Total confusion

[Taurus_mn]

I’m not really sure where even to start with it all, I’m 25 she’s 23, she was my hairstylist for about 2 years before I gave her a copper rose I had made and won her heart over, just before covid. She had moved back in with her parents on their farm and I ended up living with them for the most part during the majority of last year (I was laid off, helped her step dad with all the things he does regularly) I abused marijuana pretty severely and from how I see it, granted I make all my own choices, it really changed me as a person and I couldn’t see it at that time. I didn’t communicate much with her in the terms of forming a deeper connection between us, I ended up being faced with quite a few life problems and was struggling to deal with them because of covid/quarantines blocks. I wasn’t able to get a certain dental thing done and get some other health issues checked out because I ended up losing my insurance from being laid off so long by the time the dentist and all that was accepting patients again, this effected our sex life. Both of these issues were big to her and I was forming a pipe dream for us to move states where I’m originally from to start up a company because I’m bound by union contracts, she took it as I wanted to move back and figured I might leave her. Some what of a snowball effect this kept rolling for some time up until after Christmas she broke up with me( I ended up dealing with 5 different deaths right around that month and was in no good mental state) I kind of lashed out at her the last time we saw each other in person over a lot of this and I believe that made things negative between us. I feel terrible

 

we’ve talked forsure over the past few months, I’ve gotten all my stuff figured out now and I’m in a much better spot. We talked a lot more regularly up until I really started trying to meet up with her, she blew me off everytime and now we don’t really talk so much, she doesn’t reach anymore and when I do she’s usually pretty short. Her family members will still reach out to me, her mom even sends stuff to our group text between us three every now and than. I know she’s on hinge/match dating apps.

she still has our pictures on Facebook and regularly likes things that I feel could be attributed to hurtful ness of a lost relationship. 
 

I’m not totally sure on how to revive this
 

 

[glows]

Unless you're in a more stable place in terms of employment and have stopped doing drugs, keep your distance. I'm sorry all this happened. It's unlikely she'd be interested in getting back into the same issues with the same person all over again and you will remind her of the past issues regardless of whether you're in a better place. Why deal with all that drama rekindling a romance back with an ex when you can date someone new? 

You can try if you really want to but keep in mind this may kick you lower if you're feeling down. If you need support post here. Engage with friends, reach out to other networks and make new friends too. 

[d0nnivain]

Please accept my condolences over the losses you suffered.  

Have you ever actually apologized for the misunderstanding, the bad oral hygiene & being out of sorts with all you had going on?  If not, start there.    Go back over the dream of yours & where she fit in?  Did you consult her about your dream?  You wanted to move home but for her to go with you, she had to leave her home.  

. 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Taurus_mn said:

She had moved back in with her parents on their farm and I ended up living with them for the most part during the majority of last year

I was forming a pipe dream for us to move states where I’m originally from to start up a company because I’m bound by union contracts, she took it as I wanted to move back and figured I might leave her.

She seems to be bound to where she lives works now and took your 'pipe dreams' as concrete plans. She therefore did sort of interpret that as "I m a rambler, I'm movin' on".

 Step back for a while. Get your work, health etc. back in order. Hopefully you're staying away from too much weed.  If you speak be low key. Don't go off on tangents. Mention some good news without bragging or sounding like a self improvement project.