Need advice as this situation has messed with my head

[Jjackson7122]

Hello, 

I’m hoping some of you can help ... I’ve recently got out of a relationship and my house mate brought his girlfriend and a few friends to ours for a few drinks, I get along really well with this one girl, she’s a very attractive lady however she is engaged, and for this reason I wouldn’t try to peruse anything with her. But as I say we got on really well with a lot of laughs and we have a lot in common. She puts her phone number in my phone, and a couple of days later I text her to see how she is, I had to explain who it was because as I mentioned a few days had passed and she never saved my number but when she realised it was me, she seemed really excited that I texted her. We start messaging and it’s in the exact same as it was on the night we had, just full of banter, laughing. Then I meet up with the group we were with without this girl. And everyone makes a big deal that I messaged her and I tell them that we are only friends, that I wouldn’t want anything due to her obviously being engaged. But nobody is having any of it, and the only way they know we would be talking would be from her as I haven’t told anyone. She starts asking when I’m out next so we can all meet up together again and have a fun night out. 
 

We carry on messaging in the exact same manor, which brings us to yesterday ... this girl is at work and I just get a message saying she is coming out, which is a big shock to me as she had never mentioned this before ... she turns up and we all start playing drinking games, until it got to never have I ever ... my housemate starts off with ‘fancied someone at this table’ she drinks ... it then gets changed each time so that it could only be me ... she still drinks .... to which starts to just confuse me ... but she will then talk about her fiancé and how happy she is ... shows off her ring ect and I’m just starting to think I’m being played here as just one bit game ... 

We then get time away from everyone else and I bring her up on it and she says that I’m an attractive guy and I’m her type (I do look similar to her fiancé) and she says I know you fancy me anyway, every guy has an extra motive nobody ever just wants to be friends, and that can’t happen because I have a fiancé. To which I deny and tell her it is only friends that I’m looking for because of recently getting out of a relationship ... the drinking carries on and she starts opening up to me in a way that you wouldn’t with a guy you only know 1 week ... but again keeps mentioning her fiancé ... 

Everyone suggests going back to our place for an after party so we do, and we’re all having a good time again, the later it gets the more tired I get so I go into my room and lay down, she comes in saying she wants me to come dance with her so I just straight up ask her like what’s going on here ... is there anything going on to which she just completely shuts me down explaining she’s happily engaged, 

So now I’m just very confused: I think there can be three options: either ... 

She likes me and dosent want to admit it becuase she will feel guilty? 
She is just using me to test how she really feels towards her fiancé and she wants me to try and kiss her or make a move for her so she will know if she would reject it or accept it? 
or she’s genuinely as confused as I am about the whole situation? 

If you have taken the time to read through this ... I would like to thank you and any advice regarding this would be greatly appreciated! 
 

[Yosemite]

She's either looking to cheat with you, wants to leave her fiance for you, or she's messing with your head, or she's testing herself to prove to herself how much she loves her fiance. I think that the last one is most likely because she told everyone that you asked for her number and texted her...if she wanted to cheat she wouldn't have done that. 

But, it doesn't really matter what she's doing or why...you shouldn't participate. This is just a mess and a heartache waiting to happen, there's absolutely no reason for you to keep going down this road and getting further involved. Use your self control and stop interacting with her; go find a single girl who you have chemistry with. 

[d0nnivain]

I feel bad for her FI.  This woman is playing someone for a fool either you or him.  I'd bow out.  You don't need her drama in your life.  She is not GF material. 

[FMW]

My guess is that she likes attention, she's attracted to you, and likes the drama of it all (that's why she told everyone).  She probably doesn't intend for anything physical to happen with you, but she enjoys the flirtation.  She's probably had similar interactions with other guys, likes making her fiance jealous, and he puts up with it for his own reasons.

I would stay clear of her.  

 

[Negotaurus]

This lady for sure needs a new hobby. Guess she's just bored and wants to create some sort of weird drama/excitement. 

[Wiseman2]

18 hours ago, Jjackson7122 said:

she will then talk about her fiancé and how happy she is ... shows off her ring ect 

Sorry this happened. How long ago did you break up and why?

She's acting like a typical happy engaged woman and it's unclear why you are hitting on her.

No one is "playing you", it's just not cool to hit on her. 

 

[usa1ah]

Easy solution. Stop talking to the woman. She is engaged and is pulling this crap with you. You actually have no responsibility to her STBH. Good job keeping your boundaries on that. Just tell her that you don’t appreciate the games she is playing and that there is no way the two of you can a stay friends. Then block her on everything. 

Edited April 29, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Crazelnut]

She's an attention-seeker, plain and simple. She needs a satellite man to orbit around her and desire her, to feed her ego. My advice -- resist.  LEAVE HER ALONE. Don't do anything that would put you & her alone. Don't have extra, side conversations with her. And when she starts up stuff like asking you to come dance with her, just tell her you're not comfortable doing that. Repeat until she leaves you alone.

And the next time an engaged or married woman gives you her number, delete it. 

Edited April 29, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[smackie9]

Again she's just monkey branching. It's purely for the attention/ego boost. Keep away from her or you will get hurt.

[spiderowl]

On 4/26/2021 at 1:17 AM, FMW said:

My guess is that she likes attention, she's attracted to you, and likes the drama of it all (that's why she told everyone).  She probably doesn't intend for anything physical to happen with you, but she enjoys the flirtation.  She's probably had similar interactions with other guys, likes making her fiance jealous, and he puts up with it for his own reasons.

I would stay clear of her.  

 

I completely agree with the above.  If she liked you and was seriously interested to the point of possibly dropping her fiance, she wouldn't be telling everyone about you.  She would be keeping it to herself while she thinks such a big decision over.  The fact that she came in and woke you up when you were resting shows how entitled she is.  Who would do that to a guy friend unless she's an attention seeker?  I think she likes your attention and others knowing about it and will do things to keep you focused on her until she gets bored.  I doubt she will abandon her fiance.  I bet if you knew her better, she would have 'form' for this kind of behaviour.

If you want to know what is going on, see if you can overhear her female friends talking when she is not there.  Whatever you do, don't ask them about her, just see what you can glean.

Best to steer clear of her, no matter how attracted you are.  You could be heading for serious trouble here when her fiance finds out what she's up to.  The last thing you want is for her to put any blame on you.

Edited May 9, 2021 by spiderowl