robaday Posted April 26, 2021 Share Posted April 26, 2021 I have a question around dating after a breakup. Mine was a long time ago (about 8 months) but me and my ex had spoken about working things out a fair bit in the months afterward so I am not fully over her. But I have closed the door firmly and we haven't spoken in over two months. I started seeing someone about a month ago and really like her. We have been taking it relatively slow (we haven't had sex yet, met up four times) but she seems a good fit for me and I am definitely interested in a relationship with her (if things keep going well). I know a lot of people talk about rebounding being bad or that you aren't being fair to someone or even yourself. But are there situations where it does work? I am not rushing things, I haven't communicated to her I had a really bad breakup last year and at least so far am really enjoying seeing where this will go. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 26, 2021 Share Posted April 26, 2021 Ok. You need to delete and block the ex from all your social media and messaging apps. You really can't have this running in the background if you want to be happy. It's not about fair. It's about moving forward. Don't talk to or about your ex. Focus on your budding relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 26, 2021 Share Posted April 26, 2021 If you are not "fully over" your EX, you probably shouldn't be dating. Whether somebody is a rebound depends on how you feel about an EX, not how much time has passed on a calendar. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 26, 2021 Share Posted April 26, 2021 (edited) 13 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Whether somebody is a rebound depends on how you feel about an EX, not how much time has passed on a calendar. Exactly. If you are fully over your ex and you have been split up for 2 weeks. then it is not a rebound. That is why dumpers rarely get into rebound relationships. Rebound relationships are usually something dumpees do. They were blindsided by the breakup, they were heart broken, they grabbed onto the first person they saw and tried to slot them straight into their life. Edited April 26, 2021 by elaine567 Link to post Share on other sites
Stromae Posted April 26, 2021 Share Posted April 26, 2021 There is no one size fits all or any standard period of time that must pass Instead it’s about your own mindset and approach And “rebounds” can also turn into long lasting relationships as well. With that said if you aren’t fully over your ex then you are at risk of a rebound relationship, or at least being unfair to your new partner as well as yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Author robaday Posted April 27, 2021 Author Share Posted April 27, 2021 (edited) The ex is fully blocked on everything, she has no way of contacting me and we haven't spoken for two months. When I say not fully over it I mean I am still recovering my confidence, I'm a little "gun shy" compared to the guy I was when me and her met. I have dated a few women since we split however this is the first one I have felt a connection with. One thing I am struggling a little with is escalating (probably to do with the breakup) so we have kissed a lot but I haven't tried to escalate it further yet for fear of rejection. Edited April 27, 2021 by robaday Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 @robaday There is nothing wrong with taking things slow. However, your claim that you haven't escalated for fear of rejection rings a bit hollow. I suspect you are not yet ready to become more physically or emotionally involved with a new woman because part of you still feels linked to your EX. She still holds part of your heart. It's only been 2 months since you stopped speaking to her. That is not that long. Plus you started seeing the new woman only 1 month after stopping contact with your EX. The idea that you & the EX broke up 8 months ago but stayed in contact for 6 months after you ended things means you were still connected for all that extra time so you haven't had much time to fully heal yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author robaday Posted April 29, 2021 Author Share Posted April 29, 2021 After we split eight months back I did go out on a number of dates and was able to go there physically but couldn''t connect emotionally (definitely wasn't ready). I think with this current person she is the first one since the breakup I feel I have connected to on an emotional and intellectual level and perhaps that's why I am taking it slow physically as I don't want to stuff it up. But you are right, things dragged on with the ex for far too long, we had broken up due to long distance and had spoken about trying to locate in the same place but that never eventuated. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 29, 2021 Share Posted April 29, 2021 On 4/27/2021 at 6:36 PM, robaday said: I haven't tried to escalate it further yet for fear of rejection. What exactly do you mean by escalating? Getting to sex? You'll know if she's interested in you enough for that. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts