Phased out by friend group - I'm boring

[soheartbroken]

10 hours ago, hippychick3 said:

I have been in a similar situation so can completely empathize with you. When my youngest was born, I was part of a large online “playgroup” with other moms of kids born the same time. There were smaller groups that developed over time from the big group and then even smaller ones from those. I was part of these smaller groups and we would meet up for girls trips together as we lived in different parts of the country. The large group still continues to this day but as each offshoot group grew smaller, people would stop posting in the “larger small groups.” My small group ended up being 4 of us and we were very tight for a few years, taking trips annually and talking throughout the day everyday until one year when I hosted our get together in my city. After that trip, they slowly stopped talking to me and in our online group. But I knew they were still talking to each other.  I’d ask them what was wrong and if they were upset with me for some reason, and they would deny that anything had changed. But I knew something had changed and it was very hurtful. To this day (16 years later), I still don’t know what happened. But it still stings a bit when I think about it.

In your situation, I am leaning more towards miscommunication after reading through this thread. Unless these are very mean, backstabbing women, I can’t imagine they’d stay in the group chat with you while pushing you out. It seems they would have formed their own group without you if they genuinely did not want you around. 
 

Hi Hippychick,

Thanks for your empathy and validation. Sounds like something very similar to what is happening to me. I'm sorry that you never found up what happened.

I think that formally "breaking-up" with friends is just not something people typically do in our society. People do the longer phase-out, which can be agonizing for the person being rejected. You never usually find out why, even if you ask directly.

I don't think my friends are mean and backstabbing. I think four of them have grown closer, they jive together a bit better, and I'm a fifth wheel. At most, I think one of them may have taken a slight annoyance of me, if only because she feels I may be energy draining. Not sure about that, though. Not because I'm negative with them (I'm nothing like how I write on this board), just because I'm the most quiet.

Trust me. They won't stay in this group chat for long. I have heard nothing in group chat today, which is SUPER unusual, so I think a new chat has already formed...

[soheartbroken]

10 hours ago, Datergirl said:

I can kind of understand how you feel somewhat. 

With regards to the group purchase thingy, couldn't you have messaged something like 'I'd love to contribute to the purchase because of xyz'...instead of waiting to be asked. Sometimes, if I wait to be asked things nothing at all would happen!

There will be times, in any friendship group where one or more people aren't included as much as usual, or you can't or don't want to contribute to the conversation or activity, it doesn't have to mean you're deliberately being excluded. 

If you want to continue with this group you're going to have to try and grow the connections again. Don't always wait to be included, include yourself.

It might also be because, while you were going through a breakup the focus was on you a lot, now that focus isn't on you, it feels like you're being left out, maybe the group has moved on from talking about your breakup and they need something fresh and exciting...find something that the whole group might enjoy doing together ❤ 

Hi Datergirl, thanks for writing.

First, I just want to emphasize that there was not a huge focus on my during my break up. People would ask a couple questions when we hung out, or would private message me just asking if I'd heard from me ex or whatever, but it's not like we sat around as a group dissecting my relationship. I never even cried in front of these people. Just wanted to clarify that.

with regard to growing the connections again, I've lost all confidence. When I first felt things slipping, I did try a bit, but obviously things have gotten much worse.

I'll reply to others later, and give a general update.

Thanks, everyone.

[soheartbroken]

UPDATE

Today, there has been 0 group chat activity. Something is definitely up.

Just for kicks, I scrolled back over the last 10 days. There were zero days where no messages were sent. Zero. And suddenly, today, radio silence. If I had to guess, I think it's because of the message I sent about the purchase.

So, for those saying that if they were truly phasing me out, they would start their own chat...I think that has happened.

Impossible to say for sure based on one night, but I'm pretty confident. In fact, my guess is they are hanging out tonight, and took it out of the group chat.

So, it would seem I just lost my friends of 8 years. And I didn't do anything wrong.

[soheartbroken]

On 4/20/2021 at 3:33 PM, d0nnivain said:

If you organize the get together you are in the driver's seat.  I think it will work out but if it doesn't, you will know & then you can shut the door on the whole thing.  I think you will be pleasantly surprised.  

You're quite the optimist, Donnivain!

Based on my update tonight, I don't think I will be doing this. If I follow through on my hike Friday, I may ask one of them to join, since she has Friday off. But things are at an all-time low so...maybe best to do something on my own.

Tomorrow I should get another sense of what's happening. One of the girls individually messaged me a few days ago and I suggested we get together Thursday. She said sounds like a plan. I have a feeling tomorrow will be a different story. she will make plans with the other three. Will update.

[soheartbroken]

11 hours ago, vla1120 said:

This is exactly what I was going to suggest. If they wanted to exclude you from the group chat, they would simply create a group without you. In my opinion, if they are talking about making plans in that group chat, it automatically includes you and if I were you and they were talking about doing something I was interested in doing, I would chime in with no problem. I realize you're a bit shy. I was too, when I was younger. The older you get, the less you will care what your peers think. Now is a good time to start that transition! Don't be afraid to put  yourself out there. What's the worst that could happen? (...and if the "worst" really does happen and you feel excluded, what's the harm? At least you'll know once and for all where you stand in this friend's group.)

Thank you VLA, for your thoughts. I really appreciate everyone's thoughtful responses. To be honest, I sort of thought everyone would say "ditch your friends", which might end up being the solution, but I'm glad for the variety of perspectives.

I think I need to start caring less what people think. I don't know where to start with that. It's much easier said than done, as we are all social creatures, and abandonment literally can feel...deadly. Like in the past, if your tribe abandoned you, you would die alone. Today, we can survive alone, but our instinct to belong is very strong. Humans are social.

And furthermore, to not have really done anything wrong, just being shut out because of who you naturally are...sucks. If you've had an argument, or stole someone's boyfriend/girlfriend, insulted them etc., the abandonment makes sense. But I've done nothing but be myself. And myself is not good enough for these people.

We had so many laughs and great times this past year. We really came together during covid...Some of these girls have been my lifeline the last 8 years. They've accounted for 50 - 70% of my social life over the years, I would guess. I have a couple other friends, but not the kind you laugh with until you cry and stay up until 2 a.m. telling old stories with, and dance like no one is watching.

[ClearEyes-FullHeart]

Just got caught up on the thread here, and wanted to send some virtual support. Sorry for the confusing and hurtful situation. Try not to take it personally, be good to yourself and don’t blame yourself or talk down to yourself. The Friday hike will be a blast and I wish I could join you.

Not sure where in Canada you are but I graduated from McGill and really loved my years in Montreal. I met and became friends with the coolest and smartest and most fun people (virtually all fro pm Canada) and I’m still in touch with several of them. I was last back in Montreal in 2017 after prob 15 years and it has really changed but it was so fun to be back.

Edited April 22, 2021 by ClearEyes-FullHeart

[LivingWaterPlease]

3 hours ago, soheartbroken said:

You're quite the optimist, Donnivain!

Based on my update tonight, I don't think I will be doing this. If I follow through on my hike Friday, I may ask one of them to join, since she has Friday off. But things are at an all-time low so...maybe best to do something on my own.

Tomorrow I should get another sense of what's happening. One of the girls individually messaged me a few days ago and I suggested we get together Thursday. She said sounds like a plan. I have a feeling tomorrow will be a different story. she will make plans with the other three. Will update.

i think this girl will do something with you Thursday, soheartbroken, like she said she would.

I really believe if you just plan your time to do things you like and give space to your group, one or two of them will contact you. After eight years together I'd be surprised if all four of them abandoned you at exactly the same time. If that is the case, this is a sick group and you need to get out of it. Meaning, if not one of them has a mind of their own it's not a healthy group.

I still think you've outgrown them, though. I'm not suggesting you ditch them (I think you said someone suggested that and you're not going to). It's more, you just move on. That doesn't mean you never speak to any of them again. In fact, one or two of them, at least, will most likely contact you at some point.

One more thing.  A very long time ago I used to mentor young girls (ages 9-12 or so). All the mothers of these girls at one time or another told me her daughter was struggling socially to be accepted. Now these were attractive girls from great homes with plenty of resources for nice clothes, activities, etc.

Anyway, I asked my friend, who had a daughter the same age, if her own daughter struggled socially with gfs. She told me her daughter didn't because she'd encouraged her to have about six different friend groups, so that when one of her friend groups seemingly gave her the cold shoulder she had other groups to be involved with. 

Point being, do your best to diversify so that this doesn't happen to you again. As I write this, I realize I have many different friend groups. A lot of my close friends don't even know each other. It will take you some time and effort to develop such a network but it's a goal worth pursuing.

[lil_missy]

Hi op, 

I hope your friends come back to you, maybe this is just a phase and they never really left you. It seems strange that after 8 years of close friendship they'd just ditched you in a matter of weeks? Could they be hurt that after being there for your break up they felt you are the one pulling away now? 

I had a similar group of friends at work once. It was a bigger group about 10 ppl. I was close with only a few of them but after they left ( moved to another work place) and I fell out with one that I'm closest to, I kind of felt like I didn't belong to the group no more.  They'd organise things and include me but never ask me for input,  I was more like a tag along. I wouldn't msg any of them individually. But I'm sure I could have tagged along in that group 4ever. As they were not annoyed with me or anything. But I pulled away as I felt hurt, but in reality I think I didn't have much in common with the ones that were left in the group. 

I think group chats are hard and not reflective of who you are close to in real life. I'm in several group chats and some ppl are really active but I know they don't talk with eachother in private, whereas I could have a really close friendship with someone but barely speak to them in group chat.

Why don't you just cultivate the individual relationships with the few that you feel closer to? Like you are doing already by inviting one of them out on thur. If you have a close one on one bond, no group can take that away. 

[elaine567]

On 4/21/2021 at 3:07 AM, soheartbroken said:

Some have gone through breakups of their own over the last several months, and I texted frequently to check in on them (and them on me - private chats). Another suffered the loss of a loved one, and I checked in with her, and made a big effort to commemorate her loss, which she seemed to deeply appreciate, even writing me a letter of gratitude.

I have seen this before. Once a person opens up and makes themselves vulnerable to a colleague or friend, then instead of making that friendship stronger it can weaken it with the "vulnerable" member then withdrawing and not wanting to engage with the person they opened up to.
I think it is about embarrassment, shame or perhaps a feeling of not wanting to appear less than, as if the person they opened up to is then superior.
In their grief and upset they showed their underbelly and for some they want to avoid doing that ever again, so they stay away.
Whatever the real reason, there is often a need to distance themselves from the person who offered them help.
If the person you offered help to is in any way an influence in the group, then she may have consciously or unconsciously, subtly or even not so subtly tried to undermine you and thus exclude you.
A few raised eyebrows, a roll of the eyes, or a sigh or a shake of the head may thus render you persona non grata.
f you are already a bit of an outsider, the fifth wheel, as you say you have been, then it may not take a lot. 
 

[Happy Lemming]

@soheartbroken How was your hike??  Did you have good weather??

[Commongoal123]

On 4/20/2021 at 1:03 AM, soheartbroken said:

I am truly devastated tonight. There is (was) a group of five of us. I have known three of them for seven or eight years, and we have many, many memories together.

We became very close during the pandemic, and basically only associated with each other.

When I went through a break up a few months ago, they were all there for me (some more than others).

Over the last few months, however, I started to feel myself being phased out. As is super common these days, we are all in a group chat. It started with a few messages where the four of them were planning to get together, but no one had directly invited me. It stung, but I tried to brush it off and did not say anything, and carried on like all was fine.

Lately, these group plans with just the four of them have become more frequent. It's right in my face in this group chat, but I'm not invited. Every day the plans seem more in my face. It's gotten so bad (in my view, anyway), that it almost seems like they are daring me to quit the chat. Sometimes someone will ask me in the chat, "where are you XXXXX?", but this is very halfhearted, and to be honest, it's almost gaslighting at this point (you know, making it seem like I should participate in the conversation, meanwhile giving me the cold shoulder).

I know why this is happening. I am the boring one. I am quiet and shy, especially in groups, though when I drink with these girls I can be slightly more outgoing. I can meet new people and hold a conversation, and with a couple of the girls one-on-one the conversations can flow. But over time, my introversion, shyness, and quietness has obviously worn them down. I am nice, inoffensive, and not socially awkward (other than being somewhat quiet). I am a good listener, and I definitely do not monopolize the conversation. However, I'm not the life of the party, I'm not silly, and I'm not exciting. To be honest, when I was going through my break-up, that probably made me slightly more "interesting" for a short time, since it was a conversation topic. (I don't talk about my ex anymore, unless directly asked, so it's definitely not the case that I wore everyone down by talking about my ex).

I am on the brink of losing all of these friendships. I am very close to just leaving the group chat, but I don't want to be dramatic about it. If I try to talk to only one of them to confirm what is going on, they will all gossip about it. So no point in doing that unless I'm prepared to call it fully quits.

A couple of these people were really good to me, for many years. And they saved me in the first months of my break-up, and gave me the strength to let go of a toxic relationship. This group, for the first time in my life, made me feel like I "belonged" somewhere, and I truly thought I would retire at some cottage with these women years down the road. None of us has children.

This isn't a college or teenage drama; we are all in our mid-late thirties. I haven't come for advice on how to be less "boring". Given my age, I'm not going to suddenly become a social butterfly. I have already worked on my shyness, with good results; however, going any further would just make me inauthentic. Some people are just more quiet and introverted.

I am at my lowest. Especially with the pandemic, the days now just stretch ahead, empty. The group chat gives me daily anxiety, and I think about it way more than my ex. I have two friends outside the group that I see occasionally, but they don't fill the time or the void. Being rejected by friends is even more devastating than a breakup, and I can't talk to anyone about it because it feels so shameful. Way worse than being dumped. If I tell my other friends, the rejection will spread like a virus.

Sorry that this is long and depressing. (I am not negative when I'm around them). If you had asked me a few months ago, I would have said I had a wonderful group of supportive friends.

As I get closer and closer to "quitting" the group, and thoughts on what you would do? How would you handle it? Anyone else feel this way? I don't find many stories like mine...

OP, could it be that by being part of this group text and them making plans in it that you are inherently being invited?  These aren't plans being made outside of the group chat right?  I am in a group chat of 5 people in mid to late 30s, one of us in our 40s, as well and anytime plans are being made nobody is usually invited directly.  Plans are just discussed non chalantly and if those in the chat can and want to make it they respond and they go.  Myself included.

Is there something in the chat or way they are talking that specifically makes you feel like you aren't invited?  These plans aren't being made without out in a separate group chat, so maybe you are invited ya know?

I've suffered from feeling low and have had depressive episodes and I know how that can affect the mind.  Could you possibly be excluding yourself and isolating yourself by accident here?  I'm only saying it bc I've been guilty of it myself.  And once I realized I was the one doing it to me things got better on the social front.

[Acacia98]

On 4/21/2021 at 1:41 AM, soheartbroken said:

So the response was "I haven't  bought it yet, do you want in".

At which point I had to say, "yes please", otherwise I look like I'm being passive aggressive.

But clearly, they were going to purchase without including me.

I've read all your posts thus far. I have no difficulty believing you because I've experienced a similar dynamic. I think that, if you are intuitive, it is possible to notice subtle shifts in attitudes and communication habits. It is possible to sense that people are pulling away from you and developing deeper connections with each other.

I also know that groups can be weird. You can get along quite fine with individuals. But get them together in a group and sometimes they are capable of engaging in actions they wouldn't engage in individually. Sometimes, all it takes is one person with a strong personality to subtly push things in a particular direction. The others may follow without even realizing that they've been manipulated.

So I have chosen to go with your interpretation of events. And my sense is that by reacting the way you've reacted, you're punishing yourself. Look, the moment you started feeling anxious about interacting with your friends, it was time to take a step back. You should have muted the group so that you stopped getting updates. Then you could have avoided checking it for new messages and stopped feeling excluded.

I don't think you're boring. Your description of yourself could easily have been one of me. I don't think I'd survive long in a group in which I felt "boring." I'd have quit. I think you're different from your friends and it's probably time to find new groups to join that focus on your interests. You're a book lover? So am I. Join a book lovers' group online. You have another interest? Look for a ln online group you can join. If you want people to interact with one on one, feel free to inbox me over here. Alternatively, start discussions about whatever books you've been reading or something. I'd be glad to chime in. And I'm sure some other folks here would too.

[Acacia98]

Sorry. My message posted before I was done editing. I wanted to emphasize that, assuming your intuition is right, your situation is akin to a passive aggressive form of bullying. That's why you're feeling anxious. Your anxiety is an alarm bell, letting you know that you are among people who don't wish you well. Your best bet in this kind of situation is to remove yourself if you have a choice (and fortunately, you do have a choice as this is not, say, a workplace situation or a roommate situation). If something similar ever happens to you in the future, please remember that staying where you're not wanted often does more damage to your self-esteem than the initial discovery that you are not wanted. An important part of protecting yourself is leaving the group. It doesn't matter what the group members think of your departure.

Also, it's okay to focus on joining online groups for now as you're under lockdown and your choices are limited. Later, when things open up again, you can look into making friends offline.

[soheartbroken]

On 4/23/2021 at 4:05 PM, Happy Lemming said:

@soheartbroken How was your hike??  Did you have good weather??

I went for the hike, it was good for me, thank you for asking. The weather was outstanding.

This experience has taught me that I need to do a few more things on my own, for myself.

UPDATE: the friend did come over. The group chat came back. And we also saw each other as a group.

I think some of my intuition was correct: I am more of the peripheral friend of the five. However, they did not seem like they were phasing me out (but they also don't invite to everything).

Acacia, thank you for your replies, and for reading all of my posts. There is a stronger, alpha, person in the group. I think she is somewhat bored of me, which may influence the others. And I do sense these subtle shifts, including in communication habits. This did cause me to retreat, though not to the point of "muting" the group.

I need to work on myself. That was a pretty bad low that I hit. It seems to be cyclical; I have a period of weeks or a couple months feeling fine, sometimes great, and then I slowly spiral when I sense rejection. It was not ALL in my head. The things I said happened. They do post events in the chat that I have not been included on. They did exclude me from the purchase etc. But they didn't completely abandon me either. And I do think they expect me to invite myself sometimes, though I'm not the type of person to do that (I don't like to make the assumption that I'm welcome if not directly asked).

When I can do more in person, I will. I'm already looking at some classes etc.

I do think there will come a time when I feel left out again. Not sure how I will handle that.

[d0nnivain]

5 hours ago, soheartbroken said:

I do think they expect me to invite myself sometimes, though I'm not the type of person to do that (I don't like to make the assumption that I'm welcome if not directly asked).

* ** 

I do think there will come a time when I feel left out again. Not sure how I will handle that.

At a minimum if you feel left out again, I think you must at least consider the possibility that it's by your choice.  You are looking for formal invites to participate with your friends but modern friendships work more on the assumption that it's open to everyone in the group.  

[Stupidkupid]

6 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

At a minimum if you feel left out again, I think you must at least consider the possibility that it's by your choice.  You are looking for formal invites to participate with your friends but modern friendships work more on the assumption that it's open to everyone in the group.  

I think it's a lot of this, @soheartbroken. 

You've made yourself a peripheral friend by being quieter, not boring, but they still value you and like when you come along. Probably just don't want to feel like they're pushing you into doing things you might not be into. 

There is nothing wrong with being the quiet shy one of the group, I am. I don't drink much at all so some might see that as boring. However, my fiends understand that about me so just don't invite me to things I don't enjoy! Or they mention it and add I'm welcome (to which I usually say, thanks but no thanks). Give yourself a break. Quiet and shy isn't boring, it's just you.

[d0nnivain]

I really don't mean to come off as unsympathetic. I really do get where you are coming from. 

For 30+ years my friends have always going camping over Memorial Day weekend.  It's a big private festival they throw for a few hundred people with food & live music.  I hate camping.  For the 1st few years I was invited but never went.  Then the invitations stopped even though they were still all going camping.  It made me sad.  One day, (under the influence 🙃 ) I asked them why they stopped inviting me.  They looked at me like I had 3 heads & said "we stopped inviting you because you hate camping & you never come".  I agreed that was true but said it made me feel sad & left out that they stopped asking.   They laughed at me but not in a mean way.  They still ask me now every year even though I still don't go.  I did show up for the 49th anniversary of this trip & hated it but everybody was so happy DH & I came.  It was fun being with all of our friends but it was so not my cup of tea.  I will never go back but I tried & they appreciated the effort.  

[soheartbroken]

UPDATE:

Thought I would post an update since I am feeling down tonight. It's been months (or more?) since my original post. The group chat that I was feeling phased out from is still very active. The five of us went on a trip recently, which has re-triggered all my insecurities. It was a fun trip, lots of laughs, but I'm still the fifth wheel. It's like the four of them are obsessed with each other. It's hard to describe, maybe some folks can relate. Like the four of them will walk ahead and if I don't keep up they would literally forget about me. This group is both one of the great sources of joy of my life, but also my greatest source of anxiety.

Obviously, things got better after my initial post, and now months later I'm really feeling excluded again. Maybe excluded is the wrong word. "Not valued" is a better way of putting it. And it's hard to watch the newer girl replace me.

Here is the difficulty: I know for a fact I'm the least popular, but at the same time I'm not disliked. I'm just...quiet. That's just me. I can't change who I am. And being the least popular triggers a lot of anxiety for me. Like if I don't stay on top of things I will be left behind. 

I was doing pretty well until the trip.

Thanks for reading.

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, soheartbroken said:

UPDATE:

Thought I would post an update since I am feeling down tonight. It's been months (or more?) since my original post. The group chat that I was feeling phased out from is still very active. The five of us went on a trip recently, which has re-triggered all my insecurities. It was a fun trip, lots of laughs, but I'm still the fifth wheel. It's like the four of them are obsessed with each other. It's hard to describe, maybe some folks can relate. Like the four of them will walk ahead and if I don't keep up they would literally forget about me. This group is both one of the great sources of joy of my life, but also my greatest source of anxiety.

Obviously, things got better after my initial post, and now months later I'm really feeling excluded again. Maybe excluded is the wrong word. "Not valued" is a better way of putting it. And it's hard to watch the newer girl replace me.

Here is the difficulty: I know for a fact I'm the least popular, but at the same time I'm not disliked. I'm just...quiet. That's just me. I can't change who I am. And being the least popular triggers a lot of anxiety for me. Like if I don't stay on top of things I will be left behind. 

I was doing pretty well until the trip.

Thanks for reading.

 

I’m sorry to hear that it’s not going well with your friend group...

Sometimes we get stuck in the mindset we had as youngsters, where it is easy to become caught up in the group mentality and ignore individuals. Isn't that what your friends do to you?

Because isn’t it nice when you just want to blend in, to feel like you have a sense of belonging.

Try to get away from the concept of a "group friend squad."

Feeling left out or excluded is something we all go through at some point in our lives, but it's important to remember that it's only transitory. Spend more time with each of your friends separate if you can and, on occasion, have those chitchats OUTSIDE of the group. You may come to find you may feel more at ease and intimate. You’ll also no longer feel left out because you will be able to rely on your friends individually rather than as a "group."

Another thing...

Be less available to them. Make plans that do not include them—in other words, create a life that is more exciting and interesting than the one you have with them now.

Never forget that you're an interesting and fun person to talk to, and that you're a good friend who deserves others to like you.

You get the idea, and I agree that it can be a bit woo-woo (cringers), but try. 

 

 

Edited February 16, 2022 by Alpaca

[josi334]

Hi Soheartbroken

I am sorry you are going through this situation with your friends. They seem immature - It seems they are "friends to just have a good time", but not the friends to give you the emotional support and reassurance you need. I can put myself in your shoes - there were times I felt left out in friendships, specially not being the super fun one too. And at the moment I am feeling sad too about a particular a longtime friend who I don't feel is eager to spend time with me. I do, too, feel like I am "boring and annoying" to her. So, I am trying to make new friends/meet new people who will make me feel more "valued", and appreciate my friendship, and I think you should do the same. Just think of the qualities you have to offer as friend and look for the same.

[Stret]

It seems like you're not looking for real friends but mostly for people to have fun with - this could be because you admire something in them that you perceive you don't have. But friendships don't give you such anxiety and envy. I would trust my intuition if I were you - you are not too important for them and they are discussing whether to invite you or not which makes you think what is it that they are saying to make them not invite you. You think it is because you're "boring". There is "them and you" and it is hurtful to you. 
Seek real friends, maybe some people more like yourself with whom you could go travelling, hiking (and there are many walking and hiking groups you could join), and who wouldn't leave you behind. Seek friends that you would be comfortable talking to when there is problem with them and not those you think would ridicule you or perceive you as weak, ostracise you, etc. 

Most of all - I warmly suggest a therapy session but with a good hypnotherapist to boost your confidence (from personal experience). That way, you might have enough trust in yourself and be sufficiently kind to yourself, to say: this group of friends has not been good for me. I will leave them, tell them what I feel and I don't care what they think about it. Be proud of who you are and what you stand for, even if you have to stand alone. You might find strength in yourself that way, but you have to be willing to leave your comfort zone of pretend. And then take the way forward and only look into the future. What you are doing now is called fawning. You are essentially betraying yourself. That is not what a person concerned with being authentic should do. You have, in fact, been the opposite from authentic as you kept all your feelings and thoughts to yourself and pretended you were having a good time when you felt bad. 

Sorry for psychoanalysing you without really knowing you but I hope this will give you some ideas. Look also into The Holistic Psychologist on Instagram, Dr. Nicole LePera, she is great. 

[stillafool]

Why didn't you move on from this group of women who are treating you like an outsider the first time you posted about them?