good-looking, smart, successful, works out, has a nice car

[ZA Dater]

55 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Like many men who struggle you have  a list of requirements that make finding a woman to match those requirements almost impossible.
You live in a small city in the Philippines where Chinese and Spanish women are rare, never mind single, young and of beauty queen standard, then we add in educated, prepared to date a native and someone outwith their community, and want to live in a small city in the Philippines. We haven't even got to hate the look of you on sight or are bored on the first date...

I get wanting the whole package but the odds are  massively against you here.

 

Hence why I think he should just go on as many dates as I can, seeing he is getting matches. 

Or OP date tourists on a short term basis.

[elaine567]

He doesn't need practice or a short term fling.
He is now looking for the total package, he has been on the personality trip, the beautiful woman trip, the intelligent woman trip.
Now he wants all three, personality, beauty and intelligence in the same woman...

[ZA Dater]

36 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

He doesn't need practice or a short term fling.
He is now looking for the total package, he has been on the personality trip, the beautiful woman trip, the intelligent woman trip.
Now he wants all three, personality, beauty and intelligence in the same woman...

Not impossible IF you live in a place with a big enough pool of such people but it sounds to me that the OP does not live in such a place.

[lovebooks]

You're still sort of young.  Try blind dating along with the dating apps..  The ones you mentioned may not be good enough for quality matches.  Try some like eHarmony  or some that match similar interests over attractiveness.  I want someone I consider attractive because of their height and voice (I love deep voices.)  If they're smart but not snotty and  witty but not snarky I'm attracted.  Keep trying. They even have dating apps for beekeepers and farmers.  Beware of the foreign dating apps (I watch 90 Day Fiancé.)  Love comes when you least expect it.  Relax.

[Miss Peach]

To be honest I think part of the issue if you're looking for the wrong things. There's nothing wrong with the things you're listing but it sounds like you're looking for a female version of you with good looks. Many of these things will not mean anything in a serious long term relationship over many years or decades.

 

There is a dating advice guru named Evan Marc Katz. His story might be of interested to you. He was looking for his carbon copy (East Coast highly educated driven younger Jewish woman) and wound up with an older laid back Catholic woman who was a great compliment and balances him out well. He often comments on his website, podcasts, etc. about compliments and filtering out people on criteria that doesn't really matter in terms of making you happy. His advice is geared towards women but I don't see this as a gendered issue.

 

As for options, is there a larger city nearby you could also look in for more options? In a town of 300 I imagine there wouldn't be a lot of singles.

[MsJayne]

Sounds like you're focusing too much on the superficial. Who doesn't like a nice car? But what sort of person judges someone on what sort of car they drive? My brother-in-law used to drive one of the rarest Porsche ever made, fly around in his own planes and his own helicopter, he was good-looking and, obviously, very smart and highly successful. He ended up married to my sister - one of the biggest narcissists I ever knew. Exceedingly good-looking looking woman, on the surface all charm and sophistication, but underneath a hot mess of headf*ckery. If you value superficial things, you'll end up with a fake. 

[glows]

19 hours ago, luiscasabuena said:

I still feel a void in my life. Despite the many blessings, I still feel lonely. I'm guessing that it's the lack of love life. I'm not saying things above just to brag about them but only to say that, with everything that I have now, I still feel kind of lonely. That's all.

You just had a falling out with someone though. Cut yourself some slack. I think you are very sad and down and on top of that.. you're in a small town. Anyone you meet right now might be a little put off by your vibe (not meaning any offense). Or, you'll attract unsavoury types who just want to use you or for superficial means. 

 

[luiscasabuena]

18 hours ago, elaine567 said:

He doesn't need practice or a short term fling.
He is now looking for the total package, he has been on the personality trip, the beautiful woman trip, the intelligent woman trip.
Now he wants all three, personality, beauty and intelligence in the same woman...

I've actually met someone who's all three but she lives 6 hours away. There's really some connection, vibe, chemistry. Our one and only date was full of laughter. She was really nice to hang out with but, like I said in another thread I posted, she hasn't been responding in a long while.

[Wiseman2]

good-looking, smart, successful, works out, has a nice car.

Interestingly, these are all subject. And sound a bit like insecure bragging.

When you fill out your dating profile skip vague terms like these.

Present facts,  provide good pics.

For example, state your professional plainly not as bragging. Don't mention a car, it makes no difference in terms of getting dates.

In your profile, be objective as possible. When you have recent good pics, people  can decide for themselves if you are their type.

So, state your job, hobbies interests a couple of interesting things about you and keep it brief.

Also never use the online shopping approach. For example: "I want someone like this or that".

Wish list dating is not only off putting, it's also way too subject. 

Again what is "good looking" or "successful"? What if she thinks she's good looking or that just getting a job is "successful".

Be objective.

 

 

 

 

[elaine567]

The problem here is not about getting matches and dates.
He apparently  gets lots of matches and dates, the problem is none of the women tick his specific boxes.
He is 33, he has been there, done that already, now he is looking for "more" and it is somewhat elusive...

[luiscasabuena]

12 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

good-looking, smart, successful, works out, has a nice car.

Interestingly, these are all subject. And sound a bit like insecure bragging.

When you fill out your dating profile skip vague terms like these.

Present facts,  provide good pics.

For example, state your professional plainly not as bragging. Don't mention a car, it makes no difference in terms of getting dates.

In your profile, be objective as possible. When you have recent good pics, people  can decide for themselves if you are their type.

So, state your job, hobbies interests a couple of interesting things about you and keep it brief.

Also never use the online shopping approach. For example: "I want someone like this or that".

Wish list dating is not only off putting, it's also way too subject. 

Again what is "good looking" or "successful"? What if she thinks she's good looking or that just getting a job is "successful".

Be objective.

I don't think I have the courage to post that as my profile on Tinder. I don't remember my profile anymore. I haven't used it in ages. I got bored by it.

Edited April 23, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[d0nnivain]

I agree about being more objective & factual in your descriptions.  

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Don't mention a car, it makes no difference in terms of getting dates.

I disagree that that car won't make a difference in getting dates.  There are plenty of gold diggers out there who will date the car.  I admit that in my late teens early 20s I cared about what a man drove.  

The car will not help you find a quality woman to potentially marry.  She won't care what you drive as long as it's safe & clean.  

[glows]

There are plenty of men or women who won't date someone else without a license or a car for example due to differing lifestyles or priorities. Women won't respond to you if they can't get a sense of what you're about or passionate about. It would not necessarily be about what type of car or vehicle you have. It's about what makes up you as a person - your loves, joys, likes, dislikes, what you make space and room in your life for in terms of lifestyle choices.

Maybe go back to the drawing board and come up with a list of things you like doing as opposed to a list of things you like acquiring. It doesn't have to be long, just meaningful enough for someone to pique an interest.

 

[Alpacalia]

On 4/21/2021 at 6:14 AM, luiscasabuena said:

I did Tinder stuff and other dating apps. I get a lot of matches... but I am like, I can't hold interest with any one of them.

You can't hold interest enough to go on a date or dates in general?

If it's the latter, some women also consider how well your personality works with hers. Also, if she doesn’t respect you and can't trust you, it will be nearly impossible to build a connection.

There’s also that undeniable chemistry where you feel like you "get" each other.

You also get to modify your own standards and your must-have list as you see fit. After all, it's your life.

Edited April 23, 2021 by Alpaca

[ZA Dater]

5 hours ago, elaine567 said:

The problem here is not about getting matches and dates.
He apparently  gets lots of matches and dates, the problem is none of the women tick his specific boxes.
He is 33, he has been there, done that already, now he is looking for "more" and it is somewhat elusive...

I think at some point one needs to strip away what is nice to have and what is really needed. If the two cannot be reconciled, either accept something lesser or accept nothing at all. At the end of the day nobody is entitled to anything in this life. 

[dramafreezone]

On 4/21/2021 at 6:14 AM, luiscasabuena said:

but still single??

Folks, that is me. I have so many things I should be happy about but I still don't have the love of my life. It makes me question everything I have to the point that I ask myself, "maybe I'm just deluded?"

But I see myself in the mirror and I'm happy with it. I get compliments that I'm handsome from time to time, including from the three beauty queens I dated.

The problem, I suppose, is where I live in. I'm happily living in a small rural city where only very few women match my preferences. I did Tinder stuff and other dating apps. I get a lot of matches... but I am like, I can't hold interest with any one of them.

From the information you've given, it sounds as if you're desperate for a relationship.

First of all, if you have the means, move to a more populated area.  Dating's a numbers game.

Next, you're probably too available, too easy.  No one wants a courtship to be easy, no matter what they say.  We're hardwired to appreciate what we have to work for, so when these women date you and you're ready to make them your girlfriend after one date, they're suspicious of it.  They don't trust it.

They see your looks, your money, your car and you have the look of a man that should be highly sought after, but you're just giving it to them on a silver platter, their inner Spidey-sense thinks something's wrong, that you're not as high-value as you present.  It's incongruent, which causes them to not trust what they see.  Maybe they conclude that you've accumulated all of these things as compensation for something.  When you think about it that way, it's almost as if you're bribing them for a relationship.

I wouldn't call myself a great looking guy, but otherwise, I had all of these things you have and I couldn't get half the women that my brother who has never made any type of money got.  Material possessions only raise the attraction of women that are materialistic. 

I think there's a lot to unpack here.  I'll put it like this, all of that stuff you mentioned is just your resume, and it's a great resume.  But you're failiing the interview.  Once you get on the date, none of that other stuff matters, it's about how you make her feel (sexy, smart, desired).  Who you are as a person actually has little to do with her falling in love with you, which sounds weird but it's true.  Why do you think prisoners and hardened criminals can get women?  They're horrible people but they still can get women.  We fall in love with the way that other person makes us feel.

Edited April 24, 2021 by dramafreezone

[prince0fgame]

On 4/21/2021 at 9:14 AM, luiscasabuena said:

but still single??

Folks, that is me. I have so many things I should be happy about but I still don't have the love of my life. It makes me question everything I have to the point that I ask myself, "maybe I'm just deluded?"

But I see myself in the mirror and I'm happy with it. I get compliments that I'm handsome from time to time, including from the three beauty queens I dated.

The problem, I suppose, is where I live in. I'm happily living in a small rural city where only very few women match my preferences. I did Tinder stuff and other dating apps. I get a lot of matches... but I am like, I can't hold interest with any one of them.

Do you have any hobbies that have women in it? Or are you just doing online dating and bars/clubs?

I had the most serendipity when I was in high school/college/military/work. Basically in a shared social environment where attractive women see me more than once.

We were meant to live in tribes. We were not meant to be nomads. That could be the problem. 

Just go out and get a social life that includes women who see you more than once. 

Edited April 24, 2021 by prince0fgame

[spiderowl]

10 hours ago, prince0fgame said:

Do you have any hobbies that have women in it? Or are you just doing online dating and bars/clubs?

I had the most serendipity when I was in high school/college/military/work. Basically in a shared social environment where attractive women see me more than once.

We were meant to live in tribes. We were not meant to be nomads. That could be the problem. 

Just go out and get a social life that includes women who see you more than once. 

This is good advice, but of course many are having to be really careful at the moment because of Covid.  It's not so easy when being responsible

[ZA Dater]

On 4/24/2021 at 10:00 AM, prince0fgame said:

Do you have any hobbies that have women in it? Or are you just doing online dating and bars/clubs?

I had the most serendipity when I was in high school/college/military/work. Basically in a shared social environment where attractive women see me more than once.

We were meant to live in tribes. We were not meant to be nomads. That could be the problem. 

Just go out and get a social life that includes women who see you more than once. 

Good advice this but very difficult to do practically because dating in a work environment can lead to total disaster and seeing as most people spend most of their time working this is the only real environment where you will see the same people over and over again.

We were not mean to be loners either, yet millions are.

[BaileyB]

On 4/23/2021 at 9:21 PM, dramafreezone said:

I wouldn't call myself a great looking guy, but otherwise, I had all of these things you have and I couldn't get half the women that my brother who has never made any type of money got.  Material possessions only raise the attraction of women that are materialistic. 

I'll put it like this, all of that stuff you mentioned is just your resume, and it's a great resume.  But you're failiing the interview.  Once you get on the date, none of that other stuff matters

This. Material possessions matter only to those who value material possessions. For the majority of women, the decision of who to chose as a relationship partner involves many other, more important considerations...  

[elaine567]

27 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

But you're failiing the interview.

I don't think he is failing the interview, he is just not finding a job that matches up to what he wants.
They want to hire him, he is however nonplussed...
 

His tick boxes are very specific..

[dramafreezone]

5 hours ago, elaine567 said:

I don't think he is failing the interview, he is just not finding a job that matches up to what he wants.
They want to hire him, he is however nonplussed...
 

His tick boxes are very specific..

You're right, I intepreted his post as the women not holding interest in him but it's the other way around, he can't remain interested in women.

Sometimes I think this is a trick we play on ourselves though.  I used to tell myself that I was just being picky.  In reality I thnk it was just my own insecurities not allowing me to date in good faith.

If he's never had this very specific type of woman that he wants, then maybe he's not good enough to have that type of woman.  Who we attract is a good barometer of our own value.  We can all want what we want but that doesn't entitle us to it.

So OP, in spite of all of the money and the looks and the smarts you say you have, maybe you have some self-improving to do to find that high value woman you think you deserve.  She's out there, you're just not making the cut, and that can be bruising to the ego if you let it.

Edited April 26, 2021 by dramafreezone

[elaine567]

15 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

If he's never had this very specific type of woman that he wants, then maybe he's not good enough to have that type of woman

If you read his other thread he has dated the personality women, the beautiful women, the intelligent women.
 Now he is looking for a woman that ticks all these three boxes.
PLUS she has to be Chinese or Spanish and those women are supposedly pretty rare in the small city he lives in in the Philippines. 
It is needle in a haystack stuff...

[dramafreezone]

50 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

If you read his other thread he has dated the personality women, the beautiful women, the intelligent women.
 Now he is looking for a woman that ticks all these three boxes.
PLUS she has to be Chinese or Spanish and those women are supposedly pretty rare in the small city he lives in in the Philippines. 
It is needle in a haystack stuff...

I still maintain my premise.  For whatever reason, he doesn't have the ability to command the specific type of woman that he covets.

Why can't he move to a highly populated area to increase his chances?  There are 4 billion women in this world. It's actually mathmatically impossible for him to date all of the women he would find appealing, but he has to be near them. 

If he cannot move, or is unwilling to move to increase his chances, then I'd say that's something to work on.  Is it a situation where he's a big fish in a small pond and he doesn't want to face the music in the big pond?   Move to Jakarta and then say you can't fnd a great woman that's Chinese or Spanish and ticks all of the boxes.

Edited April 26, 2021 by dramafreezone

[luiscasabuena]

16 hours ago, elaine567 said:

If you read his other thread he has dated the personality women, the beautiful women, the intelligent women.
 Now he is looking for a woman that ticks all these three boxes.
PLUS she has to be Chinese or Spanish and those women are supposedly pretty rare in the small city he lives in in the Philippines. 
It is needle in a haystack stuff...

Thank you so much for understanding everything. I really appreciate it.

I have a new prospect now, but she lives farther away, about 9-10 hours from here. I'm not sure if she's all three but she's both beauty and brains and we have the same profession.