Author Elicari Posted May 8, 2021 Author Share Posted May 8, 2021 13 minutes ago, jspice said: Don’t you have anything better to do with your time? I do have other things to do with my time but I have some tine for this too. I think this is actually relaxing to me in another way as I am very busy and stressed with work currently. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elicari Posted May 8, 2021 Author Share Posted May 8, 2021 16 minutes ago, jspice said: Don’t you have anything better to do with your time? I find this relaxing as I’m busy with work and it’s stressful for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elicari Posted May 9, 2021 Author Share Posted May 9, 2021 On 5/7/2021 at 12:00 PM, Pumpernickel said: Sounds to me like he is not super interested (yet). He can take it or leave it, kind of. Maybe 1) he's not sure whether or not he wants to have an affair/sex with somebody else than his wife, or 2) he has other options on the side that keep him busy, or 3) he is now too busy with his move to another state and wants to get settled in first. He might be more open as soon as he has completed his move and starts to travel back and forth for work. That might free up more of his time to have meetings with you. Who knows. I would not do anything right now. Wait for him to reach out. Thank you for your post. Should be interesting to see how this unfolds. I’m patiently waiting for his next steps. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 9, 2021 Share Posted May 9, 2021 On 5/7/2021 at 1:57 PM, Elicari said: I don’t recall every detail as there was a lot of drinking. We did some heavy kissing at the table and on the walk back home. We texted each other the next day, he’s been cold again but hasn’t totally disappeared. My question is what should I do next as far as getting him to meet again? He accepted my LinkedIn invitation but hasn’t engaged me on the app. I am sorry but he is just does not sound interested in you. Just because he is married doesn't mean he HAS to be interested in you. You had a drunken make out session, which may have increased the sexual tension, but it appears to have turned him off, not on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elicari Posted May 9, 2021 Author Share Posted May 9, 2021 2 hours ago, elaine567 said: I am sorry but he is just does not sound interested in you. Just because he is married doesn't mean he HAS to be interested in you. You had a drunken make out session, which may have increased the sexual tension, but it appears to have turned him off, not on. Yes, you are probably right about that, too bad. I hope he changes his mind as he did mention he wants to go on a lunch date located in a luxury hotel. Maybe after he settles and has more free time he will reconsider getting together. Anticipating is part of the fun for me so I will keep my fingers crossed. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted May 11, 2021 Share Posted May 11, 2021 OP, what do you want from us? Are you trying to shock us? Do you want us to tell you this is a fantastic idea and to have fun? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elicari Posted May 11, 2021 Author Share Posted May 11, 2021 4 minutes ago, Crazelnut said: OP, what do you want from us? Are you trying to shock us? Do you want us to tell you this is a fantastic idea and to have fun? No, I want your ideas and opinions. No reason to shock anyone. I’m genuinely interested in hearing others opinions. I am truly interested in this married and would like to have someone else’s insight on this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 11, 2021 Share Posted May 11, 2021 (edited) 28 minutes ago, Elicari said: I am truly interested in this married and would like to have someone else’s insight on this situation. People have given you their insight, this is an obvious attempt to get attention. It’s a foolish waste of time and energy. Surely there is something else you can find to do - someone else you can find to date? Edited May 11, 2021 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elicari Posted May 12, 2021 Author Share Posted May 12, 2021 3 hours ago, BaileyB said: People have given you their insight, this is an obvious attempt to get attention. It’s a foolish waste of time and energy. Surely there is something else you can find to do - someone else you can find to date? Yes, of course I can find someone else to date. But when one falls in love they can’t help it. It’s not my fault I have feelings for a married man. He may have some feelings too now it’s a matter of time. Connections in life happen and shouldn’t be forced, this is a pure attraction it’s not about a future together or marriage. It’s about being true and authentic and in the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 28 minutes ago, Elicari said: this is a pure attraction For you, perhaps. He doesn’t seem particularly attracted - if he was, he would be pursing you. Your whole purpose for being here is seek advice on how to gain his interest and get what you want. 30 minutes ago, Elicari said: when one falls in love they can’t help it. This isn’t love. 34 minutes ago, Elicari said: Connections in life happen and shouldn’t be forced Indeed, this connection hasn’t happened so you shouldn’t try to force it. Good advice. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elicari Posted May 12, 2021 Author Share Posted May 12, 2021 2 hours ago, BaileyB said: For you, perhaps. He doesn’t seem particularly attracted - if he was, he would be pursing you. Your whole purpose for being here is seek advice on how to gain his interest and get what you want. This isn’t love. Indeed, this connection hasn’t happened so you shouldn’t try to force it. Good advice. It’s hasn’t happened and may never happen. But for me it’s an attraction and for him it’s one too. He hasn’t changed his behavior since we met, I would like to get to know him more. He’s taken the first step to meet and all went well. Now if it’s ment to be it will happen, the connection may be brief but nevertheless it will be a true one for each one of us in their own way. Even if he sees me only as his side chick it’s ok maybe that’s all he needs or wants. I’m trying to say it’s best to be open and not expect too much. Forcing something is usually not a good idea in many situations. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 Are you also in a relationship? Is this revenge cheating? Is this a monetary situation? Such as a sugar daddy type thing? What exactly is in this for you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elicari Posted May 12, 2021 Author Share Posted May 12, 2021 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Are you also in a relationship? Is this revenge cheating? Is this a monetary situation? Such as a sugar daddy type thing? What exactly is in this for you? Right now I’m physically attracted to him not emotionally. No I’m not in any kind of relationship, I’m single. It’s not a monetary situation for me. I’m good with my lifestyle and money situation. I’m interested in exploring time together and just being with him. He is not pursuing me as one would expect but he is married and only asked to meet with me after 5 months of limited communication. So I’m guessing he’s not ready to get any closer yet and probably busy with work and family life too. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 You are an adult and can make your own decisions. IMO you're not likely to get much out of this other than occasional "fun" as he's married. If you don't want more than that, well, that's your choice. If you do start to eventually, keep in mind that, despite what they may say "in the moment," it's apparently quite unusual for MMs to actually leave their wife. It's possible this will "blow up his life" at some point if his wife finds out. No doubt he realizes that at some level, and it's probably part of what keeps him at a distance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elicari Posted May 12, 2021 Author Share Posted May 12, 2021 1 hour ago, mark clemson said: You are an adult and can make your own decisions. IMO you're not likely to get much out of this other than occasional "fun" as he's married. If you don't want more than that, well, that's your choice. If you do start to eventually, keep in mind that, despite what they may say "in the moment," it's apparently quite unusual for MMs to actually leave their wife. It's possible this will "blow up his life" at some point if his wife finds out. No doubt he realizes that at some level, and it's probably part of what keeps him at a distance. Okay, I read your opinion, thank you. He mentioned to me he’s been in an open relationship with his wife for 5yrs. His teenage daughter is friends with my niece. His daughter has told her friends on a number of occasions she thinks her parents go out with others and also about 4 years ago she told my niece her dad cheated on her mother. When we met for dinner first thing he told me was his wife knows we are together this evening. I know her and have seen each other socially since meeting both of them 5 months ago. I’m not sure if he’s being hundred percent truthful but the daughter seems to know something. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 Hmm. WRT to his wife knowing/open marriage, I'd say this is a "trust but verify" situation. She could easily know you're having dinner without knowing that there is talk/intent of possibly "taking this further". So - "technical" honesty. You won't really know it is an open unless you verify it somehow. I'd say the chance that she actually knows/accepts his seeing other women (while real) is < 50%. You might consider verifying this BEFORE actually sleeping with him as A) you'd presumably prefer honesty on this from him? and B) IF it's (an attempt at) cheating, she finds out before it actually occurs and the repercussions may be somewhat less severe. After all there is a kid involved here too. Overall (just spouting my opinion as so many folks on here do) it seems like you seem to prefer "playing games" to simply engaging in normal relationships? That's fine, you are an adult and will make your own decisions, but consider if perhaps you have some sort of attachment style issue that makes this sort of thing appealing to you (vs. a more straightforward relationship with someone who's unattached). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 14 minutes ago, Elicari said: He mentioned to me he’s been in an open relationship with his wife for 5yrs. His teenage daughter is friends with my niece. His daughter has told her friends on a number of occasions she thinks her parents go out with others and also about 4 years ago she told my niece her dad cheated on her mother. When we met for dinner first thing he told me was his wife knows we are together this evening. Whether he is in an open relationship or is cheating is immaterial, as he has not got back to you to repeat your "first date" experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elicari Posted May 12, 2021 Author Share Posted May 12, 2021 23 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Whether he is in an open relationship or is cheating is immaterial, as he has not got back to you to repeat your "first date" experience. Yes, he has not followed up yet but I don’t expect him to until he settles into his new home. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 14 minutes ago, Elicari said: Yes, he has not followed up yet but I don’t expect him to until he settles into his new home. A guy who is hot for you will not wait for anything... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elicari Posted May 12, 2021 Author Share Posted May 12, 2021 13 minutes ago, elaine567 said: A guy who is hot for you will not wait for anything... If he’s not hot for me then that’s okay. Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 You said "it's not my fault I have feelings for a married man". Who's responsibility is it then? You ARE in control of your actions. Not sure why you'd want to chase a married man - open marriage or not. Seems your time would be way better spent on someone that was available and not playing games. Just drop him. Date single people. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 5 hours ago, Elicari said: I’m guessing he’s not ready to get any closer yet and probably busy with work and family life too. That seems like an accurate assessment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elicari Posted May 13, 2021 Author Share Posted May 13, 2021 7 hours ago, notbroken said: You said "it's not my fault I have feelings for a married man". Who's responsibility is it then? You ARE in control of your actions. Not sure why you'd want to chase a married man - open marriage or not. Seems your time would be way better spent on someone that was available and not playing games. Just drop him. Date single people. It’s not about being sure it just happens. I’m not chasing, I have an attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 2 minutes ago, Elicari said: It’s not about being sure it just happens. I’m not chasing, I have an attraction. No, you are fantasizing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elicari Posted May 13, 2021 Author Share Posted May 13, 2021 11 minutes ago, BaileyB said: No, you are fantasizing. Okay, if it’s a fantasy we like that too. He’s all about fantasies, that’s what we talked about over dinner. Our fantasies and desires. Link to post Share on other sites
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