what I was wondering about by responding in this way. 

Not everyone experiences "cutting up" the same way. I had a boyfriend who used to do it to me and I absolutely hated it. He did the same with his kids and other relatives and they found it funny and enjoyed it. It was their thing. I knew he meant well when he did it to me, but that didn't change the fact that I didnt enjoy it. If he had tried to push me to go along with it because he felt that doing otherwise would be "PC", "cowardly" and "immature", I would have ended the relationship. 

In the spirit of being honest, I want to add this: the last sentence of your original post ("So, if you don't have anything nice to say just don't say anything, please") made me wince. If you are sincere in your desire to understand what went wrong in this relationship, you should be open to even those perspectives that don't paint a flattering picture of you. The odds of your learning and becoming a better person are very low if you cant handle criticism.

[ctwatlanta]

24 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Tequila will relax your senses tonight... you don't need to think about it or rehash it in your mind.

Tomorrow... give the house a good cleaning, wash your sheets, get a haircut (if you need one) and get yourself ready to face a new chapter in your life. 

You don't need that "albatross around your neck" - (special needs child), he is going to become more and more problematic as he ages.  He isn't your burden. You would have corrected his behavior and said "no"... she has not, thus its her problem to deal with. Since, you can't correct the behavior, the child would have "ruled the roost" when he was around you.   Do you really want that??

You're right...again, Happy.  No, I don't want that albatross around my neck.  I do truly care for her, and I really wanted to help her and her son because I can see a lot of heartache for him and her in their future.  That said, admittedly...I constantly worried about how I would have one set of rules for my 9 yr old and she would have a completely different set of rules for her 9 yr old.  I could see it now...my 9 yr old will eventually say, "Why can't I eat what I want/Act the way I want, too?"

Every time I mentioned his behavior I got the "He's got clinically diagnosed issues!" response. I was diagnosed 40 yrs ago as OCD/ADHD and they put me on Ritalin!  Guess what?  My parents didn't allow me to get away with crap and use my diagnosis as a crutch...and I'm so thankful they didn't!  Again, I get that he had some ticks and issues; however, his ADHD/OCD ticks don't excuse him for throwing tantrums over the mere mention of potentially eating a piece of broccoli, or playing a Nintendo game 24 hrs per day.  He doesn't act this way in class, according to teachers, but he did the moment he got home.  I think he knew his mom would cave and give in to almost any demand he made.  Even her 18 yr old daughter agreed with me, but I was the evil, mean guy for cutting up with the boy.  I just want him to expand his horizons and toughen up a bit as I know life for him in Middle and High School is going to be horrible.

[Caauug]

25 minutes ago, ctwatlanta said:

I do similar things with my daughters and they laugh and we can cut up like that with each other. 

Yes. Maybe as your family grew up with it they now have "Thick skin"??? It doesn't bother them. This is likely a healthier way. But she and her family are not use to it, and have taken offence to you cutting up. Not everyone is the same, because it works for you don't get defensive when it doesn't work for others. 

Most people find it rude to watch someone elevate themselves with a joke at the expense of someone else. This compounds the rudeness  when it's at the expense of someone with mental or physical disabilities.

You have done well teaching your family to not get offended easily. It is not your place to try to teach the rest of the world or anyone else in it the same. Take note of her reaction, you will likely see it again from other people when they feel the same.

3 hours ago, ctwatlanta said:

So, once away from my driveway she sent me this long text msg stating that she can't be with anyone that makes fun of kids or people with disabilities.  I was in total shock!!!  I called 2X but she avoided them both.  I did text her back and said, "Wow...you were here all weekend and you couldn't talk to me?  You send a text msg minutes after leaving instead?  What kind of adult does this?" 

She dumped you. What did you want to achieve by calling her? Convince her she made a mistake and take you back, or beg her to take her back? That was just a crap move on your part, she dumped you because she doesn't want a R with you. Your only action should have been to walk away, and NC. Heal your emotions and rethink your actions leading up to the dump.

It should not be your job in life to make fun of everyone around you, or to harden everyone up to not be offended by it. Around others not having your sense of humour maybe make yourself the butt of the joke not a mentally disabled child.... Just my suggestion for next time....

[ctwatlanta]

1 minute ago, Acacia98 said:

You've basically confirmed what I was wondering about by responding in this way. 

Not everyone experiences "cutting up" the same way. I had a boyfriend who used to do it to me and I absolutely hated it. He did the same with his kids and other relatives and they found it funny and enjoyed it. It was their thing. I knew he meant well when he did it to me, but that didn't change the fact that I didnt enjoy it. If he had tried to push me to go along with it because he felt that doing otherwise would be "PC", "cowardly" and "immature", I would have ended the relationship. 

In the spirit of being honest, I want to add this: the last sentence of your original post ("So, if you don't have anything nice to say just don't say anything, please") made me wince. If you are sincere in your desire to understand what went wrong in this relationship, you should be open to even those perspectives that don't paint a flattering picture of you. The odds of your learning and becoming a better person are very low if you cant handle criticism.

There's a HUGE difference between "criticism" and constructive criticism.  Criticism for the sake of criticizing helps nobody.

That said, your ex b/f may have cut up with you similarly to how I cut up with her son.  If you explained to him how badly it hurt you and he continued to do it then I'd 100% agree with you...in my case they both laughed, she admitted he needed help, etc.  If she had a serious issue with it then she should have said something.  Better yet - she could have sat me down, explained how his ADHD/OCD issues contributed to his behavior and explained to me what she (a nurse) was doing to help him overcome/deal with the.  Did she ever do that?  Not a chance.  Just a long text msg AFTER pulling out of the driveway and AFTER spending 3 days here with me making plans for next weekend and the Summer, etc.  Nonetheless, I am completely open to constructive criticism and I want to learn from my mistakes.  In this case, I guess your advice is to never ever cut up with someone, right?

[Happy Lemming]

3 minutes ago, ctwatlanta said:

My parents didn't allow me to get away with crap and use my diagnosis as a crutch...and I'm so thankful they didn't!

And that is how we work past our shortcomings, not by making excuses for them, but working that much harder to beat them.

5 minutes ago, ctwatlanta said:

I just want him to expand his horizons and toughen up a bit as I know life for him in Middle and High School is going to be horrible.

And what happens after middle school and high school... its a cold cruel world out there and nobody cares about your issues or OCD/ADHD.  The rent still has to be paid.

[ctwatlanta]

21 minutes ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

I'm really sorry about what you're going through, ctwatlanta. It seems this DID come out of left field!

She should never have spent the weekend with you as she did, looked at her calendar, etc. planning with you, then dumped you via text.

I believe this lady may have very low self esteem. Why? Because she didn't have the backbone to tell you before now that your teasing bothered her. It did. But, she handled it extremely poorly. A person with good self esteem would let you know early on that she wasn't comfortable with your teasing.

I think she really liked you but didn't know how to handle a conversation about a difference the two of you have. She can't handle conflict of any sort, possibly. This is borne out in the way she deals with her son, also. She allows him to be a spoiled brat rather than risking conflict with him by disciplining him.

Listen, this kid is going to be obnoxious as he continues to grow up. And she may very well be stuck with him for life because he probably will be unemployable unless some type of intervention happens for him. I would think being with this woman and her son long term would end up being a miserable existence.

FYI, though, many people would not have been comfortable with the kind of teasing you describe. I wouldn't have. But, then, I'd have let you know early on or not gone out with you again.

I've been around men and families who behave that way, though, meaning the constant teasing and ribbing one another.  A little teasing now and then is fun. But a good thing to remember is not to tease about anything that could possibly be construed as negative, such as weight, disability, getting old (baldness for instance). That way you're always on the safe side.

If you love your, what seems to me to be, excessive teasing so much you don't want to give it up, find someone else who does the same thing to date.

 

 

I don't disagree with your comments at all!  If I'd have known that my teasing really hurt her then I'd have never done it.  It's okay to cut up but you don't cross certain lines.  There are certain things that would hurt my feelings if a specific line was crossed.  I didn't know this was a line not to cross, and she certainly never alluded to it either.  She cut up and teased me all the time and we both acted that way with each other.  However, hindsight being 20/20 I guess making the "Mac & Cheese" comment crossed the invisible line that I didn't know existed.

[ctwatlanta]

6 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

And that is how we work past our shortcomings, not by making excuses for them, but working that much harder to beat them.

And what happens after middle school and high school... its a cold cruel world out there and nobody cares about your issues or OCD/ADHD.  The rent still has to be paid.

That's what I was trying to get across.  Yes, I cut up with him and poked fun (not at his disability) but by his one single comment that he screams throughout the house each and every single day of the week..."Mom, have you made my mac & cheese???" If he doesn't get a response from her he only screamed it louder and louder until she did come running.  I watched her work 36 hour straight on 3 shifts of 12 hours each...and the moment she walked into the house completely exhausted he went right into his "I want my mac and cheese!!!" screaming and of course she went running.  He takes advantage of her and she allows it.  That said,  I wasn't making fun of his slapping himself, the rocking back and forth, etc.  Those are unconscious issues that stem from his ADHD/OCD.  I just cut up with her about his mac and cheese comment and that was it.

[Happy Lemming]

As a child, I ate what was put in front of me.  I didn't dare say, I don't want broccoli, I want mac and cheese.  My mother prepared a well balanced meal for the family and we ate like civilized humans at the dinner table. We were not allowed to bring games to the dinner table or play while we ate.

We sat down, said grace and ate like a civilized family. 

If this "mac and cheese" child couldn't do that, then he doesn't get dinner.  Let him miss a few meals and he'll learn proper manners.

I don't think its asking too much of him to wash up, come to the table and eat a normal family dinner.

[ShyViolet]

What kind of adult makes fun of a special needs child repeatedly?  That's my question.  And even to this moment you are still making excuses and getting defensive about it.  Own up to what you did wrong.  Making fun of him was completely out of line. YOU are supposed to be the adult here.

It's not your kid, you weren't married to his mom, so it wasn't your place to tell her how to parent.  I agree the situation sounds like a total mess, totally dysfunctional... I'm surprised you stuck around as long as you did and weren't scared off by this.  But to stick around, tell her how to parent her kid, and not only that but MAKE FUN of the kid repeatedly... that was disrespectful on your part, so much so that it drove her to dump you.  Stop worrying about the fact that she sent you a text.  That's not the issue at all.  Take responsibility for your actions and learn from them.

[ctwatlanta]

4 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

As a child, I ate what was put in front of me.  I didn't dare say, I don't want broccoli, I want mac and cheese.  My mother prepared a well balanced meal for the family and we ate like civilized humans at the dinner table. We were not allowed to bring games to the dinner table or play while we ate.

We sat down, said grace and ate like a civilized family. 

If this "mac and cheese" child couldn't do that, then he doesn't get dinner.  Let him miss a few meals and he'll learn proper manners.

I don't think its asking too much of him to wash up, come to the table and eat a normal family dinner.

You were raised exactly like I was!  I sat at the dinner table many nights for hours until I cleaned my plate.  My dad would not allow us to get up from the dinner table until everything was gone...and we sure as heck didn't get to request anything specific.  We ate what mom made us...or we didn't eat at all.  That said, I told her not to feed him if he acted like this and she refused.  She said that he would simply "starve" before eating anything other than his required mac & cheese.  In fact, it had to be 1 very specific kind of mac and cheese (Kraft) and it had to be made in a very specific manner (very soupy) so he could eat it with a spoon at the table with his Nintendo in his right hand.  If it was anything other than Kraft and it was not made like soup he's throw a tantrum and not eat it.

[Fletch Lives]

Teasing jokes are not the best kind of jokes. I would stay away from that and find better jokes.

 

How long were you two dating?

 

And why is this thread making me hungry?!

[basil67]

1 minute ago, Happy Lemming said:

If this "mac and cheese" child couldn't do that, then he doesn't get dinner.  Let him miss a few meals and he'll learn proper manners.

I've got a child who's got stuff going on like this kid.   When the eating is extremely limited and when issues such as texture come into it, we're starting to look at a co-morbid eating disorder.  Given that my guy was already malnourished due to his limited food intake, his nutritionist was all about how to get him to eat the best he cold within the bounds of what we could achieve.   

When it comes to disability, nutritional advice from lay people can be dangerous

 

[ctwatlanta]

5 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

What kind of adult makes fun of a special needs child repeatedly?  That's my question.  And even to this moment you are still making excuses and getting defensive about it.  Own up to what you did wrong.  Making fun of him was completely out of line. YOU are supposed to be the adult here.

It's not your kid, you weren't married to his mom, so it wasn't your place to tell her how to parent.  I agree the situation sounds like a total mess, totally dysfunctional... I'm surprised you stuck around as long as you did and weren't scared off by this.  But to stick around, tell her how to parent her kid, and not only that but MAKE FUN of the kid repeatedly... that was disrespectful on your part, so much so that it drove her to dump you.  Stop worrying about the fact that she sent you a text.  That's not the issue at all.  Take responsibility for your actions and learn from them.

Shy, I am 100% owning up to my actions here. I wish I could go back in time knowing what I know now.  I'd have never done it. The issue for me is at the time I didn't believe that cutting up with a kid by mimicking a single catch phrase "Where's my Mac & Cheese?" is not bullying or making fun of a special needs kid.  I would have never made fun of his rocking back and forth, jumping up and down, slapping himself, etc.  As mentioned, his mom laughed as well when it came to dinner time and I would yell, "Where's my mac & cheese?", too.  If I had known that was so horrific then I'd have never done it.