Logo Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 At what stage in a relationship is it a red flag if the two of you run out of things to say? After dating for a month? Three months? Six months? A year? Two years? What do couples in relationships (not married couples, just bf/gf) talk about after they get to know one another? Does my asking this question mean there’s a problem? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 3 minutes ago, Logo said: At what stage in a relationship is it a red flag if the two of you run out of things to say? Have you met in person? How long have you been talking? Yes, it's a red flag at any point in time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 (edited) You should never really run out of stuff to talk about. Even after you get through the "Stories" of who you are... you still talk about hobbies, likes, dislikes, and the day's adventures. So... for example... my GF and I have been seeing each other for just over a year now. The first few dates... the conversation was non-stop. AND... on our actual (one-on-one) first date... we sat at a local brewery for 4 hours and never stopped talking. But now... at the end of the day, she will come to my house, and get a shower. Then depending on the time, we make dinner, and she tells me what happened at work, and I will tell her what I was up to. (My day job is still messed up from COVID) At that point... if I have my kids... we may all hang out, and play a game until it's time for bed. If I don't have my kids... we may put on a movie or work on something that needs done. Like yesterday... we had a wonderful spring day... so she helped me drag my boat out of it's hibernation location, and do an initial prep on it. (Clean the bilge, charge the batteries, and make sure the engine would still start) Even though that's work... the conversation about whatever you are doing will flow. On the larger picture... we have taken up some of the other's hobbies, and are teaching each other. She was into Kayaking, and I ride motorcycles. So, on nice days... we try to do those activities. The end of last summer, I taught her how to ride, and she is practicing to get her license. So... when people actually like each other... there is always something to do, and talk about. If after a few months... you aren't talking... that's a huge red flag. Edited April 28, 2021 by Blind-Sided 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 You should never run out of things to talk about. The world changes every day. The Qs may be the same: "How was your day?" but the answer should change. Current events is always a great source of discussion. It doesn't have to be the controversial stuff, despite the headlines, but some feel good story should be able to spark a conversation. You can discuss the last episode of some show you watched or work out what movie you will see next. Do you think people who have been married for decades sit around in silence? The silences do get more comfortable through the years. Your Q doesn't mean there's a deep-seated unfixable problem. It does mean that you could use a bit more imagination & creativity to jump start things. As your relationship progresses sometimes the conversations are much more mundane. You talk about boring stuff like what color to paint the bathroom or how you will pay for the new car you need. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 There's no set answer. At some point though you'll shift from (primarily) "getting to know each other" mode to (primarily) "assessing things and planning stuff as a couple" mode (which BTW can still include plenty of room for differences of opinion). Perhaps you're hitting the point where you are transitioning from one mode to the next. I think there's a sort of "pause" in there. Silence is fine if you're both busy or there's simply not that much to say right at the moment. If you go entire days without talking at all, that might be another matter. It's only a problem if it's actually a problem. Be flexible and tolerant. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 9 hours ago, Logo said: At what stage in a relationship is it a red flag if the two of you run out of things to say? After dating for a month? Three months? Six months? A year? Two years? What do couples in relationships (not married couples, just bf/gf) talk about after they get to know one another? Does my asking this question mean there’s a problem? Realistically, it happens. The types of things you talk about may change over time. Sometimes there's a lull while someone is ill or worried about something. Other times the chatter is light or humoured and not as intensely heavy or full of debates or big plans. Completely running out of things to say may indicate issues of resentment or discomfort around each other or unresolved issues. If you feel uncomfortable around your partner, then yes, there is probably something amiss. Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted April 29, 2021 Share Posted April 29, 2021 At no stage is it not a red flag. If we're talking about a day, a few days, an arbitrary period of time that's transient... it's normal. However, if running out of things to talk about becomes the new normal, the relationship has some serious challenges ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted April 29, 2021 Share Posted April 29, 2021 After 9.5 years, my girlfriend has heard all of my stories (multiple times). I've heard all of her stories, as well. Now we just talk about the day's activities, what future trips we want to plan and anything new that has happened since the last time we talked. All in all, it is usually a short conversation. There have been many meals that I've served in quiet silence. Outside of asking if she wants more of this or that and her telling me everything is good, we eat in silence. It doesn't mean that we are bored of one another or wish to break up, we just don't have anything left to talk about. We very much like being in the company of one another, even if it is quiet. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 29, 2021 Share Posted April 29, 2021 I like eloquent silences and just being together, don't need constant chatter. However communication is more than just talking so if you can't communicate, that's a problem. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 I have never ran out of things to talk about in my life 🙂 If I find myself with a man with whom convesation doesn't flow it's because we are not compatible. My recent ex and I would start talking about our day then conversation made a turn toward something on the news, then made another turn toward talking about a personal story than another turn toward something else. My ex-husband took interest only in sports so all my attempts to have conversations failed. We were not compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 If you are able to share silence comfortably and still enjoy being with someone, that is a sign of a good relationship. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 All this question stuff is like some interview or talking to someone on the street , it's not a relationship. lf all there is to say is more questions then there's no compatibility. Couples that get along just naturally talk about anything and usually blab on anytime anywhere, or are very comfortable and at peace when they aren't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 Go places like movies where you don't talk. Or a library where talk is discouraged. Or a loud bar. Then rely on chitchat to kill the time. If you see an interesting movie or museum you will have something to talk about. The important thing is chemistry not talk Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 I've been with my current girlfriend for 10 years. We've heard most of each others stories, etc and can often sort of "read one another's mind". I still have plenty to talk with her about but sometimes just don't feel like talking. She's the same. Silence is ok sometimes. Your comfort in that silence says a lot about the health of your relationship. It is ok not to have lots to talk about every minute of every day. Regularly and maybe your relationship is starting to wane / be done. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted May 4, 2021 Share Posted May 4, 2021 (edited) No one has stuff to talk about all the time, so I don't agree with this idea of never running out of things to talk about. If you're in a relationship there will undoubtedly be a stretch of days where you don't really have a lot of dialogue going on. Agree with the poster right above me, silence is ok sometimes. Do you still cherish this other person's presence? That says more than anything. I'm naturally quiet, but I do tend to pair with women that talk a lot. That said I wouldn't want to be with someone that feels they have to fill the vast majority of their waking existence with chatter. Sometimes, let's just be. Edited May 4, 2021 by dramafreezone Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted May 14, 2021 Share Posted May 14, 2021 It is better to say nothing than to repeat the same stuff over again this is both boring and annoying. I know because my family and friends repeated everything! Link to post Share on other sites
Donnas Posted May 28, 2021 Share Posted May 28, 2021 Shouldnt be something you have to think about . If its a match it should flow naturally. And anything can be a topic. It may also have to do with how good you feel with the person, to express yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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